NoSoup

Recently, I ran across a web-site that made me realize how very seldom I see someone help another person without the expectation that they will recieve something back. It strikes me as rather unfortunate that this happens so frequently. Whatever happened to people just helping people out of the kindness of their hearts?

Am I alone in this or do others experience similar views?

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Averett

People are too jaded. We'll give to a charity in emergencies (the tsunami and such), but when it comes to helping individual people just because, we just don't do that.

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maleficent

I like to think I help people out when I am able, my closet clean out excursions go to one of my selected charities, thru another group I found, I send cards and little things to terminally ill children, I've done multiple Christmas projects where (with agroup of friends) we've sent off Christmas presents to children who otherwise might not have a Christmas, I tried to give the coat off my back to a homeless woman - then rescinded my offer when she berated me for not giving her cash.

But, I'm also quite cynical and jaded, and I don't take a lot of people's stories at face value. I've gotten sucked into some people's stories of their tales of woe,

Children are a soft spot with me. They didn't pick their living situations. So, if I can help a child, I will, once they turn into adults.... it's time to give back.

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caz

I agree... It would be nice if people could exhibit the same effort in every day interaction that they do in disaster situations. Pay it forward... right?

maleficent

'zackly...

That's sort of the motto I try to go with... and while it goes against the "doing something nice with no expectations" I think everything has an expectation of some sort, whether it's a thank you or something. If more people took the pay it forward approach then we'd probably be a lot better off.

One of my favorite things to read about are Random Acts of Kindness, that's sort of a Pay it Forward event as well, why let that act stop with you?

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ngdawg

I'd rather do the small everyday things...pick up things someone dropped and give them back...hold doors...tell the store clerk I have 2, but he charged me for one(yea, I know, but I do it anyway).
Just basically live the 'golen rule'. It's ok to be jaded or cynical, just doesn't mean you have to do nothing at all.
You never know what kind of sorrows a stranger is carrying....one small gesture can lift some weight.

meembo

As square and dated as it may sound, I'm an old Boy Scout, and the motto "Do a Good Turn Daily" was meant to be anonymous and altruistic, and I think there's a great deal of it happening that never gets attention. "Pay it forward" is a very close cousin of the same idea, and I think decent people everywhere do it every day.

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StanT

I look at it more as "Pay it back". A lot of people have helped me out over the years. While I can't necessarily pay them back directly, I can help out other people on their behalf.

ergdork

I have to go with ngdawg - Do unto others and all that. Its such a simple rule. And really, how often do those little everyday kindnesses take anything at all from us. Its not like its hard to hold the door a little bit longer for the person behind you.

This past Christmas, I was really impressed with my little brother. My parents told me that one day after a work party, he took all the left overs (a ton of em), put them in his car, and started driving around San Francisco just plating up food for the homeless.

But really for me, its not selfless - there's nothing better than bringing a suprised smile to someones face. As we are all so jaded, small acts of kindness can go so much further.

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Manuel Hong

I agree and I think that this forum is an exceptonal slice of humanity, yet I do see many people doing nice things on a daily basis anyway. Perhaps it's what I choose to see, for if I focused on the creeps out there, it might leave me jaded. I tend to surround myself with healers and helpers and more often than not, try to help out others regularly. I don't think about the payback, but it does come back. It also shows others an example of a kind and selfless way to behave.
Here in the Northeast, I've seen a troubling tendency to adopt the attitude of "me first"; I haven't seen as much of this on the west coast. The fast pace of life can cause so many people to lose sight of what's important. Opening their eyes is a wonderful way to send a ripple of conciousness outward. It can also help to unburden the folks who are so self-absorbed that they are really quite unhappy. That's where the genuine sympathy comes in...seeing someone behaving badly and having pity for them in their supreme disillusionment. They are the ones that need it the most. (poor bastards)

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Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)

viejo gringo

I do it all the time because I am retired---the only problem is to get people from thinking they have to pay me something...

The only ones that don't are the people we help at the food pantry every month....and they just pay by always saying "thank you" and we always make them feel at ease by thanking them for coming...

Melka

Do you think it's enough to take advantage of the small opportunities that life presents to you? Saying thank you, opening the door for someone, loaning a dollar to the person ahead of you in line that didn't have enough money; or should we be making the effort to step-up and find ways to help others?

ergdork

Absolutely Melka - we should do more. My only point is that the BARE MINIMUM should be these things. Common curtesy and kindness take nothing from us and can surprise a stranger and make their day better. Stopping by the side of the road and checking on/waiting with a motorist whose car broke down, or take time out of your day to go to a soup kitchen, etc are the things we should actually be working to do.

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"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."
- Robin Williams

Suave

I like to help people when I can and feel confident enough to do so. I do generally hope for recognition that I've helped them though. One of the issues that causes people not to help others is that they are afraid they will do the wrong thing and screw it up; social embarassment is one of the most unliked emotions we have. Another is that if it is in a public place or with a group, they get the mentality that "some one else will help them". Unfortunately, a lot of the time everyone has that mentality.

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"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato