surferlove007

Hey ladies...well I have a question I'd like some perspective on. As many of you know, I started my freshman year of college two years ago and thus my membership here started as well. Here is my question...throughout that two years, my freshman year I was working out constantly and was in pretty amazing shape. Sophomore year I was still really active in the fall when I had access to the gym full time. Spring of sophomore year I transferred schools and didn't have access to the gym like I wanted. I put on a few pounds..no more than five. Each year it seems to be harder to keep my weight where I want it. I feel not having access to the gym is a huge reason.
James has a 24 hour fitness membership and rarely goes. Really it's a waste of money since he never uses it, despite being able to bring a VIP as much as he wants.
Tonight we're hanging out, I'm snapping photos of my crayfish and he makes the comment that we should take some new shots for the tilted exhibition. I say no I'm not camera ready. Then we watch a movie and I apologize for putting on some weight. He replies "that's ok." Instantly I'm infuriated. I asked how much and he said a little around the middle. Even more angry. This is so hard for me to cope with. I have not been able to work out on my own like I'd like to because a lack of gym membership and school is starting soon. I feel so bothered by this. I feel that just a few will lead to more and more. I already know I need to start doing crunches and push ups again etc. I just can't seem to deal with this change in my life.

When I was in high school my stomach was always flat, no problem...I was also swimming 3 hours a day. Now it seems so hard because my activity level has declined and I'm much more busy. He doesn't seem to care that I'm unhappy with my imagine despite him having the ability to make a difference.

How did you deal with this change from teen to adulthood? I'm at a loss.

snowy

I'm the same shape I was in high school, largely because I'm active--and this is after I put on 45 lbs and took them off again. You don't need a gym membership to be in shape. I ride my bicycle or walk instead of driving my car; I save money and feel great. I do yoga on my own at home. I do push-ups and sit-ups at home on my own. I do pilates at home. The biggest thing is just finding a place in your home to do these activities; at our old place I would take over our tiny lounge with my yoga mat, because there was just enough floor space to roll it out. Soon, I'll have my very own yoga room here, once we get some more boxes put away.

The biggest thing that boosted my metabolism was increasing my muscle mass, which I largely did via yoga and cycling. I also eat many smaller meals and a mainly vegetarian diet, but those things are both because of a chronic health problem that I have.

The other thing that helped was to stop making excuses. Ultimately, only you are responsible for your body and what happens to it. Sure, it helps to have support, but my SO didn't get up and moving until I got up and moving, and he lost almost as much weight as I did--and we did it without going to the gym.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

jewels

Snowy's given you the secret. Take it from her and someone who spent 30 years trying to get off the roller coaster and finally lost 100 lbs when she was 42 years young.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

abaya

I gained 5 lbs a year, each year of college, until I hit 135 (I'm 5-2")... then I decided it was too much for me. I have been back down at 130, now more like 128, for the last 8 years... going to the gym semi-regularly, integrating calorie-burning into my daily schedule if I can't go to the gym (like Snowy said), and eating well (not drinking soda/pop is a HUGE help that most people don't realize, btw). I hope to maintain this weight in my 30s, at least until I start having children. My goal is to be in better health in my 30s than I was in my 20s, and I think it's entirely possible if you set the goals and stick with them. What about running? It only requires a pair of running shoes, no gym membership, and it burns a heck of a lot of calories.

I have to ask, though... why were you infuriated with James when he was basically confirming what you had already admitted? You apologized for putting on weight, and then he said it was okay, and then you got angry at him... for responding to your statement? I guess I am not sure what you expected him to say, after you already admitted that you recognized your weight gain... just a thought.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

mixedmedia

I'm also confused as to why this is James' problem and what he is supposed to do about it. There are many ways to exercise without going to a gym. Your perception seems to be that the answer is totally out of your direct control and cannot be accomplished without exerting control through your boyfriend.

Beyond that, I really don't think you should fret too much about five pounds. Most likely James doesn't act like he cares because he doesn't. That's a good thing.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

surferlove007

I suppose the anger toward his answer is self denial. Its a hard thing for me to deal with mentally. I'd prefer him to be more supportive than just accepting. Instead of just an "It's okay, to it's okay we'll work out more often together." something along those lines. This is an issue we've been dealing with for a long time...

Ayashe

I have had to be far more careful with what I eat as I have a condition which is exacerbated by activity. Exercise is pretty much out of the question for me so I have had to modify my diet to adjust for it.

I had heard that one key factor in losing weight and controlling your appetite is to eat within 30 minutes of waking. Apparently if you eat earlier in the day it helps curb your need to snack. I also would assume it would help keep your metabolism at an even rate. Skipping meals only puts your body in starvation mode, you can burn it off more efficiently by eating small portions more frequently.

Another key point is that I have made a huge effort in keeping healthy snacks nearby. I was never a big junk food fan but you eat what is available when you are hungry enough. Keeping items that you like but are filling. I tend to keep in my desk at work some trail mix type items, with berries and nuts, fresh apples or other fruit, low-fat soups, yogurt and berries. It makes it a lot easier to not run to a vending machine. If you do not want to find yourself eating something don't bring it into your home or work.