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12-22-2004, 04:40 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Addict
Location: Wherever I am!
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The 12 politically correct days of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival
"On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult monogamous relationship gave to me:
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note) TEN melanin deprived, testosterone poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping NINE female persons engaged in rhythmic self expression EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk products from enslaved Bovine-Americans SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration (NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens, turtle doves and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.) FOUR hours of recorded whale songs THREE deconstructionist poets TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree" Happy Solstice. Merry Christmas. Happy Chanukah/Hanukkah. Good Kwanzaa. Oh, heck! Happy Holidays!!!! (unless otherwise prohibited by law) Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with a suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.
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If ignorance is bliss, then wipe this smile off my face! |
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12-22-2004, 07:23 PM
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#2 (permalink) |
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lonely rolling star
Location: Seattle.
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I hate political correctness.
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"Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials." -Lin Yutang hearts, by d.a. |
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12-22-2004, 08:30 PM
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#8 (permalink) |
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Wicked Clown
Location: House Of Horrors
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A Politically Correct Christmas Poem
Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves", "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the North Pole, were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety, released to the wilds, by the Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite clear, that Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid! The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh, because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA, And millions of people were calling the Cops, when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops. Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened, and his fur trimmed red suit was called "unenlightened". To show you the strangeness of today's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose. He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation, demanding millions in over-due workers compensation. So...half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life, joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz, demanding from now on that her title was Ms. And as for gifts...why, he'd never had the notion that making a choice could cause such commotion. Nothing of leather, nothing of fur... Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her. Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot, Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys. Nothing that claimed to be gender specific, Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic. No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth. And fairy tales...while not yet forbidden, were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden, for they raised the hackles of those psychological, who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. No baseball, no football...someone might get hurt, besides - playing sports exposed kids to dirt. Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe. and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed, he just couldn't figure out what to do next? He tried to be merry he tried to be gay, but you must have to admit he was having a very bad day. His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground, nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found. Something special was needed, a gift that he might, give to us all, without angering the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision, each group of people in every religion. Every race, every hue, everyone, everywhere...even you! So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth... "MAY YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES, ENJOY PEACE ON EARTH" 
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"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular." 
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| Tags |
| correct, days, eurocentrically, festival, imposed, midwinter, politically |
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