StanT

During a conversation with one of my friends, a interesting discussion came up. It seems one of our mutual friends couldn't go skiing this weekend because he was out ice climbing with his girlfriend. In addition to ice climbing, they rock climb and ski together, Both are in the IT business. They have been going out for a few years. I made the statement "Damn, he ought to marry that girl". My buddy disagreed and said he'd never marry anyone that had similar interests. He wanted time apart.

My wife & I ski together and we both ride our own motorcycles. We hike and snowshoe. We originally met in a judo class, where we beat the crap out of each other before we started dating.

So, what do you prefer? Do opposites attract? Or do you prefer to share similar interests?

mazagmot

I prefer someone with similar interests since it gives you something to talk about. Helps when it's something physically active, like hiking or rock climbing. You get all that blood flowing, breathing hard; all the endorphins... That's love, baby.

Suave

I think the whole "opposites attract" thing is geared more toward personality than interests. Quiet + talkative, aggressive + compromising, et cetera.

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lurkette

I think what matters most is whether your personality types are compatible. Shared interests probably are an indicator that your underlying personalities are at least somewhat similar, but are not sufficient in themselves to make a good relationship.

ratbastid and I are very different in a lot of ways - he's more easy-going, I'm more anxious; I'm motivated and like to plan, he likes to relax and just let things happen; he gets energy from being around other people, I need some solitude to recharge. The important thing is that we respect each other's differences and see the value of how the other person works. When we're both in go-getter busy mode, we hardly see each other and it's very draining. If we were both laid back and didn't like to plan stuff, we'd end up sitting on the couch watching a week's worth of Tivo'ed shows. You put us together and we balance each other out. Our primary interests aren't the same, but we have enough other stuff in common (movies, music, food tastes, etc.) that we find stuff to do together, but those things aren't what keep our relationship working.

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Blackthorn

Have you ever seen James Carville & Mary Matalin?

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What are you willing to give up in order to get what you want?

mazagmot

Carville and Matalin both like politics :P

Blackthorn

But you have to admit he's one ugly-sum-beeotch!

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What are you willing to give up in order to get what you want?

aintyoboyfriend

I think opposites attracting works better for friendships than relationships, personally.

I can disagree with a friend, or want to do different things, and we can move on. In a relationship, sometimes that can cause a lot of stress, and problems.

World's King

Ask minyn. Her and I are very different. But there is something there that works.

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TexanAvenger

I don't know, I think it's important for people to have similar interests, but not the same opinions.

Say, for instance, two people that both love literature, but disagree on the best style of writing... or both love politics, but are opposed on several issues. Some opposition is, I think, necessary. It's great opposition that has the ability to rend a pair, but not simple differences.

kitsune

well first of all i don't think that similar interests should really define what makes people compatible. that's the reason you shouldnt marry someone who's like you, it doesn't mean you're the same if you do the same things... if you married someone with different interests it'd probably just be more likely to work because it wasn't boring? and anyways opposites attracting is a property of some scientific based thing, that doesn't mean it goes for peoples personalities too? yeah sure, sometimes people look for lovers who are everything that person could never be, but that's just a personal preference... being in love doesnt mean anything more than loving something about a person just like you would love something about a movie or a dessert, it's not a different kind of magical thing or something... if you love something about someone, then you love something about someone, and if you are compatible enough with eacohther to feel comfortable enough to say "let's get married" then why would you even re-concider it? i think marriaged just end up not working because people feel obliged to stay with eachother after they're married. it's like if you were planning on staying home all day and watching a simpsons marathon, and then someone tried to tell you that you couldn't change the channel, you'd probably want to change the channel. what does getting married even mean besides you can't date other people? it's rediculous. it's rediculous that anyone would want to date two people at once, or that romantic social interactions should be based on "dates" in the first place: why can't males and females seeking romantic relationships just be like friends? why does it have to be this weird game with weird rules and why do people try so hard to read into all of it? if you can talk with someone on a deep level and you feel comfortable around someone and you understand eachother and you're willing to be there for eachother and you don't get in the way of eachothers interests then you are compatible to be married. personal interests or activities shouldn't have anything to do with it.

ShaniFaye

Dave and I enjoying doing most of the same things....he likes things that scare me...rock climbing, scuba diving (he's currently trying to talk me into getting certified in that).

He and I can have a good time doing ANYTHING....I mean heck we are talking about a guy that actually enjoys going to bridal shows with me hehehe...you cant get much better than that.

Our personalities are what is different....Im a typical cancer, moody and emotional, his calm cool collected non moodiness completely compliments me. We are friends, we respect each other.....respect is a key thing.....it doesnt matter what two people have in common, if there is no respect there for the things they dont its not worth it.

My first hubby didnt enjoy doing anything I enjoyed....actually he didnt enjoy doing anything lol I've been on more trips and adventures in the last 18 months than I did in the entire 15 years I was married.

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veruca

My husband and I are oppisates, in the personality sense. We share the same views on the things that really matter..but the way we react to things is very differant..and as for hobbies/interests...we share some and have some very differant ones..which is good, we can have fun together, but still have time apart.

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tres

I agree with veruca, if you like the same things, it give you stuff to do, and stuff to talk about. As long as each of you still have your time apart to be themselves, than great. Sometimes enjoying your favorite sport alone, is a different experience than enjoying it with an SO. For an example. If I go to a bar with my SO and some friends.. Its a great time. But if I go myself with some friends, we talk about the hot/ugly girls, and make comments and jokes that you really don't mean, but you could never act like that around your SO.

Gilda

I think that some personality characteristics are such that they work better if the couple complement each other, and others work best if they are shared.

For example, my SO likes to be the one in charge of the household, and I like to have someone else take the lead. If she suggests I wear a particular dress when we're going out, I wear that dress, no questions asked. We both get something out of it that we need; she gets to be the one in control and gets to see me dressed as she likes, and I don't have the stress of deciding what I need to do to please her and get the pleasure of knowing I've pleased her.

But there are also characteristics that make a relationship stronger if they are shared instead of different. Certain values, such as how important monogamy is, or whether to have children and how to raise them, work to strengthen a relationship when shared and may weaken it if they are not.

MiSo

me and my current gf of four years have very few similar hobbies. we like different things and thats okay. the love is there and that's what keeps up together.

Sometimes though, i do with that i had a gf who i can share my interest in.
i'm not the type of guy who can talk for hours and hours, i dont like to gossip.
i'm more of a listener most of the time with my gf. i rarely have anything to say most of the times so i wish we had more interest in common who i can be more open with her, have more things to talk about, and spend time doing said "interesting" things with. i'm into anime/manga, thrilling amusement park rides, wide variety of movies (she's mostly into chick flicks, and deathly afraid of scary movies) sight seeing, and others i can't remember. i dont get to do alot of the things i want to because she wouldn't be happy or complain about how boring it is when i'm just starting to get really interested in whatever.

So in short,
I sometimes wish we'd have more in common so that there'd be a stronger bond between us.

Charlatan

My wife and I are very similar in a lot of things... Different enough to keep things interestesting and challenging but similar enough that we rarely fight...

It all depends on what turns your crank. Some people like to have partners that are their opposite (i.e. a Dominant with a sub).

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