Allyallyally

Hello, ladies.

A discussion with a friend inspired me to make this thread. How many of you are comfortable being in a casual relationship, and/or having one night stands?

When I say a casual relationship, I mean one with no strings, no deep emotion, no commitment. If either of you met someone else, the chances are that your casual partner would be okay with you sleeping with them, and vice versa. Whether you take a break or discuss safety precautions is of course, subjective to the person, the real question here is one of emotional detachment.

If you can separate your emotions from sex, and are okay with casual relationships, what are your limits? Do's and don'ts?

If you don't like the idea of a casual partner, why not?

Thanks in advance for your opinions, this is just a thread made out of pure curiosity.

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DaniGirl

I have never had a casual relationship or fling. The first man I ever had sex with is my husband. I don't think it is a bad thing if you are careful. I have friends that like casual, no strings attached relationships and sometimes I'm a little jealous. Not that I don't love my husband, just that we both were young when we got together and I wish we would have been more adventurous. But in the end I am glad I am with my husband, I feel safe. And I don't think I would be good at separating emotions from sex.

PonyPotato

I have had a couple casual relationships, as well as a few one-night stands. The sex isn't as good outside of a caring relationship, however, sometimes it just works. The times I have pursued casual sex have all been following somewhat traumatic breakups and could be classified as "rebound."

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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

Allyallyally

Is it just the connection that makes it better for you in a relationship? The trust?

I've heard many people say they're more afraid of sharing sexual fantasies (mild or extreme) with their long term partner, than a casual one, of course I suppose that depends on the fantasy, and how likely they are to be judged for it.

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Smile - it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

ShaniFaye

I have to disagree, I've had some fanfuckingtastic sex with a "casual" person. Between the time my husband and I separated, divorced and I found Dave, I had a few FWB, and the sex was mindblowing...maybe for me it was good because there werent those strings, I could just ring up and say..you busy? no? wanna fuck? be there in 15....go and do the deed and go back home lol (I was never one to sleep over with a "Friend").

Im not saying that the element of a loving caring relationship doesnt add to the "goodness" BUT then you are missing the element of strings free hot, sweaty, monkey love lol

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PonyPotato

See, Shani, at least in my last two relationships the sex was rather awesome anyway, so maybe I'm not ACTUALLY missing out on the "hot, sweaty, monkey love" after all.

The sex I've had in casual situations hasn't really been that awesome. Maybe I've just gotten lucky with the mindblowing sex, but the guys I've had casual sex with have relied on me to drive the situation and haven't been very skilled (imo, especially the dentist I slept with on Saturday.. not a good kisser, even. bleh), and it just leaves me craving someone like the last guy I was in a relationship with. /wistful sigh

The connection and the trust really help, and I'm far more open in terms of sharing fantasies/sharing when I'm horny with someone I'm in a relationship with. Long distance almost makes it easier to share those things, because there isn't any everyday, mediocre sex to fall back on. Words must be shared, and sometimes that can be really hot.

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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

little_tippler

I suppose I can't talk much because I have no experience with outright casual sex, though I've had some short flings. But, I tend to think that, sex will be more mind-blowing with someone you can trust completely, than with a stranger. I think I would totally hold back and be shy with a stranger. I let myself go more with someone who I know enjoys me as a whole. I have plenty of monkey sex with the men I'm crazy about. I don't see the benefit of having a fuck buddy or a friend with benefits. Unless I really want sex and am not in a relationship. But then I tend to just go without if that happens. I think I can separate the physical aspect from the emotional one. But I rather like it when the two are combined. Mind and body sex - far better.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

jewels

Thngs were different back in the last century. Before I was married and had my first child, I used to keep count. I didn't realize that I was looking to fill the proverbial hole in order to feel loved.

Now, I've tried to have empty casual sex a couple of times in the last ten years or so, but it's just so unfulfilling and empty. A few years ago, I had one friend with benefits (ooooooo!) but it was more fun than anything else because we knew one another so well.

For me, it's the intimacy, yes. But if I look at from a purely sexual perspective, I've found much greater ecstasy with men who know me, love me and care enough to learn what buttons to push, and when and how. It truly is making love that I crave.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Shell

pony, tippler, and jewels...well penned and i mostly concur. It's not for me.

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vainღ♥♡jane

i don't like casual sex. my first semester of college, i kind of went wild, and i didn't like it. its hard for me to have sex with some one i hardly know and don't have connection with. i can't be comfortable and free like that, so the sex will end up being awkward for me. its easier for me to share myself with someone that i really know inside out and have a legit intimate connection with. that just doesn't happen for me with a casual encounter. i haven't had sex for that reason in a little over a year. i can wait.

cellophanedeity

I had some very good and some iffy "casual" sex, but it was all in all an enjoyable experience. If you don't treat the sex as casual, then when it's over everyone feels good and loved. For the time while I'm playing with someone, it's love.

I do prefer sleeping with friends than with strangers, though. It just adds a nice intimate level to a relationship, and sometimes breaks the sexual tension that tends to be there. My social circle tends to be a bit incestuous, and most of us have slept with some of us. There's a surprising lack of drama.

Also, because I tend to get into long-term relationships with men, but I love being with women, it's nice to have semi-casual sex partners. Good friends that want to play with each other, then go home to their boyfriends.

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who am I to refuse the universe?
-Leonard Cohen, Beautiful Losers

Allyallyally

I've never really had great experiences going from friend to casual lover.

Perhaps I need a circle of friends like yours!

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Smile - it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

daysleeper

Gross. Sex is 1,000 times better when it's selective. Talk about a used and abused kitty cat.

Sue

I've never been comfortable having a casual relationship. The very few I've been in have been meaningful (to me) and a decent length. I don't like the idea of dating multiple people. The STD risk is just one good example for me.

I am in a relationship now where I am very happy, and very excited about what is in store for the future. Will be 5 years this November

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Shaindra

I've had a couple of casual relationships. Some of them were so-so. A couple of them were fan-frikken-tastic. (Makes mental note to see if I still have some of those phone numbers.) Some people I just click with and it isn't always based on the amount of emotional connection.

Can I separate love and sex? Yes. But I do admit that sex is way better when there is a mind/body/soul connection going on.

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"Never regret something that once made you smile."

lostgirl

I am capable of separating love and sex. I have just found that personally sex fells so much better when I have feelings for who I am doing it with. I get more sensitive inside, and can feel so many more sensations. Everything feels so amazing, and I cum faster and easier.

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We're about to go through the crucible, but we'll come out the other side.
We always arise from our own ashes. Everything returns later in its changed form. - Children of Dune

Allyallyally

You assume people don't select their casual sex partners?

Hardly "used, and abused", if not everyone feels the need to be in love with the person they're having sex with, is it?

There's always one...

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Smile - it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

SabrinaFair

In the past, I was must more comfortable with casual sex than I am now. In the past few months, I've developed something of a distaste for it. Or maybe I just learned my lesson--it seems every time I try to have a no-strings-attached arrangement, it's blown up in my face. I'll justify a one night stand on the basis that I'll never see the person again, and they end up at the same even I'm at, or I'll shrug it off as a just a fling, and the other person will read too much into it.

I can deal with relationships that aren't serious, or sexual encounters of a friends-with-benefits type nature--I'm picky about relationships, and I need a little bit o' play myself. But if I don't feel at the very least affection and camaraderie, in the absence of love, I leave the experience feeling rather hollow and unsatisfied.

I understand the appeal of the casual relationship, and I've had my share in the past. It's just not as satisfying as it used to be.

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"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

girldetective

Polyamory, on the other hand, is a more modern outlook grounded in such concepts as gender equality, self-determination, free choice for all involved, mutual trust, equal respect among partners, the value of love, the ideal of compersion, and other mostly secular ideals.

This does not seem to work well for me. Although I am all in favor of casual relationships and one-night stands, I always fall a little bit in love. For example, quite shortly after I divorced I had an online one-nighter, knowing full well that is what it was. It was quite romantic (or creepy, given your take), and quite unique. I sometimes think that was quite risky, but I wouldnt change it. I like what it added to my life.

In addition to falling a little bit in love, I think I would be jealous sometimes, and I dont want to go around feeling that. Thats a happiness ruiner if there ever was one. I try to stay away from that.

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As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata