Regret no kids? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

lurkette · 06-18-2003, 05:56 AM

I'd like to find out whether older women who have not had children regret it. My husband and I are seriously considering not having kids (considering like thinking about surgical birth control). I waffle back and forth but tend to be on the "no kids" side of the fence more often than not, but I'm afraid of making a decision I'll really regret. I know vasectomies can be reversible, but that hardly seems like the best solution.

Also, am I the only woman who thinks the idea of pregnancy is, well, icky? The words "mucus plug" are enough to make me go greenish, and whenever my pregnant friends' fetuses move and you can see it through their abdomens I'm reminded of that scene in "Alien". *shudder*

I think I might be a good candidate for adoption

Xapphire · 06-18-2003, 08:01 AM

Do you want kids, just not to have them yourself?

lurkette · 06-18-2003, 10:45 AM

I don't think I want kids, at least not right now certainly, and I know it would probably be different if I actually were pregnant with ratbastid's looooove child, but I don't really look forward to the experience of being pregnant the way a lot of women seem to.

Having lost my grandfather and my brother recently I'm feeling a bit more ambivalent, though. There's a huge part of me that wants to have a kid just to scream "LIFE!!!!!" in the face of all this death. It's a very primal instinct and my head is not sure what to do with it. When I actually think about having a child, though, and all it would entail, the (presumed) hassle seems to outweigh the urge. I guess it would probably be different if I were suddenly not thinking about it and just doing it, but I'm not sure I'm ready to embark on an experiment with lifelong and irrevocable consequences.

SiN · 06-18-2003, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lurkette
... but I'm not sure I'm ready to embark on an experiment with lifelong and irrevocable consequences.

then wait

assuming you have several more years of 'childbearing age', i'd just give it time.

that's what i'm doing. i kno i'm years from being 'ready' altho i do believe i will get to that point some day, is just so not for me right now.

good luck

Double D · 06-18-2003, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SiN
then wait

I'll second SiN's advice.

And I agree with you lurkette, that pregnancy is not for the squeamish or faint of heart...well at least that was my thought until my first *surprise* pregnancy. Then I just muddled through. I was excited about the baby, but the pregnancy part?- bleh..I could have done without it.

It's great that you are giving it thought...so many people (I include myself) just *get pregnant* without weighing the consequences & their true, deep feelings about kids. Luckily for me & my 2 sons, it turned out that I dig being a mom.

JadziaDax · 06-19-2003, 02:38 AM

I admire people who wait and plan it out.

I have seen children (12 and older) with children, and I wonder how they ever thought this was the smart thing to do... I've also seen adults who act like children who are in no situation to bring a child into this world.

Just because we are capable as women to carry and give birth doesn't mean we have to at the drop of a hat.

Yes, someday, I want children. But I've always believed that I didn't want to bring a child into this world until I knew I could support their life without any problems. I am finally at that stage in my life with a stable job, great benefits, and the ability to provide for my child without anyone elses help. And now the addition of a wonderful fiance... I'm all set

Angel · 06-19-2003, 04:05 AM

Lurkette,
Although you are seeking advice, this is an area where I believe it is up to the individual. I do respect the fact that you and your hubby are facing this as a team.
My only suggestion here is if you are not 100% entirely certain that you do NOT want to have children, I would look at other means of birth control besided surgical measures.
Best of luck to both of you in what you do.
*closes eyes and visualizes a cute little purple haired baby*

lurkette · 06-19-2003, 05:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Angel

*closes eyes and visualizes a cute little purple haired baby*

Too funny. Years ago I had a dream that I gave birth to a baby sitting in an old-fashioned bathtub while I was wearing my favorite purple shirt, and the color ran all over the baby, who incidentally had a tail and sharp teeth and turned around and started eating me. And my mother (in the dream) told me that this was all my fault. Do you think I was a little ambivalent about having children?

I think a cute purple-haired baby sounds infinitely better.

Balaniki · 06-20-2003, 07:40 PM

I'm 41 and have no kids. At one point, in my late 20's, I REALLY had the hormonal urge to have kids. But I was single and in no position to have a child - naturally or otherwise. When I met my husband a few years ago we both knew we didn't want kids. It was too late in life for that and we weren't all that interested in having them.

Do I regret it now? Nope. But I come from a large family and have 15 nieces and nephews so I can get a kid fix if I need one.

I'm the youngest of 8. My mom was 40 when she had me. I grew up with "old" parents (although they were always younger than their age). I wouldn't want to put a child through that.

06-18-2003, 05:56 AM	#1 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Regret no kids? I'd like to find out whether older women who have not had children regret it. My husband and I are seriously considering not having kids (considering like thinking about surgical birth control). I waffle back and forth but tend to be on the "no kids" side of the fence more often than not, but I'm afraid of making a decision I'll really regret. I know vasectomies can be reversible, but that hardly seems like the best solution. Also, am I the only woman who thinks the idea of pregnancy is, well, icky? The words "mucus plug" are enough to make me go greenish, and whenever my pregnant friends' fetuses move and you can see it through their abdomens I'm reminded of that scene in "Alien". shudder I think I might be a good candidate for adoption __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

06-18-2003, 10:45 AM	#3 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I don't think I want kids, at least not right now certainly, and I know it would probably be different if I actually were pregnant with ratbastid's looooove child, but I don't really look forward to the experience of being pregnant the way a lot of women seem to. Having lost my grandfather and my brother recently I'm feeling a bit more ambivalent, though. There's a huge part of me that wants to have a kid just to scream "LIFE!!!!!" in the face of all this death. It's a very primal instinct and my head is not sure what to do with it. When I actually think about having a child, though, and all it would entail, the (presumed) hassle seems to outweigh the urge. I guess it would probably be different if I were suddenly not thinking about it and just doing it, but I'm not sure I'm ready to embark on an experiment with lifelong and irrevocable consequences. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

06-19-2003, 04:05 AM	#7 (permalink)
Angel Naughty Just Right Location: Euphoria	Lurkette, Although you are seeking advice, this is an area where I believe it is up to the individual. I do respect the fact that you and your hubby are facing this as a team. My only suggestion here is if you are not 100% entirely certain that you do NOT want to have children, I would look at other means of birth control besided surgical measures. Best of luck to both of you in what you do. closes eyes and visualizes a cute little purple haired baby __________________ In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

06-18-2003, 08:01 AM	#2 (permalink)
Xapphire Crazy Location: Dallas TX (close enough)	Do you want kids, just not to have them yourself?

06-19-2003, 02:38 AM	#6 (permalink)
JadziaDax Loser Location: who the fuck cares?	I admire people who wait and plan it out. I have seen children (12 and older) with children, and I wonder how they ever thought this was the smart thing to do... I've also seen adults who act like children who are in no situation to bring a child into this world. Just because we are capable as women to carry and give birth doesn't mean we have to at the drop of a hat. Yes, someday, I want children. But I've always believed that I didn't want to bring a child into this world until I knew I could support their life without any problems. I am finally at that stage in my life with a stable job, great benefits, and the ability to provide for my child without anyone elses help. And now the addition of a wonderful fiance... I'm all set

06-20-2003, 07:40 PM	#9 (permalink)
Balaniki Upright Location: WI	I'm 41 and have no kids. At one point, in my late 20's, I REALLY had the hormonal urge to have kids. But I was single and in no position to have a child - naturally or otherwise. When I met my husband a few years ago we both knew we didn't want kids. It was too late in life for that and we weren't all that interested in having them. Do I regret it now? Nope. But I come from a large family and have 15 nieces and nephews so I can get a kid fix if I need one. I'm the youngest of 8. My mom was 40 when she had me. I grew up with "old" parents (although they were always younger than their age). I wouldn't want to put a child through that.