Post holiday humor - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Angel · 12-23-2003, 09:10 PM

THE MONTH AFTER CHRISTMAS

'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse!
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
at the holiday parties, had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales, there arose such a number.
Then I walked to the store, less a walk, more a lumber!
I remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared,
the gravies and sauces and meats nicely rared.
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
and the way that I never said "no thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husbands old shirt,
and prepared once again to do battle with dirt-
I said to myself, as only I can,
"you can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So, away with the last of the sour cream dips,
get rid of the fruitcake and crackers and chips.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie, not even a lick,
I want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or cornbread or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore!
But- isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Author unknown

Minx · 12-24-2003, 08:51 AM

That's cute!
Thanks Angel and happy holidays to you.

sillygirl · 12-24-2003, 09:39 AM

That's cute... and oh-so-true, isn't it...

shannon · 12-26-2003, 04:41 PM

cute. i'd read it to my mom but i think it would just make her think she had to diet more or something.

Amethyst · 12-26-2003, 04:59 PM

That is so cute! And for me so true. I was just thinking I really need to get back on my diet!

sexymama · 12-31-2003, 11:56 AM

Sadly, too true! Very cute, thanks for sharing. Hope you had a wonderful, tasteful, holiday Angel.

Angel · 01-01-2004, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sexymama
Hope you had a wonderful, tasteful, holiday Angel.

Thanks! I did indeed.
I'm thinking your events were much bigger!

Congrats!

Ladyhawke · 01-02-2004, 12:27 AM

heh heh....very cute....and ooohhh so true.

My diet was going so well til the hoildays. now I've gained back half of what I lost......I may be wearing a moo-moo this summer :'(

galaxygirl · 01-04-2004, 05:37 PM

LOL. Thanks, it's good to know that I am not the only one struggling in to her jeans at the moment.

Angel · 01-04-2004, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by galaxygirl
LOL. Thanks, it's good to know that I am not the only one struggling in to her jeans at the moment.

Jeans? Did you say jeans?!!!! Lucky you....I'm thinkin' sweats is my dress wear for the next couple of weeks!

12-23-2003, 09:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
Angel Naughty Just Right Location: Euphoria	Post holiday humor THE MONTH AFTER CHRISTMAS 'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house, Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse! The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste at the holiday parties, had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales, there arose such a number. Then I walked to the store, less a walk, more a lumber! I remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared, the gravies and sauces and meats nicely rared. The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese, and the way that I never said "no thank you, please." As I dressed myself in my husbands old shirt, and prepared once again to do battle with dirt- I said to myself, as only I can, "you can't spend a winter disguised as a man!" So, away with the last of the sour cream dips, get rid of the fruitcake and crackers and chips. Every last bit of food that I like must be banished, till all the additional ounces have vanished. I won't have a cookie, not even a lick, I want only to chew on a long celery stick. I won't have hot biscuits, or cornbread or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore! But- isn't that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot, Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet! Author unknown __________________ In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

12-24-2003, 08:51 AM	#2 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	That's cute! Thanks Angel and happy holidays to you. __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

12-24-2003, 09:39 AM	#3 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	That's cute... and oh-so-true, isn't it... __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

12-26-2003, 04:41 PM	#4 (permalink)
shannon Psycho Location: Canada	cute. i'd read it to my mom but i think it would just make her think she had to diet more or something. __________________ "When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

12-31-2003, 11:56 AM	#6 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	Sadly, too true! Very cute, thanks for sharing. Hope you had a wonderful, tasteful, holiday Angel. __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

12-26-2003, 04:59 PM	#5 (permalink)
Amethyst Addict Location: Illinois	That is so cute! And for me so true. I was just thinking I really need to get back on my diet!

01-02-2004, 12:27 AM	#8 (permalink)
Ladyhawke Crazy Location: Dallas	heh heh....very cute....and ooohhh so true. My diet was going so well til the hoildays. now I've gained back half of what I lost......I may be wearing a moo-moo this summer :'( __________________ Whatever

01-04-2004, 05:37 PM	#9 (permalink)
galaxygirl Insane Location: NH	LOL. Thanks, it's good to know that I am not the only one struggling in to her jeans at the moment. __________________ Drawing strength from His acceptance, offering all that I am and ever will be