Drider_it

http://web.utk.edu/~jjohns56/jayspages/sayings.htm

to many to list.. are people that stupid ? no really....

but a few

"I don't need to take an breathalyzer test. I took an alcohol and drug screen test two days ago. You can just use that one instead. I'll bring it to court because it is clean." Spoken by yet another DUI suspect after she was arrested.

"No, I didn't, sir." Answer I got when I questioned a car burglar if he was aware our police station was next to a parking garage. Of course, the garage our station is next to is the garage he was burglarizing cars in.

"I'll drive a taxi home." An intoxicated individual's response to the question of how he was planning to get home after he was thrown out of the bar.

"How come the police always get so mad at me when I run away from them?" Asked by a auto burglar after he was arrested. The thief jumped off the fourth level of a parking garage in an attempt to get away.

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It means only one thing, and everything: Cut. Once committed to fight, Cut. Everything else is secondary. Cut. That is your duty, your purpose, your hunger. There is no rule more important, no commitment that overrides that one. Cut. The lines are a portrayal of the dance. Cut from the void, not from bewilderment. Cut the enemy as quickly and directly as possible. Cut with certainty. Cut decisively, resoultely. Cut into his strength. Flow through the gaps in his guard. Cut him. Cut him down utterly. Don't allow him a breath. Crush him. Cut him without mercy to the depth of his spirit. It is the balance to life: death. It is the dance with death. It is the law a war wizard lives by, or he dies.

Gopher

"I was going to the bathroom and a slipped and fell on my driver's license."
I asked this drunk fellow 2 questions, what happened (he had a bleeding face) and do you have a driver's license?

Hah, thought that one was good.

World's King

A friend of mine was driving around Vegas when he got pulled over for speeding. (He was drunk.) When the cop asked if he was drunk he said, "Nope. I'm a cactus."

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

oblar

hehe that is an amusing list, although, I think The Original King should add that little story to the list

KellyC

I will accept "I'm sorry, I am retarded" and nothing else.

This one is good though

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

troit

I have a buddy who got a DUI a couple of years ago... He was driving home and a cop was blocking the road because he had somelse pulled over... Well my buddy starts laying on the horn, telling the cop to get out of the way. Idiot -- $10,000 later...

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I've yet to dephile myself...

Frowning Budah

We stopped one night when we saw a car overturned in a ditch. The guy who smelled of alcohol told the cop who showed up just after we got there that another cop had told him to park there.

Ishmal

HeeHeeHee...

alot of them made me laugh out loud, and got me funny looks from my boss!

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"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."