stealing pizza
 

If this should go somewhere else please feel free o moderator

This happened about a year ago. I was living in my fraternity house, and, because I want to excuse myself, at a time when our house had been going thorugh alot of shit. Anyways on with the story.

So as everyone who's been to college knows there's a fairly easy way to get free pizza if you really need. You just call and order several pizzas for different dorms, and you set it so the delivery guy will take the one's you don't want first. Since they're always busy as shit, at least in my town, they often leave the door unlocked, which is fine unless they're being scammed. So this is a pretty reliable way to get a pizza once and a while and to piss off the drivers.

What follows is a highly un-reliable way to get pizza and which I strongly reccomend against.

Well I'm drunk. Proper drunk. Correction, crunk.

It's about 7-8 in the evening, on a Friday as I recall. We'd been drinking since 3 or 4. Out of nowhere someone notices a pizza car outside, and the driver is the FAT ass lady, and it's obvious there are a bunch of pizza's in the car.

"Hey, we should steal some pizzas!" (this is someone who wants pizza)
"Fuck yeah" (this is everyone)
"Fuckit, lets roll" (this is me, president of the house)

So apparently it was clear to everyone else, as it ought to have been, that I was drunker than most. On a side note I'm not even hungry at this point, I'd just eaten. So we're standing in the front lobby watching for where delivery lady is, getting psyched and all, I'm sure some of you can understand this kind of drunkin masterplanology.

She grabs a pizza and goes around the corner.

"Go, go, go" (pizza wanting dude)

Door opens. I bust out like a madman. (asside to the viewer: I can run, btw, quite fast, I play striker in soccer and run sprints in track.) Everyone else busts out slightly less madly, then stands on the porch, bastards. Of course I don't notice the porch standing or anything the like and I rush to complete the objective.

I grab the handle, unlocked, beauty. I pop it open and grab two of the big heating things they keep the pizza in. I dash back to the house, right in the front door as deliverylady comes back around the corner. I suppose
I should mention that the car was parked RIGHT out front, as if it had come to our place. Oh and the police saw the whole thing go down, they were cruising down the street as I busted out the door.

So to the outside observer the crime looks something like this. Pizza lady walks off, guy runs out door, opens car, takes pizza, runs back in same door. Play time, 30 seconds.

As I'm running back in some friends are coming up to the house, so they see everything too. Back in the house and celebrating for all of 30 seconds before I realize that she must have seen everything. So 'pizza wanting guy' and the other main instigator, not really drunk at all of course, realize that the jig is up so they take the pizzas right back. I'm too drunk to give a rats ass about all these details though so I go get high upstaris. That, I should note, was brilliant.

Well and then police come of course. Two officers and some campus security. No what follows, while all true, had to be partially reconstructed after the fact. So the police want to talk to the grils that came up to the house as I was running back in. I won't allow it. I refuse, seriosuly, I think I'm defending the girls honor or something equally lofty.

Now right about here is where I forget that it was me that stole the pizza, seriosuly.

I'm going around the house asking if anyone knows who stole the pizza. No joke, I'm busting into peoples rooms demanding to know "what fucking idiot stole the pizza right in front of our house?"

I'm back downstairs and since I can't find the thief I'm starting to get pissed that security and the GPD are still here, this is my house goddmanit and get the fuck out. So I start a yelling match with the police, and I'm winning of course, drunkest person wins every yelling match. I'm talking down to these cops like they had stolen my shit and caused a huge problem.

At one point I challenge one of our finest to a fight.

"I wanna fight you, you know I'll win, I'll fucking beat you, I know my rights you can't tresspass here" and on and on, all the classics.

Now, while I may be on the track team, I'm not in the boxing, weightlifting, or wrestling clubs. I don't fight, ever, I'm small, 5'7, 140lbs small. I'm actually the conflict resolution guy 99% of the time. I think what I meant was, 'I want to have an argument with you', but it didn't come out that way.

As this carries on the cops somehow never realize that this drunkin raving asshole is actually the guy that stole the pizzas. And why would they? No one in their right mind would come and defend other accused people in this manner if they were guilty, right?

So I ended spitting on one of the cops, not intentionally, no luggie, just a mouthful of spittle as I rant to the heavens. Then I stutter step like I'm going to make a break, then nothing. More yelling, I walk off at some point to go smoke some more.

Well I'm sure I've missed some juicy details and I've got no ending, but you get the picture.


Wake up the next morning, nothing happens. Next day coming back from the gym I find a police officers calling card. So I call and try and turn myself in about 5 times, they don't want me. I go to the copshop and they just tell me to come back or call later.

So I shave, I had a mountain man beard, I'll post it some time, and clean up, which I can do nicely. Finally about 4 days after the incident the GPD rolls up at 7 am to take me in.

It's boring after that, Criminal Tresspass of a motor vehicle (misdemeanor luckily) jail, court, fines, 2 years court suppervision, humiliation, you know the works.


So the moral of the story, dont be a fuck.


anyone else got good pizza stealing stories?

wow, thats quite a story!

You seriously got jail time for stealing a couple of pizza's?

In the UK house burgulary first offense is an automatic probation and no jail time...

Just curious, how much would have calling the pizza place, placing an order, and paying cash for the pizza would have cost? :dD

That's so completely ridiculous. Where's the punishment? A person can break into a place that does not belong to them, take soemthing that does not belong to them, and all they get is probation? Unreal

first offense you get probation or a community service order. We had a guy who stole $60,000 of gas from our company on fraudulent credit card usage... he got 40 hours community service. But obviously crime with a corporate victim is far less serious in the eyes of the police and court.

3rd or 4th offence burgulary you would probably get 18 months, serve 9...

If you bash someone over the head and steal their cell phone in the street you get 2 years (1 year served obv)... if you break into their house and nick their phone and TV and wallet, you get promotion... its just the way the law works.

In the UK, the police will not visit your house if you get broken into. They will give you a police no for insurance claim and thats it. Basically, unless they are caught red handed, house break in's are not normally investigated. The police investigate seriously all violent crime, some drug stuff, car crim (ie speeding etc, cos it is low cost high return) and thats about it, they simply have limited resource and put it where they can... its simply to expensive to put every robber or petty drug dealer in jail and keep them there are $120,000 a year. They cost less to be left on the streets.

and i didnt get jail time, just while they were booking me, sorry for that confusion.

i've actually got much better stories and i'll tell them some time

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/bsp/h...5_intruder.pdf

That's a bunch of crap in my opinion.

let's leave the hoodlums on the streets... yeah that's a deterrent.

It would have cost about two six packs that contributed to the drunkeness in the first place ;)

Classic college story with a good recommendation at the end. "don't be a fuck". :D

A trick I know of is to simply call up saying that one of the pizzas recieved had the incorrect topping and that one of the fellows is allergic to it, and they'll send out another pizza free of charge. Local Dominoe's sends out so many pizzas it isn't unexpected, my buddy does this whenever he gets pizza, order always includes one bonus.

uhh whyd you turn yourself in? :S i enjoyed the story though, besides the turning yourself in part

Yeah, why did you turn yourself in?

I would have taken it as a sign from God that I wasn't supposed to be caught :p

But then again, I would not have tried to steal pizzas in the first place.

Funny story though.

they found out eventually that it was me :(

my other storeis all involve the not turning it bit, i'm quite a fan of it too

wow...thanks for wasting like 6 minutes of my life. Great story.

Ahhh... okay. After reading the story again it makes sense.

I think I might of snuck a slice away from a friend when he wasn't looking. I'm hardcore like that.

Asta!!

Best Pizza story ever!

Hmmmm. A lot of words came to mind as I was reading that story. Sad, pathetic, juvinile, etc. Funny wasn't even near the top of the list.

You have the astounding ability to be harshly judgemental. I'll bet it makes a really good life skill.

qweds begins by admitting to stealing from delivery drivers as "a pretty reliable way to get a pizza once and a while and to piss off the drivers". He expresses no regret for the harm he's caused these drivers.

He admitted to stealing as a crime of opportunity, took a shot at the driver's size, and was belligerent with police who were merely doing their jobs.

Sad, pathetic, and juvenile, are, I think, accurate descriptors of his actions that day, and no more harsh than the way he describes them himself.

I do applaid queds for turning himself in in the following days. It shows at least some recognition that what he did was wrong, and demonstrates a strength of character not present the night before. I hope that person is the one that better represents who he truly is.

I am sorry but I about laughed my ass off at this story. Yea its wrong but man its funny as hell as he sits there yelling at the cops asking who stole it and he was the one. I can imagine your frat buddies laughing there asses off.

So who pays for the Pizzas that get stolen normally , do the drivers have to make the cost up for leaving their doors unlocked? Just wondering cos I dont think ANY crime is ever a victimless crime.
You have a nice way of writing a story though, kept me interested till the end.

:rolleyes:

This person has no college humour at all.

haha. great story
I'm off to class... Then moving to the UK. I got harsher fines and punishment for speeding.

That shit is not funny. Drivers are out there working and you are costing them money by putting in fake orders and bullshit like that. It's too bad you didn't get caught sooner and given a real punishment (like jail time).

Good story man, you did act like an ass but I won't hold it against you.

Hooray for alcoholism.

Wow, interesting story qweds. Gives me a little pause because those stupid drunk happenings in college can quickly spiral out of control if you're not careful. Everyone has a story like that. What did two years worth of court supervision entail?

The pizza place writes it off on profit/loss. Varying only in minor details, this is how most or all pizza businesses handle debt. I have heard that they can report this on their taxes.

Doesn't make this kind of behaviour acceptable, none-the-less, as I see it.

Some companies may do that, but it would be legal in some places to make the driver pay for it out of pocket.

What about the potential tips the driver loses because of that bullshit? Wasted gas? Did you ever think this shit might cost someone his job? No, you were hungry and didn't want to pool $20 together.

As a driver myself it's bad enough to have one prank order, let alone a few plus some waste of flesh stealing shit out of your car.

I can't believe the author of this thread actually bragged about doing this. Maybe I should go around stealing money from people and make a thread about it. Like I said before it's a shame you didn't get jail time for this.

story seems funny but made up or exxagerated

...court supervision, but you have 3 different listed locations
...5'7 and a striker in university, not happening
...would have gotten community service for that particular crime in those circumstances...nothing else..

Great story. I used to get pizza when I was in highschool by calling the pizza place and placing a huge pick-up order then not show. About 45min-1hour after the employees would just take all the pizza we ordered and throw it in the trash, worked almost eveytime, just had to make sure they did not lock the trash bin though.

just an aside, but it's completely plausible. depends on how big the uni and/or its football program is. alot of mid-to-small sized unis over here in the states.

well to try and answer all the naysayers,

1) entirely true to the last detail, on my honor. (i play for knox college about 1,200 students, and we suck, very bad)
2) i got court supervision2 years which means dont get caught doing anything or ur fucked
3)it was pappa johns, who do well enough, and I had to reimburse them for the pizzas, which were returned anyways
4)i'm well aware it's entirely juvenile, asshole, it's not a bragging story, i have others of those, this is an extremely embarassing story, i'm not one nor have i been for a long time, who fucks with ppl for fun
5)saying this is a reliable way to get pizza...only the lowest form of humor my good sir.
6) the three locations thing, you mean where I live? i was born in great falls montana then moved to vancouver bc, then sechelt bc, then kelowna bc until college when i moved to illinois where this took place. i was also on an abroad program to russia , if you're talking about something else clarify and i will.

good story, im surprised your frat didn't get fucked, you guys would have been at my school

Only if the situation proved that the driver was at fault. It is actually illegal to hold an employee responsible for another person's actions. It is a write-off. Drivers are paid a wage plus their tips, just like "dine and dash", sometimes it's a fact of the job. It's a really cruel thing to do.

I agree with kutulu. However, Kutulu, qweds stated in the original post, they didn't do this because they were hungry...they did it for the fun of it.

I agree. However, Kutulu, if you were to "go around stealing money from people and then make a thread about it" you would be a hypocrite. In agreeance, it is a disappointment to see others brag about doing something, in my opinion, so childish and immature.

Qweds, your "moral of the story" of being a "fuck" doesn't come close to the lesson you should have learned.

I really dislike a person who steals needlessly. The way I see it, Qweds, you've got a lot of bad karma coming your way if it hasn't already arrived. I'm not envious...

The original poster wasn't bragging. That's just misreading the post. He admitted it was a stupid idea and that he feels bad for it. Damn, some people took this too far...it was just an amusing story about how he fucked up.

-Lasereth

I love college :) !!!!!! GOod shit man haha

You guys need to lighten up a little. Obviously everything got sorted out and Queds got punished. It's not your place to harrasshim for something that he paid for, christ.
On a lighter note, Hilarious story queds.

Yeah, he said TWICE that he was not bragging about it. He just wanted to share a story with us. I for one like to hear stories like this, because I think they're funny. No one is praising this guy for stealing the pizzas, and he himself said he feels bad about, and recommends against it.

Comments condemning this guy is a great way to make other people not want to share their stories of stupid things they may have done.

Quoted from original post.

All things being said and done, I'll have to side with the "naysayers" on this one. I don't get any solid indication that qweds felt remorse for this stunt. We know that driver didn't end up being out of pocket and that Pappa John's is no worse for the wear, but that's not the point.

One's actions aren't considered to be right or wrong solely because of the consequences. This story does nothing to change my opinion that the vast majority of college students are spoiled.

qweds, other than "don't be a fuck," what did you actually learn from this experience?

As well, I disagree that this is not bragging. It's easy to say, but actions speak louder than words and putting your story into the start of a thread signals that you want it to be heard. I'd like to know the motivation behind putting the story up in the first place.

eh.... he seemed to know that what he did was a regrettable idea only hours after he did it, before he even got the consequences of his actions

he got his punishment, he accepted it, he's not suggesting that he didn't deserve it. and it was a pretty petty theft, i for one am glad that you don't get thrown in jail every time you take (and return) twenty bucks worth of food.

"let he who is without sin..." right guys?