"Parent Proofing" your house... AKA "hiding the evidence"
 

This weekend is my graduation (finally!) and with graduation, like any big event, the Family is coming... my parents, his parents, his grandmother, his aunt, my brother, my cousin (thank God it isn't everyone I invited!). So, I've been cleaning like a fiend, and in doing so, have been "neutralizing" our house. What does "neutralizing" mean? Well, for us it means putting up the little Buddah statues we have everywhere, taking the sex shop cards off the fridge, taking down the Hindu God pictures and batiks that are in the bedroom, and hiding the sex toys and lingere. In the process of doing this, Martel and I have commented on what a great world it would be if people didn't feel the need to hide parts of their lives from others. Which brings us to the question:

Have you ever had to "neutralize" your house? Who, what, when, why, how?

For us, it's totally no big deal to have Hindu paintings on the wall, but if our parents saw them, they'd probably freak out. Same for the Buddah statues. What's your take on hiding yourself from those that you love?

Honestly, I'm an adult and have been paying my own way since I was 17 years old. If my parents get invited to my place of residence, and comment on something, they will get reminded that they don't pick up the tab for said residence and well, their opinion just doesn't matter.

My dad is dedicated workaholic and tinkerer. He feels an obligation to "fix" everything. He is also 80 years old and shouldn't be doing much.

I have to hide all of my tools before he comes over.

When I first converted, I felt that I had to hide my crosses from my parents. Then they came at Christmas. I could not hide the tree from them, and they never said a word. They actually complimented it. Boy was I surprised! I do not hide my crosses from them anymore. I am sorry you feel you have to hide the Hindu paintings. Maybe one day your family will be able to accept them. Sex toys, I would hide. My parents never understood why we needed a bigger blanket before we got married, they would never be able to handle sex toys.

I don't worry about hiding anything.. my parents are pretty cool and know I like things that are different. If they were to discover a toy or something.. well, lets just say we could have a hilarious conversation about it :D.

The only adjustments I make, may be when I have received a gift, if I get forward notice I will bring it out and put it somewhere... most of my gifts are decorative, but not always something I particularly like...

I have always considered myself very lucky in this aspect. I remember in college, my best friends would always have to hide the evidence that they were living with boyfriends/boyfriends were living with them because they didn't want their parents to find out. My parents knew that my boyfriend (now hubby) lived with me...and they didn't care one bit, or if they did, they didn't tell me. They treat me with respect, and I'd never have to hide anything from them (although, I wouldn't leave sex toys lying around for them to find, but if they DID happen to see one, it wouldn't be a big deal).

I found a porno tape behind my dad's recliner some years back. Shocked the hell out of me because he was in his 70's. Ayup, parents need to pick up after themselves, as well.

:D

That's so funny. :lol:

My dad reckons he could fix stuff but never gets around to it... :rolleyes:

Exactly.

I don't make a big to-do about keeping stuff out of sight. Well, except the sex stuff, but that's more to avoid the big 'uncomfortable awkward' rather than personal embarassment.

My parents are coming tomorrow morning (!) and I'm in the middle of this process right now. Rick James was just asking me why my parents don't know I have sex because I'm 21 and she thinks everyone parent should know their kid is probably having sex at 18. However, my mom has been really good at being in denial about my boyfriends existing for years, so I'm pretty sure that she doesn't want to know anything I don't want her to know. The tricky part is finding a safe place to hide the condoms, pills and vibrators since she's going to be helping me pack up and move. I may have to hide them in my roommate's room until I'm all ready to go. :p

About the only thing I hide is the bong cos I dont want the hassle of a lecture. Oh and I take all the bills off the fridge, dunno why I do that, and I hide my stash of chocolate ( for obvious reasons)

I don't hide anything. My parents know what I do. If anything I clean to prove to them I'm a clean person after all, haha. Sex toys and everything should probably be in a discreet place anyways, but as for everything else...shoot, I have a giant basket of condoms next to my bed that my parents have BOTH seen. But they know almost everything I get up to. My dad enjoys lecturing me about what he sees as "delinquent behavior" even though it's all stuff he did when he was 22--which is a point I frequently make to him. :) Nah, my parents are two of the most understanding people in the world. Right now I'm wearing my Queer Pride Week t-shirt and I'm sure if I walked into their house wearing it neither of them would be shocked and/or comment on it. I am so proud to say my parents love me 100% no matter what--sex toys, condoms, alcohol, marijuana, Christianity, and sexual ambiguity besides.

I live at home, and there are only a few things I hide from my mom. In order of importance, they are: guns, implements of destruction (potato guns, illegal "fireworks" and such,) and my humidor. I don't need to hide my paintball gun and beer anymore, but I don't keep them in view. The only reason I'm able to hide anything is because my room is such a mess that I have to climb a pile of stuff I have stacked in the corner to get to the closet.

I don't hide anything from my folks, except my general untidiness.

That said, I don't have stacks of porn around, or sex toys in the living room.

Actually - since I got together with my fiancee, I don't have any porn in the house. Oddly enough I had some when I was married, but I only hid it from my wife, not my parents.

My folks are very relaxed about porn. When I was a kid, my mum found me with a stack of Mayfair mags in my room (aged about 12). I'd been renting them out to my classmates, and using them myself for "research purposes", obviously. My mum's response was to ask if I'd be prepared to read them in the living room - so I said "OK", and went downstairs with one of them.

This shitted her up because she did some of her work from home at the time, and one of her clients was comming round - she was a lecturer in teacher training school.

All in all, my family are pretty balanced about sex.

The only thing I would really attempt to hide would be anything slightly connected with drug use (bongs, ashtrays full of spliffs etc)... I know that they wouldnt be 'too' bothered, just not really worth them knowing at all... :)

The only thing I neurtalize when people come to visit is the mess... My wife is messy and two kids doesn't help. When people come to visit the place is always spotless... they are not seeing things the way they usually are, only how I would like them.


In the past, the only thing that I would hide would be porn or sex toys. I see no reason not be discreet with these items. I used to have a trunk in which I kept all these things. As for Hindu art, Bhudda's etc. Just leave it out.

You parents need to understand that there is a time for experimentation and that time is University. They should (and so should you) be proud of the fact that you are taking a look around and being interested in new things (new to you anyway). It shows that you plan on being a well-rounded person. It also shows that the money they spent on your University education hasn't gone to waste.

For all of you in mid-parental-cleanup mode, let me suggest the song "Mom's Coming to my House" by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie (that song is a little over halfway down that page). In our house, the toys and porn are already locked away (we have a two-and-a half year old), and I log out of my account on the computer and into the "public" one that I set up.

We won't leave a vibrator or manacles on the bedside nightstand where someone can see it on a casual walk through, but that's about it.

Sexymama and I are adults and that's the end of the story.

If our parents, friends or whoever have a problem with our lives, that's THEIR problem.

Same here. The moment I paid for everything 100%, they no longer had the ability to comment on my lifestyle and decorative choices.

They can speak, it doesn't mean I'll listen. I may politely nod my head and say, "No thank you. I don't like that."

edit: I must admit, that when I first had them come over I did have to put the bong and stash away, but I do that for anyone that does come over that I don't know if they are smoker friendly. Other than that I have never bothered to "sanitize".

i pretty much focus on taking care of what normally would not make good dinner conversation starters. i put alcohol away (at least the liquor) just on account that it's not something that i talk to my folks about a lot.

most everything else in terms of my private life is on my computer, password protected.

i keep my life pretty open book. if people ask to be a part of it, they get as much as they ask for.

My feeling is that if it is your place and you are footing the bill the hell with what others think. Somehow it seems that so many people feel they have a right to "guide"
others when they should be guiding themselves.

Even though I am 30 years old I still hide shit when they come just because I don't feel like having to explain myself to them.

The worst is that my mom always wants to get on my computer and "play" on it. Which consists of clicking on everything to see what it is. So I always have to do a massive computer deletion before they come. Really, really sucks.

We already keep the porn stashed away and since we don't smoke pot anymore we don't have drug paraphanalia to hide anymore. Now all we have to do is clean up and make things spotless.

We used to keep the pot stuff in a cabinet in the coffee table. One time, my wife's parents and her sister and kids were over. Her sister's 2yr old opened the cabinet, got out a pipe and started hitting it against the coffee table. Luckily, her Dad smokes and her mom knew that we did so it was only embarassing.

.... or pack them in a box before she gets there

I do put away ash trays and pipes and so on, but for the most part, there anything else I dont want them to see isn't out and visible anyway.

My mom wouldn't care that what hubby and I do sexually together but if she had any idea there were any other people involve or porn (including Stuff or FHM - bikini clad women in her mind are porn) magazines around she'd give me a sermon - that and even paperback romance novels.

Hmmm. My parents wouldn't dream of visiting, but Grace's family stops in whenever they come to the mainland. We don't hide anything; they really have no business up on the second floor in the first place where the playroom and the the bedroom are, and we keep the first floor child safe because we get kids from the complex stopping by with scraped knees and such from time to time (everyone knows that Grace is a paramedic), and I do quite a bit of babysitting during school breaks, so the main floor has to be kept pretty antiseptic. Upstairs, well you shouldn't be opening doors in someone else's house in the first place.

My parents are in the process of building a new home and theirs is on the market. They plan on living with me between the sale of their current home and the completion of their new one. That is fine with me as I have 3 extra bedrooms and I get along fine with them. I did create a new user account for coming to the TFP and I have moved any files I have gotten from the TB to an external hard drive that I can put away when they come.

The funny thing is that they have already started moving a lot of things into one of my spare rooms to make their closets and rooms look bigger and to protect some of their nicer stuff from people coming through. Well we shoved the bed over against the wall to make room and there was a box of about two years worth of Playboys in it. They were about 10 years old and I forgot they were there. All my mother said was "Good for you." Now I am troubled by just what she meant. Maybe she is glad for any proof she gets that I am not gay (being 38 and single and never discussing any social life with her).

Well, not exactly parent-proofing, but when my ex's sister came to house-sit we did hide the homemade porn and toys.

We both figured that she probably would snoop a bit (she was 20), so we just took a few precautions. We did however leave plenty of booze, condoms and regular porn lying around in the usual spots. :)

Sage,

The manner in which you paraphrased your question, leads me to believe that you think it's quite normal to "hide" things from your parents when they visit. Obviously from the responses posted thus far, this is not always the case.

You mention that it would be a better world for all of us, if we didn't have to do these things. What would be the worse that would happen if your parents saw some of these items?

MoJo

Ok funny personal story here.

My wife and I are moving. Her parents are helping us move. My wife has put all of her 'toys' in a smallish box, packed in a big box.

Well her mom is helping unpack and she opens the box with videos, and various toys, and her mom hands her the box and says 'I don't think this was a box for Mom's to open'. This was followed by the 'don't be embrassed' talk, but the damage was done. :lol:

I have to "neutralize" all my drug paraphenalia, clean up the mounds of garbage, and other general untidiness.

They wouldn't care about the mess, but they wouldn't like the drugs too much.

I never felt the need to hide anythign from my parents once I moved out. My mom and dad rasied me to be able to talk to them about anything. Sometimes my mom wishes I wouldn't but hey, it's her fault she finds out something she doesn't want to know. As for my dad, well, I guess me and my dad have aways had a strange relationship by "normal" standards. One of my ex girlfriends flipped out when she found out that me and my dad swap porn sometimes. I don't see what the big deal is, but she just thought it was wrong for some reason. It is a shame that you feel you have hide the posters and such. If nothing else, just tell them you think they look cool. But you shouldn't have to hide something like that from you own family. If they can't take it, then they really don't matter.

I used to have to hide my hookah, bong, pipes and some of my heavy liquor when my parents came, but now that ive started cutting down durasticly on my usage and stopped drinking completely, i only have 2 pipes that i rarely use and they arent anywhere my parents would find them anyway, so thats about it.

This reminds me of a great story... in Highschool I invited my g/f (my first sexual partner) over for valentines day. I was so exicited that I had everything ready when she got there, including putting the movie we were going to watch in the VCR the night before.. So we are sitting on the couch and I hit the gool ol play button on the remote to see my dad getting what seemed to be a really good blow job from his g/f at the time.... yeah..they changed the tape over the course of the night.....

After that.... I don't worry if the KY is on the nightstand, or our sex games are in the living room.. Not to mention the time our e-mail got screwed up and I recieved his messages from his account at www.alt.com ... Lets just say I know way more about his life than I EVER wanted to..

:lol: Two questions: What movie did your GF expect to see? And how did she react?

This was soo long ago.. I don't remember the movie... but I know it was rated less than "R" so.. definetly not a porn movie.. :) She was completly embarrassed.. she could never look at my dad ever again.. haha...

MoJo-

My parents and Martel's parents are Southern Baptists. VERY religious- my mother and his father especially. My dad and his mom probably wouldn't have that much of an issue with the buddah statues and the religious paintings, but my mom would have a grade A "my daughter and her husband are going to hell" hissy fit. As for the sex toys, well, I don't want ANYONE to see those, just because if I was at someone else's house and saw their sex toys it would gross me out a bit. We hide things to avoid six months of religious lecture whenever we talk to our parents.

I hide the bodies. ;)

I used to hide some stuff, mostly don't now. But there's some stuff that's private just because I like to have some parts secret. When I was in high school I was a cofounder and member of a philosophy club for 2 years, my parents didn't even know until after I graduated.