fhqwhgads

My new dog has had some health problems lately, so he needed to take another trip to the vet today. When I talked to her on the phone yesterday, she told me to try to bring "the freshest fecal sample I can find", and I assume that she meant from dog.

The problem is, I have two dogs with full reign of the backyard. So instead of going out back and singing "one of these things is not like the other" as I stare at the ground and try to figure out who's is who's, I take the dog out front on a leash. I don't know if you've ever tried to take just one of your two dogs outside on a leash, but it was not an easy task. Not only that, but it takes the little guy 10 minutes before he can... well... muster up a sample. I tried handing him one of my woodworking magazines to pass the time, but I guess his bathroom habits are different than mine.

Ok, so I had my sample, which I put into a plastic grocery bag. I have a pickup truck, and it's a hot day, so I decide to put the sample into the bed of the truck. I attached a cord through the handles of the bag and tied it to a tiedown inside the bed of the truck so the "cargo" would be secured, and we headed on down the road.

Halfway down the road, something catches my eye in the rearview mirror. The grocery bag is waving freely in the wind. I find a spot to pull over to the side of the road, and low and behold, the dog's gift to the vet is missing. I walk a little ways behind my truck to see if I can find it. After a couple of minutes of wandering down the roadside, looking for the sandwich baggie, a patrol car pulls up.

I know a lot of the officers in this jurisdiction, but I didn't recognize this particular officer. He asks me if my truck broke down, and I assured him that wasn't the case. I told him that something had flown out of the bed of the truck, and I was looking for it. Of course, since this is a story from fhq, you know what the next question was. Now, I don't know if there is a proper way to try to explain to an officer of the law that you're walking down the side of the road in search of a plastic bag full of dog crap that flew out of the bed of your truck, but I certainly had trouble finding the right words....

Luckily, I was able to find a plastic bag full of dog crap laying on the side of the road. Now, I'm assuming that it belongs to my dog, because what are the chances that other people are flinging bags of poo from their vehicle as they are driving down the road? I excuse myself, and hop back inside the truck.

Now... I don't know if you've ever traveled in the cab of a pickup truck with a warm bag of crap on a hot summer's day, but let's just say that the smell was.... interesting. Even with all the windows down, it was hard to escape. And all the way to the vet, I could swear that the dog smiling at me...

Damn dog.

guthmund

Animals and children...they always seem to unintentionally embarass you in public when they get the chance.

Look on the bright side, the cop now has a pretty good story to share with his fellow officers, no?

Edit: Oops. Forgot to say that I hope your dog turns out alright

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ngdawg

Fhq, thanks for the laugh of the day.

(My dog was such a nervous thing in the car, I got samples on the way to the vet. Krispy Kremes at 6am ain't as fresh as what she could put out)

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optik_nerve

Haha, I know what you mean about getting the dog to do its...thing on a leash. It's horrible. *shakes head*

Hope your doggy's alright.

Mephisto2

That's funny. I laughed out loud, literally.

You and clavus crack me up.

Mr Mephisto

amonkie

I had to spit my soda out over this one... don't let them get ya down

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cowudders14

You made a cops day! You are now extending that favour to many of us here too - Thanks for the laugh!!

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ShaniFaye

Its not as bad as having to tell the cops what I did on sunday....that your ex husband broke into you and your fiance's room to steal your strap on and proceeded to also steal your lube and use your vcr to watch porn and masturbate in your bedroom while smoking crack.

I'd rather explain dog poo any day

I hope your doggie is ok!!!

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shalafi

Great story fhq......oh and thanks ng. I may never be able to look at a krispy kreme quite the same way again.

fhqwhgads

Previous partner physically pushed past protected property, pilferring purple phallic playtoy, plus, performed perverted "Pope polishing"?

Mephisto2

Pretty perverted...


Mr Mephisto

kutulu

Great story. Next time, may I suggest you put the 'gift' in one of these:



and then place the bag in one of these:



They should go a long way towards taking care of that problem.