DubStar Cowboy

(Disclaimer: after deliberation, I decided to post this thread here. Hopefully this is the right forum!)

Hello, DubStar Cowboy here. In terms of introductions, I’m a twenty-something undergrad interested in the issue of sexuality and sexual expression, including:

• Open, frank discussion on the topic
• The ability to express myself, which may include asking or giving advice
• Connecting with others and possibly making some friends

I’m looking for a mature forum of users who hold honesty and openness above all else, not merely a community of users looking for online sex or something similar (nothing wrong with that, by the way). Hopefully, I have found a good place for that here.

As a means of introducing myself further:

My past:
Simply put, I have had sex with one girl in my life, on one occasion. This happened nearly 7 years ago. This wasn’t a girlfriend, although I had hoped the “relationship” we were developing was headed in that direction. I haven't been a total hermit, but things have fallen apart with women before we ever got to that step since then. Due to various challenges bridging the social gap, especially regarding women I find attractive, this has remained a constant concern, and impasse, all these years. I could go into much greater detail into all of this, but perhaps that will serve as future discussion if it comes up.

My desires:
Keeping in line with my earlier direct approach: I want to have an active sex life Even from my relative inexperience in the area, I view it as one of life’s great treasures. As a spiritual person, at it’s highest potential I see it as the union of two (thanks in part to Conversations with God for that perspective). On a completely separate note, it feels great, and why not do something that feels great so long as everyone involved is a consenting adult? What unique joys in life, what unique roles do we take on in the realm of sex and nowhere else?

My inquiry:
What exactly is it I want in a sexual partner? Am I open to one-night stands or “hooking up”? Meeting someone from an intimate personals site? I have thought recently on the Western ideal and come up with one possible conclusion: one’s sexual partner, and one’s spiritual, intellectual or emotional partner need not be the same person. How often do we find ourselves in the uneasy situation of someone who doesn’t fit in some regard? Perhaps he or she is quite capable of carrying on deeply-gratifying conversation, we feel absolutely comfortable with this person, but are not in the slightest attracted sexually. Or vice versa. Imagine someone you have complete chemistry with but outside of passionate lovemaking, your life commitments don’t match up. Who says one’s romantic partner, or one’s best friend, will be all things in one? Isn’t that a clear recipe for disaster—essentially looking for that “perfect” person who likely doesn’t exist?

At least in my experience, the subject of sex just doesn’t come up in conversation with family or friends. I feel that anything suppressed builds up over time and eventually spills out, often in unexpected and unhelpful ways. Whatever the truth, I felt constrained in being upfront about these things to those in my life (for instance, posting thoughts on Facebook). We think of ourselves as so highly civilized, yet at least in my own nation, I feel that the subject is highly sensationalized on the one hand (imagine older folks self-righteously mumbling about sinners and hedonism), and suppressed from open frank discussion on the other (a renewal of abstinence-only youth movements and education programs).

In this, my first post, I don’t want to inundate with words, but I am anxious to express this aspect of myself and interact with others in this aspect of life which is never far from my thoughts (not merely because I’m not “getting any”!).

Thanks to those who take the time to read (and write!),

Dub

Cynthetiq

I moved it away from sexuality because it wasn't so much a discussion about sexuality but an introduction about yourself. I moved it to our newbies forum because that's where we like people to introduce themselves and we respond to them.

Thanks for joining us and I think you've found what you've claimed you are looking for in discussion.

Welcome!

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

The_Jazz

Welcome! I think you'll fit in just fine around here. Feel free to ask questions or to answer them. Just don't treat us like a dating site - that gets real old real fast.

I'm looking forward to seeing more of your posts!

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo