abaya

I'm starting this thread because I'm curious about the ladies of TFP. We used to be a lot stronger in both number of female members and in participation (number of posts)... and I've noticed that a lot of our once-significant female members have either dropped back to lurking status or just abandoned TFP altogether. It saddens me, because I think we really feel the diminished effect in all areas of the board. I want the female voice back on TFP!!!

So here are some questions, just to get a feel for how many of you are out there and participating, and are willing to share:

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting?

2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?)

4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long?

Thanks, ladies!

-------------------------------------

Here are my quick answers:

1) I found out about TFP from my husband ktsp (boyfriend at the time--we'd been together for less than a year). I jumped in right away to post, probably because it's my personality, but also because strong women like Shani and Malficent were very open and friendly towards me, and that drew me in quickly.

2) I didn't care that much about the porn aspect, since back then it was restricted to a certain # of posts and I was nowhere near that... so I couldn't even see it at first. Over time I came to really appreciate having the porn there, as I became more comfortable with it myself and in my relationship.

3) I really can't think of too many "female" topics, which is why I am hoping to get some feedback from y'all. But I do frequent another forum at times (which I joined when I was getting married--it's mostly for brides, but has tons of people after they got married, too), and that's almost all women... so I was wondering if having female-specific topics might help us bring new people here.

4) I've personally stuck around this long because I just like it here, and ktsp and I have a "community" here that has gotten us through 2 years of long distance from each other, as well as moving abroad to a new country and not having a lot of local friends at first. We also got to meet some of you in real life, and that was important for us as well. I really missed having a "church" of some kind from my religious days, and this place is about as close as it gets to that kind of consistent community, with a lot of sex thrown in!!! But I really miss people when they leave, and it takes time to get to know new personas on the internet... so I hope we can encourage you all to stick around and keep posting.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

snowy

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting?

An ex-boyfriend of mine introduced me to TFP. He's long gone now but I'm still here. And no, I didn't lurk for a while. I looked over his shoulder a couple times while he browsed, and decided I wanted to say my piece, so I joined and began contributing. What encouraged me to continue to contribute was the community that welcomed and responded to my posts and opinions.

2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?

I don't mind the porn, to be honest. I pop in there and look at it myself from time to time.

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?)

Erm...nothing. I prefer to stay away from that kind of stuff.

4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long?

I really don't like when members of the community jump all over new people for starting new threads without using the search function or are otherwise discouraging to new members. The best way to get new members to meet our community standards is via modeling those community standards. Generally, I think we all need to be open and welcoming to new people, new information, and new opinions, while bitching and moaning less about how TFP has changed (life is dynamic, not static, and TFP is the same--nothing operates in a vacuum). A lot of the membership gets sidetracked into "what TFP was" instead of focusing on what TFP is and could be, if people would contribute. That last little part is key--the TFP is what people make of it, via their contributions. If nobody contributes and everybody lurks, of course this board is not going to be what you want it to be. Duh.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

genuinegirly

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting?
A male friend showed me to the board. I lurked for a while because I did not feel confident to post much. I started posting when someone PM-ed me with links to specific threads and asked my opinion on them.


2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?
I thought it was odd that a community of free-thinking individuals would arise from people who were interested in porn. It blew my mind. My whole perspective on porn changed. By seeing people who were open about their interest in sexuality and porn, I was teleported into a world that was far from what I had witnessed with my staunch Mormon upbringing.

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?)
I have been less motivated to post often due to community dynamics, not content. I feel "Tilted Life" and "Ladies Lounge" are good forums for the topics you mention.

4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long?
Community has convinced me to stick around this long. Every time I think there's no reason to be here, a new favorite poster comes along like Ring. I love this place, and each new face brings new things to discuss. Perhaps some friendly and encouraging PMs from moderators, encouraging them to post and share their personalities would make them feel more at home. The quicker you can relate to TFP, the longer you'll stay.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

anti fishstick

thanks for asking:

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting?
i found out years and years ago through a friend. I forgot how she found out, but she doesn't even post! I started posting right away. I didn't lurk, and I'm finding it harder to get back into posting after my 3-5 year hiatus (3 years ago i posted infrequently, lurking til i finally stopped all together)... So now, I am more of a lurker than anything. I think the community was definitely stronger back then and more interesting. That might be part of it. And some of my favorite people had gotten banned! The community was generally very open and the sense of anonymity also makes it easier to open up. I also probably felt like I wanted to belong..

2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?
I thought it was interesting. And porn/sexuality is definitely something I have always been fascinated in. I even wrote a term paper about art and pornography as it deals with censorship..! So, intellectually, I have always been interested in the subject of porn, which sounds weird, i guess.. but all in all, i'm saying the porn aspect was intriguing to me :P

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?) I'm not sure. I'm not really into weddings. I'm kind of a feminist. Maybe a feminist topic/board, but that would probably totally not go well... Other than that, I really don't relate to weddings or parenting at all. That being said, I find myself sticking close to the ladies lounge more often than not...


4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long? Well, I didn't stick around, but now I'm back. What made me come back? I guess partly cos Hal was sortof hinting I should (he talks to me on IM), and partly out of boredom and thinking, "Why not?". Though, I'm having a hard time answering that one... What's the point of posting on any message board at all? I'm not sure... But anyway, back to sticking around despite ambiguity, I guess i've always felt I belonged here. People were very accepting the first time around. Felt like part of the family... So it was easier to go back than not... I haven't been back long enough to know if they are still as accepting to new members. I think Onesnow puts it pretty well. There doesn't seem to be as much enthusiasm in general...

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

abaya

This is great feedback... keep it comin', ladies. Also feel free to contribute with any notes/criticism/ideas about how to bring out the female voice a little bit more around here...

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

noodle

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting?
I actually found the TFP when I was looking for information about being too wet and how to give better oral sex. I didn't bother lurking past reading to find the appropriate threads and by posting first in the Ladies Lounge (if I remember right) I felt a little more safe.

2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?
I've never minded the porn aspect. It hasn't made me feel hesitant at all to post because the members that I appreciate are the ones that post. The guys who are here for the titty boards tend to stay to themselves. The ratio doesn't bother me. It's the quality of the members that contribute that make me stick around, not the gender.
And sometimes I need a little porn. So it helps to have it floating around without too much effort.

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?)
I can't really think of anything. I'm not into weddings, not going to have kids, etc. I'm good.

4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long?
Positive feedback and participation in threads that are interesting (or goofy when I'm feeling nonsense-y), pertinent to my life and about people that I can relate to or be more open-minded about is/are what makes me stick around. Keeping that up will always encourage new members to stay put, in my opinion. And also the way that the members that were non-conducive to keeping a respectful atmosphere have been handled. THAT I appreciate, especially as a female member.
I already feel that the women around here do have a very strong voice. Just keep it up.

__________________

ShaniFaye

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting?
Another person came to my forum telling me about it (last week marked my 5 year membership here), I pretty much jumped right in, I remember one of the very first posts I read was about Lurkette's brother and the way everyone had responded really spoke to me about the membership at the time, sadly for me, its not the same anymore.

2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?Then, like now, I knew there was porn but had no interest in it, especially the porn for the ladies, there was (and still isnt) nothing at all being posted that interested me, I much prefer what our guys used to show in exhibition. Its never inhibited my posting though, I think most senior members know I'm pretty much an open book about any and everything.

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?)Since I run a wedding forum I get "female" stuff all day long lol Im here to add my experience and knowledge to other ladies who need help with something I might know about.

4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long?I think about this a lot, I think mainly its the friendships that I made here that first year and those people that are still here that keep me here. I dont really contribute as much as I used to partly because Im crazy busy with my new website and partly because its gotten to the point where there are no "new" discussions that interest me. Im not at all into politics, I learned LONG ago to try to stay out of religious discussions, and the exhibition forums arent as active as they used to be!!!

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Just J

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting?

I honestly don't know how I found this site but I'm glad I did. It may have been a link to another forum of which I am a member. I just registered and posted a bit on some subjects to which I felt I could actually add some wisdom.

2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?

The porn doesn't bother me a bit - I go thru phases and am a member of some obcure sex sites - I think it's safe to say that I've just about seen it all and a lot of it intrigues me. I'm a little hesitant to post too much yet until I find out if there are people on here that I may be wary of - people that might know me and might use my posts against me in my personal life. There are a few that are members of other forums to which I belong that have tried to cause turmoil in my life, but I'm a big girl and I have handled it well.

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?)


I'm guessing I'm going to be one of the oldest, or as I prefer to say "more experienced" member here so I hope to be able to add advice posts - I've pretty much BTDT where most topics are concerned. The only topics I can think of that would be considered "female" that I might need to talk about is how to handle my husband's ex-wife who seems to hate both of us and takes it out on their son.


4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long?


Members old and new will stay with a forum if they get that "family" feeling. I've joined a few forums and have left one because of being attacked for being a n00b. Cliques are common on every forum, but when you get the clique that tends to pick and choose who they want to stay, it gets old after awhile. I've frequent 2 other forums daily because I have "made friends" with several members and see that they really do care about each other even tho' I haven't met many of them in person yet.

Ayashe

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting? I believe I came across one of the threads in a web search. I lurked for quite a while, around a year. I finally registered and started posting right away. What helped me open up is the mature atmosphere.

2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?

Porn is everywhere, I see no reason it should bother me being here. It neither encouraged nor hindered me in posting.

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?)

Life in general interests me. I am not the stereotype female who enjoys babies and decorating. I have to say that there really aren't any specific topics that would encourage me (specific to being female)to post.

4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long?

Changes to the boards themselves, no. There are a couple of ideals here that are unique. One being that thread necromancy is not only tolerated but encouraged. On most other forums this is absolutely frowned upon which is likely the reason that most newer members make their own threads rather than to dig up the old. I would be embarrassed to make a new thread about a concern or topic of interest and to be quite frankly insulted about not dredging through 3 years of topics to find the very one someone else were recalling.

A newer member will not have the same references that you will, they will not likely recall oh.. it was jimmy2283's thread I think it was called _____. It is a lot to ask a new member to sort through without much knowledge on how the subject was originally brought up. If you think it is an "oh god do we have to discuss this again" type topic to you, best advice is to not post in it. This type of negativity limits activity, encourages people to not post, to not provide new content with the fear that it has already been done and they are going to be chastised for not finding it.

I have also seen on more than one occasion where someone has made a post(generally on a heavy/emotional subject) and one of the first replies has been a blatant insult. The post is generally finished with "If you are reading and believe that I am being overly harsh it is my experience that after a first post like that the poster wouldn't come back anyway." Why should they? I wouldn't if that was the welcome I received. Elitism should be avoided at all cost.

Those are some of my observations as a newer member, take them as you wish. Keep in mind that even though I am fairly new to these boards, I have been lurking for around a year.

A final observation that I have to make is why is there this push for membership anyway? I have seen it mentioned several times and I am unsure what exactly is the concern. Is it a donation issue? In all honestly a push for members is not necessarily a good thing. In gaming I have seen massive influxes of new membership and I can tell you that it is not always a positive experience when a population explodes. Though it does seem that the staff here has a good handle on the membership(ie: I see banned members everywhere, that is another thought on bumped threads. It makes people wonder if they are going to be banned for a minor infraction to come across so many banned faces) What I am trying to get across is that a push could very easily upset the flora and fauna of these boards so why push?

What keeps me here, I mentioned it earlier. This is a mature board. This forum seems to be a place where no one is expected to fit a certain mold, no topic should be off limits. For the most part, the approach on most subjects is quite adult regardless of taboo.

I apologize if I ramble. I also apologize if this wasn't the response that you expected or wanted but these are my honest thoughts.

cadre

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting?
-My ex showed me this site back when we were first getting very sexual and looking to explore more things. We both lurked for a long time, eventually I grew confident that I could contribute so I started posting.

2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?
-At first I didn't know about the porn aspect of the board, but it never bothered me. Porn and I have a great relationship.

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?)
-I don't know of any female topics that would encourage me to post more but most of my favorite topics aren't all that feminine anyways.

4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long?
-I can't think of any thing for the first question but as far as the second one is concerned, I can discuss topics here that I couldn't discuss anywhere else because everyone here is very friendly and open. That's what keeps me coming back, that and certain personalities which always make me laugh.

__________________
My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

genuinegirly

Yes, I agree this is a terrible way to welcome a new member. New members realize they have considerable room to grow, that's why they post. They want to learn. They want opinions. What is TFP if not a medium for evolution of the self?

This is a valid point. Many of the older members remember days where there'd be hundreds of members online at any given time, where posts were moving more quickly. This board is in some respects a shadow of its former self. This is why there is concern about membership. My personal interest in new people is simply that they contribute actively to the community and occasionally awaken a new life and spirit in the board. They give us something interesting and new to discuss.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

abaya

No apology needed. Honest thoughts are my only expectation here, so this is just great.

This thread is a reflection of a discussion going on with the mods, and I in particular want to know what the ladies of the forum think. I really believe that the women of TFP are a central part of what keeps this place ticking, and that we all need to just keep posting and stay engaged with the community, and only good things can come out of that.

I'm grateful to see so many of you responding, and giving very thorough and thoughtful answers. I hope that other mods are checking out this thread, and that it will give us some direction/confirmation of where to go next.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

jewels

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting?
I was looking for info on Chantix and quitting smoking and happened upon a thread here at TFP. I found myself reading other threads and joined. I believe I began to open up when I found that I wanted to hear others' opinions on a situation I was going through at the time. I also totally enjoyed reading posts and opinions in every sector of the boards.

2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?
I really didn't even notice the porn aspect at first. It doesn't bother me as far as posting goes, and I've found some good links here when I do feel the need.

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?)
Not sure ...

4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long?
I can't say what, if anything, should change. Those of us that find it appealing base it on what we're interested in and the personalities we encounter here. That's the reason I'm still here. Even when I don't agree with the masses, it's refreshing to hear others' opinions and thoughts and keeps me open to new ideas. I've formed a couple of friendships here that I treasure. I also have a great deal of respect for the administration of this board, having been active on other boards in the past.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

AllAboutEve

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting?

I googled adult forums.... I've been lurking for a while... a post I read really tugged at my heart strings and encouraged me to register.

2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?

It doesn't bother me.... It's not exactly across the board... it has it's place on the forum and you have the choice to visit..... or not

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?)

From reading here, I think you guys have just about covered everything for me...

4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long?
QUOTE]

You appealed to a new member! - ME!....

Why try to fix what obviously isn't broken!

PonyPotato

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting?

Crompsin invited me here after we met in person. I lurked for a while, I guess.. posted a few little things, started a couple of super-flop threads. I think that as my relationship with him matured and we knew more about each other OUTSIDE of being online, I started posting more. It also helps that he encourages me.

2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?

I didn't know about the porn aspect of the board until it was pointed out in a thread I was reading. And honestly, I don't really like it. I don't like that Crompsin can't post at school because he doesn't feel comfortable surfing a porn site on their network. I don't like that I wonder if I'm going to get chastised for visiting at work. Sometimes I consider leaving the board altogether but now I use the blog a lot more than my others, so it's hard to leave it behind.

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?)

I think a "wedding" forum would be silly. Parenting might be a good idea for the parents on the board, but since photos of under-18s aren't allowed it might flop as well. I would have to think harder about this one.. I think female-specific workout topics would be nice, since those discussions are often dominated by men.

4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long?

I stick around because Crompsin does and because I've made a few friends here - and their support through some real-life challenges is nice to have, since I don't have friends in real life (no time to make them!). I think the attitude toward new members needs to be changed, and I think we could get and keep more women without the porn. Maybe.

__________________
"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

Eweser

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting?

A friend told me about it; I'm really still a lurker more than a poster. I guess I just don't feel that most of the time I have anything unique to add to a thread. If I feel that I can add something to the conversation I'll post.

2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?

I'm not sure if I even knew there was porn for a while. It doesn't bother me in the least.

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?)

Nothing that I can think of.

4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long?

I don't have any recommendations for new members. I hang around because of the maturity of the boards and the humorous posts. Also, I have found help to problems here.

__________________
"Whoever wrote this episode should die!"

Meditrina

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting?
I was a lonely mother of 2, searching for companionship, when I stumpled upon TFP. Not exactly sure how I found it, I think I searched a list of forums somewhere, and something about TFP caught my eye. It was not the porn. I was drawn out of the shadows by some, who have now become my friends, mostly online friends, although I have met a few in person. I do not post regulary, but I do visit the site a lot through out the day. Some threads (like this one) just inspire me to reply more than other threads do.

2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?
The porn does not bother me, it is far down enough on the site to not appear while I am work. Much of the time, I forget it's there. It does not effect my posting here at all.

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?)
I thought we used to have a parenting forum, and it was merged with Tilted Life? Which is fine by me. I come to TFP to try to be me and not 'mommy' anyway. I think there is a wide enough spectrum of boards and posts here. I can't think of anything I'd add.

4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long?
I can't think of anything to change. As a potential wallflower, I have been here for a little over 3 years. What made me stay? good question. The companionship that I was searching for and found, the ability to find out information on just about any topic, the way TFP has helped me find out who I am.

__________________
"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

abaya

Okay, so I guess we can all agree that a more traditional "female" forum topic would not really fly with y'all. Also, it's good to know that the porn is not a huge deal in terms of holding you back from posting. All of which is fine with me!

But the problem remains: due to the porn here, we tend to get more males than females joining TFP (and many of those are not participating much in the forum). How can we: 1) possibly attract more women to this place, and/or 2) encourage current female members to post more often, and particularly to speak out and start threads?

Another question: is there a particular characteristic about TFP that inhibits you from posting or starting threads? Is there anything we can change that would make you feel more comfortable with starting threads?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Meditrina

Send me a shipment of wine and I will feel more comfortable
I am reserved (I would not say shy, timid maybe?) in real life as well as on TFP, not sure much would change that. It is nothing that TFP did or did not do that inhibits me, it is me. Then why am I replying to this? hmmmm.... you sure do have a way of making me think, abaya. Thanks!

__________________
"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

abaya

HA! I love the wine idea!!! If only we could send all new female members some wine when they join, eh?

I'm glad to help nudge you into replying, Medi. I guess something I notice here is that many of you expressed feeling more comfortable with posting in the Ladies' Lounge (e.g.with this thread). Is that part of why you are not posting as much in other places, because there are so few women participating there in comparison?

Is there anything about the gender composition, political leanings, religious opinions, etc. of other members, that causes you to feel more inhibited in other forums? Keep thinking!!! (And tell me if I am totally wrong, too, because I need to hear that as well.)

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

ItWasMe

1) How did you find out about TFP, when you first joined? Did you lurk for a while, or jump right in with posting? What helped you open up and start posting?

I was doing a search for something and ran across an article that linked to this website. I lurked for about a month. I kind of started posting out of the blue; I didn't do an introduction thread.

2) From the beginning, how did you feel about the porn aspect of the board? (And the fact that as a result, there are far more male than female members here)? Has that ever made you hesitant to post more often here?

The porn didn't make much of a difference either way. But I've found I have to be careful about which threads might contain NSFK pics when they are around. Even for birthday card threads. I did not know how many females there were here. I don't think it is that obvious unless you see who is posting in the ladies lounge.

3) What kind of "female" board topics/forums might encourage you to post more often, if you could vote for something? (E.g. a "wedding" forum, or something for parenting, or any other topic that might be interesting to you?)

I don't post based on whether or not it is a 'female' topic. A ladies lounge is fine, but I am not interested in fitting into a "hearts/flowers/kitchen/weddings/kids" box. I am not as much of a tomboy as I used to be, but only because I'm too old to climb trees.

4) Can you think of anything we might be able to change on the boards, to make it more appealing to potential new members? What is it about TFP that has made you stick around this long?

yikes...time to leave for work. I'll think about this for later.

__________________
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .


"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

genuinegirly

Gender composition is fine.
Political leanings are difficult to navigate in the Politics forum. Mainly the domineering attitudes and jerkish replies are what turn me off. That and the fact that it feels like someone starts a thread topic to attract different voices, only to ridicule the person who posts.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

PonyPotato

There are a lot of threads that pop up about porn. And as expressed in the most recent one, I usually don't reply because of the perceived backlash. A lot of threads seem to be male-driven and therefore I don't necessarily feel as though my opinion counts and/or will be taken seriously.

I don't even feel super comfortable posting personal opinions/experiences in the Ladies Lounge anymore after what happened with me being quoted anonymously/out of context/without being warned in a general thread, when I wanted my comments to remain in the context of the thread here.

Honestly, I haven't been super comfortable posting in threads for quite a while - I prefer to stick to my blog. I post in threads if encouraged by Crompsin or if I read something that REALLY sparks a response. I don't feel very valuable here.

__________________
"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

abaya

I'd like to know how many other members feel the same way that you do, because this is important. So you are interested in politics, but you don't feel comfortable posting there, is that correct? (I know some people simply aren't interested in discussing politics--just getting a read here.)
-----Added 17/9/2008 at 12 : 12 : 00-----
This is very important. Thank you for saying this.
Now, I can't let you get away with saying this, lady. You made us sit up and take notice almost immediately after you joined... I have always considered your opinion to be valuable here, and that feeling has not diminished during your time here. I am sorry that you don't feel valuable--but honey, you ARE!!! Just your posts on that recent porn thread alone are extremely strong, and I am very glad that you spoke out honestly on the issue.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

PonyPotato

edit

__________________
"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

jewels

I, too, agree with what gg and merleniau said. It often feels as though our opinions, ideas and knowledge don't count.

If you don't have copious amounts of quoted text to back any statement, it's considered meaningless, whether you've had personal experience that back it up or are expressing an opinion. Hell, I've even been bashed for asking a question.

But I have a lot of admiration and respect for many of the regular posters, so I doubt I'll be checking out anytime soon.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

abaya

Okay, so now we're getting somewhere. But is this due to a gender thing?... or something else? What creates that feeling on TFP, as opposed to on other forums? Can the mods be of any help in helping you ladies feel like your contributions are more valid?Do you mean with just the Politics section, or all over TFP?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Meditrina

No, I don't think the gender of people posting has anything to do with my reasons for not posting in other places. My reasons are more on a personal level with myself. I tend to steer away from controversial topics, no matter who is posting it. I also have issues with (typing this obviously, I can't think of the right words).... It is hard to voice your opinions on things that you don't know what your opinion is. I am very conscience of what words I use, I don't like to offend/piss off anyone. That is just my nature.

No, I don't think any of these things make me feel more inhibited (see what I wrote above, I think it pertains to this as well). I actually like that there are so many different points of view here at TFP. I like reading all the different opinions and what-not.
-----Added 17/9/2008 at 12 : 46 : 41-----
Sadly, I feel like this in real life.

__________________
"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

PonyPotato

Maybe Ohio State is weird, but I am used to being in a much more diverse environment.

We don't seem to have any active gay members on TFP. I know of one active lesbian, a couple of bisexual women, and I've read bumped threads that reveal that TFP has had at least one transsexual as an active member. I feel that TFP could be much more valuable if the population was more diverse and/or representative of the larger world population. We have men from many areas of the world, but the majority of the women are from the US/North America (perhaps because our culture is more accepting of the porn on the board?). And the women aren't very strong in number, either, as has been pointed out.

I don't like that TFP is hugely male-dominated, but at the same time, it's impossible to find another active forum like this where both sexes are at least present. Most of the "feminine" forums I visit are too girly for me (makeup, kids, gossip, zomg is that all you think about??), and the horse forums I frequent are largely dominated with females, and a huge portion of them have atrocious grammar skills. This is the best so far, but I do think it could be better.

__________________
"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

jewels

I don't think it's necessarily a gender issue as much as it's a superiority issue. There are lots of intelligent and well-educated folks here who give the impression that their knowledge is superior to others'. I think that's the difference between TFP and other sites. Sometimes a forum's earliest participants and moderators (I was on the other side once ) unintentionally intimidate others with their bond by backing one another's posts and opinions. I don't think I'm seeing that so much here at TFP. Just some that are full of themselves.

And no, this isn't exclusive to Politics. But I'm not so sure that the mods can help validate posts for those who feel intimidated. The only solution that makes sense to me at this moment is if we get more people to post. Chances are that no matter what one of us posts, there's surely going to be someone out there who can identify. We should definitely encourage those lurkers to post. But I can see that any request for help in growing membership is going to be equated with a cry for donations.

How about a periodic post calling for lurkers to come out, allaying fears of an expectation of donation? If we can all help build a stronger TFP membership by finding ways to bring the lurkers to membership by educating those that may not know what it takes to keep TFP going, while at the same time offering a place where they feel they can safelypost their thoughts, opinions, requests for help and advice on subjects most other boards won't even touch. If we can, that'd be a win-win.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

abaya

This has always bothered me as well, going back really far... here is a thread I started on the topic when I was fairly new here: Do gay men feel welcome here?
And actually, going back even further, a post by Redlemon from before I joined:Are there any gay male TFPers?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

CinnamonGirl

My ex-husband was on here allll the time, and I got curious. I lurked for a while, then posted in the LL, then started branching out once I started to recognize other posters.

That's what attracted the ex, I think, so I guess you could say that's why I joined... but I've really never paid much attention to them, other than an occasional exhibition thread.


Yeah...not so much. I think the Ladies Lounge covers anything I'd want to discuss with ladies only.

I really don't know, to be honest... what kept me around was a sense of community, a friendship of sorts with other board members. I left for a while because of personal reasons, but that was the reason I came back.


As for posting...well, it has more to do with attitudes than genders, at least for me. I remember being kind of intimidated by a female member back in the day. Also, I tend to get along better with guys...and with women who get along better with guys. So it makes sense, I suppose, that I don't mind the "male domination" here.

__________________
"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

abaya

What do you mean by the fear of donation expectations?... I guess I never noticed the correlation between the two. Donations should not go hand-in-hand with bringing new members in... have you noticed that before?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

jewels

There definitely have been some who are or were under the impression that they must donate.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

snowy

Me either.

Plus, it's been my experience with anything Internet-oriented that there are always going to be more males than females, unless you go to a board or site that caters specifically and exclusively to females. Even my Girl Gamers group on LiveJournal has a few guys in it, and it's supposedly only for girls (they're cool guys though, so we don't hold their gender against them). I always assume a new user is a male until I see evidence to the contrary.

Oh, and there are a lot more bi females on here than some might realize; we just don't advertise often.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

genuinegirly

I long for the day that I can participate in open-ended political discussion without fear of ridicule or intimidation here on the TFP.

Perhaps if TFP expanded the Full Monty section to rival the titty board we would attract more gay men. Or if we added a safe haven for them similar to our Ladies' Lounge.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

abaya

How do you feel about the "Pub" discussion format, btw? Did that help or not?Well, thing is, Full Monty doesn't just expand on its own... it depends on the people who are finding material and posting there. If no one is interested in the material, then it can't expand, unfortunately. I remember Nancy (an old member, now gone, unfortunately) used to be one of the best posters around there... I miss that, but I must admit that I'm not terribly into looking at male bodies in still photos, so there isn't a lot of motivation for me to post there, either.

As for the safe haven... that's something that came up in the earlier threads... but no one from that community has ever asked for one, apparently (to my knowledge). I think someone else said it best in those threads by pointing out that TFP is "rampantly heterosexual" (or at least, heteronormative--meaning, the majority of members here operate on the assumption that "hetero = normal," especially with males, and that all others are the exception--not least because the great majority of the porn is for hetero men, which already biases the draw of new members here). Again, I don't know how we can change that... I think perhaps lesbians and bisexuals feel okay here (at least, I hope so)... but gay men, I still think they don't stick around for long here, unfortunately.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

ShaniFaye

I've been waiting for that for 5 years

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

anti fishstick

I just want to thank Abaya for starting this thread and discussion. There are a lot of great responses here which just goes to show how strong our voices actually are. We CAN make a difference here

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

abaya

Hey, well, I'm very glad to have you back after your long hiatus. It's not every day that we get people back after they've been gone for so long. I hope we can offer you a compelling-enough community to stick around, and I'm confident that you have a lot to offer here as well.

A thread goes nowhere without participation, so thanks to all of you for stepping up here. Let's carry that out into the TFP at large! Clearly you are all quality contributors here... don't limit yourselves to the Ladies' Lounge.

15 voices and counting on this thread so far... c'mon ladies, I know there's a lot more of ya out there. Let's hear what you have to say!

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran