Should I let it go?

[Amnesia620]

In December of 2000, I met S. He and I dated for the year of 2001 and then, after breaking up, became best friends and stayed that way for 7 + years (to present).

In 2005, S. met a lady named T. They became friends, and it became obvious that S. was infatuated with T., even though she was married and had a family. S. acted as though T. had a lot to offer him and spent a lot of time with her (he was working for her during this time), to the point that he would blow off jobs she had scheduled and blow me off as well.

After several instances of him "forgetting" about me, blowing me off, or lying to me and then denying it...T. showed her true colors. She kept two of his paychecks then dropped him like a bad habit and stopped talking to him. T. and I had it out. I told her what I thought of her. S. and I went through some hard times during that 6 month period, however, I stuck by him and he realized this during this time.

Then S.'s family (in Missouri and Kansas) contacted S's former place of employment (T.'s house) and inquired about him. T. lied about him and said she knew what was going on with him because she was still in touch with him (which was a lie, since she'd not been in touch for over 3 months). S's family drove out to AZ from their home and asked that S. come back home. S. said he had to go, he had no choice and asked that I keep some of his stuff in my storage and care for our ferrets. S. said he wanted nothing to do with T. again. That was over six months ago.

Now, S. has forgiven T. and is talking to her again. This means that he has no time to talk to me, rarely responds to emails or answers the phone if I call and doesn't call back if I leave a message.

I'm angry and hurt, yet again, that my best friend has forgotten who his REAL best friend is. Recently, he even mentioned on her Myspace profile that T. is his best friend...even though she's screwed him over 3 times in the last 2 years, and I've been loyal to him for 7 years, and have never turned my back on him.

Am I wrong for being angry? Should I just let him go, even though it's over 7 years of friendship invested? Is there anyway I can fix this?

[hagatha]

Sounds like S doesn't know the meaning of friendship. If you have to explain it to S the battle is already lost. Investment or no, some relationships run their course and then its done.
How do you feel about just walking away?

[lurkette]

Like sands through the hourglass...

The dude's obviously mental, and you obviously still care about him, beyond simply being concerned about his well-being. You might ask yourself why you consider this guy your "best friend" when he blows you off for a married tease. He sounds like he's missing a few screws, and you sound like you're still carrying a flame for him and perhaps have never moved on.

Time to find friends who value you reciprocally. How old are you both, by the way? Except for the married woman, this all sounds very adolescent.

[hunnychile]

More importantly.....who gets custody of the ferrets?

[ItWasMe]

It does sound like you might still like him for more than a friend. Just remember if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you. And he doesn't seem to think of marriage as a 'hands off' situation, following around a married woman. I'd walk.

[shesus]

Life is too short to follow around people and try to force relationships or friendships. Honestly, I don't have time for stuff like that so I would have dropped him awhile ago.

Just stop making contact and see what happens. He sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. However, it's not your job to hang around and be the fallback person. I have little patience for people like that.

Do what makes you happy in the end, but this type of relationship doesn't seem to be bringing any pleasure to you.

[ngdawg]

Some people are just takers. They have no clue what they're doing to others while they're out getting theirs. "Friendship" is a matter of convenience to them and they only take what they can out of it, moving in and out of lives, wreaking havoc.
Write him off as a learning experience. You deserve better.

[Amnesia620]

Originally Posted by hagatha

Sounds like S doesn't know the meaning of friendship. If you have to explain it to S the battle is already lost. Investment or no, some relationships run their course and then its done.
How do you feel about just walking away?

This is true, Hagatha. Some relationships do run their course.
Part of me is perfectly OK with walking away...but there is the other part of me that says "This isn't right. It's wrong and needs to be fixed."

I can't help but sometimes wish that T. would just disappear...
Perhaps she'll show her "true colors" once again and S. will wake up...till then I'm trying to play it cool.

Originally Posted by lurkette

Like sands through the hourglass...

The dude's obviously mental, and you obviously still care about him, beyond simply being concerned about his well-being. You might ask yourself why you consider this guy your "best friend" when he blows you off for a married tease. He sounds like he's missing a few screws, and you sound like you're still carrying a flame for him and perhaps have never moved on.

Time to find friends who value you reciprocally. How old are you both, by the way? Except for the married woman, this all sounds very adolescent.

I agree with you. It is very adolescent...especially when I'm faced with T. treating me as though I'm psychotic for still being in S.'s life as his best friend. She acts as though she has been his friend for 7+ years and I'm the one moving in on her "territory". S. is no one's "property", obviously.

Amazingly enough, I am almost 28 years old; S. is 28 and T. is 29 years old.

I can't help but feel stupid for even putting thought into this issue, however, I just don't understand how 7+ years and multiple sacrifices for a person can be ignored for another person who has acted flaky and selfish.

Originally Posted by hunnychile

More importantly.....who gets custody of the ferrets?

Hunnychile, I'm still laughing! Awesome question!

Sadly, after S. had no choice but to move back home to another state (because of lies T. told his family), I lost my youngest female, Image. That is a story all of its own.

Within the same week that I lost Image, and moved home with my family, Jester (my favorite) became ill with the Flu and passed away in my arms...I was alone in my grief.

The only one I have now is Infiniti - the oldest of our original Fabulous Five, technically S.'s ferret.

I have been caring for her since he left Arizona in September. I don't see any reason why S. would take her back, as he works a lot and is still living with family.

Originally Posted by shesus

Life is too short to follow around people and try to force relationships or friendships. Honestly, I don't have time for stuff like that so I would have dropped him awhile ago.

Just stop making contact and see what happens. He sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. However, it's not your job to hang around and be the fallback person. I have little patience for people like that.

Do what makes you happy in the end, but this type of relationship doesn't seem to be bringing any pleasure to you.

I appreciate your bluntness. I agree with the fact that it isn't my job to be the fallback best friend. However, am I wrong for feeling bitter?

Originally Posted by ngdawg

Some people are just takers. They have no clue what they're doing to others while they're out getting theirs. "Friendship" is a matter of convenience to them and they only take what they can out of it, moving in and out of lives, wreaking havoc.
Write him off as a learning experience. You deserve better.

Thank you, Ng. I've missed talking to you on here.
It's so sad to see someone as charismatic as S. turn into such a blind person who ignores those who have done so much for him...I can only hope that he realizes what T. is before he gets hurt again.

I appreciate everyone's input and help. Feel free to post on this topic some more, it helps...I worry sometimes that I'm missing something...

[Amnesia620]

My birthday was on the 20th. S. knows this, being my best friend for almost a decade. No phone call. No email. No card. Nothing. I guess some people are really just that easy to forget.

[ItWasMe]

Everybody help me sing...

Happy Late Birthday to you
Happy Late Birthday to you
Happy Late Birthday dear Amnesia
Happy Late Birthday to you!

[Cyborg Ninja]

It's hard to move on because it isn't fair what he did to you. You have devoted a lot of your life to him, and he hasn't reciprocated. He doesn't respect you. The best you can do is keep yourself busy and meet other people or spend more time with the friends you already have. I wish you the best.