Uncomfortable movie episode!
 

Okay...perhaps I'm just being a little weird but I don't think so.

Yesterday I went to the movies right after work on a whim. I went to see "King Arthur". I get my popcorn and drink and find an empty seat towards the front of the theatre smack dab in the middle of the screen. I was happy. There were 4 empty seats on both sides of me and plenty of leg room. So now here's where it gets strange.

A dude comes in and he sits two seats to my left. Right as the movie's about to start, he leans over and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to me. Now I'm thinking that he's got friends coming so I just say "No". He then gets up and sits in the seat DIRECTLY NEXT TO ME! Now there are 4 empty seats to my right and opposite him there are 4 empty seats to his left.

Now the only thing I could think of why he would sit directly next to me when there were plenty of empty seats around us is that either:

A) The dude is very anal about being as close to the center of the screen as possible.
B) He was planning on hitting on me. Or...
C) He didn't want to look like he was seeing a movie alone and figured if he sat next to me it would look like we were together.

Now...I don't know about everyone else but...I don't even sit directly next to my guy FRIENDS when we go to the movies together! It's all about personal space when men hang so why would this dude think that sitting next to me would be okay when there were plenty of empty seats all around us?? I mean...WHAT THE HELL!?!?

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Could be he liked the view better from that seat. *shrug*

True but where's the social convention? You don't sit directly next to a dude that you don't know at a movie theatre unless there's no other choice.

It's like when you go to the bathroom and you're using the urinals. You wouldn't choose one directly next to a dude if there are other empty ones to use. It's just not right. :cool:

I would have just moved over one more, he would get the hint.

Or just make up some lie, say you cant stand being close to people.

Who knew that boys had so many rules, gawrshI thought women were bad. We learn so much here.

Maybe you just smelled really good.
Or maybe he's a big wuss and thought the movie was going to be scary and just wanted someone to protect him.

were you worried about what other people might think having you sit so close to another man?

You are comfortable with your own sexuality, so why does it really matter, if he hits on you? eh, you have something to laugh about later on....

yeah, as always, I would have struck up a conversation with the stranger. talking to strangers is one of my favorite things to do.

Its more of a common courtesy than a rule. We like our personal space, take up both armrests, just plain not having to worry about anyone else next to us. Only reason it doesn't apply to girls is because another part of our anatomy takes over and overrides those thoughts.

Personally, I would've been freaked the hell out just because of the weirdness of the situation, and if you're near the center anyone, one seat doesn't matter near enough for something like crowding in on people.

And as for the urinal space rule, its just something you witness and learn growing up. Except for dire situations, you wait in line rather than use adjacent urinals. In a three-urinal bathroom, this usually results in only the outer two urinals being used the huge majority of the time.

Which is all well and fine. After all, a stranger is just a friend that you haven't met yet. However...I have to agree with Gjefflin, that there is an invisible "buffer zone", and...no...absolutely, under no circumstances is it permissable to converse with a stranger at the urinal wall. Unless, of course, they're peeing on your shoe, or something. Other than that...uh uh. I don't see it so much as questioning one's sexuality, so much as I see it as a matter of territory. That's human nature. Or, at least, that's male nature. I dunno.

I thought about moving over but then I was like "F*CK HIM!!! He's not making me move out of my center of the screen seat!" hehehehe

And as far as the lie...I was so confused and flabbergasted aboput what was happening, I couldn't think of one.

thats pretty odd. I mean, its like on a bus, if there is seat, you dont go sit next to someone, unless you know them.

In the gym the other day some guy asked me to "spot" him, I thought he was making a pass at me and I was like "Im sorry, Im not into that sort of thing", but it turns out he just wanted me to hekp him lift weights or something.

Yeah, not to get too off topic, but spotting is bascially just helping someone make sure they don't kill themselves lifting. You just stand there and if they can't get the weight up you help them get it safely back onto the rack.

Though I do think it would've been funny to see his reaction to your "not into that sort of thing" comment.

Good analogy with the bus.

Similar to the urinal "code of ethics" ... if theres an empty urinal on the other side then that's the one the guy should take. Not the empty one right next to me.

Cinema seats are a bit different, though, it's not like you're using that space right next to you, and it's his right to sit there if he wants. Your attention is focused forward, so who gives a fuck who's sitting next to you? I mean, maybe he could have asked if you minded him sitting there to give you the right of refusal, but really, it's not your space to defend, so what so you care?

I personally can't stand having someone near me, I hate being touched, breathed on, hearing human functions unless expressly invited near me. So I probably would have moved elsewhere....

However, when people are near me, the thought would never have entered my mind that it was for the express purpose to hit on me.

Was there some other signal that he sent that made you think that he was going to hit on you?

About the urinal analogy here's the basics : http://www.flasharcade.com/game.cgi?urinal

It is pretty wierd behaviour to invade someone elses personal space just like that. You better have a good reason for doing so if you don't want to be classified as a wierdo.

Maybe he was hoping you would share your popcorn with him.

I would have just been happy that he didn't sit in the seat directly in front of me and block my view.

LOL! Yeah...we do have a lot of rules. I don't know what his deal was but it wasn't that I was worried about the perception of us being thought of as a couple. I have no homophobia. It's just the fact that it's the whole "Elbow Room" theory. I like my personal space and it was violated when it didn't have to be.

Nah. I went alone so that I didn't HAVE to talk to anyone. Just sit quietly and watch the movie. Besides...if I tried to talk to him...he probably would've thought I was trying to pick him up. LOL!! :p

Exactly!!! It's all about personal space.

I almost freaked out for a hot second but then shook it off since I wanted to enjoy the movie. I mean...what do you say to someone when they do that? "Yo dude. Move back over!"?? He could just say "Hey. I paid just like you did so if you're uncomfortable with me sitting here then YOU move."

So....I just put it out of my mind after a few minutes and just dealt with it. Still kinda weird though.

Thank you VERY MUCH Bill. You've said it exactly.

Maybe he was taking the theater rule "move to the middle" to seriously?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Yeah...not for nothin'...but uhh...I wouldn't have spotted him either. A strange dude's crotch hanging over your face while you're grunting? :D

Well that's why I didn't say anything. Because it "is" a free seating arrangement and he paid just like I paid. But my issue is not that he has the right to sit there, the issue is that he had no "Personal space" concerns that most of us have. We've been taught that since Kindergarten! Remember when the teacher would say "Size places" and you would stick your hand out in front of you and the person in back of you would do the same so that you were all at least a hands length away from each other when you walked the halls or went on a fire drill? Personal space man! That's what it's all about.

Actually after the first five minutes I didn't feel like he was gonna hit on me because if he was...he would've already tried the minute he moved over. After the first five minutes, I just felt that he wanted to be the closest to the center of the screen as possible. But...it was still annoying.

If he even LOOKED like he was going to try and ask for popcorn I would've looked at him like he had grown another head. No way in HELL was I going to share popcorn with a stranger. What am I? A hippie!?!? :D

I never heard that rule.:confused:

Some theaters in Denver ask you to skoot to the middle. Helps to seat all of the viewers.

Ah. Okay. Didn't know that. They don't do that here in New York. It's "catch as catch can" here.

This sounds far too much like an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

This wouldn't have happened to me just because I don't have a high enough tolerance for annoyance. But if it ever did I'd be sure to stake my claim on everything the second he got there: both armrests would be mine and I'd probably take up so much leg room that he'd have to sit with his legs closed and moved to the side to accomodate for all of my leg room. And I'm even more of an asshole on the bus/train.

Just be glad he didn't offer free tix to the show in his pants.

Perhaps he had a weird sense of humour – he might have thought it funny to sit next to you just to make you feel uncomfortable, or maybe if the film got too scary he might have wanted to hold your hand – you never know your luck. :D

By the way, was the film any good ?

Interesting thought, guess it would make a nice mild 'candid camera' type prank. Just see how people react when as some of the only people in a movie you sit down right next to them for no reason. In fact, kind of makes me want to try that sometime if i'm bored enough. Or you could start out on the end of the row then every few minutes get up and move one seat over for no reason, till eventually you're right next to the person.

I love having plenty of personal space when I'm at a movie theatre, so I probably would have been a bit annoyed myself. However, I'm guessing the guy was just looking to get a better seat, which is fair. *shrug*

it would have bugged me mostly because I like to make full use of the arm rests. For many guys there is a comfort zone... and that's "as far away from the next guy as possible"

Yeah that would have made me pretty uncomfortable as well. I can't imagine his reason except that he probably honestly just wanted to be as close to the center as possible, as you said. As far as hitting on you, I mean he didn't, so I don't think that was it. It was probably something totally innocent, but still I don't blame you for feeling weird.

One note, you said that you and your friends didn't even sit together at the movies. My friends and I always sit together, so we can make very low comments on the movie. Heightens the experience, IMO. So I guess your personal space issues are more extreme than mine, but what you described would even bother me, yes.

oh man, this reminds me of a class i took in college a while ago! it was a sociology class on social deviance and abnormal behavior. one of the first things we talked about in the class were "social norms." social norms are sometimes hard to define, but one of the examples that the instructor used was exactly like what you just went through Gjefflin. he talked about how it would not be normal if you were sitting in a completely empty movie theatre, and then somebody comes in and sits right next to you. that's not normal! but if it was really full, and someone came and sat next to you, it's not such a big deal. it all depends on the circumstances. in your case though, i definitely think he was hitting on you. that sucks if it bothers you. if a girl usually hits on me, even if she's not that attractive or anything, i usually take it as a compliment. but then again, a movie isn't a very good place to hit on a girl. you go to watch a movie, not a person.

Yea, my friends and I do the same things when we go to the movies. And if I was ever put into a situation like that, I would probably just sit there for a while, and then go get a drink or some candy or go to the bathroom or something, and then when I came back just sit like.. a few rows back or a few rows forward. But I've never been to the movies when theyre not at least 75% full.

struck up conversation during a movie?


If I got to a movie with friends we always sit a couple seats apart

It is my belief that if you go to the movies with someone (friends, family, SO, etc) you sit next to each other. Why sit apart from each other? Is everyone that homophobic?

I'd be wondering: "Does this dick have a clue that I am armed?"

gjefflin, that is definitely strange, I would have moved .. don't fock w/ my movie watching experience. Also do not fock w/ mt ber as I am drink now. Viva Carona

Okay...first off.......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! :lol:

Secondly, I couldn't be a dick to him but I DID stake my claim on both armrests and didn't move my arms once!! :cool:

I don't think it was a sense of humor because during some of the funny moments of the film when I laughed out loud....he was stoic. Or at least I didn't hear him laugh. I didn't want to look at him cause it was weird enough that he was next to me.

And if he tried to hold my hand...trust me...he DEFINITELY wouldn't been moving over to another seat. Either on his own or with my help. :D

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Yeah...I could see where that would be kinda funny!

Exactly. And that's how I feel.

Well...we sit together if the theatre is kinda crowded and it's no big deal. But if the place is practically empty...we leave one seat open between us. And it's not a homophobe thing it's just so that we can have more space to spread out.

Well....not for nothin'...if it was a woman then it would've been a different story. I would've just thought she was coming on to me. Or...if I was gay it would've been a different story because I would think it was the same deal. But this wasn't the case so it was just annoying.

As I said in a later response, it's not homophobia...it's just a personal space issue between men. If you can have more room why not have it?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Y the hell should I move?! I was there first!!!! NO WAY IN HELL! I PLANTED MY DAMN FLAG (ie: soda) in the CUP HOLDER OF LIFE!! I WILL NOT BE MOVED!!! I WILL NOT BE PERSUADED! I WILL NOT BE IGNORED DAN!!! (whoops....ignore that last one)

Dude, can't you combine all your posts into one? It gets kind of annoying when you have nine (NINE!) replies back to back to back.

Anyway, maybe he was lonely and wanted to make a friend? Definately strange, and that shit wouldn't fly with me. Of course I don't go to movies alone, I go with friends, and we always sit next to each other. That way we can talk about/ridicule the movie without pissing others off (unless the movie really blows ass).

Sorry about the annoyance. But I like to answer each one individually. If I post to someone I'd rather see a direct response then have to wade through a long post trying to find the response to just my post.

Both said very well. Why wouldn't you sit next to your friends? I mean....sheesh.

Personally, the center is the best part to sit in for obvious reasons. Now, perhaps he should have sat in the center of a different row (if there were many seats available) but I really don't see this as THAT odd.

In Southern culture, "free space" is a neccessity. If there are two cars parked on a row, a Southerner will instinctively park in the space that is the geometric center between the two cars (giving maximum room on each side). That's why Southerners are appalled at the idea of going to the Jersey shore, where people are packed on top of each other. If you go to a Florida panhandle beach, you'll see Southerners pick spots that are as far away from each other as possible.

Yankees, on the other hand, tend to cluster together for some reason. They walk in packs, drive in packs, and sit together in packs.

Therefore, my observation on your movie seat situation is that the guy was a Yankee.

ROFL. That must be way I don't see what the big deal is. I'm a damn Yankee :lol:

Well actually i'm a yankee and so are all of my friends. I'm from and live in New York. So I don't think it's a North and South thing. What "I" see is that people from other countries don't have the space issues while we Americans do. I went to Amsterdam awhile back and people were jammed in together on the bus while pushing and shoving and stepping on my feet and not one person said "Sorry". They just don't have the "personal space" issues that we have.

This is one thing that continually enrages me about buses and movies. No one ever sits right beside a stranger in a crowded movie theatre, so even when the theatre is 'full', in reality, there's about 50 unused seats acting as comfort spacers.

Sounds like he wanted to wierd you out of the seat. I'm eye for an eye when it comes to trivial stuff like this, so I would've wierded him right back.
Indeed, breaks up groups and looks damn foolish. Makes em look like many would have an "Ahh, people!" reaction in an unexpected social encounter.

Hmm...actually...you're right. You always see spotty available seats in a full theatre and they're all usually 1's.

I always sat right next to my brother when we went to the movies. I would feel like an idiot sitting a seat apart... My ego isn't big enough to need THAT much personal space.

As for what that guy was thinking... he probably wanted to make a move on you. You should be delighted that someone potentially found you that attractive/interesting/whatever.

I don't think he wanted to make a move because I know a few gay people and they're not shy. If he wanted to try and hook up he would've tried to chat at me at least at some point and he didn't. So everything was copacetic. Nah....I just think that he wanted to be as close to the center of the screen as possible.

Hehe, same here. It's all about having full control of both armrests. If we're at the movies and you're not my girlfriend don't sit next to me unless there's not enough space.

I also don't get why people are embarassed about going to a movie by themselves. Of all the leisure activities, movies are the best thing to do alone. Hell you're sitting in a dark theatre looking forward, does having someone you know in the seat next to you add anything to the experience? I hate having someone talking during the movie, even if they're talking to me, so if my friends can't keep their mouth shut through a movie, I'd rather they weren't there at all :D

And of course all gay people are alike....

/tweak

When I read the original post the first thing that came up was that EuroTrip movie. The part where that French guy sits right next to and in between those guys..... :lol:

"Oh Escusa" as he puts his hand on that one guys leg...

That was hilarious...


But yeah the whole situtation is very stange.. I always sit a seat apart frommy friends as long as there is room at the theater... i'm not freaked out by being next to them, its more of a comfor thing..

At least he didn't sit on your lap. That is what I would qualify as strange.
Also, gay men/women are just like the rest of us. Some are shy, some are outgoing, etc. No need to generalize that all would immediately hit on you.

I'm SO with you!!! I enjoy going to the movies alone!!! Most of my friends though would never do it. Don't understand why.

Hey hey hey! Don't twist my words! What I was saying is that if he WAS gay and he had the balls enough to sit next to me he wouldn't be too shy to try and strike up a conversation after that bold move. :p

Again...NOT generalizing. I was basically stating what I said in my previous post. Please read up one.

You could have just said "Sure you can sit next to me, but popcorn gives me some horrendous chair melting farts."

hahahahahahahah!!!! Well...either that or I should've started farting. But then I would've felt bad about the people behind me. LOL!!!!

See, this whole story is why I tell people "yes" if they ask. I enjoy my alone movie time. I get there very early to be sure I get the seat I want. I like being away from other people in the theater.

Once i'm seated in the theater, I do not move. I don't care who you are. Get there early next time. :)

Also: I have been hit on a few times by gay men (not in a theater). Although they are peddling their wares at the wrong bake sale, I am flattered that I am attractive enough to them to make them want to try.

I've never thought about this. Whats wrong with using a urnal next to another dude? As long as you're not checking out his wang or something, I dont see a problem. I just go to the nearest one to the sinks and door.

If there's six unirals and 3 dudes pissing, they're equally spaced so nobody is next to each other. If a 4th one walks in, he's looking for the toilets.

*bangs head into desk*

My immediate reaction would have been to get up and move back several rows (so I could keep an I on him) because I have a really big "personal space." But he was probably trying to weird you out. There is no way anyone would do this just to get a better seat. Thinking about it a little more, the best response might have been to work up a couple of really good farts.

Well about 20 minutes into the movie, a kinda cute woman sat on the other side of me so...farting was out. :D

Re: Uncomfortable movie episode!
 

Did he? If not then it was likely just positioning.

he just wanted to give you a big smooch

Re: Re: Uncomfortable movie episode!
 

Nah. He didn't. That's why I came to the conclusion that he was just anal and wanted to be near the center of the screen.

So if it had been a woman, you'd have been okay with it?

A really hot one?

What if the woman was 5'6" and 250 lbs?

Just trying to figure out where the 'comfort zone' begins and ends.

LOL! In all actuality...it wouldn't have really mattered if it was a woman and whether she was hot or not. Just the fact that there are a billion empty seats around me and someone sits "right" next to me when they don't have to tweaks my personal space bone and makes me question..."Why?"

trew.

sweet spot of the theater next to the sweet spot of your *ahem*

Stop thinking about my sweet spot bro. :D

I like two armrests.

i would have asked him "why" in a nice manner

I had never given this any thought until recently. I went to the movies with a good friend. We are both married males so I was not thinking of any sort of 'spacing' rules. I assumed that he was going to sit next to me so that we could MST3K the movie if it sucked or some such thing. He sat down with an empty seat between us. When I asked him about the space, he told me that he didn't want people to think that we were gay and seeing the movie together.

It totally threw me off because it was so unexpected coming from him. All of the "Guy-Space" rules mentioned before are all accurate regarding strangers but I have never thought about them in regards to a friend.

Maybe some of us are just more comfortable with our sexuality. I could care less if someone thinks I'm gay. I know I'm not and don't really care if someone else thinks I am. It's just not an insult to me.

He broke some serious guy rules by sitting right next to you. My own buddies and I always leave a single seat in between us just so we don't come in contact when we both go for the arm rest. The only thing worse than what that guy did is if he had stodd right next to you in the bathroom with 10 other empty urinals right beside him.

Guy rules? :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
That's hilarious. :lol:

Amazing. That first paragraph was stated amazingly well. So incredibly true.

I completely concur! And I made sure that he "didn't" get that arm rest. I had already laid claim to it so he wasn't going to glom it from me. What a strange egg that dude was.

Someone's getting their post count up fast. :rolleyes:

I'm guessing he was just being anal about being in the center of the screen. It matters a LOT to hubby too - Wierd sometimes.

He also probably didn't read your body language right. I read somewhere that there are basically 3 places to sit in a row or chairs or on a bench. They are interpreted as follows

Center - DON'T sit next to me I want ALL my space. (Granted, in a theater, people tend to sit more center for the viewing purpose and not body language reason.)
Far side - Don't sit RIGHT next to me but you can sit here in the row/bench too.
Sightly off center - Go ahead and sit anywhere you want.

If I don't want people to sit next to me I tend to go for the end because there are some people who tend to rebel against the message that "Center" conveys and will sit close to me anyway. Maybe that's what happened here.

Well...I do believe this is mostly a man thing. A few women have responded here but it'd be interesting to take some sort of a poll to see how many women would mind that as opposed to how many men.

unconciously, i've followd the urinal rule, then i took an online quiz, that showed me i always pick the urinal so that there's a space in between, so now i kinda know i do it, and its habit, so i stick to it

if i had to sit in a movie theater alone, i'd try to leave a seat on both sides fo me empty so i dont bother anyone, unless the only such seats like that are 'neck-breakers'.

howerver, i don't get the "if i go with my guy friends, we'll sit one seat apart"...good lord, are u guys friends or not? man, afterall i'm going to hang out with them, if i wantd that much space and comfort, i'd go to the theatre alone...i also suppose it just feels rude...i generally dont talk during mvoies, but sometimes (rarely) my friends will lean over and whisper, though they always take care not to let it be heard by anyone else...so, sittin aprat would totally defeat that....i figure some guys just do it cause they dont wanan be seen as gay...that comes off as homophobic to me..but hey, to each their own

yeah, sitting in a dark room right next to a male stranger while there is plenty of open space would make the movie experience pretty bad

Well it wasn't a movie killer. It sucked for all of the first 10 minutes while I was trying to figure out what was going on and then after that I forgot about the dude.

Wow, i didnt know people made such a big deal over this, id probably be that guy heh, when i into a cinema, im all bout findin the best seat to watch the film, i couldnt give a toss if its next to someone or on my own. Unless im with a mate then try and get enough seats in a row so if its crap we can bail, talk during the ads etc. If you had such a big deal w/ it jus talk to the guy, not like hes gonna jump you for talkin to him. It was slightly wierd that he didnt immediatly sit next to you, but maybe the social stigma got him, and had to pluck up the courage to break it? who knows :D
I do like people who seem to have this wierd desire to sit w/ one chair inbetween each other though, means i can usually get the best seat if i go in own me own even if its pretty crowded.

I don't know dude, maybe he just really digged the vibe U were giving off.

-Azh