Most stupid comment heard at work
 

What is the most stupid comment you have ever heard at you job - either current or past or hell both?

While working at a pharmacy I was once asked, "Can you recommend a better tasting suppository - the ones I bought taste like shit."

I tried not to laugh (while at the same time not tell the man why it was so appropriate that they do taste like shit) and suggested that he ask the Pharmacist for his advice. I don't think the Pharmacist ever forgave me.

Oh boy. Too many to list. A favorite would from when I worked at a home center. A woman asked for fiberglass insulation that came in a color other than pink. Seems pink doesn't match the brown carpet in her living room where she was stapleing the insulation (glass side out) to the walls!

Another would be the guy who came up to me and asked if the hose he was holding in one hand would fit on the pipe nipple he had in the other hand. Now first of all, he's got eyes, why can't he tell? or just fit the two together? But it gets better. He's having a new home built and the foundation was just poured. It's going to be cold that night, so he wants to hang a gas fired space heater to keep it warm. Well, he needs a gas source, so his neighbor agreed to let him tap off his natural gas line outside the house (huh?) and he's going to run 100' of GARDEN HOSE to the space heater!!! After all NG pressure is only 3lb per square inch, so the house can handle it! He'll just press fit the hose over a pipe nipple and clamp it on.
I could not persuade the guy that this was suicidal, so I finally said "well that pipe nipple won't fit, and we don't have one that will" So off he went to another store that maybe had better luck than me.

Or how about the most common question I got while at the store:
"I'm selling my house. How do I make my (sink, bathroom, faucet whatever) look like it's working/fixed?"

Or the woman who got a great deal on used 8' tall wrought iron fencing and wanted to know how to install it accross the middle of her living room to keep her dogs out?.

Stupidest: Will this be on the test?

Scariest: Can you help me get my zipper unstuck?

Whats the "Ctrl" button?

www. what?

Where the hell is the start button?

I don't have any windows on my damn desk!

(on the phone)Where is the power button on my computer, can you reboot it for me?

(on the phone)You see what I see? You dont?!?!

well, this wasn't stupid, but rather funny.

i used to work in a produce department. a few years ago when many Kosovo refugees came to Canada, there would always be a bunch that would come into the store.
one time i was sorting these HUGE grapefuits and i felt a tap on my back. i turned around and this guy says to me (while pointing at the grapefruit) "he he, big lemon" (in a very strong accent)
the look on the guys face was just hilarious.

i guess the funny part is....why the hell did he think he needed to tell me that?!? lol

hmm... I think that hte STUPIDEST was the "excuse me" lady. Big black woman, had come up to the counter in the home dept, and i was folding towels happily, thinking, oh, my coworker has her taken care of. Little did I know, my coworker had just skipped said big black lady, and rung up her friend behind her, and left to go check something for her. so, It's me' and the BBlady, in the store. I don't realize anythings odd till all of a sudden...

"EXCUSE me! Can I get some service here?" in a tone that was just this side of distain, like I was supposed to know she wasn't just waiting for her friend. I apologized, and was then subjected to quite the tirade. "I don't shop here no more! you people dont TREAT black people right!" like I'd done it on purpose!! Sheesh, talk about easily insulted!

Once, when I was the foreman of a roofing crew, this goofy kid seriously asked me, "why do I always get blamed for everything I do?"

I shoulda wrote down all the things this moron said, you really wouldn't believe it.

Here's an actual e-mail from a departmental client....
(I work in IT, and we were having trouple with an application server.....)

"I talked to my brother-in-law over christmas about our (application) problems (he fixes computer software problems for a living). Without much information except describing our system he said " and your processor is maxed out when you ask it do something" (more or less) so I said " yes".
He told me that the most common problem is that some "dll files" "go sideways" (don't load properly?) when installing the operating system and that prevents the application software from communicating properly and therefore the processors go nuts. "

holy fuck....

you should have told him that his computer is dirty and he must throw it in the bath, quickly.

a coworker said things we called Omisms... something to ponder.

"The dolphins were horrible they were acting like wild animals"

"This person is a writer why aren't they using Word?"

lol! some of these are really funny :)

i dont have anythink at hand at the moment, if i come up with anything ill post it

I think the tech support people of the world are the farmers of these crops... I too had HUGE list when I worked at HP.

Among the best conversation pieces:

"You mean I have to plug it in?"
"Your printer TOLD me the error." (as in vocally)
"Your scanning software sucks... it's scanning everything up-side down."
"I have macintosh XP."

My favorite one aside from the above, just reaffirms my thoughts about customers, no matter who they are:

"Listen, I am a nationally syndicated radio producer on 1000 US stations, and I am going to tell everyone how much I hate this printer... what do you say to that?"

After holding back truck-fulls of sarcasm, I calmly ended that call and found out what radio show hes on...

(Honest to God):
billy bob and jed's radio morning bonanzaa! From Chattanooga TN!

I was talking with billy bob's producer!

I work at a car lot. We dont do any financing here. Here are a couple that I get all the time.

DO you finance? No, you have to get your own financing. OK, Then what bank do you go through?

How long have you had this car? Like it really matters.

What is the lowest you will take for this car. I say, $2000. They say, will you take $1000?

How long is this car going to last me?

The tried and true dumb question that I hear almost everyday has got to be the old, "Do you work here?" No, I like to dress in a garish shirt with this store's name on it with a nametag just because it gives me great personal satisfaction to screw with your little mind.

Working in a library, dumbest question/person was this guy who wanted to take a bunch of books out, but didn't want to join the library and refused to give his personal details. Kepts saying 'I don't have to become a member! I pay my taxes!' After handling him politely for 20 minutes, he dumped all the books on the counter and left.

it's also fun having to usher the dirty old men out of the children's room, where they were sitting, staring at the little girls and pretending to read.

Can't claim credit for this one, but I love it too much. Conversation between a friend who worked at the Oxford (England) Tourist Information Centre and an American man. I've called them E and A...

E: How may I help you?
A: Oxford University has lots of colleges right?
E: Yes it does.
A: Well what are the big ones?
E: There's Magdalen, Balliol, Brasenose, Exeter, Jesus..
A: [interupting excitedly] Jesus College? Really? Is that where he went?

Gotta love Americans.

Well this isn't that stupid but sorta funny. I was helping my mom clean out my brother's room. And she found a box of unused pencils. And my mom asks me "Do people even use pencils anymore?" I was confused for a couple seconds and just laughed.

Two of 'em:

While working at BK, one of my female co-workers came in while off-duty wearing a pair of pants covered in zippers. Covered in 'em. Zippers everywhere.

She says, "Pick a zipper!"

So I did. Too bad she stopped me before I got it down, though. :( After all, which zipper would you pick?


And the other:

A member of the Board of Directors is addressing all the people in the building at a mandatory employee meeting.

"[the CEO] is leaving for other opportunities. If you see him in the hall, be sure to wish him hell."

That had to be one of the best Freudian slips I've ever heard. We all thought that would be a good place for him, after all. and would have wished him hell.

A co worker (17 YO) once inflated a truck tyre to half normal pressure prior to putting it onto the back of a ute, then proceeded to pump it up to the full pressure. Stupid me, I asked Why? His answer.... So that it would be lighter, and therefore easier to lift onto the back of the ute.
....I see. The greater the air pressure, the heavier the object.

http://www.revman.com/toa/Atanfiles/stupid.jpg

Not quite on topic, but eh ... workrelated :D

I used to work at the only restaruant in my home town. Now were tiny and in a valley. There is one road which connects us to the coast and the bay area. Some guy drove into town from the bay area, pulled off and then proceded to ask me which way to the ocean. I stared at him (nice new BMW, trophy wife, obviously a .com'er) and point to the way he came and said "back that way". He got in his car turned around and proceded to go back.

edit: ummm......Atanvarno....I have a mouse wiht no buttons :p

I really like the StupidaMouse. It works for me!

My favorite was when my company hired this older guy who said he had 10 yrs experience vs. my 5 yrs. Our boss had us in a "competition" to see who would be the better senior manager, so every chance he got in front of our boss he would ask me stupid ass questions and tell me I was an idiot when I told him my answer. One day (in front of our boss) he asked me "B, if you fill this 1 liter jar w/ gas how much gas will be in the jar".
I said "uuuhh 1 liter..."
To which he screamed at the top of his lungs "YOU ARE AN IDIOT, HOW CAN YOU BE SUCH AN IDIOT?!?"
To which I asked in a calm voice "OK, you tell me how much gas would be in the 1 liter jar?"
"5 liters you idiot!"
From there all I had to do was look at my boss and ask "what did I do to you? Did I piss you off that bad, please tell me, I swear I'll never do it again.. Just please make him to go away before I shoot him."

Note: in the end he explained that he was thinking of a 5 gallon bucket, and apologized, but still the man was (and still is) an idiot thankfully I work for another company.

I am a loan officer and was attempting to close a loan for one of our customers, though I was having a tough time getting ahold of the Auto Dealership that was supposed to fax me the purchase contract. When I finally did get through, I spoke with a young sounding girl loudly chewing her gum. I explained that I needed it as quickly as possible, and she agreed she would fax it to me. Close to an hour later, I still hadn't received the fax, so I called back. She seemed agitated, but agreed she would fax it over right away.

A couple of minutes later, I recieved the purchase contract with a big, white square that said "Fax Immediately" and my fax number on it.

I called her back and said that I think she had faxed it with a post-it note attached. She responded angrily with "Well-take it off you idiot"

Sometimes, I find it difficult that some people have the ability to chew gum and breathe at the same time....

I was at the beach once in a small shop within two minutes walking distance of the coast. So damn close even, there was sand tracked into this shop. The beach was however, hard to see from this shop's door because of another building... but you could hear the waves, see the seagulls, etc. They had a list of questions that customers asked... here are the ones I recall:

- is the beach close by?
- is there sand at this beach?
(there is a famous rock formation off the coast known has Haystack rock, right outside the frickin window of this place)
- Where is haystack rock?
- Do you sell campfire logs?
(washington is still like three hours a-frickin-way)

- Is this washington, or oregon?
(big sign outside the door that says:

BEACH SHOPPING GALLERIA
CAMP FIRE LOGS SOLD HERE

I wish I could remember more, but I don't remember the rest.

I don't think I have laughed this hard in a long time.

I am sure there is more, but recently a woman called the store, and told me there was a hole digger in the flyer we had out. Knowing full well that there wasn't I asked her what page. There was no post hole digger, so I asked what price to find out what she was talking about.

It was a role of wire fence. When I told her it was not a hole digger, she gets mad and asks "Well, what do YOU think it is"

All I could say was "well the text right next to it indicates that it is wires fence"

She hung up....

Not a question, but the situation was just absurd. I was working in a big department store and happened by when this happened on 23 rd of December. People are shopping the last minute gifts and decorations. There's a long line to the gift wrapping table where two girl are doing it as fast as they can, serving a 30-something lady with several items. In really low voice she says: "don't put an effort into making them real pretty.. they are just for myself". That was kinda sad too, but I laughed, bastard as I am.

A small girl (~5) is holding her dad's hand and trying to keep up with his speed. He looks to be in a hurry and not in very good mood. She sees a Santa and some children lining to tell him their xmas present wishes.
Girl: "Dad, do you think that's real Santa?"
Dad: "Not bloody likely."

When I was working in a book store, I once had an entire Indian family come up to my register. The 13 year old girl steps forward and asks, "Do you have <i>My Pussy Don't Do Homework</i>?"
I said, "Posse. You mean Posse. The other means... something else entirely."
About three co-workers heard this, and we're all trying not to bust out laughing at this poor kid.
I did get her the book.

At my office job, three days after a training on Presenting to a large group and two weeks after a training on Grammar, I had to walk out of a meeting where a girl who was in both those classes with me (mandatory classes. Trying to get cheap instruction from me? I think not.) said "sufficiently enough" repeatedly. (She also said "very unique" once.)

Months later I was in the elevator listening to her bitch to her friend about how people don't know how to communicate. I said, "Maybe they haven't been trained sufficiently enough.' She agreed with me, but her friend realized that I had just slammed her, and gave me a grin.

i can't really say i've heard funny crap at work, but i've heard a few howlers at school.

Teacher: Because it's the last day of term today we can have a General Knowledge quiz ok?
A good friend of mine: nice one, what's it about miss?

My buddy was told me that while he was working in a bookstore, he heard a kid in the aisle on one side say, "Momma! Where you is!"

He sees the woman walk from an aisle on the other side and hears her say to the kid, "It ain't 'Where you is?' It's 'Where you be at?'"

my favorite, which i've heard from a few different co-workers in days gone by: "But we've always done it this way..."

I work at a restaurant where we grill sandwiches. I once asked a lady if she would like her sandwich grilled with butter or olive oil. She looked at me confused and asked, what is butter? I was silent for several seconds trying to figure out if she was serious and then explained to her what butter was.

Friend of mine worked at a blind camp.... she told a kid with no eyes to "close her eyes and go to sleep" she realized what she said afterwards. I thought that was pretty humorus when she told me about it.

Not quite a question, but more of a funny story:

I'm a cop in a mid-sized town. It's 3 AM and I'm directing traffic around a minor accident that's blocking the intersection. I'm staring directly at the driver of this small car, who is stopped on one side of the intersection. This guy is the only guy on the road. I'm motioning with my hand for him to go ahead. Thinking he doesn't see me, I motion with my entire arm. I shine my flashlight toward him...I yell "come on"....but still no response. So I approach the car, figuring that he's gonna roll down the window and I'm gonna smell a brewery.

The guy rolls down his window and says "Good morning." I ask the guy "Don't you see me standing there, motioning to you to go?" He says "Yeah, but the light is still red."

As if I was going to stand in the middle of the intersection at three in the morning, signal cars to go through the light, and then pull 'em over and write them a ticket.

I am the youngest person in an office where the average age is about 50 (I'm 30) and I have to deal with that type of attitude all the time. One day a co-worker came up and asked me "You're pretty good with computers, how do I download the internet onto my computer at home?" I almost asked her what size hard drive she had, but held my tongue.

Late July in Columbus Georgia:
Temp 102 Humidity 89%
After spending two hours in a byutal rubber suit,wearing a 40 pound air pack on my back an Officer Candidate acctually asked "Is it hot enough for you?". If I hadn't just sweatout 8 pounds of body fluids I would have killed him

I have a co-worker who is, shall we say, a bit on the heavy side.

A temp worker went up to her one day and said, " You look like someone who knows where all the good restaurants in town are. What would you recommend for lunch?"

Ouch.

Zook - I hate to be a stickler, but air really does have weight, and the more of it in a pressurized container the heavier it will be.

see....

http://users.hubwest.com/hubert/mrscience/science7.html

for an explanation. Apparently 1.2 grams per liter.

Similar story:

I work for one of my jobs in a hotel restaurant. One day three co-workers and myself are rolling silverware into napkins when my boss comes into the room and looks at us (me: tall skinny guy, lisa: short skinny girl and jeff: average height hefty kid) and says "Jeff you look like you're good with cookies"

I howled with laughter while she stammered and tried to say it was because of the way he was rolling silverware........ Jeff agreed with me btw