Cynthetiq

A number of us in the community miss the journal section. We enjoyed writing our personal thoughts and musings. Sometimes they were epiphanies... other times they were mundane. Sometimes they lead to some interesting side discussions that became full blown General Discussions.

So here's a thread where the Journal community can at least post their thoughts, people can respond, accordingly.

In order to keep the comments organized, one has to change their view by clicking on DISPLAY MODES on the right hand side of the thread and select THREADED MODE. HYBRID MODE is good for reading the entry and seeing all the comments on one page. Click on the journal entry and it will bring you to the entry and all the comments together on one page.

This will keep nest the comments together so that it doesn't get all out of hand in trying to read and comment on the appropriate entry.

Posting rules are as follows:

Journal-ists:
Please create a new reply off this main topic for each entry. Please use the subject lines to emphasize your topic and journal entry as you would in your normal journal. Please also uncheck SHOW YOUR SIGNATURE.

*****REMEMBER:Post under Post #1 if you are starting a journal entry!!!! *****

Readers:
Please press reply under the entry you wish to comment on. This will keep the comments nested together with the entry.

Cynthetiq

We have been trying very hard to brainstorm new ways to increase cashflow. We have done what we can to reduce our operating expenses and we are very wary of any large capital expenditures. Most assets are under maintenance contracts that have been prepaid so there is no monthly expense.

We are looking to expand our investments into rental real estate or retail business. The ideal would be rental property as there is a monthly passive income and a backend equity profit.

We are currently conducting studies for different scenarios and investment models. I will present our findings in 30 days.

Cynthetiq

testing testing 1 2 3

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Cynthetiq

testing testing 4 5 6

Cynthetiq

Testing 7 8 9

purposely responding to the 123 comment.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Cynthetiq

I did it. I registered the software. I tried many other ways of getting it to "give me" the HD recovery but none of the techniques I used before worked here.

Sucks but not really.

I am using this to practice doing some data recovery. Data recovery pays really well. I've done several recoveries for people and it's tedious work, but it's good work because you get paid flat first... just to do the intensive work. Second if you set the table just right, you can also get paid for how much you recover.

The dilemma was a simple on. Do I register the software that will recover the files, a one time charge of $30. I tried to find serialz but didn't come up with anything that worked properly. I'm trying to recover all the palm applications that I have. I had taken lots of time to find keygens, patchkits, and the like for lots of palm software. Do I just register the Palm software and restart the quest for finding the ones I lost?

Anyways, it's in the process of recovering about 10-15Gb... I'm not sure just how much space, but that's my guess. It could be less.

It's weird to work without your primary workstation. Another couple of days of doing this. I figure the IT group will finish my machine by the end of the week at the latest.

quadro2000

8/18/04, 9 AM

Oh how gross.

Today is one of those really humid days. The temperature is only in the low 70s, but the humidity is at 91% and I can really feel it. I just got in to work, and my undershirt is damp. I feel disgusting.

The annoying part about it is that as I was leaving the house, the bus drove right past me. I waved my arms around helplessly, trying to get his attention, but instead he pretended like he didn’t see me. I understand that if I’m not at the stop, he has no obligation to stop for me. But he could have been a nice guy if he had wanted to.

It’s days like this that I miss Pierre. He used to drive the bus in the mornings. And he knew our names, and always said hello, and was a great guy. One morning, we were getting ready to drive in to work. As we were walking to the car, Pierre saw us coming out of our house, and stopped the bus – in the middle of the street – to ask us if we needed to be picked up. Now THAT’S exemplary service.

Oh, and he used to wave at our kitties if they were in the window when we left.

I think I’ll call the bus company and ask what happened to Pierre.

hang on...

Okay, so the woman at Customer Service tells me he now drives a different bus line. Damn! Well, I just wrote a praise letter to the bus company. I should have done it a long time ago - he deserves it. But I'm also kinda hoping he reads the letter and switches his route back.

Writing praise letters is always a good thing. I try to write one whenever someone gets "customer service" right. I've done it for the cable company, for the phone company, even for a random employee at Staples who helped me load a file cabinet into my car. They take 20 minutes of my time, and often it can help somebody get a promotion, or at least a moment of recognition at a staff meeting. Plus, it also gives my complaint letters more credence - the woman at Time Warner, for example, knows me now, as I've written two praise letters. When I had a complaint, she called me, updated me on the employees I praised in the past, and then addressed my complaint.

Cynthetiq

That's right.

We are always so quick to criticize and so slow to praise. I try to remember to send out letters of praise when I can. I should try to do it more often. Thank you for the reminder.

maleficent

Date Rape Drugs
________________________________________________
So, I've got the news on, and they've got a story, about a test kit that you can use when you are out for the evening, and it tests whether or not a date rape drug has been slipped into your drink or not. Interesting test, but the twisted part of my brain wonders who'd actually buy such a test. Some girl who thinks she's so incredibly hot that people would want to drug her drink, what kind of disappointment would she face when if her drink wasn't drugged, would it mean that she wasn't that hot to begin with? Just seems like a silly test.


Not So Horriblescopes
____________________________________________
My horriblescope for the week of 8/16 - 8/22 is as follows:
You'll accomplish a great deal by performing a series of small tasks. You are prepared for a change. Keep in mind that all people are grateful for all the joy you are bringing them. You inspire others to follow your path.
Well, damn, isn't that just the nicest horriblescope ever, what'd I do to deserve it?


De-Cluttering...
_____________________________________
So, yesterday I started my mammoth project of de-cluttering, my apartment is just too small for all the crap that I have acquired, and my best laid plans of listing it on Ebay, or having a yard sale, just aren't going to happen, so I was left with two choices. Just throw the crap out, and set up my video camera on the trash area and watch the dumpster divers collect the stuff, and that'd be my entertainment for a while, though I'm pretty certain it'd also raise my blood pressure because I really can't stand the people in this complex.

So, I did the adult thing, I listed my crap on the same board that I ranted about a few short months ago, www.freecycle.org, and wow, within five minutes of posting my crap, I was getting inundated with emails from people who wanted it. I feel a George Carlin routing about stuff coming on here...*

Some of the emails I got were a little on the demanding side, like what's the model number of something , one thing I didn't have a part for, did I plan on finding it? (no) and then a little beligerent when I told them the item was promised to someone else already. It's free people, be a little nicer, I am not obligated to give you ANYTHING.*

So I tried to do first come, first served... and it's doing OK do far...

So, I made a bunch of arrangements for people to have my crap become their crap. Some nice lady this morning, picked up 3 boxes or about 100 or so prerecorded video tapes of all sorts of movies, no porn. Good for her, I like my DVD player thank you very much. She told me that she was taking the videos to the nursing home where she volunteers because the movies are something to entertain the old folks. Yay for giving away crap.

Another lady came by to pick up an old keyboard, still worked, the keyboard was going to be for her autistic grandson, who came with her, and even though it was a little dusty, OK, a lot dusty, he seemed to really be excited about it. (he also took custody of my Tickle Me Cookie Monster, which wasn't on the giveaway list, but he likes blue, and he likes Cookies, damn kids, just can't say no to them). Yay again for giving crap away.

I finally parted with the very first piece of furniture that I ever owned as an adult, a really hideous Oak and glass table (I guess it's not that bad, I just detest oak) I think I picked this table up on big trash day and refinished it. It looked pretty good and it served me well. I listed it because it just didn't match my other furniture (Antique Cherry is my wood of choice) The young couple that picked it up, oohed and aahed about how pretty it was and how it would look great in their first apartment. It was going to be their very first piece of furniture, they were picking up a couch from someone else later that afternoon. Furnishing an apartment for young love.. YAY again for giving crap away.*

I also listed two, very very warm, like you'd be warm on the tundra, comforters, that were clean, but gently used, it just never gets that cold in NJ to bother having and they take a lot of shelf space. The woman who came by, showed me her employee ID, she works for Catholic Charities, and said that she scans the lists for coats, blankets and other warm things to be used for the homeless come winter months. I had just listed a coat that I handed her, and two other coats that were going to good will. As she left she hugged me and god blessed me, damn lady, all I did was list the stuff, you were the one who spends time scanning lists to see what people are giving away, and makes sure you are first in line, then drives all over creation to pick that stuff up, talk about being blessed... She was a neat lady...

Now I'm not so gullible to believe that some of these stories aren't complete crap, but it's nice knowing, that my de-cluttering is helping someone out.

This is kinda fun...*

Can ya spare a quarter?
______________________________________________
Back in 1999, the US Mint started putting out the state quarters, and I think it was QVC that sold these silly little state maps, as a place to hold all your quarters, at the time, all I could think was, what idiot is going to collect these quarters for 10 years, won't they just get bored with it?*
Well, I decided to be one of those idiots, and bought one of those state maps that holds all the state quarters, and 5 years into the Mint's process, I'm still collecting those quarters. Iowa was the state most recently added, and I got it. No these coins aren't mint, they've all been in circulation, and the ones from 1999 aren't near as shiney as the 2004 ones are, but it's still kinda neat, and frankly I'm amazed that I've been able to stick with it for 5 years... and only 5 more to go, will my map fall apart by then? Who knows, but this is fun... and the map looks pretty with all the quarters filled in... Though West, by god, Virginia is looking awful lonely, but that quarter doesn't come until late 2005, so -- -patience...

maleficent

The Open Road..
________________________________________
So, I left the remote office after our meeting with another colleague. As we're leaving, he asks how I feel about the wind in my hair. I'm all about the wind in my hair, I say, it's a bright sunny day, the sky is blue, the top on the Mustang convertible comes off,and we hit the open road, the long way back to the office. Took us about two hours, just have been about an hour and a half, and we surely weren't going the speed limit. But it was awesome... I love a convertible.

Though I just tried to pull a wide tooth comb thru my hair, and let's just say I was incredibly unsuccessful, and practically yanked out a big clump of curls. But the rat's nest look is in this year I hear. I've always wanted to be in fashion.

I wanna go driving again...

Good Morning, Rise and Shine
________________________________________
I arrive in Chicago at 7:20CDT, and head down to baggage claim, as I am heading down in that direction, I give a call to a colleague who is supposed to be picking me up at the airport so I can be dragged to a meeting that I don't want to go to at a remote office.

She was supposed to be picking up at 7:30, I was calling to ask her where she wanted me to meet me.

YAWN, Oh says she, she's stuck in traffic. Well, points to you for pulling that lie out of your ass so quickly, I ahve clearly just woken you up, and now you have to cover, Oh the traffic is really bad, it's going to be at least 20 -30 minutes, enough time for you to shower, change, put on your 3 coats of makeup and do your hair, I'd guess.

I'll call you when I am closer to the aiport, says she... Would you prefer I just met you out at the remote office, I can jump in a cab, just give me the street address, Oh, no, I'll pick you up, I'll be there as soon as I can.

Now oversleeping happens, I've done it, but not when I have to meet someone, this womean does it regularly, more than likely because she had that gallon of wine the night before, but please, don't lie to me, I'm not that stupid. I've known you how long? I know your habits, I know your tricks, you overslept, just tell me so.

She arrived, an hour and a half after the original call.

AIDS Vaccinne
_________________________________________
As I was leaving the airport, I couldn't help but notice a gentleman with a t-shirt that screamed AIDS Vaccinne, Maine to MOntreal on it, something about a North American AIDS Vaccine push or some such. Is there even an AIDS Vaccine? WHo'd actually take it? Wouldn't it make more sense for people to actually know who they are knocking boots with rather than just screwing anything that moved? It just seems that fear of AIDS is the one thing that keeps people someone sane in their sexual behavior, if there's an vaccine for it, doesn't it give people Carte blanche to do whatever tehy want?

Gawd, am I old, and really way more of a prude than I ever thought. If there's a vaccine for AIDS, I'd be terrified to know about what vaccine resistent disease is coming round the bend. Sex isn't wrong, it's not dirty, but common sense must be appplied.

__________________

maleficent

Mirror Mirror
____________________________________________________
I'm chatting with a colleague the other day over lunch, and somehow, the subject of plastic surgery came up, not sure how, it just did. My colleague looks at me and says, now you should really consider Botox. I'll take that under advisement, thanks. She continues on about how it would do wonders for my squint crinkles between my eyes. Now I have a crinkle the size of the Panama Canal between my eyes, brought about from years and years of squinting. My eyeglass prescription is perfect, I just squint a lot, it's something I've always done. I squint especially when I am concentrating on something.

She went on to say that Botox is painless, and would do wonders for getting rid of the wrinkles that made me look older than I should be looking, and it's just worth the investment. She has it done regularly. Now, this woman is about 4 or 5 years older than I am, and is a smoker and a sun worshipper, so she looks about 10 years older than she is, and she's lecturing me about Botox? Gotta wonder how bad I really look.

Later that evening, I got back to the hotel, and used the magafying mirror in the hotel bathroom, and did something scarey. I looked at my face. I can live with the laugh lines I'm getting around my eyes, I can live with the laugh lines around my mouth, it must mean I've laughed at some point, but the laugh lines aren't really so funny. The crater between my eyes, is really deep, I do wonder if Botox would fix that? But I'll never go beyond the wondering stage. I have better things to spend my money on.

Sometimes I wonder about other things as well. I look in the mirror at my face, and think, well that's not so bad, but then I'll look at a picture taken of me,and thing, gack, do I really look that awful? Now people are pointing out that I should consider Botox, so do they see what the picture shows, or do they see what I see in the mirror. Must be the former. What does the mirror show us? The true reflection of ourself, or what we want to see? Now I hide from my reflection in the mirror most times, but I've never thought it was bad as what I see in pictures, but other people look like their pictures, so maybe, I really do... oh well...

Saturday, I got my hair cut, for the first time in ages, went to a new stylist, and she pointed out to me that my gray needed some coverage, because it was making me look older than I am, and oh, my eyebrows needed cleaning up too, yes, that was on my list of chores for the day, to have my eyebrows waxed, it didn't help me to hear that it would make the wrinkles less apparant if they were cleaned up. Gack, I should really wander around with a paper bag on my head or something.

So, would filling in those squint creases even help? Probably not...

Falling in Love
____________________________________________________
Oh great, I have an admirer. I'm such a lucky gal. :eyeroll: I swear this is one of those "be careful what you wish for" moments, I casually mentioned to a friend the other day, that maybe, I was ready to fall in love with someone again, after a pretty long drought, my heart wasn't as closed off as it once was, and was open to the possibility. This is a bad joke.

I swear this is a practical joke of some sort, and if I find out that someone I know is behind it, they are toast. This morning, I got a "love note" in my email, I logged on to Yahoo, and got 6 offline messages, all declarations of love, and adoration. Sweet, I suppose, but it's also a little more than disturbing. Creepy even. How can you fall in love with someone you don't know, that you've barely had two disjointed conversations with over IM, I swear I am blocking everyone but customers from now on.

I am torn between telling this guy exactly what I think, but if he's in love, then that might just hurt him, and that would be wrong, but he's starting to tick me off royally. Eh -- becareful what you wish for maryellen, you might just get it...

It's Raining Again
______________________________________________________
Last time I checked, Chicago was in the mid-West, so why was it that when I walked out of the office, there was torrential rains, I swear I was witnessing a hurricane. No cabs available, and I was already soaked, just walking from the building to the corner, so I walked the 1/2 mile back to the hotel. Crossed one street, and it was like forging a river. Bad day to be wearing sandals, the water wasn't all that clean, really bad day to be wearing black leather sandals, because my feet have turned black from where the color bled. Fun Fun Fun...

__________________

maleficent

It's nice when someone takes the time to write a letter to commend someone. As a former manager, it was always nice to get letters like that about someone on my staff. Too many people take the time to complain about bad service, but no mention the good service... So good for you...

__________________

amonkie

New Wheels
So got the new car on Sunday, yippee! First thing I wanted to do was come home and put it in my journal, only to find out Halx was updating the site and there was no journal component back yet. Been having a great time breaking the car in, except for finding a pool of condensation from the A/C unit under the truck getting back into the truck after a doctor's appointment. A quick feel test back at home revealed clear fluid, so no big problems on that one. I posted a picture of my new baby in the What Ride You have for real thread in tilted motors, now just need a car name.


Friends

Have a few friends I've been thinking about lately... some I've been a little worried about since life has been giving them a handful lately, but a few others were happy thoughts. Just have to try my best and remind them that I'm here if they need me, and just be ready to give a hug. Sometimes the only problem having friends internationally is the inability to respond how I'd like to in certain situations, since there's no feasible way for me to actually be everywhere at once.


Schools Starting up
So went to school today to get my books, decal, and replace my Sun Card, since I was stupid enough to misplace it during all our moving. It's SOO hot, and it's only gonna get crazier starting tomorrow when all the residents move back in for the year. Crossing my fingers that I remembered and did everything I needed to so I don't have to go back before class Monday afternnon.

__________________
Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

maleficent

Ooooh she's pretty... Congratulations.... I hope you have lots and lots of fun with her... (it's a her right? or is it a him? Ah well, the name will decide)

it's still a pretty truck....

__________________

Cynthetiq

very nice looking truck. just don't name it Tackie...

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

amonkie

Well, right now it's an IT and "MY truck". My sister wanted me to name it "Matt" for Matt Damon, . I haven't quite figured out if it's a she or a he, need a couple more miles to know.

__________________
Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

Cynthetiq

I wonder where this post is going to wind up. I am typing this live on my handheld in Washington Square Park. It will also tell me where this comment will wind up if you are not in the right view.

mirevolver

...to mess up your vacation plans.

This last weekend I went to North Carolina to meet up with my Russian friend who's spending her summer there. We've kept in touch through Email and talked over the phone, but this was the first time we would see eachother face-to-face. I had planned to spend a relaxing weekend on the beach with her.

Flew into the area on Friday evening, rented a car and drove to my hotel then went to bed. Then I woke up the next morning only to find that Hurricane Charley was coming later that day.

So I picked her up and we got some lunch. Then we tried to find something to do to about the Hurricane. We ended up deciding to drive around it using my rented Pontiac Sunfire. Using my cell phone I called my parents in Colorado to get periodic updates on the hurricane's position. Then we would make adjustments on where we would drive.

We did get caught up in some of the storm activity and the rains were really bad. At one point the winds got pretty strong, but I think the worst was the localized road flooding.

We waited out the last part in a bowling alley and by 6:00pm the hurricane had passed. So we went and got some pizza for dinner. Then we decided to head to my hotel room for the night rather than drop her off then backtrack to my room. There was only one bed and I didn't want her to sleep on the hard floor so we shared the bed.

The bed was higher than she's used to and I woke up several times from her pushing herself into me. In the morning she admitted that she was afraid of falling off.

I woke up to see her watching me. We laid in bed talking for a few hours, nothing sexual, just laying there talking to each other. Eventually, with housekeeping knocking on the door, we realized we should get up.

After leaving the hotel, we tried to get some breakfast, until I discovered the impossible: There is a town in this country that has neither a Denny's, Village Inn, nor IHOP, and we were in that town. Since it was noon, we ended up stopping in at a chinese restaurant. Her first time trying chinese food.

After "Breakfast," we headed to the shore. She wanted to visit some botannical gardens in the area, so we went there. While there we sat down in a gazeebo overlooking the water. There we got caught up in the moment and kissed.

After an extended amount of time there, she wanted to see what minigolf was, so I took her to one of the many minigolf places there. After a game there, we dorve around looking for a place to eat and settled on pizza (again).

We sat in the car after dinner knowing that our time together was almost up and not wanting to leave. But after a half hour, I drove her back to her place and went back to my hotel which was an hour's drive away.

Looking back, I'm glad I made the trip. It was a lot of fun, but it also seems that things got complicated. After kissing, I'm not sure what to do. Our paths have us on opposite sides of the world for at least the next 2-5 years and I really don't want a long distance relationship. The next chance we'd be able to see eachother won't be until next summer and a lot of things would have to go right for both of us if that is to happen. But on the other hand, I had a great time and we got along great. She's really smart, fleuent in Russian, English and Spanish, and nearly fleuent in Portuguese.

I will have to see what happens next time we can talk to eachother over the phone.

Cynthetiq

very nice!!!! It's always nice to meet someone from another place and discover things with them, and conversely it's nice when you get to go to their place and they discover things with you.

Russia is a great vacation destination

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

amonkie

It was brought to my attention that my signature(which is currently off so I can post this quasi journal entry) seems a bit at odds to my expressed opinion on rain and rainstorms. Of the top ten things I love about being alive, rain is up there at 3 or 4. However, my life has a way of teaching me that when I wish for certain things, I end up getting the exact opposite. To counter my problem, I've decided to plead with Mother Nature to keep her precious rain far far away from this dead desert. And whadya know, we've been getting rain! It WORKED! I KNEW it would While I do realize too much of anything can be a bad thing(ie Charley when you add wind), we get rain so seldom here that I think it should be a statewide, or at least a city wide holiday.

As it stands, so few people here know how to actually drive in the rain (I wonder why ) that it's always a mess on the roads when we do get a decent storm. So I prefer to find a place outside out of a direct lightning path, close my eyes, and just breathe in the smell, the wind that caress my hand and brings wetness to my cheeks. It always seems to be that the rain and wind drown out the sounds of everything else. Our storms here don't send rain in depressing grey clouds - We get the building dust wall of brown, and then as the sun sets for the day, it brings purple, orange, pink, dark blue tints to the clouds that are illuminated when the lightning starts jumping from cloud to cloud. That smell of rain seems to bring a promise, or at least the pretense of waking up the next morning with a whole new world before my eyes. It's amazing to wake up the morning after a storm to see hardly any clouds in sight, and the temperature right back up in the 115 degree range. The next task becomes surviving through the heat and the building humidity until the next storm graces my eyes with its presence.

The year doesn't seem right if I don't get my month of monsoon storms.... I think wherever I end up in this world through my life, I will always consider Arizona to be my home for the months of July and August- you have to take the worst the desert has to offer in order to be rewarded with some of the most awe inspiring moments I remember. Funny how so much of life is like that.

quadro2000

Dude! Cool! I guess this is a new function of the TFP - posting remotely!?

__________________
You have to laugh at yourself...because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't. - Emily Saliers

rat

This past weekend brought many things for me--the ending of my summer at home, the ending of an internship that was nothing thatI thought it would have been, the ending of a man's life who I'll never forget and will always miss terribly.

As those of you who actively read my journal know, on 13 August 2004, my grandfather died. The memorial service wasn't till this past Tuesday, and the interim was spent with family and close friends trying to assess the damage that was left behind. My grandfather, directly descended from a signatory of the Constitution of the United States, was by no means a perfect man or even a man I would expect anyone outside our family to model their life after. He'd been born in Arkansas in 1920, and for him, the civil rights movement never happened--by 1968, he'd grown to adulthood in a segregated nation as a white man, and some habits die hard. This was a man who drank a beer or two every day of his life till three years ago, at the age of 81. He died at 84 having beaten cancer twice, but with a body that couldn't rebound from the chemotherapy and radiation treatment. This is a man who only gave me one material posession, a fiddle that's been in our family for 8 generations now, passed from grandfather to the son of his oldest son without fail, at the grandson's twelfth birthday. With that fiddle comes the responsibility to carry on a family name that has been on American soil for over four centuries. I am his only grandchild that can carry the family name and pass it to children, and with him gone, the load is heavier. This man taught me everything I needed to know about being an adult, but never in words--simply by behavior. He taught me that to lead a family require that you put them before you, whether it be in the sharing of gifts at Christmas or simply being the last to get food before you came to the table. He taught the game of "Tease the Ones You Love" that sustains my family and allows us to draw humor out of life even at its roughest points. He carried the entire history of my family in his head, and now those of us left are trying to patch together the pieces we learned over the years from him. He lived longer than any person in our family ever had, by a full five years. Even with four shattered vertebrae, a softball-sized hernia, and tumors on lung and throat, the most he ever said was "I'm having trouble breathing, and my back hurts," continuing to walk around and enjoy life. Anyone else I know that would have been in his place would never have gotten out of bed and gone straight to the hospital. Anyone else I know wouldn't have saved the only strength left in his body for a handshake for his grandson and a smile for his wife. He never failed this family, and his grip never failed his body. I miss him something fierce.

And, as life is wont to do, it provides joy to go with grief, pleasure to go with pain. Ann came with me to the memorial service, and has been my anchor as I was anchor for my father and grandmother. Last night, in a tradition that goes back to when we first dated three years ago, we went to Bill's Steak Shack here in Houston, as we've done the night before I head back to Texas A&M every time I've gone. Then a friend of ours who'd just gotten back from Afghanistan with the Marines met us and the friend we were dining with to shoot some pool, and the night got tougher with every passing moment. Every song that played for the last hour we were there was a song I knew the words to, and they all made me think of her. On our way back from dinner with my mom two nights ago, I told her that I'd broken a promise to myself by getting attached to her, and she semi-seriously told me to get un-attached. Last night after we got done shooting pool, we went to the park down the street from her house where we've always gone for the tough discussions of our lives. Found out the reason I hadn't seen her for the first two months of summer was due to a guy she was dating in Rhode Island (I'd gathered as much from some of the off-hand comments and her trip to Rhode Island to visit him), which I was prepared for. And then she said "And the reason I can't just simplify everything for you by telling you to walk away is because six years from now, when I'm out of med school, the only person I want to be with is you." As we continued to talk, it was amazing how closely tied our thoughts on the subject of "us" were. I told her the same thing I told her in January..."I'll be there." This girl is considered family on both sides of my family, and my dad dotes on her lovingly as he would a favored daughter-in-law. I'm also close with her family, and get along well with her older sister, grandmother and parents. If there were two young people (21 both of us) in the right place, loving the right person, with the right family, at the wrong time of our lives, it's us. We've spent three years in love with each other, done everything we could to drive the memory of the other from our minds, and we keep coming back to where we began. If it weren't for 2000+ miles of separation for the next two years, I'd put a ring on her finger right now, no second thoughts. As it is, I told her to give me two years, and wherever she goes to medschool (most likely in the northeast), I'll find myself a job within easy driving distance with an accounting or financial firm. It's a measure of how much we've thought it through that I'd already decided to quietly look for a job in the Boston area upon graduation--something I hadn't even discussed with my dad yet because I didn't know whether Ann and I had a future. As it is, the next two years of my education will fly by, and the degree is right around the corner. And most likely, the drinking will curb itself over the span of a few months, as there won't be a face I'm trying to drink out of my mind.

Something I'd observed about our lives struck me pretty hard last night. Last summer ended with us at Bill's, rushing to make it to a wedding in time, watching what we'd made fall apart. This summer ends with us at Bill's, home from a funeral, finally acknowledging the bright future we will build together. I can't wait to see where life takes us.

quadro2000

The executive office, which is right down the hall from us, has a new coffee machine. It seems like they just keep upping the ante when it comes to the fancy schmancy, high-tech machines.

The one they have right now is the Flavia S350. Apparently this is one fancy fuckin' machine. Not only can it combine little packets to make cappucino, "chococino" and mochachino, but it has a million different blends of coffee. French Roast, Italian Roast, Ethiopian Roast, Colombia, Hazelnut, French Vanilla, Irish Creme, Choco, the list goes on and on.

(Except for the Ethiopian Roast. I made that one up.)

My point here is that I think this machine is stupid.

First of all, I'm obviously coming from a selfish standpoint, 'cause I don't drink coffee. I occasionally drink hot chocolate, and truth be told, their hot chocolate ("choco") doesn't taste any different than any other hot chocolate I've had. Even when I turn it into a Chococino by adding the "creamy topping" (which is a powder, but I digress), it still is unimpressive.

Plus, aren't we drinking enough coffee? Do we really need more coffee? (Anybody reading this around the time I'm posting, which is around 9:30 AM, is probably screaming "YES! WE NEED MORE COFFEE!!!")

My overall point, in reference to the title here, is Forget The Coffee Machine. I want a Juice Machine. Not a juicer, not a vending machine. A juice machine. A machine that will take juices, even from concentrate, and blend them. I mean, of course I'd prefer a fresh fruit juice machine, but even that's too advanced for the fine people at Flavia.

Can you imagine the possibilities? Apple juice? Sure. Orange? We got it. Watermelon Mango? It can be done. Apple-Pear-Pomegranate-Banana-Kumkwat-Kiwi-Starfruit? No problem, mon!

It's my little pipe dream, probably concocted because there's no Jamba Juice near my work, but dammit, I'm going to hold onto it. Even if it's completely impractical, and even if I know that offices will never give up on their coffee fix. But I could really go for some starfruit right now.

quadro2000

Post away! That's what we're here for!

__________________
You have to laugh at yourself...because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't. - Emily Saliers

Cynthetiq

no just normal web browsing... just from my handheld onto the WiFi at Washington Square Park...

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Cynthetiq

Please do.... love to catch up with what's happening in your life.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Cynthetiq

Very true. I think the issue with juice is that it's got a short shelf life and it is a bitch to clean out the machines of the little bits...

but it is a great sounding machine... I'll have my change ready when it's available.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

maleficent

You'd probably regret not kissing her, if you hadn't...

Sounds like Charley didn't do much to dampen your weekend... Glad it worked out for you.,

__________________

maleficent

Oh, you non coffee people just don't understand... The advantage of those machines, is that it's fresh coffee all the time, after coffee has been in the pot for more than 10 minutes, I wouldn't ever drink it.... It's gotta be fresh...

I'll talk to management about getting you that juice machine...

__________________

rat

done, and done. The last five days have been pretty interesting.

__________________

rat

Hey, hey! Finally someone else who loves stormy weather. Some of the electrical storms (no rain, just lightning in the clouds) I've borne witness to are breathtaking. Figured I'd let you know I was back, and how much I've missed our journals Also have a post of my own that may alleviate some worries for you

Cynthetiq

after burning my leg while driving to work at 17 due to someone stopping short... next morning I had a Pepsi in my hand... never looked back at coffee in the AM again.

I still have coffee, on Sunday mornings and once in a while after a nice dinner with dessert.

One place that I worked at in the garment center had a coffee machine that used fresh grounds and filters for each cup of coffee. For some reason because the boss knew I could fix computers, he made me fix and maintain that too, along with the fax and copy machines...

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Cynthetiq

I grew up in SoCal and it never rained there except during Jan and Feb... and even then it was very rare that we got thunderstorms.

Here in NYC... it's part of the annual summer need. It gets hot and humid... then afternoon thundershowers oooh.. those are nice..opening the window and cuddling with the wife listening to the rain and the thunder

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Cynthetiq

No this post is not about sex or any sexual topic.

It is simply about doing things that only adults do like financial planning, estate planning, life goals, etc.

Part of this is being done with input from Skogafoss, some of it I'm thinking on my own because well its not ready to discuss.

Right now I'm looking into different revenue streams to support us when we are older, retired, etc.

Looking into the future is really trippy business. I am currently looking at columns of numbers showing all the different premiums, payouts and death benefits. The biggest impetus for this is our current housing situation. If one of us died there would only be enough savings to allow one income to live in the apartment for 2 years before needing to sell the apartment. I want to make sure that the survivor is covered 100% from mortgage to credit cards. I'm not looking to make someone set for life but I do want to try to remove a good burden.

So I'm looking over these numbers. It looks very bleak, and thats only because I'm looking at worst case scenarios.

But still. How much does one need to live until they die? What about the rising costs of medical?

aCk! being a grown up sucks sometimes.

maleficent

Ok, so I am generally a walking pet peeve, on any given day, the littlest things might bug me. But watching the 'lympics for the past few nights, one of my long time pet peeve is coming up to the forefront.

The Star Spangled Banner, I happen to love our national anthem, it give me goose bumps and can usually bring a tear to my eye. It deserves respect. I've been to football games and baseball games where imbeciles who don't quite get the respect thing, are berated and practically tossed on their heads for not removing their caps and standing during the playing of it. You are supposed to, I don't know if it's the law or anything but you are supposed to. (I guess I spent too many years as an Army brat and have way too many friends in the service.)

So, I'm watching the medals ceremonies for the 'lympics, and the boy swimmers seemed to get it, that silly laurel wreath that is dropped on their head when they receive their medal, is in their hand during the playing of the national anthem, even the girl swimmers last night removed the wreath. So, what exactly was Paul Hamm's problem last night, when he got his medal, and never bothered to remove his wreath, that just seemed disrepectful. It's the national anthem, some of us take it seriously, especially when you are on an international stage. Grrrrr.

I would love to say, don't sweat the small stuff, but this doesn't seem small to me.

__________________

Cynthetiq

It's sometimes weird to see what thread goes through our memories... seems like Bill's seems to be that common thread for the moment. Also seems like Ann is your safety.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Cynthetiq

Even when living in another country it is still respectful to just stand quietly and remove your hat.

I only think that freshly naturalized Americans take it so seriously nowadays. I still stand reverently as I was taught in Scouts.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

maleficent

Lots and lots of insurance... (Just make sure that Skogafass really loves you before you go for the accidental death double indemnity -- that accident in the tub, could make her a very wealthy widow

Being a grown up does suck....

__________________

Cynthetiq

we actually just watched the Barbara Stanwick and Fred McMurray movie Double Indemnity.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Averett

My throat is sore. The left side hurts when I swallow, and I’m convinced I’ve caused it.

Stress. I’m stressed out. It’s money. I owe too much, I spend too much, and I don’t make enough.

I’m trying to figure out how I can fix this. There are little things like not going out for lunch. That $6 I spent at Brueggers for lunch yesterday doesn’t seem like much, but it can add up. If I put change into a change jar instead of spending it on chips at the snack machine it will add up. Cut coupons. And use them! I just threw out 3 yesterday. One for chicken, one for cat litter and one for cat food. Sure, it’s not much, $0.50 here and there, but it’s something. I can cut back on the gas I use by not driving around during lunch. Sometimes I’ll use my lunch break just to drive around the area. It’s wasteful.

And then there are the big things I can do to save money. One thing I already did was switch my car insurance companies. That’s going to help out a ton. $500 instead of $800 every 6 months? I’ll take that! I’m going to go to basic cable too. After the Olympics that is. Bravo is showing the Equestrian events and I really enjoy watching that. So I’ll wait until it’s done to cancel standard cable. I’m struggling with another thing too. Internet. If I canceled internet I could save quite a bit of money each month. I could do without it but… I talk to people online. I have friends who I would miss terribly. Sure, I could email them while at work, but it wouldn’t be the same. I love chatting with my guy and typing out (K) and seeing the cute lips. And I wouldn’t be able to email him at night when he’s out with friends. It’ll make it so hard though. As it is we’re 7 hours by car apart, it’s the emails and chatting and phone calls that fuels this. And how would I be able to tease you about liking a girl, Kostya? And how could I convince you that John Wayne is awesome? I’d miss chatting with Ryan too. He’s been such a good friend to me these past 3 years. I just need to decide if I can deal with not being able to chat with these people on a somewhat daily basis. It’ll be hard.

I’m just so worried. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning and it’s so hard to breathe. I sit in my apartment and look around and I wonder if I made the right decision in moving out. I mean, I know I did, but it’s hard. It’s hard living on my own. It’s not that I don’t like it or that I get lonely. But I see all of my furniture and things and I know that it will take forever for me to pay it off. I think I got such a deal with it all, but I didn’t really since I’ll be paying interest forever. Every single thing I buy that gets put onto a credit card I regret. I have clothes that I’ve bought with credit and I swear it feels like they choke me. I’m on my last pair of contacts and I’ll have to go to the eye doctors to get a new prescription before getting more. My insurance doesn’t cover contacts. And they only cover exams every 2 years. I don’t need contacts but they make life easier. But yes, I can do without. I need to get Pumpkin fixed and declawed. I’ll get that done next month, but it will be a strain. But I can’t have him not get fixed, and I don’t want my furniture getting ruined. I shouldn’t have taken him, but I’m a sap.

I hate how this consumes me sometimes. I hate how I can sit in front of my computer for hours looking at a spreadsheet with my expenses. I hate how I sit there and look and play with numbers and I still can’t get out of the red. There are too many negative numbers staring back at me.

There is no one to blame but myself. And I know that. I know I’ve made my own bed. And I’m lying in it, but damn, I want to get up. I don’t want to be where I am right now. It’s not an easy place.

In about 6 months things could change so drastically for me. My lease will be up and I’ll have a decision to make. It’s hard for me to look ahead. I do, of course. But it worries me because every time I look ahead to something it changes. I don’t want this to change. My relationship means so much to me and it terrifies me. In so many ways that I don’t have time to even put to paper (or type as it is..). It’s not something I would discuss here anyway. But I just worry that because I’m in such a financial hole it will cause problems in moving this forward. I try not to think about it though. I’ll figure it out.

Things will be okay for me though. I’ll make it. I won’t starve and I won’t become homeless. I’ll be okay.