British doctors diagnose Gollum - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Mephisto2 · 12-17-2004, 08:39 PM

There seem to be a lot of "Brit-bashing" threads lately so, in an effort to throw some humour into the mix, I thought I would post this funny story.

Quote:

What made Gollum mad

Lord of the Rings character Gollum was paranoid and had a split personality but this was because he probably suffered from vitamin deficiency, anaemia, hyperthyroidism and a metabolic disease called porphyria.

That's the conclusion of a group of British doctors who sift through Gollum's symptoms in a tongue-in-cheek diagnosis published tomorrow in The British Medical Journal.

"Gollum's diet is extremely limited, consisting only of raw fish. Vitamin B-12 deficiency may cause irritability, delusions and paranoia," they say.

"His reduced appetite and loss of hair and weight may be associated with iron deficiency anaemia. He is hypervigilant and does not seem to need much sleep.

"This, accompanied by his bulging eyes and weight loss, suggests hyperthyroidism. Gollum's dislike of sunlight may be induced to the photosensitivity of porphyria. Attacks may be induced by starvation and accompanied by paranoid psychosis."

Porphyria is an inherited disease of the metabolic system.

The "study", headed up by psychiatrist Elizabeth Sampson of the Royal Free and University College Medical School in London, describes Gollum as "a single, 587-year-old hobbit-like male of no fixed abode.

"He has presented with anti-social behaviour, increasing aggression and preoccupied with the 'one ring' ... He has no history of substance misuse, although like many young hobbits, he smoked 'pipe weed' in adolescence."

The diagnosis concludes: "Gollum displays pervasive maladaptive behaviour that has been present since childhood with a persistent disease course.

"His odd interests and spiteful behaviour have led to difficulty in forming friendships and have caused distress to others. He fulfills seven of the nine criteria for schizoid personality disorder."

In JRR Tolkien's trilogy - subsequently turned into a trio of Oscar-winning films by New Zealand director Peter Jackson - Gollum, a thin, pale, gangrel creature, is enslaved by a magic ring made by the evil Sauron.

In his desperation to retrieve it, his mind persistently fights between a "good" personality, Smeagol, and a nasty one, Gollum.

AFP

REF: http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/...312765589.html

You've got to love the sense of humour the British Medical Journal is showing here in publishing this article. And the medical diagnoses are all perfectly logical. Good one...

Mr Mephisto

AquaFox · 12-17-2004, 09:10 PM

sweeet

i've allways noticed there was something wrong with gollum, i just couldn't put my finger down on it

Painted · 12-17-2004, 11:04 PM

Maybe they were bored.

Maybe.

snowy · 12-17-2004, 11:46 PM

Oh, I love it! That's fantastic. I think that's actually a good exercise.

12-18-2004, 02:56 PM

Ah, what else do they have to do?

Great.

typhus · 12-18-2004, 03:08 PM

Ha! I wonder if that is what Tolkien had in mind when he created Gollum.

ElwoodBlues · 12-18-2004, 04:20 PM

Of all the things that the top doctors in England could be doing, they diagnose a fictional character.

Whats the world come to.

Dwayne · 12-18-2004, 04:47 PM

LOL. This is awsome, I want to annalyze cartoon characters and movie characters in college and get paid.

El Kaz · 12-18-2004, 07:37 PM

Like a farker would say...

Still no cure for cancer

rat · 12-18-2004, 08:28 PM

a single 587-year-old hobbit-like male....

comedy. goldmine.

Faygo · 12-18-2004, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Kaz

Like a farker would say...

Still no cure for cancer

Although frequent masturbation can prevent prostate cancer proveing that cancer can be beat.

Jonsgirl · 12-19-2004, 07:37 AM

This is awesome. We should start our own thread like this...........

Mephisto2 · 12-19-2004, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Painted

Maybe they were bored.

Maybe.

Yeah, imagine wasting time actually writing a tongue-in-cheek article.

They have no right to a sense of humour!

/sarcasm

Mr Mephisto

12-17-2004, 09:10 PM	#2 (permalink)
AquaFox WaterDog	sweeet i've allways noticed there was something wrong with gollum, i just couldn't put my finger down on it __________________ ...AquaFox...

12-17-2004, 11:46 PM	#4 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	Oh, I love it! That's fantastic. I think that's actually a good exercise. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

12-18-2004, 04:20 PM	#7 (permalink)
ElwoodBlues Psycho Location: Massachusetts	Of all the things that the top doctors in England could be doing, they diagnose a fictional character. Whats the world come to. __________________ I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut em up." -Mitch Hedberg, '68-'05 Bauer's the man.

12-19-2004, 07:37 AM	#12 (permalink)
Jonsgirl Semi-Atomic Location: Home.	This is awesome. We should start our own thread like this........... __________________ Someday, someone will best me. But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

12-17-2004, 11:04 PM	#3 (permalink)
Painted Pleasure Burn	Maybe they were bored. Maybe.

12-18-2004, 02:56 PM	#5 (permalink)
Frozen_Banana Guest	Ah, what else do they have to do? Great.

12-18-2004, 03:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
typhus Tilted Location: USA	Ha! I wonder if that is what Tolkien had in mind when he created Gollum.

12-18-2004, 04:47 PM	#8 (permalink)
Dwayne Crazy Location: New England	LOL. This is awsome, I want to annalyze cartoon characters and movie characters in college and get paid.

12-18-2004, 07:37 PM	#9 (permalink)
El Kaz Crazy Location: Canada	Like a farker would say... Still no cure for cancer