jRuntlets

A friend of mine ran into a gruesome situation on her way into work this morning, which should serve as a reminder to every woman (and hey, even man) that we're not made of steel.

My friend was driving in on the freeway with her boyfriend and noticed something that looked like legs on the side of the road. After turning around they discovered that it was infact legs attached to a young (20's - 30's) woman who had been dumped in the bushes on the side of the road. Luckily the woman was still alive but her face and head was severely beaten. She was dissorrented, wearing only a tank top and a mini skirt and had no shoes. The woman didn't know who or where she was. She must have been out the better part of the night because apparentally she was blue. Alive yes, but really really messed up.

This serves as a reminder to us all, espically women, don't walk at night alone.

Don't walk to you car alone no matter how close you think it is.

ALWAYS carry your ID in a pocket, not in your purse. It's best to keep it in a pocket with nothing else in it so if someone is going through your pockets they might skip the pocket with your ID because it appears that there is nothing in it.

ALWAYS let someone know where you are at night. ALWAYS let someone know your route home and when you get home.

Saftey. It's important to be aware that though it isn't common there are weirdos out there.

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sillygirl

That's absolutely awful to hear. Awful doesn't really describe it. It's so sad that we have to be so careful even just walking to our cars because we're so susceptible to these horrific things. This type of thing is the reason that every time I leave my office, a store, etc, I make sure to call someone on my cell. I go outside at night, one of the dogs is with me. It's horrible. I fear for my children.

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abaya

I'm just curious, actually... how do you know how she got there? I'm not saying it wasn't a bad situation... it sounds terrible, and I hope she is doing okay now. But I am just wondering if there are alternative explanations here, or if we're just assuming the worst. Was she on drugs or anything? What do you mean, she was blue?

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for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

genuinegirly

Oh goodness! What a horrible sight to come upon when you're driving to work. I'm glad that your friend found her.

Abaya, I think that what she means by blue is that it was cold and the girl was freezing. Could be wrong, though.

Horrible things like this happen, and not just to women. In Berkeley, the police warn that there have been an incredible number of beatings/thefts since the mp3 players have become common. Do not walk at night with anything that impairs your hearing. Thieves will approach someone from behind to knock them unconcious and steal their mp3 player, wallet, laptop...

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jRuntlets

Blue as in her skin tone - she was getting too cold.

I'm not sure how she got there but given that she was in a remote area I can only assume that she was dumped. No shoes and a mini skirt are not really walking clothes even in an Az winter. Not to mention where the woman was found was not within walking distance to anything.

Abaya, I know you're trying to look for other answers - espically ones that might be more comforting, because I know we all wish it wasn't so disturbing. I find it hard to believe that the woman walked there and also that she beat herself in the face and the head until she was unreconizable.

Bad things happen. I posted this for all of us to heighten our awarness. Sometimes we get so caught up in life and thinking that bad things can't happen to us... but they can, we just need to do everything to prevent them from happening.

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abaya

Oh no, I am not saying it was her fault... or that the answer would be more comforting. I am just wondering if there was some kind of, say, drug/alcohol use, combined with domestic abuse, an argument, etc and she got out of the car and passed out. Something more complicated than her walking alone and getting assaulted by a stranger... which is usually more rare than domestic abuse by a known person, especially if substances are involved. Again, not that it is any less terrible (certainly not), but those are the kinds of situations that most women *don't* know how to protect themselves against... being abused by someone familiar.

Personally, I found it extremely helpful to take a self-defense course as well as always keeping my ears and eyes aware when walking anywhere, day or night (no headphones, ever), and having a posture & pace of walking that says "don't fuck with me." And to not get intoxicated with people I don't trust (I made a very bad mistake of that, once.) Not that any of these things are guaranteed, but at least I feel more confident because of it.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

jRuntlets

A note from The_Jazz, because he can't post here:

"A friend of mine was kidnapped, raped and killed about 14 years ago after her car broke down on her way to school. She was on an interstate in an extremely rural area, but she didn't have a cell phone. She was picked up by a trucker (died of unrelated causes before he could be arrested) who likely kept her alive for several days before dumping her body 2 states away. Her name was Tammy Zwycki.

If she had been carrying her cell phone, she likely would still be alive today.

Anyone who is out for a walk or a run or just going from point A to point B should carry identification on them, and, in this day and age, a working cell phone (provided they have one). If your car breaks down, enter a number where you know someone will pick up (911 is an option but not always the best one) if you approached by a stranger. Hit "enter" if you have to.

Thanks for the help. Hopefully this is advice no one on this board ever has to use."

Thanks Jazz.

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Sweetpea

this is why I'm licensed, trained and carry a gun at all times. I'm a big advocate for women carrying firearms as protection.

In addition, I'm extremely careful about the situations I put myself in.

After the brutal kidnapping, beating and rape of my best friend in high school, I learned quickly, the world can be a scary place, so please everyone take the measures to be safe and protect yourself.

Don't live in fear, live in awareness.

some great advice given in this thead everyone, thank you.

sp

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little_tippler

How strange, you carry a gun around everywhere? That seems a bit much for me. Plus that could turn against you. Sorry to hear about your best friend...I can't imagine the horror of it.

Luckily, though there are many problems in my country, there aren't nearly as many crimes from strangers attacking women as I guess people in the States have.

I have always been very cautious when walking anywhere alone though - this was drummed in to me by my mom from a young age. I know a lot of girls who aren't half as cautious as me.

I'd like to take a self-defence class to feel safer...even if you're aware, if someone wants to grab you or whatever, they will. Especially if you're weaker and have no training in how to defend yourself. I have been in one situation where this was true.

In the subway here there are plenty of pickpockets. They aren't very extreme (I've heard of places where they will cut your bag open to get what they want) but they are clever. I always hold my bag in a way that it makes it hard to grab and always check if someone is behind me and never walk too slowly.

Even so, last year I was going home after work, and was pretty tired. So for once I paused on the escalator. It only took a split second. I felt a small tug on my bag and looked back. There was a guy with his arm under a shirt (wrapped over his hand) and obviously he had been touching my bag. Also, he was on the step exactly behind me - way too close. Immediately I turned around and yelled at the guy "what the fuck do you think you're doing?" and grabbed the shirt over his hand and threw it at him. I was pretty sure he was trying something as this sort of thing had been tried on me before.

What happened next was that the guy got all indignant on me, saying he wasn't doing anything, and then proceeded to hit me over the head and spit in my face. Yes. That is probably one of the worst things that6 has happened to me ever. I then started screaming and asking for help, but the best thing was that no one helped, just stood around and stared, including the station security guard who eventually prised the man off me and kept him away. The guy continued to shout abuse at me but of course as soon as the police showed up he ran away.

Another horrible story that happened to a woman I know was that one night she was leaving a cinema and walking home when some guy came behind her and tried to run with her bag. Sadly for her she had her fingers wrapped round the strap and they got caught. She was also silly and decided not to let him take it without a fight. He pulled so hard that eventually he broke both her wrists and also severed two of her fingers clean off because they were wrapped in the strap. She still has her fingers as they were able to save those, but she now has reduced use of that hand. This was about 500 m from where I work. I leave work every day at 8pm and it's already dark in winter. Makes me feel...pretty scared really.

The thing is, you can't always be 100% safe, sometimes your phone battery runs out, or you forget it at home, or you're distracted for a second, all it takes is one insignificant decision and it happens. Even in their own homes, women have been attacked by strangers in the night or even day time (I know one girl who had her house robbed in the day time while she was there), so what can you do really? I just can't understand the people who want to cause harm to others this way. What a fucked up world we live in.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

mixedmedia

There is only so much we can do to defend ourselves against those who wish to do us harm, but I have made a habit out of a few things that experts say are good deterrents to being picked out by criminals, most especially in parking lots where women (and men, too) are particularly vulnerable:

1) Always have your keys in hand before you leave the building and head out into the parking lot.

2) Never fumble in a bag or purse or otherwise look distracted when you are walking to your car. Look aware and be aware of the people and cars around you.

3) Never park next to a van with a side door on the driver's side. I will not park next to a van at all if my kids are with me. (And if I come out into the lot and there is a van parked next to me, I will get into my car by the passenger side.)

4) Walk erect, swiftly and with self-confidence.

That's it really. And I don't make a big deal out of them. They are just ingrained habits now. I am not afraid and refuse to live my life in fear of something I won't be able to prevent if it is determined to happen to me. I just take precautions.

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Sweetpea

I don't see it as strange. The whole "it could be turned against you" thing is a common misconception and rarely happens.

Seattle's weapon laws are quite fair and allow for personal protection. I know a percentage of women who carry like I do, it's not uncommon around here.

I know it seems extreme to alot of women, but it's actually not, once you're safely trained, it's just another added measure of protection.

sp

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Gilda

I never go out alone after dark if there is any way to avoid it. I have a car that uses a keyless/remoteless locking/entry system. I get constant reminders to take my cell phone with me, even though I very seldom use it and it can spend days unused at the bottom of my purse. I don't see it as the least bit necessary given the emergency response system in my car. I won't be alone in an enclosed space with a man I don't know well and trust not to hurt me. I avoid travelling or visiting new places whenever possible, and when not I'm always with one of the two people I trust.

It's restrictive, but the small loss of freedom is the price you pay for the safety and security gained.

I won't have a gun because I hate guns, they scare me, and a gun is a big no-no for someone with my history.

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