Religion and Romance - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

creepysusie · 10-16-2007, 10:12 PM

Ok, this kind of stemmed out of the "10 Necessary Qualities in a Guy" thread and someone mentioned that the guy had to be of the same religion, which totally got my brain gears moving.

I totally respect people and their devotion to religion. I find that to be absolutely great when that engery is focused positively into the promotion of mankind.

But I am still a little confused about religion and relationships.

I am not super religious, but being buddhist, I only place my religion with my culture, not necessarily something I solely believe in. I am not trying to dismantle someone's requirement in a man, but I was wondering if you could explain why there is a need for like religions together. I have had maybe one or two friends that have expressed this requirement and I do not quite understand it. And if you don't see a relevance, voice that opinion as well.

It's just that to me, love and trust are separate from religion. Is it ABSOLUTELY necessary or is it just a preference?

Maybe it's because as a buddhist, by culture, and I am in a relationship with a man who has been raised agnostic/christian, I don't really understand the real necessity (as in alike faiths) for it.

tabykat178 · 10-17-2007, 10:11 AM

I know that my parents had completely different views on religion. My dad was atheist and my mom is a christian. I can tell you right now that it didn't work. They were married for a total of two years but were only together for only nine months of that time. It was mainly because my mom kept trying to force her beliefs on him.

I think that religion isn't a huge issue if both partners know the other's views and don't try to force the other one to believe in something they don't want to. I've seen other relationships like this work, but, like I said before, they have to be accepting of the other's view points.

LadySin · 10-17-2007, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tabykat178

I think that religion isn't a huge issue if both partners know the other's views and don't try to force the other one to believe in something they don't want to. I've seen other relationships like this work, but, like I said before, they have to be accepting of the other's view points.

I totally agree with this. I have had a relationship fail because I was not Christian. He felt the need to push his own beliefs on me. Now had he just accepted that my beliefs were indeed my beliefs, like I did for his, we would have gotten along fine. But eh... didn't work that way.

People are just not always so accepting of others who are different, in general. At least people are starting to be honest about it though.

Meditrina · 10-17-2007, 01:23 PM

My husband was raised Catholic and I was raised as a nonpracticing Jew. We have been married almost 14 years now. I think because neither of us are very religious, religion is not an issue for us. His mother is very open-minded about it, and embraced me as her other daughter. I have since converted, but that is another story and I was not influenced by him or his family in any way.

I think religion becomes an issue if one or both people are really religious and try to push their religion on their significant other. You cannot change another person, they have to change themselves.

snowy · 10-17-2007, 01:49 PM

It depends both on the people, and the faith that they practice.

For instance, you cannot tar all Christians with the same brush on this topic, as most mainline Protestants would feel comfortable with interfaith marriage. But a lot of conservative Christian faiths would not be comfortable with interfaith marriage. Evangelicals marry other Evangelicals--even other Christians, like mainline Protestants, are suspect, and forget about marrying a Catholic or Jew.

But faith can be a dealbreaker the other way around. I know a lot of atheists who probably wouldn't date a Christian, even a liberal Christian.

Interfaith relationships work all the time, but it depends on the people who are in them. My best friend is the product of a Catholic marrying a Buddhist, and her parents have been married for 27 years. My own parents are a Lutheran and a hardcore atheist. As for myself, I am Episcopalian with a strong Buddhist flavor (yes they work together beautifully), and my significant other considers himself more Unitarian Universalist. He is going through a seeking period right now, trying to figure out where he fits, and what he believes.

Personally, I could never marry someone who didn't believe in the possibility of a higher power. To me, there are forces and energies in this world at work that can only be explained by the divine, and I couldn't be with someone who didn't value the power of the divine in their own life, or see the divine in the world itself.

ShaniFaye · 10-17-2007, 02:12 PM

I will put it quite simply.....I will not have a serious relationship with a person that is going to mock my want to pray or my belief in god.....end of story.

All I *require* is a belief along the same lines as mine....doesnt mean that if Im church of god I wont be with a baptist (cause thats whatI and Dave are respectively). I wouldnt marry a catholic or a mormon because their belief's are different from mine, even though we believe in the same God. I MOST definitely wouldnt be with an atheist.

As I have stated before....its not that I wouldnt be friends with any of the above.....I am....but I wouldnt want to marry someone that could not understand and relate to my core belief's

Jenna · 10-17-2007, 02:20 PM

My boyfriend and I have different views, and we make it work.

I'm athiest and he's christian.

I'm a little worried about when we have children and our marriage, but we've already discussed a lot of it. It all comes down to being open-minded. I couldn't date someone who takes their religion SO seriously that it controls every aspect of their life. Or someone who can't accept my beliefs.

creepysusie · 10-17-2007, 09:02 PM

For me, I just simple cannot be with someone that must force their belief on me. I am really open minded and I am open to hearing what others have to say, but i do not appreciate when the same respect is not returned back to me.

I was raised in a super protestant christian neighbourhood and being chinese, I was definately raised differently from the other kids. When I talk to friends that grew up in the same area, they are adament not to have a relationship outside of their religious christian sect. I knew a friend who was in the middle of finding himself, but the girl he liked was very adament about "christian dating" (which is ironic, because she wasn't a very good christian), he converted, and ditched all his friends that were atheist to be with her.

I'm a little curious to know what drives a person to abandon friends and their soul search for another.

Even more so, I am curious, to what extent is religion... a debatable part of the religion. If the person of your affections is perfect beyond belief but he/she is atheist or catholic or buddhist or sikh, but completely respectful of your religion... does it really matter?

ShaniFaye · 10-18-2007, 03:06 AM

yep it matters because the "perfect person" for me would not be perfect if they were an atheist.

The perfect person is going to be the person you share all aspects of your life with, religion included (IMO anyway) Respectful of what I think and sharing what I think are two different things to me....respectful is what I am to my friends that still choose to try to convince me I have an "imaginary friend"....why would I want my heart and soul wrapped up with someone like that when that is a 180 from what I think/feel/believe?

Grasshopper Green · 10-18-2007, 06:55 PM

I'm with Shani...I don't think I could have a relationship with someone who differs in such an important way. I know I couldn't have a serious relationship with anyone who is devoutly religious (in any faith), because I simply don't believe that way, and don't want to raise my children that way. I have nothing against people who are religious...I have many friends and family members that are...but I couldn't share my life with someone who has a completely different belief system than me.

ItWasMe · 10-18-2007, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShaniFaye

I will put it quite simply.....I will not have a serious relationship with a person that is going to mock my want to pray or my belief in god.....end of story.

All I *require* is a belief along the same lines as mine....doesnt mean that if Im church of god I wont be with a baptist (cause thats whatI and Dave are respectively). I wouldnt marry a catholic or a mormon because their belief's are different from mine, even though we believe in the same God. I MOST definitely wouldnt be with an atheist.

As I have stated before....its not that I wouldnt be friends with any of the above.....I am....but I wouldnt want to marry someone that could not understand and relate to my core belief's

Shoot. Shani beat me to my answer. Adding to that answer...

I prefer to share all aspects of my life with my serious partner. That said, I would prefer someone whose morals/values/religious beliefs are the same as mine. But it is *necessary* for theirs to be close to mine in order to have a serious relationship. Especially if children are involved (and there are) because I will teach my children what my morals/values/beliefs are, without mockery or interference from a spouse. I also would not want an SO wasting their time (and my time) trying to push me into conversion. I have strayed from this decision before while dating, more then once, and it does not work for me. Although I do have friends who are atheist or have a religion different than mine.

10-16-2007, 10:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
creepysusie Tilted	Religion and Romance Ok, this kind of stemmed out of the "10 Necessary Qualities in a Guy" thread and someone mentioned that the guy had to be of the same religion, which totally got my brain gears moving. I totally respect people and their devotion to religion. I find that to be absolutely great when that engery is focused positively into the promotion of mankind. But I am still a little confused about religion and relationships. I am not super religious, but being buddhist, I only place my religion with my culture, not necessarily something I solely believe in. I am not trying to dismantle someone's requirement in a man, but I was wondering if you could explain why there is a need for like religions together. I have had maybe one or two friends that have expressed this requirement and I do not quite understand it. And if you don't see a relevance, voice that opinion as well. It's just that to me, love and trust are separate from religion. Is it ABSOLUTELY necessary or is it just a preference? Maybe it's because as a buddhist, by culture, and I am in a relationship with a man who has been raised agnostic/christian, I don't really understand the real necessity (as in alike faiths) for it.

10-17-2007, 01:23 PM	#4 (permalink)
Meditrina Junkie Location: LI,NY	My husband was raised Catholic and I was raised as a nonpracticing Jew. We have been married almost 14 years now. I think because neither of us are very religious, religion is not an issue for us. His mother is very open-minded about it, and embraced me as her other daughter. I have since converted, but that is another story and I was not influenced by him or his family in any way. I think religion becomes an issue if one or both people are really religious and try to push their religion on their significant other. You cannot change another person, they have to change themselves. __________________ "Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

10-17-2007, 01:49 PM	#5 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	It depends both on the people, and the faith that they practice. For instance, you cannot tar all Christians with the same brush on this topic, as most mainline Protestants would feel comfortable with interfaith marriage. But a lot of conservative Christian faiths would not be comfortable with interfaith marriage. Evangelicals marry other Evangelicals--even other Christians, like mainline Protestants, are suspect, and forget about marrying a Catholic or Jew. But faith can be a dealbreaker the other way around. I know a lot of atheists who probably wouldn't date a Christian, even a liberal Christian. Interfaith relationships work all the time, but it depends on the people who are in them. My best friend is the product of a Catholic marrying a Buddhist, and her parents have been married for 27 years. My own parents are a Lutheran and a hardcore atheist. As for myself, I am Episcopalian with a strong Buddhist flavor (yes they work together beautifully), and my significant other considers himself more Unitarian Universalist. He is going through a seeking period right now, trying to figure out where he fits, and what he believes. Personally, I could never marry someone who didn't believe in the possibility of a higher power. To me, there are forces and energies in this world at work that can only be explained by the divine, and I couldn't be with someone who didn't value the power of the divine in their own life, or see the divine in the world itself. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

10-17-2007, 02:12 PM	#6 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	I will put it quite simply.....I will not have a serious relationship with a person that is going to mock my want to pray or my belief in god.....end of story. All I require is a belief along the same lines as mine....doesnt mean that if Im church of god I wont be with a baptist (cause thats whatI and Dave are respectively). I wouldnt marry a catholic or a mormon because their belief's are different from mine, even though we believe in the same God. I MOST definitely wouldnt be with an atheist. As I have stated before....its not that I wouldnt be friends with any of the above.....I am....but I wouldnt want to marry someone that could not understand and relate to my core belief's __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

10-18-2007, 03:06 AM	#9 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	yep it matters because the "perfect person" for me would not be perfect if they were an atheist. The perfect person is going to be the person you share all aspects of your life with, religion included (IMO anyway) Respectful of what I think and sharing what I think are two different things to me....respectful is what I am to my friends that still choose to try to convince me I have an "imaginary friend"....why would I want my heart and soul wrapped up with someone like that when that is a 180 from what I think/feel/believe? __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

10-17-2007, 10:11 AM	#2 (permalink)
tabykat178 Upright	I know that my parents had completely different views on religion. My dad was atheist and my mom is a christian. I can tell you right now that it didn't work. They were married for a total of two years but were only together for only nine months of that time. It was mainly because my mom kept trying to force her beliefs on him. I think that religion isn't a huge issue if both partners know the other's views and don't try to force the other one to believe in something they don't want to. I've seen other relationships like this work, but, like I said before, they have to be accepting of the other's view points.

10-17-2007, 02:20 PM	#7 (permalink)
Jenna Psycho Location: Wisconsin	My boyfriend and I have different views, and we make it work. I'm athiest and he's christian. I'm a little worried about when we have children and our marriage, but we've already discussed a lot of it. It all comes down to being open-minded. I couldn't date someone who takes their religion SO seriously that it controls every aspect of their life. Or someone who can't accept my beliefs.

10-17-2007, 09:02 PM	#8 (permalink)
creepysusie Tilted	For me, I just simple cannot be with someone that must force their belief on me. I am really open minded and I am open to hearing what others have to say, but i do not appreciate when the same respect is not returned back to me. I was raised in a super protestant christian neighbourhood and being chinese, I was definately raised differently from the other kids. When I talk to friends that grew up in the same area, they are adament not to have a relationship outside of their religious christian sect. I knew a friend who was in the middle of finding himself, but the girl he liked was very adament about "christian dating" (which is ironic, because she wasn't a very good christian), he converted, and ditched all his friends that were atheist to be with her. I'm a little curious to know what drives a person to abandon friends and their soul search for another. Even more so, I am curious, to what extent is religion... a debatable part of the religion. If the person of your affections is perfect beyond belief but he/she is atheist or catholic or buddhist or sikh, but completely respectful of your religion... does it really matter?

10-18-2007, 06:55 PM	#10 (permalink)
Grasshopper Green ...is a comical chap Location: Where morons reign supreme	I'm with Shani...I don't think I could have a relationship with someone who differs in such an important way. I know I couldn't have a serious relationship with anyone who is devoutly religious (in any faith), because I simply don't believe that way, and don't want to raise my children that way. I have nothing against people who are religious...I have many friends and family members that are...but I couldn't share my life with someone who has a completely different belief system than me. __________________ "They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king" Formerly Medusa Last edited by Grasshopper Green; 10-18-2007 at 06:57 PM..