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Old 12-17-2004, 08:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
Junkie
 
British doctors diagnose Gollum

There seem to be a lot of "Brit-bashing" threads lately so, in an effort to throw some humour into the mix, I thought I would post this funny story.

Quote:
What made Gollum mad

Lord of the Rings character Gollum was paranoid and had a split personality but this was because he probably suffered from vitamin deficiency, anaemia, hyperthyroidism and a metabolic disease called porphyria.

That's the conclusion of a group of British doctors who sift through Gollum's symptoms in a tongue-in-cheek diagnosis published tomorrow in The British Medical Journal.

"Gollum's diet is extremely limited, consisting only of raw fish. Vitamin B-12 deficiency may cause irritability, delusions and paranoia," they say.

"His reduced appetite and loss of hair and weight may be associated with iron deficiency anaemia. He is hypervigilant and does not seem to need much sleep.

"This, accompanied by his bulging eyes and weight loss, suggests hyperthyroidism. Gollum's dislike of sunlight may be induced to the photosensitivity of porphyria. Attacks may be induced by starvation and accompanied by paranoid psychosis."

Porphyria is an inherited disease of the metabolic system.

The "study", headed up by psychiatrist Elizabeth Sampson of the Royal Free and University College Medical School in London, describes Gollum as "a single, 587-year-old hobbit-like male of no fixed abode.

"He has presented with anti-social behaviour, increasing aggression and preoccupied with the 'one ring' ... He has no history of substance misuse, although like many young hobbits, he smoked 'pipe weed' in adolescence."

The diagnosis concludes: "Gollum displays pervasive maladaptive behaviour that has been present since childhood with a persistent disease course.

"His odd interests and spiteful behaviour have led to difficulty in forming friendships and have caused distress to others. He fulfills seven of the nine criteria for schizoid personality disorder."

In JRR Tolkien's trilogy - subsequently turned into a trio of Oscar-winning films by New Zealand director Peter Jackson - Gollum, a thin, pale, gangrel creature, is enslaved by a magic ring made by the evil Sauron.

In his desperation to retrieve it, his mind persistently fights between a "good" personality, Smeagol, and a nasty one, Gollum.

AFP
REF: http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/...312765589.html

You've got to love the sense of humour the British Medical Journal is showing here in publishing this article. And the medical diagnoses are all perfectly logical. Good one...


Mr Mephisto
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Old 12-17-2004, 09:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
WaterDog
 
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sweeet


i've allways noticed there was something wrong with gollum, i just couldn't put my finger down on it



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Old 12-17-2004, 11:04 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Maybe they were bored.

Maybe.
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Old 12-17-2004, 11:46 PM   #4 (permalink)
Kick Ass Kunoichi
 
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Location: Oregon
Oh, I love it! That's fantastic. I think that's actually a good exercise.
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Old 12-18-2004, 02:56 PM   #5 (permalink)
Frozen_Banana
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Ah, what else do they have to do?

Great.
 
Old 12-18-2004, 03:08 PM   #6 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: USA
Ha! I wonder if that is what Tolkien had in mind when he created Gollum.
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Old 12-18-2004, 04:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: Massachusetts
Of all the things that the top doctors in England could be doing, they diagnose a fictional character.

Whats the world come to.
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I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut em up." -Mitch Hedberg, '68-'05

Bauer's the man.
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Old 12-18-2004, 04:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: New England
LOL. This is awsome, I want to annalyze cartoon characters and movie characters in college and get paid.
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Old 12-18-2004, 07:37 PM   #9 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Canada
Like a farker would say...

Still no cure for cancer
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Old 12-18-2004, 08:28 PM   #10 (permalink)
rat
smiling doesn't hurt anymore :)
 
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Location: College Station, TX
a single 587-year-old hobbit-like male....


comedy. goldmine.
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Old 12-18-2004, 09:13 PM   #11 (permalink)
Banned
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by El Kaz
Like a farker would say...

Still no cure for cancer
Although frequent masturbation can prevent prostate cancer proveing that cancer can be beat.
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Old 12-19-2004, 07:37 AM   #12 (permalink)
Semi-Atomic
 
Location: Home.
This is awesome. We should start our own thread like this...........
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Old 12-19-2004, 04:51 PM   #13 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Painted
Maybe they were bored.

Maybe.
Yeah, imagine wasting time actually writing a tongue-in-cheek article.

They have no right to a sense of humour!


/sarcasm


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