present - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

newlyable · 06-08-2006, 03:12 PM

Ok so my birthdays tomorrow. and yesterday my boyfriend went and got me my birthday present. he gave it to me yesterday because he knew i'd go crazy if I couldn't find my cell, which he stole because he was buying me a new phone the phone i wanted... but it was a buy one get one free, which is ok too. but would it not make you wonder if he got the phone for himself and gave me the free one.. plus after he gave me mine, he got his out and started messing around with it, putting is numbers in it etc... it really hurt my feelings cause i felt he should not have done that not at that time, now everytime he sees his friends he say so you like my new phone... i dont know

maleficent · 06-08-2006, 03:24 PM

OK -- so you boyfriend got you the phone that you wanted for your birthday... and it was a buy one get one free deal so you have matching phones...

with a gift - it's the thought that counts - he got you what you wanted which shows he was paying attention... what does it matter if he got one for himself?

Are you mad that he played wiht his phone in front of you?

newlyable · 06-08-2006, 03:26 PM

no it's not that, i understand that it is the thought that matters, its just that well presents are supposed to be personal.. and well i guess it does kinda upset me because it doesnt really feel like a present. i mean i bought him and xbox, and games. and i dont sit around and mess with that, or i didnt sit there and set it up, or anything like that it just would have been nice for it to be personal

maleficent · 06-08-2006, 03:30 PM

how long have you been dating him?

what would you consider a personal gift? and did yuo tell him?

Men/boys are not mind readers, if there is something that you want... you have to tell them... if left to their own devices, they do their best, and think they are making you happy... but if they don't know that a cell phone isn't a good birthday present (i'd think it wasa great one) did you tell him it's not?

Sultana · 06-08-2006, 03:53 PM

I can see how it would make you feel like that was more a convenience or afterthought than a heartfelt gift. Especially when he seemed more interested in playing with his than seeing how much you enjoyed yours.

I don't know what to do about it though. Nothing much you can do, really. Go get yourself something that you like as well.

Happy advance birthday!!!

maleficent · 06-08-2006, 04:02 PM

a gentlemen caller volunteers:

Quote:

So, he got you what you wanted... and at the same time he was able to save some money and get himself one too. Sorry, but this is how guys think sometimes. We're just wired that way. At least he got you something, I'm still waiting for my present and birthday was in January. And as far as showing of his phone to his friends, it's the gadget-guy in us that has to show off. We're guys and we like gadgets and we like to rub our friends noses in them

abaya · 06-08-2006, 08:04 PM

The gentleman caller is right. Most guys ARE kinda wired that way, though it's relatively harmless. And the guys that aren't... the ones who are super-conscientious and give you the exact right gift with the exact right card every time... well, I can't trust them as much.

The only solution I see is that you need to either 1) get over it, or 2) tell him that it bothers you, and explain why, without being ashamed of your feelings. There's no other way he's going to understand how you feel and avoid a similar mishap next time. Neither gender is particularly gifted at mind-reading (though women are *slightly* more inclined, but I'm biased).

Sugar&Spice · 06-08-2006, 08:30 PM

So he got you the phone you wanted for your birthday. I guess I don't see what the problem is. If you wanted a more personal gift then you should have given him ideas of something else you wanted. In his mind, he did nothing wrong and he probably thinks you are incredibly happy with your new gift and he got a new phone out of it. Maybe he is waiting for Christmas or your anniversary to give you a more personal gift.

savvypup · 06-10-2006, 04:38 AM

I'd be a little put out. My first impression was that he probably thought 'Bonus, I have an excuse to get a new phone ......... oh yea, and newlyable wants a phone too'. Just killed 2 birds with 1 stone & I get my toy!
Typical boy though, but could have just focussed on you and your gift for a little while.

06-08-2006, 03:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
newlyable Upright	present Ok so my birthdays tomorrow. and yesterday my boyfriend went and got me my birthday present. he gave it to me yesterday because he knew i'd go crazy if I couldn't find my cell, which he stole because he was buying me a new phone the phone i wanted... but it was a buy one get one free, which is ok too. but would it not make you wonder if he got the phone for himself and gave me the free one.. plus after he gave me mine, he got his out and started messing around with it, putting is numbers in it etc... it really hurt my feelings cause i felt he should not have done that not at that time, now everytime he sees his friends he say so you like my new phone... i dont know

06-08-2006, 03:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	OK -- so you boyfriend got you the phone that you wanted for your birthday... and it was a buy one get one free deal so you have matching phones... with a gift - it's the thought that counts - he got you what you wanted which shows he was paying attention... what does it matter if he got one for himself? Are you mad that he played wiht his phone in front of you? __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

06-08-2006, 03:30 PM	#4 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	how long have you been dating him? what would you consider a personal gift? and did yuo tell him? Men/boys are not mind readers, if there is something that you want... you have to tell them... if left to their own devices, they do their best, and think they are making you happy... but if they don't know that a cell phone isn't a good birthday present (i'd think it wasa great one) did you tell him it's not? __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

06-08-2006, 03:53 PM	#5 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	I can see how it would make you feel like that was more a convenience or afterthought than a heartfelt gift. Especially when he seemed more interested in playing with his than seeing how much you enjoyed yours. I don't know what to do about it though. Nothing much you can do, really. Go get yourself something that you like as well. Happy advance birthday!!! __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

06-08-2006, 08:04 PM	#7 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	The gentleman caller is right. Most guys ARE kinda wired that way, though it's relatively harmless. And the guys that aren't... the ones who are super-conscientious and give you the exact right gift with the exact right card every time... well, I can't trust them as much. The only solution I see is that you need to either 1) get over it, or 2) tell him that it bothers you, and explain why, without being ashamed of your feelings. There's no other way he's going to understand how you feel and avoid a similar mishap next time. Neither gender is particularly gifted at mind-reading (though women are slightly more inclined, but I'm biased). __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

06-08-2006, 03:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
newlyable Upright	no it's not that, i understand that it is the thought that matters, its just that well presents are supposed to be personal.. and well i guess it does kinda upset me because it doesnt really feel like a present. i mean i bought him and xbox, and games. and i dont sit around and mess with that, or i didnt sit there and set it up, or anything like that it just would have been nice for it to be personal

06-08-2006, 08:30 PM	#8 (permalink)
Sugar&Spice Psycho	So he got you the phone you wanted for your birthday. I guess I don't see what the problem is. If you wanted a more personal gift then you should have given him ideas of something else you wanted. In his mind, he did nothing wrong and he probably thinks you are incredibly happy with your new gift and he got a new phone out of it. Maybe he is waiting for Christmas or your anniversary to give you a more personal gift. __________________ -Speak your mind even if your voice shakes

06-10-2006, 04:38 AM	#9 (permalink)
savvypup Crazy Location: Want to run away? Follow the light	I'd be a little put out. My first impression was that he probably thought 'Bonus, I have an excuse to get a new phone ......... oh yea, and newlyable wants a phone too'. Just killed 2 birds with 1 stone & I get my toy! Typical boy though, but could have just focussed on you and your gift for a little while. __________________ ciao bella!