What whould be your REAL job description?
 

Inspired by the What do you do for a living? thread, what do you REALLY do at your job.

I'll give an example for the confused.

My job is a computer technician, both as a day job and a side job. However, I do more than just fix PCs.

I'm a room designer. (If we move that table over there you can set the printer on that.)

I'm a furniture mover. (Can you help me move the table?)

I'm a grief counselor (I'm sorry that you worked for four hours on that document without saving it, but I can't find it on your drive.)

I'm also part grade school teacher. (OK, see that picture in the corner that says "My Computer"? Great, now double click that...)

I could go on, but I want to hear your stories.

I spend an inordinate amount of time as therapist to the project manager of my current customer, this woman is screwed up beyond beleif and dumps all her troubles on me.

I am also a referee -- the customer I am currently at, works with 2 other sister companies, and there's a lot of political infighting between the three companies, everyone is always bitching about someone else, and they all bitch to me. (Now, to find a way to use the info they give me for monetary gain)

Pinnocchio:D when people ask for when bugs will be fixed (oh, that'll be in the next release. (nose grows) Can your software do that? (Oh, yes, i can do that---- given time and money -- nose grows) I tell so many fibs over the course of the week - I often have to remember who I am talking to otherwise I start fibbing to the programmers - and that's not good.

I'm a bartender.


I'm also a therapist for the drunks of the world that can't help themselves without the help of booze. And seeing as how I'm exactly the same way... I'm the best therepist.

oh this is fun!! (remember Im an engineer)

Shopping engineer (please go to the grocery store for break room supplies, cokes and coffee)

Janitorial engineer (somebody let something explode in the microwave can you clean it out)

Postal engineer (can you run this to the post office on your way home)

packaging engineer (I realize the ups man will be here in 30 seconds but this has got to go out today)

im sure I will think of more

Office Bitch. Ive been getting to do lots of testing on apps that no one else wants to do :(

Brew Engineer. People like killing the coffee and then not making anymore. It annoys me. I usually end up brewing more.

Mouse pusher.
InDesign jockey.
Printer refiller bitch.
Intra-office delivery monkey.
Bagel technician.

before we close i walk around in a circle sampling every type of food or espresso we have hoping a customer doesn't come in. then if they do i hope they don't ask for something that takes a lot of work to make (panini), then prey they don't ask how much somthing costs cause i just don't give a fuck. then after we close since i do everything i am supposed to i stay a few minutes longer than the jackass that does the other part of the resturant, i get to do his shit too. oh so much fun :)

smile customers like it when you smile :) :) :)

not that bad though the free food weighs pretty much on the other side :p

Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab
Copy, paste, tab

7th grade math

Type type type.

Enter.

I'm a Team Leader, but I'm really nothing more than:


beat me to it..

I'm the Boss' number gopher and data gatherer. I have a small cage with grass right next to the office.

Interesting...

As a telecommuter, all I do is my actual job.

It must have to do with how much time, effort, energy, and distraction are inherent in office and on-site work.

Workstudy-but there's hardly ever work and nothing to study.
It should be called the "we don't want to do this menial crap, so we hire students and pay them shit to do it for us" position.
It'll look good on resumes, though. Employers look for potential bootlickers.

I do my best to manage a group of young people who have no desire to be managed.

I'm a certified APDT on my local boatdock...wait, you didn't get the memo? An APDT is an Aquatic Petrolium Distribution Technician. I am fully certified to distribute petrolium...

...who am I kidding, I pump gas.

I try to manage a group that doesn't want to listen to me. And as a manager, I do most of the work, since most of the people were let go 2 years ago. Also falling into my description, really bad programmer, computer tech, errend runner, listener, communicator.

Oh, and internet surfer, shhh, don't tell anyone

I am a killer of trees, sending out post-sale cards and letters for car dealers -- tens of thousands of pieces of mail each month

im a pee pee collector...aka drug screening specalist

I'm a technical writer. My real profession is information pimp.

I'm using that on my next resumé.

Jackass-of-all-trades, from ditch digger, rebar man, carpenter, and board-bitch to foreman and the guy who has to tell the engineer and architects that they cant do simple damn math to make two sides of a building the same size. when people ask me what I do, I generally say I make sure that their buildings don't fall down

im a dish pig for 2 weeks then im unemployed

Talking Head.

I do corportate presenations trying to explain to ppl how the software works so they will buy it. It's kind of like being a stand up comedian with out the funny...y'know like Sinbad.

I stand around with my hands in my pockets and make sure people like jaco build buildings the way the engineers draw them. The only problem is SOME engineers are IDIOTS, you can draw anything on paper, but they don't have to do it with real materials.

Teacher
Entertainer
Nurse
Entertain some more
Psychiatrist
Hold their interest
Entertain
Referee
More entertainment
Mother/grandmother/aunt/friend
Can't you make this more interesting?
Researcher
Did I mention I so a lot of entertainment?

I'm the one people come to screaming 'what's up with the status???' 'where is my/their approval???'
I'm a Human Resources Assistant.
I process applicant files for approvals to become mortgage consultants/branch managers/loan officers/processors/etc.
Some mortg. groups are fast and easy, some branches are slow and clueless, others are VERY impatient and think it's our fault their not approved yet........
I'm the laison, the depended-upon mom of the whole thing.

I like it.

You teach middle school?

I work at my local highway department.

I hold a flag.

I move brush out of the road.

I patch up holes in the road.

I wash dump trucks.

I cut up and dispose of fallen trees by any means necessary. (sometimes fun, sometimes quite dangerous.)

I build bridges.(an absolute and total bitch.)

I put up road signs.

I ride around in a county truck and smoke cigarettes to and fro work sites.(personal favorite)