did I fuck up?
 

Ok... this is a long-ish story, and I'l try to make it as clear as I can, Im just interested in other people's opinions.

Basically I have had an online friend for about 3 years, she is a devout Christian and voted for Bush, and politically we had about nothing in common, but we got quite close - to the extent of talking on the phone, buying presents and so on. She had an "e-dating" type thing with a guy who posted on a board I used to post on, he is serving in Iraq, and I used to fight with hiom and wind him up by posting anti-war stuff. he used to get quite emotional, praying to God that I would be killed and silly things like that, until for her sake I made peace with him.

After a while I got to be friends with him and got quite close to him - he started to confide in me about the relationship problems they had (which I already knew cos she talked about them a lot) - and we got quite close, and he actually invited me to come stay with him this winter for 2 weeks.

In terms of the relationship, she was basically kind of playing him and keeping him hanging on while she was involved with someone else, but there was right and wrong on both sides... and I really tried to stay out of it.. but it got harder and harder. And the more he got hurt the more I started to feel kind of hostile to her, and started to pick fights with her (over things like she is quite anti-gay, whille I am not - since my mum is gay for one thing)

And it got to a point that today I told her I didnt think we were friends anymore and I didnt want to talk to her. She acted really sad, and she called up the guy and was crying about it... and now HE is saying he wants to stay cool with both us and he wont hold it against me if I dont get on with her.

Anyway, I dont know if thats very coherent, and I suppose it might sound silly - its just online stuff after all... but right now I feel like a pretty big shit, and also I dunno if I did something impetous, unfair, and foolish that I'll regret.

Nothing says you have to be friends with a girl like that -- if she'd treat her boyfriend that way, what's to say she won't treat others like that. So it turned out that the guy was a more upstanding character than her and --as such, makes a better friend.

What's wrong with that?

It's hard to think of a situation where you wouldn't feel crappy for dumping a friend, no matter how bad of a person they are. I for one am glad that as thinking people, we have this instinct. It makes things hard when we have to break things off with reprehensible people, but it makes me feel like compassion is a natural thing.

I think you're making the right decision, Strange Famous, but to quote Dumbledore: "Sometimes we must choose between what is right, and what is easy."

You did as I would have famous.....for good or bad, I agree with your actions.

I think the reason you are feeling like a big shit is because her friendship meant a lot to you and you are going to miss it, not necessarily because what you did was wrong. In fact, like the others have said, I would have done the same thing too.

If anything, I think what you did shows a lot of self-respect. You refuse to have people in your life that aren't honest or possess integrity. You shouldn't ever feel bad about that.

When I read the title of this thread, and saw who started it, my response was...of course.
Just kidding SF. I'm having a little fun at your expense.
The real answer to your question is...no, you most decidedly did not fuck up. Instead of asking us if you fucked up, you should be asking yourself if you really need that kind of drama in your life right now. I think that you know the answer to that one. That'll also give you the answer to your first question. Good luck with it my friend.

Nailed it---add the dittos!

I agree, JumpinJesus nailed it. You did good.

I dunno. I still feel bad. I mean, she was string two guys along at once, but it was only online... and it isnt really my place to judge.

In terms of me being moral, I knew what was going on for a long time, it was just when I got to be friends with one of the guys I suddenly found myself taking the moral high ground.

I found a bithday card she sent me today when I was tidying up my flat... I just feel bad, the guy keeps telling me how upset she is. I really have no right to make judgements on people and their own private lives... I guess at the first test it turned out I wasnt much of a friend at all. But anyway, the damage is done now.