KellyC

http://www.breitbart.com/news/2005/11/16/D8DTOAD8D.html

I think this is a really creative punishment for her daughter. Props to the mom for doing this. If I ever have a kid, I might try something like this on him/her.

Any parents in here that had done some creative parenting they like to share??

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la petite moi

I don't think it's good parenting. I had a mom that pulled ridiculous stunts like this because I got a bus citation or something miniscule like that, and it did nothing but wreck my confidence. I think the mom should go in for counselling, frankly.

Schwan

Hey, as long as she doesn't keep doing that every day, I think it's a good idea. Kids need a tough lesson every once in a while.

healer

Big up to the mom, I say. Very creative and judging from the article it seems to be working. Kids need tough-love every now and again. As long as she's got her child's best interest at heart.

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ObieX

Seems better than spanking. It sounds like a little emotional and psycological damage is exactly what is needed in cases like these. You need to put the child's ego in check, because that is what the problem is. Their reality needs to be shattered and remolded.

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losthellhound

I think its a good punishment. And it seems it worked. Its a gamble, but I see too many parents do nothing when thier kid misbehaves constantly. I'd never think to do some of the things I see kids do..

My parents never hit me, never yelled at me.. It was the idea that they would be disapointed in me that carried the weight and kept me from misbehaving.

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ShaniFaye

Huge props to the mom!!! (especially for standing with her and not leaving her alone) I see no problem at all with what she did.

I remember when I was 9 I took a pack of tic tacs from kmart and my mother found them when I got home. She marched me right back to the store and made me tell them what I had done while she stood there and held my hand. It was the hardest thing to do....but I never ever shoplifted anything again.

I love to see parents being proactive like this

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maleficent

If the grades were that bad, why didn't the school cut her from those sports. When i was in high school, I loved the varsity sports that I played. School said that unless you kept a B average, you were off the team. It was incentive to keep the grades up. I appplaud the parents for taking her off the team, however, the daughters behavior does seem to disagree with most every study I've seen that girls who are involved in sports are less likely to use drugs, get pregnant, basically get into trouble.

Yeah, way to coddle the kid and prepare them for real life.. .I'm so ashamed he's from my alma mater - I thought they had more sense than that. Rewarding someone for good behavior seems to do nothing but raise expectations that when a person does exactly what is expected of them.. they get something additional. In the real world... doesnt happen that way. Rewards, if they come at all, come from exceeding expectations, not just meeting them.

I'd have a bigger problem with what this mom did, had she not been standing there with the kid. Though the wording on the sign seems a bit harsh.

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Dragonknight

I think it's a great idea, just great. I don't understand why people say to "praise them when there good". How the hell is that going to teack me to not do crappy in school. Unless I'm attention starved kid this will do nothing for me, I will go on about my business enjoying life doing what I want to. Big props for mom.

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shakran

Modern psychology is not about sense, its about protecting people's feelings. It takes the american attitude that you MUST be happy ALL the time or something is horribly wrong and puts the authority of a medical profession behind it. That's why shrinks tell us it's OK for the kid to color on the wall (don't stifle his creativity!)

Positive rewards as reinforcement are great, but sometimes kids won't respond to anything but unwanted consequences. If the mom had LEFT her on the street corner I'd have had a child-safety issue with it. But she didn't and from the girl's reactions it seems to have worked. The one thing kids at that age hate more than anything else is public humiliation. My grades would have been SO much better if my folks hadn't allowed me to keep them a secret.

little_tippler

I disagree that this was a good thing to do. There are better ways to solve problems with your child than publicly humiliating them...and potentially traumatising them for life. I think it's good to be an active and caring parent, and try your best with your kids, but this is going too far.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Siege

Yeah, she stood by her kid the whole time too. I'd say if she was as bad a parent as some think, she would have just left her kid there.

Similar story that hits close to home: Someone I know well when they were younger ran away from home (for reasons unknown to me, but I highly doubt abuse or anything like that). Anyway, after a few days on the street, he begged his parents to be allowed home. His parents said the only way he was allowed back was to pay rent (cheaper than say a motel, but rent nonetheless.) I'm sure they got TONS of flack from other people that knew of the story (even though they did let him stop paying after a while). But guess what, the kid is now a graduate from the University of Waterloo making a 6 figure salary.

You could look at this story in another way. If this parent only did minor things like scolding or grounding, and the child remained the same, she would've been viewed as a bad parent too. So what's a parent to do?

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lurkette

I'm not sure this was the best way to handle the situation, but then again, I'm not the parent of a teenager, and it seems to have worked, at least in the short run. Sometimes it takes something extreme to really hammer the message home. As others have said, at least the parents are engaged in their daughter's life and are taking an active role in making sure she does well. It seems like benign neglect would be a bigger disservice to their daughter than this.

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shakran

Exactly how is this going to traumatize her? Are you suggesting that whenever we get embarassed we never recover from it? Really, this pop-psychology obsession with traumatization is just not grounded in reality. It'll traumatize her while she's holding the sign. Probably for a few days, maybe even a week afterward. Then she'll get over it, hopefully having learned a lesson. By saying this is going to traumatize her for life you're equating a behavior modification tool with sexual abuse.

raeanna74

To address the comment that this was humiliating to the child. ANY parent knows how humiliating it would be to stand there next to your child while people see that sign. It couldn't have been something that the mother ENJOYED doing. She did it in an attempt to get her daughters attention, prepare her for life after school, and help her work up to her capabilities instead of being a slacker. I hope they don't bother her for doing this. The 'trauma' caused to children who aren't disciplined is just as bad in some cases because they are shown neglect and the parents don't care about what the kid does. At least this mother cares. This wasn't a harsh punishment for something small. It was an ongoing problem that other discipline methods had not alleviated so far. Kudos to Mom.

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Bill O'Rights

Wanna "borrow" mine for awhile?
No...really

Much ado over nothing. A.) I say no to any "long term" psychological damage. Not from just this, anyway. B.) She had her parent standing out there with her. That alone speaks volumes to me. C.) Maybe, just maybe, a little humiliation is what's needed to crack through to the kid. D.) It seems to have netted some positive results, in so far as behavior modification.

Overall...two BOR thumbs way up.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

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little_tippler

I don't know exactly how this could traumatise her. I don't know her. But I think this is too extreme a way to solve a kid having bad grades and acting up - especially a teenager. I'd much rather remember my parents in a good light, than remember being forced to stand by the road with a card saying I'm a bad kid and I don't live up to my parents expectations. There are surely better ways to handle the situation. And I am not equating emotional trauma with sexual abuse - you're saying that, not me.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

albania

I think that in some way every person has been traumatized sometime during their life, in this case I don't think there was anything more than some embarrassment. I say that the mother could have done other things, some that maybe didn't garner so much attention on her, but I don't think she did anything wrong. I think I used the words "I think" a lot in this paragraph.

BigBen

I'm not going to start with my traumatic childhood stories. I think that comparing one person's experiences to another is a recipe for disaster (and hard feelings).

There are a few things here that resonate with me:

1. The kid was fucking up, and instead of a beating they got this.
2. The mother stayed with the kid at the side of the road. That alone speaks to the character of the parent.
3. It was only an hour.
4. Some ass-hat decides to call the cops and report "Psychological Abuse". What kind of utopia do you live in where you get involved in other people's business like this? What kind of utopia do you live in where the cops have time to investigate a report like this?

The daughter will thank the mother for doing this. Not next week, but on the daughter's 40th or 50th birthday.

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serlindsipity

if anything, this will be a story she uses on her own kids. It is tough love, but its one of the few loves ive seen work. Its a better option of being spanked and i think put a real perspective to things for the daughter. sometimes a teen needs that becuase they lack the ability to see "the big picture" becuase they are so wrapped up in their own life at that moment. And for the Mom to be there too? She put herself out on the line just as much, becuase most of the people who saw that poster would automatically blame the mother for her lack of obedience.

Kudos.

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Rekna

Props to the mom, sometimes a firm punishment is the only way to teach your childern something is wrong. Of course it is best to reward good behavior but that doesn't always work.

Kid's these days have it easy, most parents don't spank. I remember when I was young if I did something wrong I immediatly got the belt on my ass.

Carno

People are such fucking deuschbags. I'll never understand why people think that kids should be coddled to the extreme nowadays. Ummm, hello.. the human race has come thousands of years to where we are now without teens being treated like little babies. The girl probably won't be traumatized by this event, and if she is, then it's because she allowed herslef to be traumatized by it. I don't even know why I am using the word "traumatized." It's too strong of a word to be used in this case. She might be embarassed, but shit, that's the point.

I think it would be hilarious to send some modern psychologist back to 1930. They would probably have a fucking aneurism.

It's pussy shit like the "outrage" over this article that is going to cause the downfall of our society.

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Leto

What a great tactic. Kudos to the mother for having the strength to do something that I'm sure she found very distasteful. I also think that kids/teenagers are way too coddled, to the point where they ACTUALLY talk back to their teachers ... IN CLASS!!!!

I'm not sure where the paradigm shifted, but when I was in school you never, ever were late (without a note) or skipped, or trash talked a teacher. Yes, I do have a son in high school, and two in public school so I may not be 'in touch' with the current youth culture, but the '70's were a lively time too, and I now see questionable behaviour on a daily basis which is basically shrugged off by the teachers/principals as being too minor to pursue which would never fly when I was at school.

Jeez, i was even afraid of swearing out loud on school property for fear of a detention.

Good work by this mom. Hope daughter is now more focused an her path to success.

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Bill O'Rights

Leto, I could not possibly agree with you more. I, too, grew up in the 70's, and am unsure when the "inmates" began running the "asylum". That is something that I would really like to know.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Carno

Umm, the inmates began running the asylum because your generation let them. Whose kids do you think are growing up right now? YOURS.

(not yours, but your generation's)

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shakran

How would you solve it? they've already withdrawn her from her sports teams, which she liked to do. She's not yet old enough to drive so they can't yank that perq. Seems to me they tried the standard stuff that they had available to them and it didn't work.


The card did NOT say she was a bad kid. You read that into it. The card said she was messing up. And hey! She was!

and I'd rather remember pleasant stuff about my parents too, but more than that I'd rather remember that they were parent first, friend second, because you cannot always be your kid's friend if you want her to grow up right. It's the parents that think they have to be a friend, and always make sure that their kid is delighted with them, and never do anything that might hurt the kid's feelings that end up raising monsters.


I'm all ears. . ..

Plus we are not saying there aren't better ways, we are simply saying there's nothing abusive about the way this mother chose.

No, you are. You're acting as though being embarassed for an hour will cause her to be "traumatized for life." Well one of the impacts of sexual abuse is being traumatized for life. You are NOT going to get the same severity or duration of traumatization from having to hold up a sign saying you messed up. In fact, if you get traumatized at all you have issues.

In the real world we have to own up to our screw ups. Now that this young lady has learned that, she seems to be on a better path. Sometimes it takes shock tactics to wake a kid up. This particular tactic did not physically injure her. It did not say she was worthless or a bad kid. It just said she was royally screwing up and that the screw ups must stop immediately.

Charlatan

Lawyers and baby boomers with a big sense of entitlement. My wife has been teaching for a less than three months and the stories she comes home with -- mostly parents who have no idea how to parent -- are astounding.

It is the "counterculture" hippies who grew up to be yuppies that have made childern what they are today...

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f6twister

I also in agreement with the mother. I see nothing wrong with her approach.

I see this as a problem. Would you have preferred that your parents did whatever it took to make you happy and see them as angels than make sure you got through school and could make in the world on your own? There were plenty of times growing up that I didn't see my parents in a good light. While I was never stood on the street corner, my parents yelled at me in public enough times that it made me become conscious of my surroundings. As a result, I learned to have good behavior, especially in public. I also didn't grow up resenting my parents for what they did. I actually appreciate the steps they took to make sure I was ready for the real world.

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FngKestrel

There's no one size fits all solution to parenting. First off, we don't know their whole situation. The parent might have tried coddling, spanking, grounding. Maybe it escalated to that point.

Kudos for her to be able to resort to a form of discipline that actually yielded results. Some kids may not respond to even that. Some kids don't need to go that far.

canuckguy

This mother is trying to do the right thing and for that I have to giver her props. With somany parents not showing interest and letting there kids run wild its good to see her do something. After reading some of the posts so far, I was wondering if it is hard to raising children now, or say 20-30 years ago?

KellyC

I remember when I was 13, I got caught shop lifting. My dad was furious, he made me kneel the whole night that day. No sleep. Then I go to school and kneel again the next day. Same thing happened on the 3rd day. It wasn't until my mom tell him to stop that he stopped. But just when I thought it was over, he threatened to report me to my school so they'd expel me. I was scared shitless at the time, also very embarassing to think that my teachers, whom I'm so cool with would know about this little stupid shit I did, and my friends. He never actually report me to my school, but nevertheless, I lived in fear for a few days.

I knew what I did was wrong at the time, but I didn't know why he had to be so harsh on me. Now I know.

Now I wouldn't even pick up money I find around the house.

sapiens

So, true. I used to work with an Indian professor (subcontinent of asia). He always complained about American parents who wanted to be friends with their children. He would say, " Why would you ever want to be friends with your children? Being a parent to your child is so much more important. Why downgrade to friendship."

Charlatan

Are you Chinese? My Chinese friends have told me tales of their parents giving them this sort of punishment.

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KellyC

Nope, I'm Vietnamese. But I guess the level of severity of the punishment is the same.

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

Willravel

I think it's hilareous when a news organization 'hits the streets' to get opinions from joe shmoe walking down the street, or letters sent in for that matter. I can tell you that Suzanne Ball is not qualified to make such a statement, as it take quite a lot to 'kill' someone 'psychologically'. First off, psychosematic fatilities are still only a theory, being debated on the outer fringes of modern psychology. Secondly, this woman is a bafoon.

If this mother's daughter was living ina world where she thought that getting bad grades and having poor attendance would have no consequences, then she was living in a fantasy. In order to bring her daughter back to the real world, the mother had to use unorthodox methods. It worked.

shakran

These are officially called MOS (Man On the Street) interviews. Journalists have another name for them: AAA (Ask Any Asshole). Usually our name for it winds up being true. Sure did in this case.

Dragonknight

I couldn't agree more. It seams like people now and days are becoming way too soft. Granted I'm not an older man by any means but, I came up in a rough life and am proud of where I am now. I don't want it to get to the point where you can't even verbally reprimand you own child because of the "trauma" to their child’s self image. If kids have always been so weak how the hell did we as a nation get where we are now?

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Aphrodite

The mother responded to the situation with the punishment she thought would work best - and it did. Perhaps it wouldn't be good for every kid, or every situation, but if it worked for her... obviously she knows her daughter better than anyone else does, and she knew what would get her attention. Good on her for not wanting her daughter to end up being a failure.

maleficent

I think it is a lot harder to raise children now... There are a lot more distractions for children and teenagers than there were when I was but a young pup.

I also think a lot of instinctiveness about what a person should do with an errant child is gone... it's too easy to 'research' stuff on the internet and you can find 20 things that insist they are the right thing to. A parent should just know and trusttheir instincts.

Children, too, have gotten a lot sassier. I think I spent my entire 13th year on restriction for talking back to my mother. Do that to a kid today and they'd probably call Child Protective Services. I see it with my own nieces and nephews... Video games are babysitters... We used to be sent out to play... There seems to be some sort of wariness about sending kids out to play these days...

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Cynthetiq

all I can say is when I didn't do what was expected.

I got a trip to skid row, or to see what the kids were like in juvenile hall.

both terrified me and kept me scared straight.

I don't see this as any different.

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