Anonymous Member

I turned 30 two years ago. That is when I discovered sex was actually great. My husband is 36. He enjoys making out and leading to the undressing but as soon as it comes time to get down to business, he is not....you know, hard. He says he is "in the mood" and can feel the tingly sensation but when he looks down it doesn't match. This is ongoing and it is sporadic.

He is embarrassed, I'm frustrated, he's upset. He's seeing the doctor later this month. Anyone's husband go through something similar?

jewels

I don't have a husband at the moment, but the doctor visit would be the way to go.

Does he respond to your attempts to get "it" to match? If not, he can still take care of you, or at least help you take care of you. Come to think of it, when we were in our 30s, my ex did have a brief time of a similar experience. This was the time he realized how much it got him off to watch my body respond to him and became more absorbed in my experience than his. I don't know all the specific on your situation, but it never hurts to experiment.

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Anonymous Member

Thanks for answering. He is not a selfish man he is just embarrassed.

amonkie

I would definitely say check with the doctor ASAP.

I have been with a partner who suffered very much in a similar way. A blood test revealed extremely low levels of testosterone, which were affecting him not only in the ability to be aroused and stay aroused, but also in the way testosterone effects other body functions including mood, thought process, and weight.

I would echo that it is frustrating for both parties involved, and I was satisfied in other ways, but sometimes there's just nothing like being totally pounded.

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

purplelirpa

If he has any of the herpes (cold sores, shingles, or genitals), l-arginine can cause outbreaks to become more frequent, so be careful with that one if this is the case. Edit: Suddenly the post that someone posted about l-arginine has disappeared, but this was a relevant point, I promise!

As for the erection loss, I dated a guy in his early 30's who had had this problem because of a previous ex destroying his confidence. Then, it became a feedback loop- the loss of erection destroyed his confidence further, thus contributing to more erection loss. There's a lot of pressure on guys to be rock hard all the time, and any stress going on can be reflected in his penis.

I think of it the way I think of my own reproductive issues. When I'm stressed, my periods and PMS are affected (Stress hormones affect other hormone levels). My libido drops, things might feel good, but I won't get wet enough. If there's any pressure put on "trying to turn me on" rather than just trying to have a good time, sex won't happen. It has to happen naturally or the mood is just killed.

Has something been stressing him lately? New job, new house, death in the family, money issues, car trouble, new baby, health issues, etc, etc? How long has he been having troubles getting an erection?

If stress is a factor, a good experiment might be to try to think of a scenario which would put the two of you in close physical proximity, but which doesn't immediately imply sex the way making out and taking off clothes does. Say, giving him a shoulder massage as the two of you are waking up (testosterone is highest in the morning). If he asks if you're wanting to have sex, just tell him you thought he's seemed a bit tense lately and you want to help him relax. If he's into it, rub down his whole body. If you start getting a sexual reaction, well, you can take it from there.

gooder

Give him sex just for him. One Half hour to 45 minute hand job every day use all kinds of good strokes. Both hands, twisting hands each way, slow continuous up over the top, everything he likes- you will be able to tell... smiles... when he is totally red in the face, gasping for enough oxygen and saying okay now then bring him off maybe maybe keep going some more. Be cool, be full of love, accept him for him, and don't ask for sex in return, let him drift off to happy sleepland. After a month or two of that he will be your total lover man.

intak758

Man, that sounds like a tough situation (hehe I was going to say "hard" but I'll refrain from the puns!) Doctor's visit will definitely clear things up I imagine. But don't be hopeless about it - stuff like this always passes, and he's young.

P.S. on a totally unrelated note - awesome profile avatar and name, I like