No Sir, Yes Ma'am
 

One of my bestest buds lives in the cute state of Louisiana and her sweet little son is being brought up in the proper southern tradition of respecting his elders. Nothing wrong with that at all.. It's cute.. When I call, and he answers the phone, (he's 8) He knows my Yankee accent, and is very respectful with his Yes Ma'ams and No Ma'ams and Thank you ma'ams. (He even addresses me by Miss Maryellen. It's very sweet.

But... I honestly hate being called Ma'am. It makes me feel older than I already am. Ma'am is a contraction for Madame, or rather old married lady. I am not married, being a lady is often questionable, and while I am maybe older, I am not old. My mother is a Ma'am. I am not.

When I was a kid, my parents friends were all referred to by Mrs and Mr... whatever ... and rather than No, ma'am or no sir, we'd get smacked into the next galaxy, if no or yes or please wasn't followed by a thank you.

I've had this discussion with friends who also bristle at being called Sir.. .they will usually turn around and look for their fathers.

How do you feel about being called ma'am or sir? How were you raised to refer to your elders, and how are your own children being raised. Is ma'am and sir, just being polite?

It's hilarious at work when I get called sir. I need a dungeon or something to put people in when they do that. My children have been taught to refer to people as Mr. Blah or Mrs. Blah, and when they don't know someone's name, just politely ask.

Please and Thank You are big ones in my house though, and the kids know it. Manners go a long way in regards to how others view you.

See, I think bristling at being called "ma'am" or "sir" is a little weird. They are just polite pronouns for a woman or man. However, I have had a couple men tell me not to call them sir and laugh when I'm at work. It do it almost mechanically, and it's not that I'm assuming they are older! However, when I know their names, I always use that instead.

If someone called me 'ma'am' I would have no issue with it. It's like calling me Mrs. instead of Miss because I'm not married. An example of how pronouns are just used as polite terms is my mom. She has never liked the idea that she is "stuck" with a man, despite being married for 25 years or so to my dad. She tells people to refer to her as Miss rather than Mrs., despite being a married woman. Like that, how would anyone know if they are in wrong for calling someone "ma'am" if they aren't told?

If your friend's son calls you ma'am, just tell him to refer to you as Miss Maryellen, like you said, or however else you want to be refered as. He doesn't mean to do any harm with his politeness, nor do his parents. :)

My dad is a Boy Scout leader, as am I.

The boys in our troop range from the ages of 11 to 18. When they address me as Mr. I always look around for my dad. It's weird, I'm only 35 and don't consider that a Mr. yet. To me that still is my dad.

Having many friends from the south, I guess I'm quite used to it. It's secondary nature. One of my best friends always says 'Ma'am' in answering yes or no and he's a whole 6 years younger than I am!
Think of it in terms of a respectful upbringing of that person instead of a reflection of your own age. Hell, I don't need reminders of that-I have mirrors!

Yes, I take "Ma'am" as an insult. I start looking around for the old lady when I hear that. Personally I'd never use Ma'am for anyone under 60.

The first time someone ever called me Ma'am, I was 21 years old (looked about 14) and it was the neighbor's gutter punk teenage runaway daughter asking me for change on the street. I told her I'd give her change if she never called me Ma'am again and wrote it off as a total lack of social understanding.

I wasn't raised to call my elders Ma'am or sir, and we called my parents' friends by whatever their names were, like "Phil," "John" and "Janis." I picked up Ma'am and Sir somewhere along the line I guess, but I only use it for older folks, in order to adapt to terms of address they are probably more comfortable with, or when the situation calls for making a point of showing respect.

Edit - I guess I don't take it as an intentional insult to be called Ma'am, but still I wonder exactly how old I'm looking today when I hear it, which is rarely by the way. :D I guess this is just a regional difference sorta thing. If someone with a southern accent said it, I'd be less likely to take offense because I'd just figure they had a different custom.

Having been raised by free-willed hippies, I was raised to have respect for everyone. I believe that if you hold everyone to a certain level of respect (until they give you reason not to) there is no requirement for the use of "sir, ma'am, mister, misses" or anything along those lines. I call most people by their first names, aside from those in a professional setting whom I do not know and am introduced to by last name (professors, bosses, et cetera). When I was younger, I also called all adults by Mister/Misses/Miss and their surname until I became more familiar and amiable with them.

If one is too strict with making their child use politeness and niceities, then the child may not actually have any respect for anyone, and simply use those niceities because that is how they were raised.

I take statement as a sign of respect being given like a compliment. it's a bit awkward to receive, but needs to be received graciously just like a complement.

I too don't think that I'm old enough to wear that badge, but I honestly am. I don't look it either.

On a Celebrity cruise, all the personnel refer to the passengers as Sir or Madame (accent on the second 'a' ... Mah-DAWM). When you are served, they offer the plate with a "sir" or "madame."

In fact, they are so engrained with this courtesy that a passing passenger sneezed and without losing a step, the steward said, "Bless you, madame."
Very funny.

MTC, when it is pronounced that way, it is a very formal way to address a female. When pronounced, Ma'am or MAD-am, i HATE IT!

Disclaimer: I was perfectly honest here, and that might be a bad thing....

Being born and raised in the South, I know that children are brought up saying it as a sign of respect for elders. However, it stays through adulthood and becomes simply a sign of respect. I use it all the time and never once make a distinction in my usage based on the age of the recipient. I refer to women "clearly" younger than me as ma'am. I refer to women older than me as ma'am. I ALWAYS use it when dealing with a Southern woman because I know it is appropriate and appreciated. However, as I have gotten older and because I have some customer service in my job that has me speaking to people all over the country - I have mostly converted my "Pardon me ma'am...." into "Pardon me miss...." Honestly, the primary reasoning behind this change was to appease hyper-sensitive Northern women that think I am calling them old when I'm trying to be polite. I believe it is the only PC change I have ever made in my life.

Being from the north, I can see how you would get confused. Instead of, "Pardon me ma'am, may I get past you?" you are used to "Out of my way, bitch!" :D Personally, I would prefer the former.

So, if it were me - I would allow the child to continue to use ma'am, even with you. After all, he is being raised properly for his region and will encounter FAR more Southerners than Northerners. If you have him try to make an exception with you, you could confuse the issue for him and discourage him from using it. He won't understand where to draw the line. Regardless of how you "take it", he means it as a sign of respect. Good for him and his parents in recognizing the importance of manners!

When my family moved from Mobile, Alabama to Seattle, Washington my sister got into trouble at school for saying yes and no ma'am. Her teacher thought she was being sarcastic.

I think that the trouble is that Ma'am and Sir are honorifics that imply a certain amount of respect; when the person it is being assigned to does not think they are worthy of that respect then it can become uncomfortable.

For instance if someone started to address "your Majesty" then it could rightly be assumed that they were making fun of you. However, Sir and Ma'am as you said are used to refer to people of refinement, like your parents. When someone uses the honorific they are saying that you should be respected as an adult, so if you take exception to it you are in the tricky situation of explaining that you should not be considered an adult.

Ma'am is indeed a contraction for Madame but it does not mean an old married woman, just a woman and especially one who is married. Miss is for an unmarried woman only. Someone who does not know you will have to pick a form of address and since Ma'am can go either way it became the default; after they came to know you better they could switch to Miss or keep on using Ma'am. Miss would only be used in situations where you can be reasonably certain the person you are addressing is not married. Men are easier off because Sir can work for any man regardless of marriage status.

So basically I think the problem is that people are being assigned more respect than they think they deserve. The only solutions I can see are to either frequently correct people or raise your self respect to match the implied status.

Ma'am and Sir are used as a title of respect, at least that's what we were taught as children. I cannot understand why an adult should be upset in the least by being addressed with a title of respect unless it is used in a derogatory way like, "You sir are a cad", and even then it is better than being called just a cad without the sir, I think, :)

Yes, I like it very much. It's about time we revive a bit of polite society and decorum in our cultural wastleand. Being polite isn't a matter of political correctness or whatever, it's just you know, nice and pleasant. Who could argue with that?

I was at a bus stop when a kid (12-14yrs old) glared at an old lady and said "Whaddya lookin' at BITCH?". How did we devolve so low (I'll refrain form the typical scapegoats - rap music, dysfunctional familie, TV etc)?

Maleficent, please don't get offended at someone calling you ma'am. It's kind of sweet. There are much worse things to be called as someone mentioned above.

I've had professors who would address the students as sir or ma'am and it was reciprocated in kind as well. I refuse to call my professors by their first name (as many of the liberal ones insist). It's the same with greeting. People don't greet each other anymore. I always like to see people's faces light up when you say, "howdy ma'am or god afternoon sir". There are certain words that never go out of style: please, thank you, how are you, excuse me, pleasant day, sir, ma'am etc.

I'm from New York/New Jersey.. I take no offence to the latter at all... :D

Years back when I was a store manager for a retailer, I had a bunch of Indian employees. As part of their upbringing, they were very respectful towards management, but their culture (I'm guessing) was also somewhat chauvenistic, and didn't quite always know how to deal with women in authority. Because I was the big boss, I naturally had the title of Sir.. because big bosses were called Sir.. but the problem was I was a ma'am -- so half of them use to call me Ma'am Sir... first time it was explained to me why they did it, I almost died laughing...

Being called "Sir" can be quite aging. Especially when it comes from someone only a few years younger than you. It bothered me when it first started happening but now I've come to accept it. I'm getting older. Might as well try to do it gracefully. Kicking and screaming was only making it harder :)

That's funny! I think it's a legacy/remnant of the British colonial system or what-have-you.

I think even now, if you're a lady judge, barrister or solicitor, you're referred to as "sir". Also in some academic circles, many honors and awards are accorded on you as a "sir" even if you're a "ma'am".

I'm from California. If someone said that to me I'd be scarred for life and have to take up Chi Gung, acupuncture and rebirthing therapy to recover from the shock! :lol:

Hypersensitive? Cool!

my friend in Louisiana tells me I only object to ma'am because the right cowboy hasn't said ma'am in the proper way to me yet... here's hoping...

I travel a lot, and am seeing it more and more among the younger fellas in customer service, that if you look like you are under the age of 75 - then you get called Miss... because well - -for the reason cimarron stated, us hypersensitive folks don't tip as well if we are think we are being insulted :D

I was born and raised in Pennsylvania. But, my mother was from the south. Florida, to be exact. So, yes I grew up addressing my elders as Sir or Ma'am. I also grew up using the title Mr., Mrs. or Miss. My kids don't so much use the Sir or Ma'am, but most definately use Mr., Mrs. or Miss. My daughters friends have also learned (from her) that I am Mr. O'Rights, and not Bill, or Billy.

That's it right there...

I've been called ma'am since I was sixteen, and I'm only 22 now. I'd prefer "miss" quite honestly. However, professionally I don't go by Miss J--(that brings back horrible memories of teachers who knew who my father was and called me Miss J-- mockingly)--I'm Ms. J--, thank you very much...though in certain classrooms I let the students call me by my first name. They think it's ever so much cooler.

I wish "miss" were used more often than "ma'am." "Ma'am" makes me feel old...unless a hottie cowboy says it!

If some cowboy came along and called me Ma'am I'd feel like I just stepped into an alternate dimension. I'd be looking for the movie crew.

[English teacher hat ON]

Ma'am, Sir, Miss, Mrs., Mr. and other titles are nouns, not pronouns

[English teacher hat OFF]

My students are instructed at the beginning of the year that they are to address me using a title and my name--Miss Nakamura--Miss, or Ma'am. I see Sir and Ma'am as terms of respect that don't really denote age in any way.

I was raised to address my parents freinds as Mr. or Mrs. Lastname, and that that is the proper way to address any adult unless you've been invited to use their first name; we shouldn't assume familiarity. Adults whose name we didn't know should be adressed as Sir or Miss, unless the woman is known to be married, in which case she was Ma'am, regardless of age. I still do this today, and I wonder how we got the idea that Sir or Ma'am indiaces someone older?

Perpaps it's part of the deterioration of basic etiquette. I have to battle with the boys in my classes at the beginning of the year over the simple act of removing their hats while inside, and other basics of polite behavior.

Ladies,

Seriously, I put up 300 feet of cattle fence this weekend before going to a cattle-cutting competition to be a turn-back rider. You are all "ma'ams" to me.... NOW LET ME SEE YOU SWOOOOOOOONNNNNN!!!!!! :lol:

Nice try... but nope... :icare:

Now, how do you know I'm not the "right" cowboy. You should see me in my Wranglers, ma'am!

/don't actually own any Wranglers. I do have some nice American Eagle jeans though. Okay, if I evaluate myself in my jeans, does that make me less of a cowboy? Am I rambling? *nervous laughter* Sorry, ma'am - flustered by your beauty. Them cartoon boobies is mesmerizin'. :p

I was raised with ma'am and sir and please and thank you, as is my daughter. The ONLY time my daughter is allowed to call an adult by their first name is if they specifically ask to be addressed that way.

I also cannot stand to hear a child say "yeah" in response to a question....ugh that drive me bonkers. It took me having a child to get used to the ma'am thing and I realized that I wasnt the only person in the world raised to do that lol. But when I had Amanda I realized if I expected her to do it, I had to receive it well.

I see nothing about an old woman in there.

Once again...

I see them both as a respectful way to address either someone you don't know, or a superior. While we're on the subject, stop taking offense to the word lady .

Somewhat on topic: I find myself calling females "miss" even though I know that they're married. It just seems to roll off of my tongue easier. Nobody has ever said anything, but would any of you be offended by that?

(Double Post...)

Nothing has ever made me feel as old as having my daughter's latest boyfriend call me sir. At least I was able to give him fair warning about calling my wife "ma'am".

I can see how someone might be offended by that. "How dare you call me miss? Are you implying that I'm not good enough to be MARRIED?!?" :D

I like it. It's manners, and manners show respect. It's jarring when it first happens to you (getting called ma'am or sir) but hey, the age thing is all relative. I'll be called sir for the next 40 years -- I should learn to like it!

I teach my kids to do the same, but it isn't reinforced anywhere. Those kind of manners are disappearing.

I don't like kids treating adults casually without permission, and I tell children to at least call me Mr. _____ instead of my first name. God knows that respect is a dying entity.

I don't take offense to it --
3 a : a woman of superior social position b : a woman of refinement and gentle manners

It's just totally not me... Refinement? Superior social position? Gentle manners? Me ? Maybe it's ok for some -- but it's definitely not me... :D

I do hear from young ladies all the time that they don't like being called Ma'am -- they prefer Miss. I try to remember, but I also use the excuse that it's what my mama taught me to say.

I'm aware there's no clear-cut reason why calling someone Ma'am implies they're old. I actually looked up the definition myself, years ago, in an attempt to answer this same question for myself. I guess it's just a matter of the customs of the place where you live. The other people I know feel the same way and my boyfriend, who is from Seattle, feels that way about being called Sir so it's not just a California thing. It's just not common usage around here, that's all. The same goes for calling people "Mr." and "Mrs." although not as much so. Those forms of address are reserved for formal business settings or other uptight-style occasions.

If someone called me "Miss" I'd think they were either being sarcastic or joking around, falsely flattering, overly formal or needed glasses. Although I've never been married, I'm certainly old enough! :lol:

True story: I was walking into a mall. As I was trained from birth, I looked back and saw a woman approaching the door behind me. Again, as trained, I stepped to the side and held the door for her.

In a high-pitched, yankee voice she chirped, "What, you think because I am a woman I am not STRONG enough to open a door for myself?!?!?!"

I smiled, lowered my head and said, "No, MA'AM! My mother taught me to honor women above all other creatures. By holding this door for you, I am able to honor you, my mother, and all other women - and it is my pleasure to do it!"

The woman turns bright red and walks through the door, grabs the second set of doors and holds it from behind for me. I said, "Thank you and have a nice day." - although, I must confess that was not what I was thinking.

There are SOME things that are right with the South. Ma'am, Sir, and opening doors for others (ESPECIALLY women) are just a few of them.

Describing a woman as being a lady is fine, but it shouldn't be used as a form of direct address; there it is impolite. As a noun modifier, it's not really offensive, but it is non-standard usage.

Doesn't bother me in the least, even though I am married.

Do you do that thing where you get up halfway out of your chair when a lady gets up and/or sits back down at the table? Cuz I love that. Having doors opened for me is nice, too, but I'll hold doors for those following also regardless of sex.

Like everyone else from the South, I also say Ma'am and Sir. Honestly I think it is crazy that people would object to being called that, since it is a term of respect.

I always called my parents' friends Miss/Mrs. Firstname or Mr. Firstname, and still don't know what to call them know that I am older. I feel awkward calling them by just their first names, but I feel like a little kid if I say Mr. first.

To the parents of my friends, I always say Mr./Mrs. Lastname unless they tell me otherwise. I think it is really disrespectful to call someone older than you by their first name unless they tell you to do so.

I do too!!!

I'm latino so I of course got taught my "yes sir" "yes ma'am" "please" "thank you" etc. etc. Manners are pretty big last I checked...It was all about politeness. I was taught to be a very polite gentleman...I hold open doors and such things. I could be a little more gentlemanly at times of course though haha.

The first time I was ever called "Sir" was by a girl I know in my 8th grade art class...she tapped me on the shoulder and said "Excuse me sir..umm" and I was like "What? Did you just call me sir?(I laughed) It's Cris." These days the only people who call me "sir" are employees at resturants and stores. I walk into Buckle and it's "Can I help you sir?" "No thank you I'm just looking."

It doesn't bother me too much these days even though I'm only 20. I take it as "Hmm well at least they don't think I look like a kid!" See I don't look my age and get confused for a highschooler all the time it's kind of annoying. I also always get hit on by girls who are too young for me which is a shame haha. So I like the idea of being looked at as what I am. I am a man. Not a boy but a man. So I'm okay with Sir...now if it were people my age at a bar or club, or around campus calling me that I might find it a bit strange but not really haha.

Asta!!

Said 8-year-old has the ability to pronounce "Maryellen" now? That is just sad. :D

I'm not keen about being called ma'am, but I realize that for everyone except my employees that it's not meant to be insulting. Around the office, I'm pretty sure it's a code name for "bitch." :)

When I was working in retail, I once called an eighty year old woman "miss" and she told me I had made her day and made her feel young.

Other than that, people I know are called by first names, unless introduced to them as "Mr" or "Mrs"

I don't say it like "This way, miss". More like "Miss Jones" instead of "Missus Jones". Maybe I'm just lazy to drop a syllable. :D

I love being called Ma'am. Or Miss. Theres worse I've been called.

ma'am - short for madame or mademoiselle. both french if my memory serves me correctly. just as in spanish with senora and senorita (too lazy to add the tildes), it's simply the difference in marital status that seperates them.

I answer ladies of all ages as ma'am at different times. just something i was raised to do. if i'm going to say ma'am to a 18 year old, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with saying it to a 29 year old (and the manners my father whipped into me prevent me from believing that any of you ladies are a day past 29 :p). the problem is that people these days (especially outside the God-blessed South) think that ma'am should only be used in reference to an elderly lady. I see it and utilize it as a term of respect for ladies of all ages.

holding doors is something i do all the time, and thankfully, here at Texas A&M, there are quite literally thousands of people who do the same--moreso for ladies than for men, but most of us just hold the door period as a matter of courtesy.

personally, if i'm out at a restaurant on a date or in a group, I'll stand up as a lady leaves or returns to the table, but don't do it at a McDonald's or in the dining halls. more of a enviorenmentally-appropriate usage of that courtesy, and usually done when i'm sitting in a chair and not a booth simply because booths make many things impractical.

I have to admit, I use sir or ma'am when on the phone at work and dealing with a particular harried or frustrating client. It deescalates their frustration, and helps me get the call back on track. In every day conversation, I rarely use sir and ma'am, and if I do, it's in the form of affection.

wow. i'm honestly sorry that your environment is so devoid of simple courtesies like being called ma'am that you'd feel out of place in that situation...

That's kind of confusing. I use the term "miss" alot in public, especially in crowded areas around campus or at the bars, usually prefaced by the words "Excuse me" as I generally don't know the lady's name of whom I'm referring, and it's a good catchall rather than just saying "you" or "girl" or "move dammit."


Addition: At the bar I work at, I'm the doorman, checking IDs and putting bracelets or stamping people depending on their age. I had one particularly belligerent woman who came in relatively sober, and the owner let her go into the bar/club to find a friend that would pay her cover charge. 30 minutes and 4 drinks later, I found the owner, reported the woman had never come back and paid, and along with him, found the woman in question. He chastised her for lying to his doorstaff about her intentions and told her quite bluntly the consequences of ever doing that again--which then turned into a belligerently drunk lady stabbing me in the chest, bitching me out about how she "wasn't a fucking liar," combined with a refrain of "Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am"s from me for 10 minutes. Rather than losing my cool, I killed her with courtesy until she'd had her say--four repetitions of the same. The next night, she came up and apologized to me citing the fact that though she was extremely angry and wanted to hit me, the fact that I never let my poise crack and didn't get rude back to her prevented her assaulting me. I accepted her apology and told her I was glad that my politeness had kept her from landing herself in jail that night. She thought that over and apologized again.

Moral of story: Manners work. Especially if they're ingrained in a child young. Don't complain :D

I'm just thankful as hell that they're polite and respectful and have MANNERS as children.

Too many kids have no concept of respect or manners, and it's sick.

Rat, you missed the part about the cowboy. That was the bit that'd make me feel like I stepped onto a movie set, not being called Ma'am, as unfamiliar as that is. We have a distinct shortage of cowboys around these parts. Now surfers, we have plenty of those. If a surfer suddenly appeared and called me Ma'am I wouldn't blink; I'd just think he thought I was old. :p

Although my environment is not at all devoid of common courtesies, we simply don't use call each other Ma'am that often, so it sounds out of place. And instead of calling me Miss, someone who needs to get by is more likely to simply say "excuse me." The courtesy is still there, it just sounds a little different.

I agree. And that's the DIRECT result of BAD parenting.

Good manners are good manners. Unless a younger perosn has been told to call the older person another name, such as their first name, I would always rather errer in the more old fashioned way and say, Miss, Ms. or sir. I always try to be formal becuase I deal with internationals every day of the week and they love to be addressed respectfully first. In the office, when I have to interact with older ladies and ask them to help(and I don't know them all that well...I'll say Miss Suzanne or Miss Terry.) They all know I lived and worked in Texas for over 20 years and always smile when I address them with respect. I'm not akid any more but respect is so lacking these days IMHO.

Good manners are good manners. Unless a younger person has been "told to call" the older person another name, such as their first name, I would always rather err in the more old fashioned way and say, "Miss, Ms. or sir". I always try to be formal because I deal with Internationals every day of the week- esp. people from Asia...and they love to be addressed respectfully first. In the office, when I have to interact with older ladies & ask them to help or a question (& I don't know them all that well...I'll say Miss Suzanne or Miss Terry.) They all know I have lived and worked in Texas for over 20 years and always smile when I address them with respect. I'm not a kid any more, but respect is So lacking these days IMHO. And a smile with any title is a must. (we ALL smile in the same language) ....Even if they are being a pain in the butt! This works wonders. The Asian clients always wait for us to bow first and that's an important sign of honor as well. Better to be a bit more formal in business - to CYA !!

It's not rocket science, but it does make life better. Kindness is no big deal.

I grew up being trained to refer to others with "Yes Ma'am" and "No Sir". We were also required to follow any requests with "Please" and "Thankyou".

I have been as careful as I can with teaching my daughter to reply politely and to say "Please" or "Thankyou. I haven't been demanding of the "Yes Ma'am" type of phrase but I've tried to direct her away from "Yeah" to at least a "Yes".

I the store or out where a person who doesn't know me but wants to get my attention and says "Ma'am?" I do feel odd. Mostly cause up until fairly recently the call was made "Miss?" and now it's "Ma'am?" I just feel older. I still appreciate the courtesy.

As for using first names - I tend to use first names with neighbors and the like. When referring to other adults, people in authority, or especially people significantly older than me I tend to call them Mr or Mrs. My in-laws have encouraged me to use first names or whatever I like with them but I just can't call them by their first names. I feel uncomfortable unless I'm using Mom or Dad.

Im only 19, but I really don't mind the title sir... I work in retail (very very temporary, haha, only a part time job through school), and I get it fairly often. I had a gym teacher (who was later on my soccer coach) who would regularly call all of us "Mr. (last name)" right from kindergarten. As such, I've gotton used to the titles of respect. They don't bother me in the least.

I had an older man (noticeably older- he had little signs up all over his office that he is a grandpa) at the body shop I went to call me "ma'am." I didn't even notice it, except for afterwards when I thought to myself, "Hey, isn't that what they're all worked up about over at the TFP?" Heh.

Honestly, I don't do that all of the time. It really depends (and I recognize that it shouldn't): If we are grabbing a bite to eat at Taco Bell, probably not. However, if we are at a restaurant, I definitely will. I also like to open the car door rather than just press a button and go to my side. Primarily, I do this because of coats, skirts, dresses, etc. getting caught in the door when it's closed. If I am over there, then I can give a final check and make sure everything is tucked.

I also place my napkin on the back of my chair when leaving the table. I always excuse myself from the table. I ask what she is having in conversation prior to ordering and order for her. However, if there are extra questions (How would you like your steak cooked, what kind of salad dressing, etc.), then I absolutely let her answer those questions. Finally, if we are on a double date, I will call the other couple and assist the other woman in coordinating attire with my wife - so that they can dress at the same level (skirt, jeans, dress) and know what colors the other is wearing. My wife typically forgets about this part, which is why I remember so she won't be embarrassed.

My mom taught me these things. I love my mom!

lol i'm pretty young and when someone calls me ma'am i certainly dont take offense..its just a show of respect as far as i'm concerned :) sometimes i'll use mr. /ms. *whatever* and sometimes i'll use sir/ma'am..it just depends on the person :)

Your mom is a woman of taste and class. :thumbsup:

Whenever we go out on a double date or have one of my sister's boyfreind's over for dinner, we train him to do most of those things, and take positive glee out of torturing him if he doesn't do them properly. The napkin on the back of the chair is a new one; I'm going to have to add that to the repertoire. :D

If you leave the table and intend to return, then you fold it and drape it over your chairback. If you have completed the meal and intend to leave, you fold it and place it where you found it, usually under the fork(s). Wadding it up and throwing it on your plate is something Mr. Britney Spears would do.

I don't get insulted by the ma'am-ing, but it does weird me out. But I specifically don't want to be called Mrs.-- because I work in the same hospital as my mother-in-law... that's just too much for me. I just let people know with a laugh. Miss is fine, I'm still pretty young - I just wish they'd figure out that I'm not in HS!!
Growing up, I just called people whatever they told me to, though I usually started with a Mr./Mrs..... I do think people need to chill. Although, in NYC, if someone's calling you 'lady', it's usually not nice, so that one, yeah, I'd be insulted.

I was raised to say Sir and Ma'am. Being raised that way it always seemed polite and proper and when I hear children speaking to adults with the same familiarity they would have with their peers it frankly grates on my nerves. I have a stepdaughter that is more than a handful and often quite rude. I believe if she had been raised to use Sir and Ma'am and treat adults with deference then she might not have some of the behavioral problems she has today. I still use Sir and Ma'am to this day (I'm 37) and just think its more civil. People used to dress up to take an airplane trip or even go shopping. People at one time considered courtesy and respect to be important values and that exhibiting those values gave ones own life more worth. They were right. Today the guy next to me on the plane is likely to be wearing flip-flops and a stained sports jersey, get drunk and berate the flight attendants. In a restaurant many if not most of the guys heads will be adorned with backwards baseball caps and wearing shorts and speak rudely and crudely while others try to enjoy their meals. I don't know, I could just stand to hear a little more courtesy and simple polite respect from others these days. I always feel a little better when I do.

I completely agree with your post, except for this part. I wear sweats and loafers on planes because I refuse to have any metal on my body. I slip my shoes off and fly through security. I used to dress up, like you say, but with today's security - I can't afford the body cavity searches. :lol:

well, this summer, i'll do my best to raise the level of common courtesy in dallas :) youu may bump into me in a bar or restaurant over the summer, as i'll be interning in the city