meembo

I work in a small office with a guy who started a small business a couple of years ago and then sold it a couple of months ago. He hired me during my divorce, and has been kind and generous to me, and until recently I really enjoyed working with him. After he sold his business, he stayed on in his position, but he obviously regrets selling and he doesn't have enough to do, so behind his partition in the office he has video chats with a woman, and they talk about getting together, etc. We're talking about hours of hushed conversations, where he plays Tony Bennett music in the background, etc. There's no question in my mind that they talk this way regularly and meet. I haven't had to cover for the guy, but I think that his productivity is down and his new boss is noticing.

This guy also has his 16 year old daughter and 19 year old son come in to the office and work about 15 hours a week, and once in a while his wife drops in as well. I think this guy is stupid and careless and he's a divorce waiting to happen. My divorce was mostly brought on by my wife's infidelity, and suddenly I have a lot of anger welling up in me regarding this situation. I'm really upset with my boss, that he can't at least keep his embarassing behavior to himself. I really don't like having knowledge of this at all, but I do, and I need to keep my job during my divorce, etc.

Any suggestions? It makes my skin crawl. I think cheating on a spouse is scummy behavior, but I need to keep distance enough to keep my job, especially during my divorce. I just keep hoping he will quit (he's in his mid-50s). I wish more than anything I could just tell myself to mind my own business, but the infidelity hits very close to home right now.

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bigoldalphamale

tougher to handle in a small business environment. in a large business, you can just drop an anonymous tip to the HR geeks and they will be on it like white on rice. but in a smaller business, there is no anonymity and you run the risk of making an enemy if you bitch about it. if it bothers you that much, and the guy isnt likely to leave soon....ask to relocate to another part of the office away from him citing temperature or lighting issues. or find another job.

good luck!

The Phenomenon

Are you sure hes not chatting to his wife?

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maleficent

If you are friendly with him, tell him you know what he's doing, and let him know that it's probably obvious to others in power as well, and he might want to tone it down a little.

This might be just fantasy for him, but, again, if you are friendly with him, tell him how your wife's infidelity affected you, and well - maybe he wants to take a lesson from that.

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meembo

Yup. I know his wife, and she works at a local church giving music lessons to kids. Definitely not the wife. He chats and videoconferences on his laptop, and takes that laptop wherever he goes like a cell phone. I came around the corner once and saw the woman's face on the screen, and my boss closed the top of the laptop.

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Bentley Little

Stay out of it and try very hard to not let it bother you. Getting involved in someone else's infidelity is never a good thing. Divorce can be sticky (as I am sure you know firsthand...) Keep your job. But as bigoldalphamale says, move to another part of the officer citing said reasons.

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Cynthetiq

It's none of your business, but it does affect you.


You should tell him to be more discreet and that you don't appreciate over hearing his "private conversations". You should also let his boss know that it's demoralizing to you.

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ARTelevision

Yes. Keep your distance and keep your job.
It's his problem.

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meembo

Thanks for the perspective -- it is his problem, and I need to focus on the distance. Disappointment in someone is a bitch.

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ratbastid

Are you friends with him, or is your relationship strictly business? If you have a friendship as well, you can certainly discuss your concerns and disappointment with him. He won't be eager to discuss it honestly with you, of course.

His life is his to live, you've got to make sure he knows that. You don't need him to change who he's schtupping--that's his business--just what parts of his life he brings into his office.

Cynthetiq

having just been informed of a divorce from a 17 yr marriage of a long standing rock in the family....

people need to think before they do anything below board or above board.

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Blackthorn

Butt out. It's his deal. Better to keep your trap shut but that's just my opinion.

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Arroe

Well, if you know him well I'd speak up. You never know if down the road in a few months he's getting a divorce he regrets and wishes you would have stopped him before it got way out of control. Tell him you need to talk to him, tell him you know what he's doing, let him know how it effects your work and maybe throw in a hint about his family, like "what if your kids came in when you're chatting with this woman?" but not pushy, say it like you care about him and his future. Give him a pat on the shoulder, and leave. Keep it short but let him know what you're getting at.

Carno

I'd keep my mouth shut. It's not really any of your business,

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satisfried

it's hard sometimes not to hit someone over the head with a brick.

that being said, any time i ever thought i was doing someone a "favor," it turned into a disaster that was somehow my fault.

let it go, karma will make do (if'n you believe in it)

sashime76

My dad cheated on my mom and I vowed never to be like him. A co-worker of mine has been married for over 25 years but frequents strip bars and goes out to lunch with someone other than his wife.

As much as I dislike him and his disrespect for his wife, I'm in no position to say anything. Don't worry about someone else's life, if it's not meant to be, doesn't matter if they were married for 50 years. Didn't Nelson Mandela part with his wife soon after he was released from prison?

meembo

Thanks and thanks again for all the perspective. I think if I spoke to him, he would patiently listen, and keep doing it. I'm turning up the radio next time I think it's happening. But I decided I'm not going to cover for his behavior at all either. If he ever brings it up directly with me, I'll tell him what I think.

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OFKU0

That's the way. Let him worry about his life and you yours. If I was in your position I wouldn't even pass judgement if he brought it up. I would try and focus on myself to try and understand why his behaviour bothered me.

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