Xapphire

Oil Change Instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since last oil
change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee or read through magazine.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.00.
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Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Go to auto parts store and pay $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand
cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full so instead of taking it back to
auto store to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. Jack car up.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: Gets hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Have a Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with
drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
bsp;
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in
the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step
23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard. Money spent:
Parts $50.00
Beer $25.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Total $4150.00
But, BY GOD, you know the job was done right!



I got this in my email while TFP was down and was bummed I couldn't share it... but tadaa

~Xap

snowy

lol...always great to have some humor to brighten my day

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

sierra2774

That was very funny!

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"Every tomorrow brings new opportunities, challenges we must address...A chance to affirm all our wishes and dreams, to seek beauty and true happiness."

annie1

so true so true so true

Atropos4

ROFL!!!! that's hilarious!

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Minx

Now THAT is good (and omg so very true, too). Thanks for sharing!

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You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

ally

Very funny and oh so true. when I was still at home i would watch my dad curse at the car and then I would drive with my mom to jiffy lube to get her oil changed... I think it's just one more way to prove how much smarter women really are!

G0dd3ss

I don't know why it took me so long to read this. It's freakin' hilarious!!!

Totally reminds me of my dad.

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It's best not to be too moral...you cheat yourself out of too much life. - Maude, Harold and Maude.