How important is your weight to you?
 

Literally until I was in my early 30's I never gave my weight much thought. I am tall, so if anything people were always telling me I was too thin. Being tall made it seem that way I guess, I was however the correct weight for my height. Well since the 30's have come along and I had a baby, so much has changed. First I went through a lot to lose the "baby weight". Now I have found that even though I am back where I was before I got pregnant, I can gain weight so much easier then before. I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted. So I have become pretty obsessed with my weight and I really don't like how I look in pictures when I compare myself to pre-baby and pre-marriage. This has in turn really lowered my self esteem. I feel resigned to being a frumpy stay at home mom, and I feel like food and my weight control me now.

I don't get a ton of exercise and I don't really seem to care! I was doing it hardcore but then it just kinda got boring to me. I have such a hard time sticking with anything!

I am weight conscious. i used to be into sports when I was younger, and after I joined college, I quit it altogether. All the muscle I had built up during those years just turned into puppy fat and it's a real b*tch to burn it off.

I avoid doing weights since they'd only make me more bulky. I veer towards cardio, usually on the elliptical trainers and the cycle, and do yoga for an hour or so daily.

@Nikki: Same here. I went with all gusto to the gym for a few weeks, and then I started getting irritated. I try to eat a healthy meal, but chocolates are just too tempting! :sad:

Aghh.... seems like I have spent almost my entire life being consumed with my weight. After my parents divorce when I was a child...I think I turned to food as comfort...and so my struggles with weight began. When I hit puberty, I seemed to naturally grow out of my chubiness and was thrilled with my new naturally thin body. After high school...everything changes. The weight just went on faster and faster and it seemed I took longer to notice.... next thing you know, I am 40 plus pounds overweight. After alot of failed efforts and some will power... I am back at a weight I am fairly happy with, but would feel super hot within myself if I was about 10-15 pounds lighter.
I swear- do any guys ever spend this much of their life obsessing with their weight?

I'm not really conscious of my weight, per se--I'm conscious of how I feel. When I got really heavy, too many things started going wrong with my body. I felt awful when I hit my top weight, and feeling so ucky and talking to the doctor about it made me realize how unhappy I was to be at that weight. I was depressed, and my doctor's number one suggestion was to start exercising. So I started doing that. And then I realized that my acid reflux disease needed attention beyond just popping pills, because the pills weren't working, and started paying much closer attention to how I ate in order to combat that. Weight loss was also recommended in that situation, and to correct spinal lordosis caused by too much weight through my belly pulling on my spine. So I lost weight for health reasons.

Now I've hit a new set point, and my body has adjusted to that. I could lose more, but I'm not really motivated to do so--I feel good as is. I weigh myself occasionally, when I feel like it. My health issues are largely gone. I'm physically fit and active. I don't think I could go back to the way I was; I don't want to ever feel like that again, now that I know what it feels like to feel really good.

To summarize: I try and wish I wasn't concerned about it as I am.

It's gotten a lot better over time, but it's still an ongoing struggle. I think I struggle between meeting beauty standards and enjoying myself. I somehow think my life would be so much better if I was thinner, but yet I love eating good food and I really hate most exercises (running, jogging, etc).

I guess what it'll boil down to is my health. Right now, I'm considered slightly overweight. Do I want to live my life unhealthy like that? I just don't know if it's worth it.

For me, it has been a never ending battle with my weight. I grew up in an Asian house hold. My mother had merely told me to get me to get more exercise and not eat so much junk as a child. But even though she was obsessive about that, it were really my aunts on my mother's side that have dished out the most abuse towards the weight issue.

I was always the tallest, so i was heavier than the girls, even the older ones. But with them, it was always a contest to see, "who had the prettiest daughter" and I always came in dead last, except in my mother's eyes.
Since I was 7, I retreated to food for comfort and most of my teen years, my average weight made me feel disgusting, and have resorted to binge eating and bulimia.

Yeah, I definately have problems with my weight. Even now and again, when I'm depressed or sad, I will resort to purging as an escape. It's tough, but hey, i'm much better at managing my problems now, than I was before. Mainly because I refuse to associate with my shallow aunts now.

Even now, I know I am overweight, but I don't sweat it. I eat what I want when I want. But not in a fashion that would be considered over eating. I'm trying to get more exercise in my routine, since my boyfriend bought me half of my road bike, and surprisingly enough, I love it.

I'm just happier accepting myself than have other people worry or critisize it.

Oh yes, I do obsess about my weight. Growing up, I was a chubby child, tipping the scales at about 140 when I graduated high school.

When I went to college, I was determined to lose the weight and I did, getting down to 125.

Then through a series of unrelated events (meeting my SO, quitting the job that kept me running all night and moving to a desk position, walking around campus 3-4 a night on the phone, working out 30 mins a day...blah blah) I gained it all back. Now, I'm 150 lbs and I hate it.

I've tried working out, but it never works fast enough for me and I get discouraged. Then, as a student, there's always something to do so eating healthy is harder.

We'll see, maybe.

I get concerned about my weight when I feel like I LOOK chubby. When my clothes don't fit as well, I start to feel really crappy.

I was working out hardcore with a personal trainer for my last three months at school. I didn't lose weight (actually gained about 8 lbs in muscle), but I got a smaller waist and I looked better. I felt great.

Now, I work almost 60 hours a week (two jobs) and I hardly have time to have sex with my boyfriend or ride my horses, which are my primary forms of exercise (other than working at the barn) at the moment. It's a bit depressing to have lost the drive to go to the gym, but I just don't have the time, since my commute is 45 minutes to an hour every day. I'm still hoping to find a gym on the way to/from work so I can stop for a 30 minute workout a few days a week on my way home.. it will make me feel a lot better about myself. Crompsin notices the difference in me when I exercise vs. when I don't.

And personally.. I find I get more out of lifting weights than cardio. I usually do a 10 minute warmup on a treadmill and then work large muscle groups, rather than smaller "detail" muscles.. leg press, hamstring curls, chest (bench press/butterfly), back (row, some free weight stuff too), arms, and abs. It was really good for me.. I wish my personal trainer was still around to kick my ass.

I'm a little paranoid about my weight since at 17 I had to take cortizone for a time and it totally changed my body. Everyone now says I'm still really thin, but I used to be like a rake, and liked it. I used to be able to eat anything and not gain an ounce. Now I have to watch what I eat...not a lot, but enough that it bothers me. I also have a huge appetite...though in the past few years I have learned to control it, and can't eat as much as I could before - which is a good thing.

It doesn't help that some of my closest friends are thinner than me and very attractive. I just want to fit in! Heh.

I get a little paranoid sometimes. It's not that I'm worried what other people think. But to feel good about myself, I'd definitely lose a few more pounds around my middle. Then I'd be happy - I know so because last summer I was a few pounds thinner and I felt pretty awesome.

I hate gyms but have tried on and off to stick with that. Now I work out at home and go surfing instead. Treadmills are so boring. Surfing is an excellent full body workout...I always come out of the water beat. I'm sure if I could do it more often I'd be a lot more toned pretty fast. As it is, I'll settle for not looking half bad with my clothes on. :p

I've never been terribly concerned about my weight, though I think that's mostly because anytime I start to hover above my set point, I increase my exercise and tone down my food intake and get it to a healthy level. So I've never been overweight, though I've never been skinny, either. I just feel fine about my body, overall, and I self-regulate pretty successfully (so far).

However, right now (about to turn 29) I'm rather terrified of what having kids will do to my body. Not just the tearing and stretching of my vagina (oh yay), but to my metabolism and body type overall. Strong and stocky genes are dominant in my family, and while that's served me well until now (I'm proud of being athletic and able to demand a lot from my body, rather than being a fragile waif), all the women in my family got bigger after their children were born. Some of them are still extremely active and athletic, but they look chubby, bordering on fat. It makes me want to avoid the whole pregnancy thing right now, and just adopt.

I suppose it doesn't really help that the only thing ktspktsp admits to being a turn-off for him would be weight gain. He doesn't care if I don't shave my legs or haven't plucked my eyebrows for weeks, or if I have a wart on my foot or am having a bad hair season... so I guess I can stop being insecure about those things! But he said that weight gain tends to be a big deal for men--which is honest, but terribly frustrating, since it seems to be one of those universal things that women struggle with, especially after childbirth. I mean, talk about irony, eh?

I can see if someone is just "letting themselves go," that of course it might have some consequences in the bedroom/attraction factor. That's just laziness. But if someone is working out regularly, eating well, and still looks rather beefy (like my aunts do--Icelandic genes, somewhat like German women)... what is a woman supposed to do? She goes through pregnancy, gives birth to children, and is still expected to have the body of a 22 year old for the rest of her life?

Personally, I don't mind the bodies of my aunts and relatives at all. I think it's fine that their bodies look like that, after all they've put them through to that point. If someone is 50 years old and able to climb a mountain with no problems because she is in such good health, after raising several children to boot, then why should she have to make herself look 22 just to be "attractive" to her man? As if all the other things added up don't mean anything in terms of "attraction?" I really don't get it.

I'll feel lucky if I am as strong and active as my aunts are today. And you should see their husbands! Talk about unattractive... who cares about physically (they look fine), their personalities are horrible, they're anti-social as hell, can't make a conversation to save their lives. And yet, somehow it's justifiable for a man to think, "I'm visual, which means that I might not feel like fucking you if you get fat, even if that's due to carrying and raising our children." If all the women in the world were to make statements like that about their men, about how "unattractive" their mates' personalities become after a certain age... well! Our species wouldn't get very far, would it?

/off my soapbox... this topic has just got me riled up lately.

Ohhh, the man and I spoke about this before, too. Honestly, I don't see myself gaining a ton of weight through pregnancy (and I only really want one child, so hopefully the "multiple children in a limited amount of time limiting chances of weight loss" thing won't apply), but it really upsets me to think that a man whose child I would carry wouldn't want to have sex with me after (and during?) pregnancy until I lost the weight associated with it. Having a child is hard enough on a person's mind and body, rejection wouldn't really increase motivation to get back into shape after such an ordeal, in my opinion.

I have beefy shoulders and arms (seriously, shirts that fit my waist almost NEVER fit my arms), as well as a round butt, and it worries me that I may be predisposed to get chubby in those areas after I have a child. Pregnancy scares me.. but at least I have quite a while before I will seriously need to think about it.

Wow, abaya and merleniau--your posts make me sort of glad that when I met my SO I was fat and have since lost the weight, so he had to get to know the fat me first. He's made it clear that he doesn't care what weight I am so long as I am happy with myself.

Men need to understand that the body changes irrevocably during pregnancy and birth. Yes, you can get back to being in shape and looking good, but it takes time. Real women aren't like actresses you see looking fine two weeks after birth--we don't have legions of personal trainers to whip us into shape and we don't have chefs to whip us up special whatever-the-diet-of-the-moment-is meals. What I want to know is if the father wants the mother to work out so badly, is he going to step up and make sure she has the time and energy to do so? Because I know what it's like to take care of children--including newborns--for hours a day, and it can be exhausting. It's a workout in and of itself. After a full day of that, and doing it day after day after day--no, you don't want to go to the gym.

Exactly.

If we're going to start making demands on our spouses to "be" a certain way before/after children, I think women have a *LOT* more room to make demands on equalizing the child-rearing process. I'm not saying that ALL men contribute less to the whole child-raising process than women do (I know a few stay-at-home dads, who are awesome), but in general, I think most people recognize that women get stuck with more child-rearing burdens than men do. Most women's bodies and careers take serious hits, not to mention the sleep schedule (at least while breast-feeding).

So sure, I'll work out hard-core for a year before and after having a child, if the man's willing to drop out of his career for that same amount of time and take a part-time job at the bookstore in order to be around for more child-care responsibilities, and let me earn the big bucks and make my ass attractive again at the gym while he changes diapers and listens to a wailing mouth all day and night.

Yeah, can anyone tell that I STILL don't want children yet?!? :lol: And that's fine. :) The only solution I can see is the way they do it in Iceland... both man and woman get equal amounts of paid leave after the birth (3-6 months minimum, EACH!). That's never going to happen in the US, unfortunately.

And yes, once again... precisely.

I come from a family where everything revolved around food. It was our social gathering. When I was growing up I was incredibly active and could eat anything I wanted whenever I wanted. My mom warned me that when I quit being so active it would catch up to me, but I didn't listen. After I stopped playing softball in college, I slowly started putting on the pounds. It was so slow that last year I got up to 164 (on a 5' 4" frame) pounds and started getting depressed by the way I looked, especially in pictures. I started a body building diet at the end of July and have gotten down to 139; but more importantly I have decreased my body fat by almost half (30+ to 17.5).

I'm not worried so much by the scale as how I feel and how my clothes fit. I'd like to get down to 16% body fat so I can get into that bikini by the end of summer ;), but I just feel so much better physically and mentally. I have more confidence in myself now, which I know shouldn't be the way it is, but it is.

I have learned enough about myself to know that I will struggle with my weight and image my whole life. But since I have lost the amount I have in the past year, I don't feel as though I'll never be able to control it. I've proven to myself I have the willpower to make it happen.

On the SO: he's so awesome.

I was fit when we got together, then got heavy. He never said a negative word about it. When I decided to try to lose the fat, I asked him what he thought and warned him our meals might be different. He said whatever I wanted to do, he would go with me on. We've found a lot of meals that we both like.

Pregnancy really does a number on your body. I know that there are woman out there who look just as great if not better after having a baby, but those are few and far in between. I never really had any of these issues at all until I gave birth. I mean you can't have your skin strectched that taunt for that long and not have some repercussions. I had a very tight, firm build everywhere on me :) I am lucky that I did not get stretch marks on my stomach but I do have them on the sides of my breasts. This is not really noticeable at all unless I am naked and even then is not that bad. The main thing that bothers me is my stomach. It was so flat and even now with weight loss I have realized it will never ever be like it was.
The thing is, this problem I have with my body and weight is all me. My husband loves how I look and tells me all the time. He has never ever complained and in fact tells me he likes the little more meat on my bones :) I HATE IT THOUGH. I want to go back to being super thin!!!

By the way, I should amend my post to say that this would be my hypothetical response to the hypothetical situation of a man demanding that I get in good shape and stay in good shape before/after the baby, in order to make sure I remained "attractive" to him.

However, on my own initiative (something I have thought about long before being with a guy), I would rather just be in good shape years before having a kid, because I'd rather bring my kid into the world from a healthy body. Hence why I try and make the gym a regular thing NOW, and intend to keep it that way for as long as possible into the future (just returned from running a 5K at midnight in Iceland, woo-hoo!), for my own sake as well as my future kids'.

My only issue with this whole deal is a guy making weight loss a "requirement" for attraction, when one is already trying hard enough to stay in good shape, but might not have the build or the bones to be "skinny." I never have, and I doubt that's going to reverse itself after children!... but if for whatever reason I do end up gaining some weight after pregnancy, I am slightly afraid of a decrease in being attractive to my husband, and that bothers me right now. What if, for whatever reason, no matter how hard I work out, I can't get back to how I used to look? I don't like the fact that this should ever matter.

Where are all the ladies? I'm surprised at how few responses there are to this thread so far...

I think possibly we're all cringing...

and unsure what to say. Because most of us have felt this insecurity with guys before.

I know how you feel abaya. I have been there. Not married, but in the same dilemma of thinking "why should this even matter?" yet knowing it does... and the more I thought about it, the more it was hurtful and made me sick.
I think this is mostly true in young couples. I don't see why it should be quite as relevant as it seems to currently be.

All I can say is how I'd feel if it was turned around. What if my partner gained weight and was unable to lose it straight away, or ever?

Ok, context is of some importance here. Though when I like someone, I like them, full stop. Nobody's perfect...some people will turn you on more, visually, than others. I do think that once you get to know someone well, it's the whole package that grabs you, and makes you want them more completely. For example, you could have two identical twins and one could be your boyfriend but it's clear which one will turn you on most...the one who knows you and that you know best. The one who makes you laugh and can't keep his hands off you. The one who you can talk to for hours on end and seems to know your thoughts.

So if this amazing guy I was into, gained a little weight, I wouldn't hold it against him, I'm sure. I'm not talking suddenly obese...though it could happen. I still have a hard time thinking I'd drop the guy just for that. I'd more likely break up over personality changes or changes in personal goals than I would over appearance. Because bodies change...men's also of course.

I know myself...when I like someone, it takes a lot for me to go off them so strongly - usually the deal breaker is if they are causing me harm. When I feel a strong connection with someone, I want them to be happy, and hope they feel that I'm there for them when they need me. I am willing to be totally supportive as I hope they will be of me. It really isn't as hard as people make it out to be. You just need to be a little less self-centered.

Ialso think if a partner is feeling frail, or depressed, or does not have the strength to achieve a particular goal at a particular phase of their life, that I'm willing to accept them as they are anyway. Relationships take effort...but I think that just because someone doesn't do x or y bcause you expect them to should automatically mean that they don't care enough for the relationship to be meaningful to them. I hate it when people assume that.

To this and the others thinking if they work out before pregnancy, they'll be in better shape after....:lol:
I belonged to a gym, was in fantastic shape, then got pregnant.....end of nice abs, nice butt, nice anything. As a friend told me when I lamented my huge middle after giving birth, "It took nine months to get that big, did you really think you'd get back to where you were right after?" Well, yea....
If your man loves you for your bodyshape, he's not worthy of your love. Granted, I think we all have an obligation to be the best we can for our mates, but that goes both ways.

I'm tall and until my mid-30's, I was skinny. Eight years after my pregnancy, I managed to get skinny again. In the past 11 months, because of my job change and visits to many diners, I have gained 18 lbs. But I don't intend on losing it all, just 10, but now that I'm older, it's impossible. I go down three, get in a mood and eat them back on. I seem to have plateaued as I haven't gained any MORE weight, but it'd be nice to not have to adjust the jeans while pulling them on, plus tight clothes exacerbates my IBS. My guys love me as I am, so the fretting is all mine. One even sent me the song "Get Over It" by the Eagles. :)
We want to be perfect because that's what media tells us our men want. But, if they love us, we already are.

For the record, I am not the one suggesting that I will be in better (or even similar) shape after pregnancy. I'm fully aware that my shape will change, most likely permanently... I don't have a problem with that, or at least I *didn't* have a problem with that. But a lot of men do. Not sure if you misread what I said, but that's the very idea I *disagree* with.

Personally, I'd like to be able to have a baby and *hopefully* have the time to work out, but also not feel insecure about my sex appeal if I don't have the time... and end up looking like 90% of real-world mothers out there (which is, extra pounds--not obese, but never going to be skinny again, that's for sure). I would like to accept and welcome my body for what it's going to be after the ordeal of a pregnancy or two, or three... and why is that so hard for some men to reconcile with "sexiness?" Again, I just don't get it.

I love the ancient idea of a woman's body being attractive if it had some extra weight on it (again, not obese--but extra pounds), because it signified fertility and health. I don't think anyone should be encouraged to remain fat, but if it's due to circumstances like pregnancy and child-rearing... well, can we pull our heads out of our asses a bit and have some respect for that body, instead of repulsion and rejection?

Actually I think the only men that would have a problem with a woman who has extra weight after childbirth have never been with a woman who had a child!! I mean come on, when a man sees you go through all of that first hand it has to change his frame of mind on what he can expect your body to be like. He sees how your body changes up close and personal those nine or so (10 for me) months and there is no way in hell any man with any sense at all in his head can expect you to be the same afterward!!

I would kick a man to the curb so fast his head would spin if he for one minute made any negative comment about my after baby figure. Men get HUGE bellies for much less then carrying a child and woman are supposed to be ok with that!!

Oh and one more thing, you can't speculate how on how you will be able to work out or get in shape after having a child. When you give birth you are so wrapped up in the child's world, your own really takes a back seat. I would like to say I could work out three times a week and get back to where I was, but with the amount of energy I have left after taking care of a one year old all day, that is not possible for me.

I dont want to imagine having the father of my child telling me I was unattractive due to the weight gain of carrying said child. That would be so incredibly hurtful. In addition, if one loses pregnancy weight back to pre-pregnancy weight, but has stretch marks, are they then labeled as unattractive? What if after nursing a woman's breasts fall or droop? Is she then unattractive?

Im getting kinda tired of men justifying their behavior with the usual "men need visual stimulation" routine that puts all of us on notice that we may not be good enough if we are not perfect. I am a woman and I am also visually stimulated, but I dont go around telling men that they need to change in order for to find them attractive. And what if one part of our body is perfect and another not? What if we have a fat bum, but perfect ankles? Fallen breasts, but great legs? Are we then less as a person?

I think this goes hand in hand with older men telling us that younger attractive women will be attracted to them. I believe in general this is untrue. When you were young were you thinking of shaggin the 50-60 yr old business man or the cute long-haired drummer of your fav local band? I was just talking with my friend J about this. I asked him to think about being 20 and having a 55 years old woman put the moves on him. It is sort of creepy. I pointed out that is probably how a 20 year old girl feels about him doing the same to her. Flattering maybe, and fun, but still sort of creepy.

Anyway, I dont worry too much about my weight, more about my height. Im naturally tall and thin (5'11"(!) and 130-140 pounds (136 today).

You've nailed it. To me, "justification" (of any kind, from men or women) = excuse for adhering to the lowest common denominator, not a valid reason for explaining one's perspective as being logically unassailable.

Woo-hoo, news flash: men are visual! And wait... so are women! But hey, it's okay if a man doesn't find his 10-20 lb heavier, stretch-marked post-pregnancy wife very sexy anymore, because HIS visual stimulation is somehow more important than her needs while taking care of their baby. Hmph. Someone explain to me the logic here.

I don't know... we've seen it plenty of times on TFP, as I recall. Lots of men come in here confessing their deep angst over not finding their wife sexy anymore, after having children... how the romance just slowly died afterwards. Of course, once again, not every man is like that. But I think we all know people who have been in that place, whether or not they admitted it in a public arena.

Up until menopause hit I was 5'7" and struggled to keep a healthy weight.
I ranged from 110 to 120lbs until 2004.

The hormonal changes alone caused me to gain 80 lbs in 7 months, without
a change in eating habits.

The rapid weight gain excaberated my moderate arthritus,
and for the first time in my life I experienced the not so friendly
glares that some people would freely dish out.

I strive to keep some muscle tone.
20 of those pounds I have lost.

We all get lazy about one thing or another at times.
I am grateful that my SO sees the beauty on the inside first.

I am grateful that I am still ambulatory and can see hear and feel and taste.

I do not 'worry' about my weight.

Worry is like a rocking chair...keeps you busy...and gets you nowhere.

I probably am overweight/chunky, but I don't actually care. I only care when I feel like I ate a lot of gross things in one day just because it makes me feel sluggish.
Other than that I'm 5'8" 180lbs and I feel gorgeous. Even with being 'heavier' I hold in real well, nothing is flopping about and such. I would like to loose some weight just for health reasons, but I really wouldn't care if my jean size didn't ever go down.
I also feel great because my SO is very shallow when it comes to women's looks and he thinks I'm attractive. So weight and jean sizes are just silly numbers, confidence is what's really sexy on a woman anyways.

i'd always been bigger than the average girl for my height, around 175 when i graduated high school.
after an ankle injury that took over a year to diagnose and with doctors trying to convince me that there was nothing wrong, that it was all in my head, i found myself miserable and at 220 lbs in 2003.
after they diagnosed the problem and did surgery to repair the stupid thing (i'd been walking on and doing physical therapy on a ruptured tendon that later hollowed out for almost two inches in length) i dropped 20 lbs just from being able to walk again and do things.
i met my current SO a year later and lost a little more.
he broke up with me because of my weight (which i didn't know until several months later).
a few months after we broke up, my mother thought i was depressed and gave me six months at the YMCA.
i dropped to 128 lbs and kinda looked a little anorexic.
i gained about 10 back and was comfortable there, throughout our on again, off again relationship.
until i took depo.
magic 10 lbs.
then i changed to yaz.
another 8.
thanks to seasonale, i've gotten up to 150.
it's not the weight, per se, that bothers me, it's the body fat.
i'm tightening up all over, under all of it.
i hit the gym a minimum of three times a week, used to be six but i started feeling the effects in my joints.
30-60 minutes of cardio and 30-45 minutes of weight training.
burn a minimum of 500 calories each time, used to do 700+ but it felt excessive and i was seeing no results.
eat sensibly, around 900 to 1500 calories per day, lots of whole grains.
haven't lost an ounce in months.
it's very frustrating.
i'm debating a tubal ligation to be able to get off the hormonal birth control.
my SO has been on the same plan until he started BJJ, and he lost 25 pounds and probably three inches off his waist and 8% of his body fat.
he can't understand why i haven't.
he says that all he wants is for me to keep trying.
but he's not attracted to lots of my body, though he swears he loves me.
i'm not to mine, either.
it's frustrating, especially when he thinks i'm "cheating" on my dietary plan or the gym.
rarely, if ever.
it just makes me sad because i do try and i really do think it's the hormones just because of the drastic change within days of changing.
seriously, how else do you gain 7 pounds in 72 hours without changing anything else?



aw crap. that's how important my weight is to me. a whole screen height of diatribe.

Yes that is why I said "a man with any sense" would not have a problem with a woman's body after she gives birth to his child. You left that part of the quote out.

The one's that I see posting the kind of thing you are talking about, are we supposed to feel sorry for them?? Who feels sorry for someone who can't deal with real life woman and prefers the airbrushed version he sees on the screen??

I have always had an issue with my weight. When I got out of high school and dropped about 15 pounds, was about average size 10-12, the lightlest I've ever been since my freshman year, I still wasn't happy, I felt fat and overweight. My mom was always bugging my sister and I about our weight throughout high school. We were both about the same size 14. My mom is heavy and I think she just didn't want us to be that way. Well after I dropped out of college and moved in with my boyfriend at the time, later husband, I put on about 80 pounds and I didn't even seem to notice it until I had gained it all. Then it bugged me a lot. I never had the motivation to exercise though or eat healthier. Since I split from my ex and have gone through the divorce process I've lost about 12 pounds and I'm exercising and eating better. I'm feeling a lot better about myself even though I haven't lost all the weight yet, but my confidence is returning. I would be happy to be back a size 10. I'm just hoping once I get there I'm not still plagued with feeling of being fat. And I haven't even had a kid yet. Reading everyones stories on how their bodies change, I hope that I can deal with it when it happens to me.

So this is off OP, but relates to the related topics that have been brought up in this thread.

At work we receive complimentary copies of Psychology Today which I usually recycle, it being a ragmag and all. However, when the 08/08 issue came the other day I took it home. Why? Because the issue's main topic asks Twisted?, with a woman in leather on the cover. It piqued my interest, what can I tell you? So regarding this topic, on page 73, is this excerpt that may or may not apply to body issues, as well as maybe a reason why some get discouraged. I dont know. But, I thought of this thread when I read it.

Pg 73, excerpted:
I hope this "visual" sensitivity stuff isnt going to come back to haunt them, and us. Whats with this gettin hot to paper but not the real thing? Jeeez. We all need more lovin, not less. And whats with the business that she hears this increasingly? Whatever.

Anyway. Back to the OP : Whatever weight you are, try to keep in mind that your food, weight, and frumpishness are controlled by you now (and really always). Could you perhaps get together with other/another mom or other people who have your schedule to just hang out and maybe get yourself going just a little? Would it help to have some time to yourself, perhaps have a night of the week that is yours, when you can go to see a film by yourself, see a shrink, have a pedicure, go to the library, walk in the park, bicycle to the grocer's, or whatever. With the summer weather maybe you could get an ice cream bar and walk in the park to eat it. Then you are doing both exercise and eating sweets. I like it. The ying/yang junk appeals to me in this instance.

And you know, maybe you dont care because your interest and attention are happily on other people/situations at this time in your life and maybe you only notice your body occasionally because most of the time you are not tending to yourself. Thats what being a mom is all about though, dont you think? Perhaps unselfishly and without thought thinking of someone else. Perhaps you just havent gotten the balance right just yet, but I imagine that you will.

Well, let me play devil's advocate here, for a bit. Not all of the guys posting about this topic seem to be "lacking sense"... I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt, that they're truly struggling with something and that they wish their minds didn't work like that, but that they're trying to sort it out before they head down the divorce or cheating road.

Not saying that we should have pity for them--I sure don't!--but I think they *are* trying to come to terms with real life (after maybe 20 years of marriage and 2-3 kids), or they wouldn't be posting about it. Our society has not prepared men to accept those kinds of changes very well... marketing tells them to go out and find a younger model, ditch the ball and chain who mothered their children and got chubby as a result. That's tough programming for the average joe to resist. Just as our society has not encouraged women to accept their bodies as healthy and whole, even if we have some extra pounds... also tough for a lot of women to resist, even if they do have supportive partners. In the end, we all have to be responsible for ourselves, I guess... and hope that our partners will be, too.

I worry about this, too. I think this is why porn bothers me quite a bit - largely when I behave like a girl in a pornographic photo (making exaggerated faces and grabbing my own breasts, for example), my boyfriend gets "omgturnedonpop." Sure, I enjoy touching myself, but how much of his arousal is due to me enjoying myself and how much is due to the "visual" aspect? If I blindfold him and have my way with him, will things not work? Will he then become an "audio" person? Or will my touches be adequate? It's worth an experiment. I don't like being called "my little porn star" - I certainly don't WANT to be a porn star.

One of my friends talked about something like this a while ago in a LJ entry. She said (paraphrasing) that it really bothers her when a man's goal is just to get her off and be good at doing so. This, to her, is an ego thing: her partner feels bad when he doesn't achieve the goal of giving her an orgasm, whether or not she enjoyed herself anyway. His goal is to be good at sex, not to allow his partner to enjoy herself. This is something that irks me, sometimes, too. I hear "you're so good at that" rather than "that felt great, thanks." It's sometimes a difficult distinction to make and I'm sure a lot of people don't analyze things this way, but I believe her thoughts make sense.

I apologize for drifting away from the OP as well, but I do think that this discussion is at least related. :)

1. I never worried about my weight at all until I started to gain it when I turned 40. Literally. Like, I turned 40 and my entire body changed. Shape, texture, metabolism.

2. I have accepted it and now I go up and down with my weight constantly depending on how much I feel like eating. Sometimes I go through periods where I just don't want to eat. This seems to keep me in balance, lol.

3. I agree with the concerns being expressed here and more men need to realize that hotness/eroticism and phsyical 'beauty' are not mutually exclusive. I'm sick to death of this, 'but, men are visual' stuff. It's a cop-out. They are spoiled by the availability of these images and translate that into an entitlement. And, unfortunately, many, many women have bought into it and hold themselves to the same unrealistic standards.

Just to narrow down what I mean, I think the standards of beauty for women are literally unrealistic. As people age, fat accumulates on their body. For most people, not everyone, but most people. To give women the message that they shouldn't allow this to happen is beyond unfair. It is cruel. Look at women in 'uncivilized' societies. As they age and have children, their bodies become softer, rounder and accumulate fat. Conversely, if you look at men in these societies, they tend to stay leaner. Although, neither of these is an absolute. These groups tend to have good, simple diets and I think we can take from this a fair measure of how our bodies 'should' develop. I find it to be pretty ironic that so many men in our society who, as far as I can tell, are just as liable to put on weight as women, find it okay to put unreasonable (and likely unattainable) expectations on women and their weight.

Weight has definitely been on and off for me as well, and it was good to read the other journeys.

I am tall, 5'10, and gained weight gradually until I was on the heavy side entering uni. There I decided to lose weight and actually dropped to 128, which is low for my height. I was okay until I turned 40, and weight crept up, and when i turned 50, wowie. I was 206 at my heaviest at age 56.

More dieting but now I also I joined a class at the YMCA. This is honestly helpful, exercising with other people. I find that I enjoy the atmosphere, that we encourage each other and that I get a positive boost. The days that the class is canceled (for various reasons) I use the machines and don't enjoy it very much. I think that if I always exercised alone that i would have quit by now. We do a mixture of cardio and weights, three times a week. The rest of the time I walk.

I am not a good dieter, but I try. I am a bit over ideal (150) now, weighing at 155.

As to body perception and comments and judging: I find that so harsh when I hear those comments. It makes me wonder how hard their hearts are.

Alta

See I am 5'10" and I am 144lbs. To ME this is fat. I see myself now, comparing to the 130-135 I used to be. I want to be super skinny and toned.

However sitting here and talking about it is getting me no where!! Someone slap some motivation into me damn it!!

Ruh-roh...I'm 5'8" and 155....about a size 10. My stomach is what's bothering me, I have a buddah-belly.

Trust me, you are NOT fat. We all seem to think we're worse than we are. Everytime I go somewhere and see a grossly obese woman, gut hanging over the thighs, difficulty walking, no clear line between a neck and chin(s), I get REALLY grateful for the less-than-perfect body I have.

Hey, I'm all of 5'2" and my set-point has been around 130 since the end of adolescence. I feel good and healthy at this weight--definitely not fat!--but I'm not skinny, and I like it that way. The more I work out, the better I feel--even if it adds pounds (the whole muscles-weights-more-than-fat thing), it has nothing to do with the numbers on the scale.

As I said in my first post, it's not my current weight that I'm worried about, it's my weight after bearing children and generally hitting mid-life that makes me wonder what will happen to my body, outside of my attempts to control it. I guess I can only wait and see. I don't want to avoid having kids just because I'm afraid of what will happen. But it is a big scary unknown...

abaya I have seen your photos and you have a very perfect body. When thinking about how you will look later in life, you said the women in your family tends to carry weight?? Well then yes, more then likely it will be hard for you, but you lead an active lifestyle. That in itself says a lot and will help you tons in the future.

ngdawg I said at that weight I FEEL FAT not that anyone who weighs that much is fat. I know a lot of it is in my head BUT my head and my body need to be on the same page otherwise the balance is all off for me. Does that make sense?

Oh and when we were out of town a couple of weeks ago I actually saw a man walking around that was so obese he had to lean backwards when he walked. He had to do this because his stomach was sticking out of the bottom (leg part) of his shorts!! I have never in my life seen something like this in person. Now that made me feel skinny as fucked up as that is.

I'm about 5'3" and hover between 118 and 128. My mom was smaller than me when she was my age, and stayed pretty lean even after having both me and my sister, just gained a considerable amount of weight after she had a full mastectomy and reconstruction. We also moved.. she didn't make new friends, really. I'm afraid I'll fall into the same habits, but at the same time I really like to ride horses and I must stay in decent shape to do it. If I get too fat, my horse will definitely let me know. ;) (And I'm sure Crompsin will, too.)

WOW! great topic.

I am 5'5' and I weigh between 127-135, I don't like flucuating and I feel better when I stick at 127, which is hard for me since my metabolism is slow, so I really have to watch what I eat, which I find really really annoying.

However... I used to be 175 pounds, so I went through a big weight loss about 5 years ago. So my weight is fairly important to me just because I feel more healthy now and my body image has improved immensely. I work out every day, excercise is really important to my well-being now.

I think it just plain sucks that we as a society put so much pressure on women to be thin and to literally... "take up less space." I find it appalling when I feel good about my friends saying I shouldn't lose more weight, that I am looking 'frail.' I think what we promote as a society is awful message to send to women and girls. Smaller is Not better... I like what others have said on here, that being 'healthy' is important and that Feeling healthy is better than feeling 'thin'

I really love this website, it has some really great article and personal stories about women who have overcome judging themselves by the scale and accepted their bodies as beautiful just the way they are. check it out.

http://www.overcomingovereating.com/stories.html

Thanks for the link, Sweetpea! My weight has always been an issue with me, ever since I can remember. It fluctuates a lot because I go through phases where I am exercising a lot and eating right to where I feel like doing nothing and eat whatever I want. I have a wardrobe that ranges from small-med-large, I refuse to throw out clothes because I know I will fit them again someday. I gained some pounds in college that I am still trying to lose.

Started Weight Watchers a couple weeks ago and am now doing yoga and pilates. I've lost three pounds but I still have a long way to go. I'm hoping I am able to stick with yoga for the long haul, because my biggest hurdle is not weight loss itself, but weight MAINTENANCE. That the is part I seem to fuck up on every time I lose a lot of weight. The weight eventually creeps back on over a few years and then I start the cycle all over again. I can't just stay skinny. That is so aggravating to me. I know it's all about lifestyle changes, but that is so much easier said than done (especially in this day and age of excess food and sedentary jobs)! This time around, once I reach my goal weight, I will be on a Weight Watchers maintenance plan and probably for the rest of my life. Daily yoga should help me keep it off, too.

I was chatting with a close friend of mine over this topic and we both agreed that a lot of men have unrealistic expectations of the women they're with. It's silly though...if you're really loving someone and who they are, that is so minor.

I loved what girldetective had to say about the object becoming more important than the living person (it makes sense and I'd never thought of it that way), and what mixedmedia said about how bodies "should" develop...great thoughts there.

My last boyfriend told me the fact that he felt I was "overweight" would eventually cause us to break up because it turned him off. I am 5'4" and currently weigh 113 lbs. Back then I weighed 123lbs. Twisted huh? *shrug* He messed with my head...but then, I let him.

At the end of the day, I just want to be with someone who's happy to be with me, flaws and all.

:oogle: Whoa. I feel like a stiff breeze would blow me over at 123 lbs, and I'm 5-2"! He was beyond twisted, to be thinking that way.

It definitely will. One of the benefits to yoga is the mindfulness aspect of it--you're much more aware of yourself, how you are are holding your body, how you are breathing, how you feel. Plus, it's something you can do anywhere, any time. It has helped me so much that I feel like I've become a yoga evangelist, promoting it to others, but it seriously turned my life around. I used to be horribly inflexible, but now I can actually touch my toes--that's a huge accomplishment for me. :) Plus, it corrected a number of my posture problems--also a great benefit; one of the reasons I look like I lost so much weight is because I'm finally standing up straight! :p

So glad to hear that, onesnowyowl! My best friend is advanced in yoga now (she has been doing it for seven years) and I am amazed at how much more toned, flexible, and fit she is. We played high school soccer together and we were both fit then but now she is on a whole different level now. She is in the best shape of her life at 30 and promotes the benefits of yoga just by looking the way she does! I always had this misconception that yoga was a relaxing, light workout - how wrong I was... holding those poses is a cardio workout in itself, not to mention the breathing and control involved. You have to be totally present, you can't think about anything else in that moment. It's really amazing.

Seriously... that is fucked up. Thank goodness you're not with him anymore. The small amount of guys who are into that totally waif look are like posion to women's minds. 123 lbs is very thin already for that height.

I am proud of you to learn to embrace yourself :) and if it's worth anything, all the photos of you I have seen I have been positively knocked over by how beautiful and fit you are....

Oh hey yeah.

My first husband would actually freak out if my weight jumped by 5 pounds and god forbid if I started to have curves and resemble a woman.

I am talking about going from 125 to 130 pounds as a 5'7" person.

I know he was intially attracted to me when I looked more androgynous,
downright young boyish.

I discovered later his innability to deal with his latent homosexuality.
I woulda been cool with that...but he never could, and
flatly refused to discuss it.

The most hurtful part was that he hid under the excuse that
he found me boring.

I still have pity and love for the man.

Let me just first say men are insane!!

Me and my man have an understanding, until he looks like Brad Pitt he can't expect me to look like Laetitia Casta. But the problem is me, I want to look like her because I know that turns him on. So maybe it is us woman who are insane. He is content to eat whatever, not shave, not workout, not try new hair or clothing styles. And I love and except him as is, so why is it that I am the one who says if I lost two or three sizes, worked out all the time (to tone shit up after two back to back babies), and let my hair grow that I could be his ultimate fantasy.

Honestly I think I have problems, he will never be my ultimate fantasy but we have great sex, so why can't I be happy not being his ultimate fantasy knowing we have great sex, and I look hot naked (I do think so!).

Yes, I think about my weight and wish I looked different, like I used to "once apounce a time". But I am unwilling to become the unhappy stressed out bitch I would need to be to put the time into it and make the changes to my life. I think I am a whole lot sexier happy and heavy than skinny and bitching, pushing my husband and toddlers around to make sure I eat my six small meals a day and workout for my two hours a day (which I know would get me there.)

Maybe one day, maybe not,
but today I know I'm hot,
just as I am, in this moment
happy, heavy and content

I really would like to know how you came to know his ultimate fantasy woman.

. . . . .

Back to the OP.
My weight has suddenly become more important to me as of last night. I put on a new dress that I have owned for about 1.5 months and couldnt wait to wear. It is very pretty. However, when I looked in the mirror, I was swimming in it. I noticed over the weekend too that a little cotton dress Id bought in Palm Springs in March was pretty loose, and my swimsuit is a little bit hangy. Today at work Chuck looked at me with his hands on his hips and said I think youve lost too much weight, and I sheepishly agreed with him. People have told me how tiny I am, but Ive really just noticed it and I think it might be too much.

[QUOTE=girldetective]I really would like to know how you came to know his ultimate fantasy woman.

. . . . .

I have evil ways of making men talk!:)

And I am sorry to hear about what you are going through with your weight, my sister (in law) went through that, she was forced to increase her meat intact. Had been a healthy vegetarian before. Now she enjoys a lot of Salmon and tuna. and she takes Whey protein, that stuff body builders take to bulk up. She put on 20pounds and looks great! LOL

Ah. So you wondered about his ideal and when he told you you became unhappy with yourself? Why did you ask knowing that you probably could not live up to a perfect fantasy woman? If you didnt ask, did you watch to see where he looked and determine which sort of person he seemed to take the most pleasure in? Why did you do that? Or, is it he simply just told you in passing, such as saying shes so pretty or whatever? If so, did you think to mention that wasnt real helpful in your relationship?

Being new again I notice things. I notice that some men sometimes make it readily apparent to us what they like a woman to look like. This is unfair to us and not helpful at all to the partnering. On the other hand, I see some women, like you, who may want to be that person for the man because I believe we girls are service oriented and like to do well for others. I have lots of experience with this, most recently being Tpop's babydoll. However, this is also not helpful to us or the relationship as far a everyday situations (opposed to funsex situations).

I have been thinking a lot about men/women and will return to this later. Right now I have to go to the bank.

Used to be. I refuse to be a slave to the scale. Why would an inanimate object decide if I feel good or not?

I go by the fit of my jeans. If they're getting snug, it's time to get back to work. If they're loose, I'm motivated to move down to the next smaller size.

I used to go by the same thing and it totally worked, once the favorite jeans are tight, time to make a few changes. No after two back to back babies I can't seem to get back into those favorite jeans and I am unhappy with my current favorites. :sad: (The kids are a nice bonus though.)

This is an interesting topic for me at this stage of my life. As many of you know, my ex left me (ummm, after I threw him out! LOL) almost exactly a year ago. I went from being a healthy, curvy, and firm woman to very slender. Lost about 20-25 lbs. I actually really enjoyed it, but Every Single Day reminded myself that this was not my normal size, and that as I healed emotionally, I'd regain the weight.

I also noted how I really liked how my lower half looked, but my upper half was way too skinny. Grrr. I realized that I'd always have an ample bottom half if I had boobies (and I loved and missed my boobies!).

By this time I've returned mostly to my usual. It's been a bit of an adjustment, and yeah, I do want to lose about 10 lbs, just to have more wiggle room, mostly at that time of the month (when my biology betrays me horribly and predictably).

I'm actually kinda surprised by how well I've accepted being back at my reg. weight (I honestly think it's part of being more mature at 37 than I was at 27-ish). I feel good about myself, I am still *very* active and watch what I eat, although I'm not insane about it. And happily, now that I'm single I have many kind men and women telling me how hot I am, so that never hurts.

As long as I fit into the clothes I love and I'm firm, I'm good to go. I just wish my tummy weren't round, but that's just how my body has always been. But it doesn't jiggle, and that's about all I can do with it. heh.

Side note: Someone mentioned about romance dwindling when babies are born. I'm sure sometimes some of that is due to men being superficial about their momma-babies' new body, but I would venture to say that a majority of the time, it's because the new mom becomes SO FREAKIN' FOCUSED on the new baby, and views the hubby as being a baby accessory only. Ive seen that happen in nearly every couple I've known that has reproduced. It's very sad.

Heh, I'm 40. I'm 5'6" and I weigh 155lbs. I'm muscular and curvy. I like my body now, stretchmarks and all. I workout to feel good. Looking better is a bonus.

I get hit on by tons of guys from 20-60. I don't resemble a Victoria's Secret underwear model, but I think that they respond to some vibe that I feel good in my skin. I've been intimate with guys ranging from 26-49. Who was it that commented on the stretchmarks? The pauchy, balding 49yo. :shakehead:

I think that you should eat and move to be *healthy* not to be skinny. If a man you are with is asking something different, then he's not the man for you. Real women have breasts and hips and tummies. Real mothers have stretchmarks and sagging breasts. If they want someone to not age or show the affects of childbirth, they'd better marry a blowup doll, because the rest of us are going to grow older whether they like it or not. And if they point out Hollywood as the standard to which you are to be held, show them Brad Pitt and ask for the extra $2500/month for your pilates, personal trainer, highlights, tanning, boobjob, facials, and botox.

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e3...Picture162.jpg

Great post, Shaindra--and you ARE smokin' hot!

Shaindra - way out! Your post is encouraging!

As a child and through early adolescence, I did not care how I looked. I refused to wear makeup, enjoyed running for the feeling of freedom, didn't care about my body odors or acne. Through high school I was focused on dressing to diminish the stares from my hourglass figure by wearing clothes that were at least three sizes too large. I hid my striking blue eyes by wearing dingy out-of-date glasses. I hid my waist-length hair in a tightly-wrapped bun. I was often the butt of jokes as the ugly girl, but it was all to plan. Only the people who saw me on stage knew the half of my potential.

As I went away to college in 2000, my sister finally put her foot down. My mom stood by her. They wanted me to represent our family with tidy, modern fashion as I went away to their religious dream school. I packed my bags with only clothing they approved and received bi-monthly packages with the latest styles. I had no choice but to look nice. So I did. That's when I gained an appreciation for fashion as a daily lifestyle choice.

I've become more body-focused within the past 4 years. Around age 21, I started facing a bit of a realization that I couldn't eat whatever I wanted. I referenced a few healthy lifestyle books and adjusted my food intake. Age 23, I took an interest in Jainism as a philosophy and made a spiritual decision to go vegetarian. Been happy with that decision.

I do not run daily anymore. I do walk, cycle, and swim. Working in the garden - pulling weeds, hand-watering, and planting - is my idea of a perfect workout. I don't know that I'll ever be as physically peaked as I was in past years, though Shaindra's post makes me think it's possible.

My weight is a reflection of my state of mind. If I am centered, happy, and focused, I am a couple of pounds lighter than I am when I am distraught or frustrated about life. I have seen the struggles of my best friend when she has (due to medication changes hinging on her epilepsy) struggled over weight roller-coasters. I have watched my obese mother fight foot-aches and deal with ailments that are intensfied by her weight. I make an active choice to avoid foods that I find irresistible, and frequently monitor my intake with senseless rules like don't eat chocolate before noon and no snacks after 8pm. The exercise in control is exhilerating.

I weigh myself nearly every morning. I do not consider this being "a slave to the scale." It's just part of taking care of myself, same as taking a shower, brushing my teeth, or paying my bills. I usually weigh in at around 110 to 112 pounds. If the scale shows 115 or more, I fast for the day. I can only remember once having to fast for more than one day. Then I go back to really paying attention to carbs. I try to follow a modified Atkins or South Beach approach.
If I'm feeling stressed or depressed I pretty much quit eating without knowing it. If the scale shows much under 110, I force myself to eat ice cream and pizza (yes, carbs!) for a few days. I've been emotionally fairly even keel for the last couple of years, and haven't had to do the ice cream thing.
While I've had an uncle and a couple of cousins who have really struggled with weight, I've been blessed with fairly stable weight, for which I am grateful. But I try to be watchful for changes so I can take action before it becomes a problem. A couple of pounds I can lose easily. I shudder to think of having to deal with losing 25 or 30 pounds.

Lindy

Since childhood I was always overweight and struggled with dieting. I would diet and lose 10 or 20 pounds, only to gain it back and add on a few more pounds over the years. My entire life was spent thinking about food and anticipating the next meal or snack that I was going to eat. I hated myself for the lack of self-control that I had when it came to eating. I ate when I was happy, I ate to celebrate, I ate when I was sad, I ate when I was depressed, I ate when I was angry, I ate when I was hungry and I ate when I was not.

Over the years I ballooned to over 250 pounds and continued to try diets that would give me short term success. In 2006, at age 36, my weight started impacting my health in a serious way. I developed sleep apnea, my feet began swelling, I was unable to climb a flight of stairs without becoming winded and my primary care physician told me I was on the fast track to diabetes. I had chronic fatigue, severe depression and not only low self esteem, but a severe self loathing. It impacted not only me, but my family as well. I was unable to do activities with my family because of my size and my inability to be active. My low self esteem and depression caused huge rifts in my marriage. I was not living, only existing. I felt hopeless.

In addition to all of the negativity I placed on myself, I felt judged and condemned both socially and professionally. Going out in public, I saw the stares people gave me and the judgment that was passed on me in glances. In the professional environment, co-workers and colleagues would do the same. I felt that based on my appearance alone they thought I was lazy, unmotivated, sloppy and uncaring. This was not the person I felt I was inside. I felt trapped in a shell that was nothing like who I was.

In 2007, as I packed on another 55 pounds, bringing me to a whopping 305 pounds, I decided I could not and did not want to live this way any longer and began exploring the options of weight loss surgery. I was looking at having to lose more than 150 pounds. After researching weight loss surgery options, I discussed the options with my husband, who was supportive and adamant that I only take this step if I was doing it for myself. I decided to schedule a consultation with you to find out if I was a candidate for the gastric bypass surgery.

At my consultation, I was comforted to find out that my doctor also had gastric bypass surgery and could identify with the struggles of dieting, the judgments people make and the negative self image I had developed.

I decided to have the gastric bypass surgery because I wanted a permanent, lifelong solution to the eating problems I had faced my entire lifetime. I had my surgery in December 2007.

Now that a little more than six months has passed since my surgery, I am living a totally different life. I have lost a little more than 100 pounds. I no longer need a breathing machine to sleep at night. One month after my surgery, my feet stopped swelling. I am able to be active with my family. I enjoy foods that I never did before and I don’t miss the junk I was eating one bit. I now enjoy exercising and look forward to it. I take pride in my appearance where I did not before. I have recovered from my deep depression and like the person that I am now. My relationships personally and professionally have improved by leaps and bounds. And, I can finally cross my legs when I am sitting—something I have not been able to do in more than 10 years. I feel like I have been given a new chance at life—an active and exciting one!

Saffire, welcome to the Ladies Lounge. :) Thank you for your story. I'm glad to hear you're doing well with your lifestyle change. Keep it up!

To quote a popular movie line: "I'll have what she's having."
How fortuitous that I'm reading this now. Thanks.

saffire - what a remarkable story. Such a negative downward spiral - wonderful that you found a physician who was willing to help you break it. Such a positive change~!

I am quite sensitive about my weight, and while I don't check the scale very often, the changes in how my clothes fit often determine how I feel on any day. Being only 5' 1", I don't have a lot of space for curves, so even though I'm not overweight (116?), I feel very squat. I feel like a little over-stuffed burrito wondering through life.
I feel like an absolute whale around my boyfriend. He is 5' 6" and 113 (with no effort at all). He is fucking skinny, in other words. I think sometimes that I might crush the poor man when we're in bed. When I ask him about my weight, he usually avoids answering, which I take to mean that he would prefer me skinnier, but either doesn't want to hurt my feelings, or he doesn't want me angry at him. It could well be my misconception and self-consciousness, but it seems like he avoids touching certain parts of me in bed- my stomach, my thighs, my love handles. Sigh. I exercise some - biking, hiking, working as a landscaper, but I find the gym boring, and I detest running. I would probably feel a hell of a lot better if I lost 15 lbs, but I love baking and cooking and eating, and I don't exercise enough to do more than keep me toned and at my current weight. Sigh.

i came from a family of good eaters, i have a sister who weighs more than 200lbs..basically weight has never been an issue to me..i am also gifted with an excellent metabolism..but now after one of my cousins was diagnosed with severe diabetes, i am starting to eat right..:no:

i am sad to say i used to be obsessed with getting down to 100 lbs. or less (I am only 5' 3/4" though..). But It would consume my thoughts to the point where I was hardly even working out at all, and just self-negating myself for not being at the weight I wanted to be, and continuing to eat unhealthy... I had gained about 10 lbs. over the winter, because, the funny thing is, I *used* to be 100 lbs. and STILL wasn't satisfied. I currently hover around 108-111 and I am a lot happier with how I look than I used to be. I learned to just not worry anymore because it was silly, wasted energy. I still work out, so I just try to judge things by how I feel, and not necessarily how I look, or the weight on the scale. My mind is much more calm about appearance, I think also in part because I eat better than I used to (try to eat 5-6x a day). However, I would still probably be upset if I got bigger than what I would think a reasonable setpoint for me would be. I don't like how I feel when I'm out of shape, and certainly don't like how I look when I'm out of shape either. I find that if I just try to work out regularly, I feel better about myself in general. So I try to just keep the negative thoughts/obsessions at bay. Right now, I weight train about once a week with a trainer, and have joined a walking group and will join a running group this weekend! I'm getting quite bored of the gym so I'm trying to socialize and get a work out at the same time by joining groups or playing tennis... Keeping active is really important to me.

thing is, i also TRY to be of the "health at every size" mindset, and fat acceptance. I've never been overweight in my life but I still think it's a cool concept to accept people of all shapes and sizes. Here is a link to a great post about the "fantasy of being thin" and how you should love yourself just the way you are... The Fantasy of Being Thin Kate Harding’s Shapely Prose

I am very concerned about watching my weight and my eating habits. I keep a very close eye on both. Unfortunately for several months I have had other health issues and have not been able to get much exercise. I will admit that I have gained some weight during this time though not too much. It is rather absurd that I have practically freaked out over a measly 10 pound weight gain. It definitely doesn't help when you hear the male propaganda spinning in the background either. One week out of surgery I have already started walking about 1.5-2 miles twice a day. My body isn't ready for me to get into anything very rigorous yet, but I am on my way.

The actual number doesn't bother me, I usualy judge it off of how I feel
if I get too heavy, then i'll *Feel* like I weigh wayyy too much and i'll throw myself into exercise for a while
I hover between 130 and 140lbs at 5'3, which is the weight i'm suppost to be, but my legs always appear pretty unappitising to me,:no: despite the running I do
Being as pale as I am doesn't help the way they look either. I've always found I have no problem with anyone seeing any part of me, but my upper theighs *shudders and draws blanket over legs*