ariekitten

i searched and didn't find anything in this category, so i hope this isn't repetitive

i just was wondering, do any women find themselves in a relationship, and pretty soon into it, the guy says "i love you", when you might not even know if you feel that way for him?

i've been dating this great guy for about 3 weeks, we went to HS together and played "crush tag" i guess. every time i liked him, he had a gf, and vice versa, for a few years now. so we had been kinda casually seeing each other for a coupla months (i guess as friends w/benefits) and then i was out of touch for 6 months (complicated and long story) and he thought i didn't want anything to do with him.

then 3 weeks ago we started dating and i guess during sex one night he told me (looking directly at me) that he loved me.
i guess it kinda freaked me out because i'm not sure i feel that way, and if i do, i'm kinda scared to say it cuz people use it so gratuitously and nonchalantly these days, it loses it's meaning if you don't do it just right. and i guess i don't wanna jinx things for myself.

i also sorta wonder if he was genuine about it, he's had time to get to know me and stuff, but it being so soon into the relationship just caught me off guard. but, um, anyway, he's not the first guy i've dated who's rushed into saying that, and i was just looking for input/discussion on the subject to see who else deals with this oddity.
~aRiE

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I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call.
~Vash, Trigun

>'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~

little_tippler

He may have meant it, but more likely it was the sex. Sorry but that's how I'd read it.

It's too soon, or it would be for me also, so I'd also be hesitant to take him at his word. I wouldn't dwell on it too much, just don't say it back unless you mean it too. Maybe over time his claim to love you will be confirmed by his actions also. Just enjoy the fact that maybe this guy likes you a lot.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Lizra

I would say he meant it, in his own way....but that he is inexperienced enough to not really "get" what he is saying......he might mean he would like to love you....but as your excellent intuition has told you....that type of thing takes more than what has occured for you two so far.
If it were me....and I cared enough to want to keep seeing him, I would say (the next time he says it, IF he does) that that phrase makes me nervous and I wish he wouldn't use it yet....or something like that...just get him to elaborate more on what he is thinking, and then decide if this is the maturity level and/or sincerety that you are interested in working with. Could be a diamond in the rough....or not!

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Happy atheist

surferlove007

I've been in that similar situation before over this summer where this guy said I love you after three works, talk about a horse-kick to the jaw! I was stunned, we had only been dating for three weeks! When this guy and I, we'll call him N started out I told him I was leaving for school at the end of summer, basically letting him know it's not going to last, a heads up. I think he said I love you so quick to try to get me to consider doing long-distance with him, which I was in no way shape or form going to do. I was sick of him after two months, the crying, the over-attachedness of our relationship. I broke it off before the summer ended and he bawled his eyes out for an hour before I left, I didn't shed a tear. Maybe N did mean it when he said it, or maybe he's just a baby. I dunno, I hope that doesn't happen to me again, it totally weirded me out, especially since that February I had broken up with a guy I had been with for two years prior, whom mwaited six months to say I love you. Dunno, everyones different.
Did you say it back to him?
My thoughts would be that maybe he thinks since y'all have such a history that it's a built up passion over time so the "love" doesn't take as long as it might otherwise have. Or maybe it was in the heat of the moment? (If it was during sex?)
If you're worried you should talk to him about it, in person. Just say hey I had some stuff on my mind, mind if we talk and spill out everything so he knows how you feel. If he's a good guy he'll understand and since he said he loves you I'm sure he will.
Hope I didn't drag on too much! Good luck

serlindsipity

yea, that can be rather overwhelming. Im watching something similar happen to my best friend however he's not saying "i love you" but "when we're married" and this is a week after getting back together and even the time before was 2 months. Scariness.

And I wonder how often "i love you" to early equates to "i lust you" becuase I think more often than not that's what it really means.

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My third eye is my camera's lens.

*Nikki*

Now you just have to wait and see if he proves it, that is the true test

onthedge

i met this guy, within 3 weeks he confessed his love for me and asked me for an answer. i said i cnt give any, coz we jsut met. He told me you may never know what we might miss if you never accept to try. So, he worked out this thing-he told me, we could date, on trial period. It would help me decide what I feel for him and let him know. He was such a sweetheart all the time and well, I could see all his good intentions. Its been 4 months now, he is my current BF! I guess Id have missed a lot had i not accepted for that trial!

But you are never too sure. so you have to be patient and observe!

shoegirl

I would think that's what it means, more often than not. Regardless, I had someone once tell me they loved me, way too early in the relationship. I wasn't sure how much I even liked him and there he was confessing his love for me. It was bizarre and completely poor timing. My friends and I all thought it was a little creepy and that he was a bit clingy - and I wonder why it didn't last. As for the OP, you have known him for some time, so maybe that is a factor in his saying it, maybe the sex was a factor. Wait it out and bit and see how things go - do let us know!

pornclerk

I think if a guy told me he loved me that soon I would probably have a bad feeling about him. Guys that jump at me too soon come off as insecure and clingy which I can't stand.

Maybe it isn't this way in your case. Maybe he feels that you have some special connection and he just felt comfortable saying it. Maybe he thought that you would feel the same way.

If that's not how you feel then I wouldn't say it out of obligation. Just say something like "I really enjoy the time we spend together. I just want to take this a little slower and see how it develops for me. I think we have the potential to feel the same way."

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Who wants a twig when you can have the whole tree?

Lindy

I agree with shoegirl. Even though you've only been dating for three weeks, it is not like you just met three weeks ago. It sounds like you have known each other for several years, so maybe he feels like he knows you well enough to say that he loves you. The longer time knowing you can make a difference. After all, some guys actually are looking for love (as well as sex.) You can sure tell him that you don't know him well enough yet, which is better than a knee-jerk "I love you too" or something.
Lindy

abaya

The last guy I dated told me he loved me after two weeks...

... we're now married.

EDIT: In lieu of Jess' post below, I wanted to add that it scared the crap out of me, too!! But it turned out well, clearly.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

JustJess

It was 3 weeks for me... scared the crap out of me. January will be ten years together.

Maybe this guy is nuts, and maybe he's just nuts about you. As long as he isn't giving you creepy vibes in terms of being too clingy, etc, just see how it goes. And update us, we love updates!!

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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

ariekitten

Thanks to everyone who replied with their stories, advice, etc.

I guess I should update to let y'all know that it's been about 2 months now and we're still dating (which is somewhat of a record for me ).
He actually lives in the city but had come back to our hometown to visit his parents, and then ended up staying for me. As far as I can tell, he's meant what he said (the L word), but I just doubted at first because I look back at past relationships and see a definite pattern of guys saying "i love u" waaaaayyyy before i was ready or felt the same. We can call my current guy K...he told me i don't have to say it back, but that he just wanted me to know how he felt, and then more recently he said it to me when we weren't intimate, so that helps me to trust that he means it.

thank you all again for your advice, and for those of you who have been with your guys for 10 and 15 years, WOW and congrats! i hope someday i can dedicate myself that fully to someone.
~aRiE

__________________
I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call.
~Vash, Trigun

>'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~