I got stitches from a folder in the 7th grade.

Mind you, this was one of those folders that had a thin metal band running around it to secure the contents, and a friend and I were playin tug-of-war, 7th grade style with the folder.

Six stitches, and a nice scar in my right thumb later, I learned more respect for folders.

I got hit in the shoulder with a minikeg from about 20 feet away. I took my shirt off and there was skin stuck to it from the impact.

Learning how to ride a bike: I'm pedaling great, my dad lets go of the bike and I keep pedaling. Too bad I haven't learned how to turn yet, so I end up flying over the handlebars landing mid-torso on the top of a fire hydrant.

Riding a bike a couple years later: Loose shoelaces got caught in the chain of the bike causing me to crash... right into a bed of roses. Those thorns are painful when you're stuck on them with a bike on top of you.

My last bike injury: My friends and I were riding bikes down a rather large hill next to their house. Since it wasn't my house, my bike was not there. I got stuck with the bike they found in the front yard. We're all going down the hill great until about 2/3s of the way down, the front tire of my bike just flies out. I slide probably about 10 feet down the pavement only to come up with a severly scraped up face and a chipped front tooth.

Bikes are evil!!

Alright, so I'm babysitting my little neighbors when I was 14 and it was late October, early November or so. Naturally, there were leaves everywhere. Well, near the lawn we were playing baseball on are these huge ass trees coupled with huge ass roots that protrude from the ground. I was running, couldn't see them, tripped and I put my arms in front of my body to cradle my fall. To my dismay, upon impact, my elbows jabbed into my ribs and I bruised one relatively badly. It sucked

When I was in 3rd grade I went camping and went to the playground at the campsite and decided to go on the metal merry-go-round that you would push around. I lost my balance and fell face first into the bar knocking out one of my front teeth. It just came in too, was an adult one. Now I'm 17 and have a fake tooth that looks fine, it's hard to notice it's fake but in a few month's when I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out they're putting in a permanent implant. kinda sucks but what can you do?

In 4th grade I was visiting my friend Meghan, who lived in an old farm house. The door between her bedroom and her sister's bedroom got stuck half in and half out of the door jamb, and we couldn't get it open. It didn't have a door knob, just the place where the little catch thing used to be on the side of the door. I stuck my finger in there trying to pull the door open. Meghan didn't see that I had done that and kicked the door trying to loosen it up, and slammed the hell out of my finger. The nail fell off and it's never been straight since. Still hurts like hell to think about.

So a few years ago my office was moving within the building, from the ninth floor to the sixth. All the higher ups were around to supervise which turned out to be great because once we were done they decided to treat everyone who helped out to an expensive dinner. Well at dinner I decided to imbibe a bit and drank about 10 beers and a few shots of GM. Dinner Party breaks up but, of course, I still had had not drank enough so I talked a couple of co-workers into heading out to a bar down the street.

Now that the background is set... On the walk over to another bar I spotted a long row of bushes, about four feets high, set on a street in downtown DC. I sprint about 50 yards, lay out and superman it on top of the bushes. Little did I realize that that one long bush was really a set of smaller bushes, each in its own square marble planter. Well the good news is I easily cleared the first bush, bad news didn't quite make it to the second. Chin planted on the second bush and split open the chin, sprained my back and nearly broke my neck, literally.

Talk about stupidity. Guess that is why they say youth is wasted on the young...

I tried to be a trapeez artist in my backyard in a tree. Unfortunately the branch I was swining to was dead and I fell about ten feet. Luckily nothing was broken but I had a pretty bad bruise on my tailbone.

Also a friend of mine dropkicked me off his trampoline when I was 7.

I accidently threw a pot pie in my face. I was getting it out of the oven and I touched the top of my hand to one of the electric heating elements and jerked my hand back, launching the four hundred degree tasty treat into my face. I had to be taken to the hospital where I was treated for burns and had to wear this white goop and bandages for about a month. I used to have a scar where to crinkled metal ring of the pie pan hit me but fortunatly its faded away. Pot pies were never the same after that...

Remembered another one:

In high school a guy threw a pair of needle-nose pliars at me. I wasn't paying attention and he said "Catch!"

I put my hands up but didn't realize what they were until the nose of the pliars was embedded a quarter of an inch into the skin of my hand.

I've had lots of weird accidents.

Age 10- Skating along at a skating rink, and decide to skate over to get something to drink. I'm not so good at the breaking part of skating, and I ended up skating right into a bench (the back of it was neck level). Turns out I hit it so hard my neck swelled and I had a huge goose egg at the point of impact.

Age 11- Ran into my best friend's mother on my bike because I was riding and drinking out of a waterbottle at the same time. Fell on the asphalt and have a nice permanently black scar about the size of a half dollar on my left knee.

Age 12- Carving pumpkins with an exacto knife is not a good idea. Slipped and sliced the whole side of my finger open. Still have a very interesting long scar on my pinkie.

Age 15 - Had to open one of those exposed locks at school by sticking my finger into the lock and pushing the lever down. Some evil kid walked up while I was doing it, and just as I had the lever down he slammed the door open. This resulted in ripping off the bottom of my index finger - you could see the fat under the pad of the finger. My dance teacher wouldn't let me go to the nurse so I had to stand and bleed on the floor until another teacher came in and dragged me - by my injured hand - to the nurse. By the time I got to the doctor there wasn't much left to stich so I had to have those weird "stitch strips". That really sucked because I couldn't use that finger to ride, or play guitar.

I slipped on a vagina and chipped my tooth

Owwee
 

When I was like 3 or 4 I somehow managed to shut my dick in dresser drawer. Ouch! I remember it was swollen and bruised for a few weeks.

WTF?

Lets see... Ive never had stitches at all, amazingly enough.

I do a lot of cycling. About two years ago, I was mountain biking, and ended up flying over the handlebars (still dont know how... It just kinda spontaneously happened). The handlebars turned in mid air, one end of the bars hit the ground, and my groin smashed into the other end of the bars. I was doubled up in pain for about 10 minutes before I could even talk. Luckily it missed the jewels by about an inch. My whole quad was black, blue, and yellow for two weeks, and to this day, I have no feeling on that part of my leg.

A few weeks ago I was cleaning my shotgun and wasnt paying enough to my fingers. My pinky was barely inside the chamber when my other hand hit the bolt release, causing the thing to ram home, on my finger. Some blood and a swollen finger was all it ended up being, but I thought it was broken at first. Suffice it to say Ill watch my fingers next time.

you want all of them or just the most recent...
most recent---total knee replacement from participating in the wild cow milking event at the local county fair. (on the good side we won by default, no-one else even came close) We have a mantle over our fireplace that has all the various trophies my kids have aquired thru the years. That year my wife framed the T-Shirt I recieved for winning the event and placed it on the mantle. The caption reads: "Cow-1 , Fool-0"

so late one night, i was thirsty, and i wnet to get a drink of water, i returned to bed and as i usualy do i threw my self back, i was to high up the bed and whacked my head on the wall. i sufferd a concusion that screwed me up for the next several months. no fun at all. ah stupidity.

One time I went swimming and tried to do a "watermelon" ... which is kind of like a dive, but at the last second you curl up and flip over ... causing a big splash. Well, I guess I curled up toooooo much because I brought my knee up and "kicked myself" in the mouth. My canine tooth went through my lip. I had to physically pull my lip off my tooth.

It was kinda cool. I could flip my lip and put stuff through the hole. Of course, this was about 15 years before holes in lips were cool.

so youre the one who started that trend!!?

thats a strange way get your lip pierced.... but to each their own.
:-p

around 4 years old was taken to a company picnic. Some other morons(not from the company) there must of thought it was a good idea to dump hot coals out of their grill onto the ground. Ran over them and got 3rd degree burns on both of my feet.

Thankfully a few of the guys there where volunteer firemen and were able to help right away.

8 years old, jumping from sofa to sofa with my sister, both of us jumped for the same one, CRACK, she fell back into the soft sofa, i fell onto the floor and landed on my head / neck.

Apparently poped a couple of dics in my neck out of alignment to something my mum always reminds me, i remember going to this physio doctor so he could pop them back into place. All turned out good thoe, a couple weeks later i was acting like a crazy kid again