Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - The Rules of Life that You Did Not Learn in School

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Rule 14

Don't worry about what other people think about you. They don't.

You forgot this essential rule:

When you're 25, nobody cares that you took AP Calculus when you were a sophmore in high school so enjoy being young while you still can.

Seriously, we're so wrapped up in test scores, performance, how we compare to other countries that we are putting way too much pressure on kids at young ages. You were allowed to be a kid once, do the same for your kids. It doesn't mean don't push them at all, just keep in mind that this is their only chance to be a kid.

Stop freaking out about your kids getting C's. It's supposed to mean average and should be assigned to the majority of students. If half the class is getting A's, then the standard for A work is too low.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cynthetiq

Wow, great example to show how arrogant one can be in your explanation.

Sorry but the fact is that Seaver is dead-on in his assessment of generations.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seaver

Is that any more arrogant than the people who always talk about the [insert generation here]?

Oh we never did [insert insult here], back in my day we had respect for [insert authority figure or positive trait here]. We never had it easy doing [insert mundane task here], we had to [insert mundane task expanded on with time].

Sorry, every older generation is as arrogant as the previous. The younger is simply more introspective and generally optimistic, while the older looks to their past with rose colored glasses to prove to themselves that was not them 20 years earlier.

Actually there are some things that are vastly different. Example, communications, 20 years ago there was no communicating en mass to other people via computer. There was no email. There was no Free Nights And Weekends. There was no Skype or VoIP.

So if I compare my long disatance relationship where I spent every dollar on long distance companies and writing letters in longhand on airmail paper to someone who has IM, well there is something quite different about that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seaver

"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers."
-Socrates (470 BC - 399 BC)

How do you say... pwned? All generations are the same. We are ALL arrogant and self-centered as young adults.

If we were all of the mindset of middle-aged men we would never be driven to explore, invent, or improve society.

That is the silliest thing that I have read in years. :lol:

Rule 15. NEVER cook bacon naked.

Quote:

Yes, situations around people change, people really dont.

Quote:

That is the silliest thing that I have read in years.

How so? You were born in 1950 correct? So you viewed first hand the massive amount of insolent, arrogant, and self centered generation between the '60s and '70s.

Has it really changed all that much? Yeah the youth today gave up the flowers, however they're still to a large part anti-authority, they're still more into music than creating a stable income, and they're still for the most part spending more money than they can make on their own.

Dont like that analogy? How about the good ol' '50s, bunch of over-sexed, juvinile dilinquent, insolent brats who dont understand how good they have it while immiting James Dean.

I could go on...

Oh but this generation is so much worse!

i'm young, but i know enough to say that seaver's made some very good points. there are certainly identifiable themes from generation to generation, if only because your personality and outlooks on life don't stop changing once you're "grown up" but because we've constantly changing. so as we age, we change, often in ways that reinforce our general distaste for the young.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kutulu

Sorry but the fact is that Seaver is dead-on in his assessment of generations.

I didn't say that he was wrong, just pointed out that the pwned comment is arrogant in itself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seaver

Yes, situations around people change, people really dont.

Very true. One thing my travels around the world have shown me are there are more similarities than differences of people cross generational and cross cultural than anything else. If you focus on the few differences you'll completely miss the similarities.

Great thread...Here a few things I was taught long ago by my father and grandfather.

1. My Dad said...Introduce yourself to everyone and their mother.

Over the past 20 years, I have never received a job by handing in a resume...of course I did hand out hundreds of them but my jobs were always from people who I met, who liked me and either gave me a job when I needed one or introduced me to someone who gave me a job.

2. In the long term, a good reputation (from being honest, a stand-up person, good business person, or whatever) is like gold.

How true this is...I was on the limb for a lot of money after a "friend" did a weekend move and emptied out his warehouse/offices. Instead of declaring bankrupcy like my so-called friend, I spent the next 18 months working my business as usual and paid everyone back. Years later, I can get credit anywhere at any business in my city and my friend had to move out because he was black listed by every business in the city (word travels fast when you screw lots of people out of their cash).

3. If you can count you "true" friends, (you know, the ones who will spot you a ticket home when your parents are sick and your short on cash), on one hand when your time is up, you are a lucky person.

Said by my grandfather just before he passed on.

Finally, I learned this from others but the saying is so true...for me anyway. Basically, when your 18, you think you parents are out of touch, old-fashioned, stupid and have no clue but when your 38, you realize how smart they really are. No shit. I took me at least that long to appreciate them and I am very lucky to still be able to count on their wisdom when I ask for it.

My two cents worth.

Ok I'll add a rule here and end my rants.

Rule 15: The cheap brands of food, alcohol, and other items are great moneysavers in a pinch. However it doesn't matter how poor you are, never skimp on the brand name toilet paper. You'll be wishing you had spent the $2 difference over a 4 month period... trust me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seaver

Rule 15: The cheap brands of food, alcohol, and other items are great moneysavers in a pinch. However it doesn't matter how poor you are, never skimp on the brand name toilet paper. You'll be wishing you had spent the $2 difference over a 4 month period... trust me.

:lol: Yep, you're right... I'm a cheapskate, but no matter what, I always buy two-ply/quilted TP. Only the best for my bum! :thumbsup:

If your going to peep in your neighbor's daughters window, wait till it's dark.

My first thought when I read the OP was, man this is harsh and cynical. My second thought was about how I would love to print off the list and stick it to the forehead of my friend's 16 year old daughter.

Somebody else's rule, but too true:

If someone acts sensitive and courteous toward you but is abusive to the waiter -- someone who's within their power -- he's not a nice person. Or, to put it precisely, a person with "situational ethics."

It took me years to figure that one out on my own.

I'll agree with Jackebear's grandad. True friends are few and far between. You're doing well if you've got one, very fortunate if you've got two, and insanely lucky (or a damned good person) if you've got three.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rodney

USAToday did an article about that this past week.

Quote:

CEOs say how you treat a waiter can predict a lot about character
Updated 4/17/2006 10:45 AM ET
By Del Jones, USA TODAY
Office Depot CEO Steve Odland remembers like it was yesterday working in an upscale French restaurant in Denver.
The purple sorbet in cut glass he was serving tumbled onto the expensive white gown of an obviously rich and important woman. "I watched in slow motion ruining her dress for the evening," Odland says. "I thought I would be shot on sight."

Thirty years have passed, but Odland can't get the stain out of his mind, nor the woman's kind reaction. She was startled, regained composure and, in a reassuring voice, told the teenage Odland, "It's OK. It wasn't your fault." When she left the restaurant, she also left the future Fortune 500 CEO with a life lesson: You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she treats the waiter.

Odland isn't the only CEO to have made this discovery. Rather, it seems to be one of those rare laws of the land that every CEO learns on the way up. It's hard to get a dozen CEOs to agree about anything, but all interviewed agree with the Waiter Rule.

They acknowledge that CEOs live in a Lake Wobegon world where every dinner or lunch partner is above average in their deference. How others treat the CEO says nothing, they say. But how others treat the waiter is like a magical window into the soul.

And beware of anyone who pulls out the power card to say something like, "I could buy this place and fire you," or "I know the owner and I could have you fired." Those who say such things have revealed more about their character than about their wealth and power.

Whoever came up with the waiter observation "is bang spot on," says BMW North America President Tom Purves, a native of Scotland, a citizen of the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland, who lives in New York City with his Norwegian wife, Hilde, and works for a German company. That makes him qualified to speak on different cultures, and he says the waiter theory is true everywhere.

The CEO who came up with it, or at least first wrote it down, is Raytheon CEO Bill Swanson. He wrote a booklet of 33 short leadership observations called Swanson's Unwritten Rules of Management. Raytheon has given away 250,000 of the books.

Among those 33 rules is only one that Swanson says never fails: "A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, or to others, is not a nice person."

Swanson says he first noticed this in the 1970s when he was eating with a man who became "absolutely obnoxious" to a waiter because the restaurant did not stock a particular wine.

"Watch out for people who have a situational value system, who can turn the charm on and off depending on the status of the person they are interacting with," Swanson writes. "Be especially wary of those who are rude to people perceived to be in subordinate roles."

The Waiter Rule also applies to the way people treat hotel maids, mailroom clerks, bellmen and security guards. Au Bon Pain co-founder Ron Shaich, now CEO of Panera Bread, says he was interviewing a candidate for general counsel in St. Louis. She was "sweet" to Shaich but turned "amazingly rude" to someone cleaning the tables, Shaich says. She didn't get the job.

Shaich says any time candidates are being considered for executive positions at Panera Bread, he asks his assistant, Laura Parisi, how they treated her, because some applicants are "pushy, self-absorbed and rude" to her before she transfers the call to him.

Just about every CEO has a waiter story to tell. Dave Gould, CEO of Witness Systems, experienced the rule firsthand when a waitress dumped a full glass of red wine on the expensive suit of another CEO during a contract negotiation. The victim CEO put her at ease with a joke about not having had time to shower that morning. A few days later, when there was an apparent impasse during negotiations, Gould trusted that CEO to have the character to work out any differences.

CEOs who blow up at waiters have an ego out of control, Gould says. "They're saying, 'I'm better. I'm smarter.' Those people tend not to be collaborative."

"To some people, speaking in a condescending manner makes them feel important, which to me is a total turnoff," says Seymour Holtzman, chairman of Casual Male Retail Group, which operates big-and-tall men's clothing stores including Casual Male XL.

How people were raised

Such behavior is an accurate predictor of character because it isn't easily learned or unlearned but rather speaks to how people were raised, says Siki Giunta, CEO of U.S. technology company Managed Objects, a native of Rome who once worked as a London bartender.

More recently, she had a boss who would not speak directly to the waiter but would tell his assistant what he wanted to eat, and the assistant would tell the waiter in a comical three-way display of pomposity. What did Giunta learn about his character? "That he was demanding and could not function well without a lot of hand-holding from his support system," she said.

It's somewhat telling, Giunta says, that the more elegant the restaurant, the more distant and invisible the wait staff is. As if the more important the customer, the less the wait staff matters. People view waiters as their temporary personal employees. Therefore, how executives treat waiters probably demonstrates how they treat their actual employees, says Sara Lee CEO Brenda Barnes, a former waitress and postal clerk, who says she is a demanding boss but never shouts at or demeans an employee.

"Sitting in the chair of CEO makes me no better of a person than the forklift operator in our plant," she says. "If you treat the waiter, or a subordinate, like garbage, guess what? Are they going to give it their all? I don't think so."

CEOs aren't the only ones who have discovered the Waiter Rule. A November survey of 2,500 by It's Just Lunch, a dating service for professionals, found that being rude to waiters ranks No. 1 as the worst in dining etiquette, at 52%, way ahead of blowing your nose at the table, at 35%.

Waiters say that early in a relationship, women will pull them aside to see how much their dates tipped, to get a read on their frugality and other tendencies. They are increasingly discussing boorish behavior by important customers at www.waiterrant.net and other blogs. They don't seem to mind the demanding customer, such as those who want meals prepared differently because of high blood pressure. But they have contempt for the arrogant customer.

Rule works with celebrities, too

The Waiter Rule also applies to celebrities, says Jimmy Rosemond, CEO of agency Czar Entertainment, who has brokered deals for Mike Tyson, Mario Winans and Guerilla Black. Rosemond declines to name names, but he remembers one dinner episode in Houston a few years back with a rude divisional president of a major music company.

When dinner was over, Rosemond felt compelled to apologize to the waiter on the way out. "I said, 'Please forgive my friend for acting like that.' It's embarrassing. They go into rages for simple mistakes like forgetting an order."

Rosemond says that particular music executive also treated his assistants and interns poorly — and was eventually fired.

Odland says he saw all types of people 30 years ago as a busboy. "People treated me wonderfully and others treated me like dirt. There were a lot of ugly people. I didn't have the money or the CEO title at the time, but I had the same intelligence and raw ability as I have today.

"Why would people treat me differently? Your value system and ethics need to be constant at all times regardless of who you are dealing with."

Holtzman grew up in the coal-mining town of Wilkes-Barre, Pa., and in the 1950s saw opportunity as a waiter 90 miles away in the Catskill Mountains, where customers did not tip until the end of the week. When they tipped poorly, he would say: "Sir, will you and your wife be tipping separately?"

"I saw a lot of character, or the lack thereof," says Holtzman, who says he can still carry three dishes in his right hand and two in his left.

"But for some twist of fate in life, they're the waiter and you're the one being waited on," Barnes says.

RULE 1
Life is not fair - get used to it.
AMEN!
I never had to dismember a frog in my adult life, nor have I ever had to diagram a sentence!
They should teach basic skills in school such as; basic car repair, basic home repair, HOW TO BALANCE A CHECKBOOK, write a resume, budget, what to do if *blank* happens.
Prepare the kids for life and I think we may have less people screwing up their lives early because they think everything is handed to them on the proverbial silver platter. Make them realize how hard they are gonna have to work "FLIPPING BURGERS" to pay for what they need before they can pay for what they want.
Thats all I have to say about that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cynthetiq

Code:

Personal Pledge 32

by Larry Elder



1. There is no excuse for lack of effort.

2. Although I may be unhappy with my circumstances, and although racism and sexism and other "isms" exist, I know that things are better now than ever, and the future is even brighter.

3. While I may be unhappy with my circumstances, I have the power to change and improve my life. I refuse to be a victim.

4. Others may have been blessed with more money, better connections, a better home environment, and even better looks, but I can succeed through hard work, perseverance, and education.

5. I may be a product of a single- or no-parent household, but I will not hold anyone responsible for my present, or allow anyone to interfere with my future. Others succeed under conditions far worse than mine.

6. Some schools and teachers are better than others, but my level of effort, dedication, curiosity, and willingness to grow determine what I learn.

7. Ambition is the key to growth.

8. I will set apart some time each day to think about where I want to go, and how I intend to get there. A goal without a plan is just a wish.

9. "Luck" is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

10. If suitable role models are not nearby, I will seek them out.

11. A role model is someone who, through hard work and a positive outlook, has achieved.

12. A role model may be a parent, relative, friend, church member, judge, doctor, attorney, businessperson, or someone I’ve read about in the newspaper or seen on the local news.

13. I will contact role models and seek their advice, guidance, and counsel. People remember when they were my age and are eager to help.

14. I will seek out recommended magazines, articles, books, biographies, videos, and motivational and how-to books, and use them for education and motivation.

15. The light is always green. You cannot go full speed with one foot on the brake.

16. I am always "in school," and I will not waste my summer by failing to read about and speak to people who can inspire me.

17. I will avoid friendship with people who do not share my goals and commitments. Nonsupportive relationships waste time and energy.

18. I will not seek immediate results, as I understand life is a journey and not a destination.

19. I will read a newspaper each day.

20. I will entertain myself in ways that challenge and expand my mind. As someone said, a mind once expanded never returns to its original size.

21. I will pay attention to my diet and overall fitness, as they are the keys to a healthy and productive body and an enthusiastic mind.

22. Drugs are stupid. People who believe in drugs don’t believe in themselves.

23. I understand that jobs of the future require more preparation and training than ever, and I am determined to obtain the necessary background.

24. A well-rounded, competent student studies math and science.

25. People are not born "deficient in mathematical ability." Through hard work and dedication, the subject can be mastered.

26. It is essential that I learn to speak and write standard English. This is not "acting white," but acting smart.

27. A strong vocabulary is the key to communication, and I will read books on vocabulary enrichment.

28. I expect sometimes to be teased, even ridiculed. This will not stop me; it will only make me stronger and more determined.

29. I control my body and will not create a child until I am spiritually, psychologically, educationally, and financially capable of assuming this awesome responsibility.

30. Life is difficult. I expect setbacks and will learn from them. Struggle creates strength.

31. Every day is precious, and one without growth is squandered.

32. There is only one me, and I’m it!



Laurence A. Elder December, 1994.

Great contribution, Cyn. As a college freshman, I try to live by these rules but sometimes I step back and wonder if I'm pushing myself too hard and missing out on a lot of little things. One thing that I think Elder neglects and that I've learned at college, it's very easy to neglect friendships and being social with your peers if you have such a high priority on these other goals. I sometimes think I have not developed socially as much as I should have (especially with the opposite sex, since I went to an all male high school), because I have spent more time on the
other things.
I guess what it comes down to, is, I'm still trying to find the balance of finding out how much of free time I should spend persuing academic, intellectual activity and how much time with my peers, relaxing and talking while playing hacky-sack and doing such other 'hang-out' time.

#10 and #13 - I believe in these quite a bit although I'm still a bit unaware of how to seek them out and develop a relationship with them (Although not as much as before, I still feel a bit awkward to go to a prof's office for talking about outside the classroom subjects and saying 'hey - what did you think of that meeting that I saw you at a few days ago..') (I know this is a very poor perspective to have, but I've taken the opportunity to talk with my professors during office hours on some occasions).

As for what kutulu, I agree in theory with this, but unfortunately, I really don't practice it as much as I believe in it, because of the culture of academia and the job world. I practice it because I believe that you surround yourself with other overachievers (relates to #17) I feel the others in your environment does really have an affect on you, whether you know it or not); it's better for college (which can provide a better environment as well), which in turn can lead to better opportunities, connections there and after school; it establishes a better work ethic and discipline.

Catcha back on the flipside,
keyshawn

Add this to the list

Intelliegence is not nearly as important as hard work. So stop worrying about how smart or dumb you are and instead just put some effort into what you need to do.

Rule 16 - There are no rules except the laws of nature. You're on your own.

(and coincidentally the only rule I adhere to)

Something I learned:

Sometimes... when the teacher/principal/higher authority can't do anything effectively about the problem, the best thing is to bit the bullet and take matters into your own hands.

Example:

Some dude was always bugging on me. I ignored him hoping it would stop. It didn't

I tried asking him to stop. He didn't.

Went to a teacher. She couldn't stop him.

Finally I bubbled over and prompted a fist fight. We fogught, security broke it up, we got in trouble (mainly the other guy because he'd been warned before), and after that he never bugged me after.

Somtimes it's gotta be about the school of hard knocks. Literally.

One of the most important rules I learned came from a friends 80 something year old father. 4 wheel drive is for getting out of trouble, not into it. Wish I had known that a few years and several dollars earlier.

And

The guys in the white hats don't always win!

really good read, thx for the lists guys

Something someone posted in a journal reminded me of the Pledge 32, I thought I'd have to revisit it which I did. Since we have lots of new people cruising through here, dig up and old thread and remind myself of some of these important things.

Wow! Great thread! I'm still a 30-something, and firmly believe everything that on the original list as well as the subsequent ones. All good ideas/advice.

Funny thing is, I was just in the midst of some 20-somethings this past week who were complaining how unfair it was that they had to work 10 hour days. (we were in an overtime week, very rare.) I told them to tell the floor manager to let me work in their place if they were so short-sighted to not want to make time and a half. A couple got miffed at me, a couple didn't know/understand about "overtime", and a couple honestly didn't even care. The ones that got miffed at least understood the concept of working, helped me narrow it down some.

Rule #17....Be friendly to everyone. At some point in life, a good relationship with someone else will be essential to you getting what you need.

#1 isn't true.

Life is only unfair if you believe/expect it to be.

There are far too many cynics in the world.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Infinite_Loser

#1 isn't true.

Life is only unfair if you believe/expect it to be.

There are far too many cynics in the world.

Please expound on that further. I'm curious as to why you think that.

Things not taught in school more vital than mathematics and science:

1. Learning how to talk to people is crucial. You mght as well have a fatal disease if you do not know how to (1)make friends (2)and keep them. Principally, all other things are applicable.

2. How to write a check. Not taught in school. I wrote my first check as a teenager, but for some reason all of the fields on a check weren't self explanatory, as well as the correlation between a check and the balancing booklet.

3. How to drive. Sure, there's Driver's Ed, but that isn't mandatory. In fact, it's a for-profit business. At 18 you can legally take a driving test, and if you pass, legally take to the roads. Now, knowing how unprepared and immature I was when my parents forced me to start driving, it's scary to know that there are others out there as unprepared as I was.

4. Learning how to talk to people is crucial. What I mean is, in school there is no charisma class. No romance, no marriage mate, no life, and how to make this all go about is not taught in any school or accredited university- anywhere in the world.

Indeed Kpax, 1 & 4 are basically the most important things on all the lists in this thread.

2 is a non issue tks debt card i luv yu~

3 is cool enough but I prefer Darwin to take care of that one for me.

I couldn't see these listed here, so I'd like to them.

Pain is a part of life, get used to it. If you try to run away from it or avoid it, it gets a bloody sight worse.

Swapping a long drawn out agony for a short sharp pain is a very poor trade.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carno

Please expound on that further. I'm curious as to why you think that.

Your beliefs will inevitably colour your experiences. If you believe everyone is out to screw you, that's what'll happen. Luckily enough, belief in the opposite means your experiences will be positive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kpax

2. How to write a check. Not taught in school. I wrote my first check as a teenager, but for some reason all of the fields on a check weren't self explanatory, as well as the correlation between a check and the balancing booklet.

This was part of the curriculum in the 5th grade. I'm now 24. Maybe my school had a few 5th grade teachers who were bent on teaching us super basic life skills or something.

Here's my little bit:

- How to love.
- How to be patient.
- How to be happy.

just dug up this thread...

Quote:

Originally Posted by ARTelevision

RULE 1
Life is not fair - get used to it.

I've learned that life isn't fair when you're not trying hard enough to make it fair. When people give up on making the world fair and simply accept it, they are accepting failure. I can't imagine that kind of pessimism.

Quote:

Originally Posted by willravel

may i ask your age?

Quote:

Originally Posted by uncle phil

may i ask your age?

I'll be 24 August 3rd. It's in my profile. I sure hope this revelation won't be followed by ageist rhetoric.

I don't give up on things because they're difficult or unfair. I know that a lot of other people on TFP are just as vigilant in their lives as I am in mine, and I'm sure those people are of varying ages and backgrounds. If you're not convinced, give me a problem and I'll give you the solution I would seek.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seaver (Post 2053271)

I quite agree.

That said, there might be one or two useful rules that nobody tells you in school. Mine might be:

1. Nothing is more important than opening your mind and educating yourself. Nobody will actually take responsibility for doing this except you. Schools and parents and organizations may tell you that's what they're doing, and sometimes they might even be helping a little. But ultimately, others are interested in making you more like them. Only you can educate yourself to be knowledgeable and more yourself.

2. Teachers and parents and organizations can be very helpful in teaching you facts, figures, and how to work hard. You must teach yourself to relax and chill and do inner work and seek spiritual growth. These things are crucial to a healthy life, and virtually everyone else will want you to prioritize everything else first.

3. Life is hard, and will demand brutally hard work of you. It is also beautiful, and will sometimes reward you with magnificent moments. Your job is to know how to make the choices necessary so that the work you do brings you ever more of those rewards.

3a. Corollary to the above rule: you must learn how to make those choices so as to benefit yourself, but not necessarily at the expense of others. You must succeed without surrendering your humanity and compassion.

It's been a while since I posted in this thread.
Having spent my entire lifetime in school of one form or another, I find it difficult to distinguish all that I have learned through school and that which is entirely separate. Looking at the list that I made previously, I wonder how true it is that these things were not learned in school.

Quote:

- How to love.

I was attending classes when I began to love. My earliest crush was on a boy I met in kindergarten. I learned in school that it was wrong for a male to hit a female, and visa versa. This was not a lesson that either of my grandmothers were taught, as they both experienced abusive marriages. Would my understanding of love be the same today without formal education?

Quote:

- How to be patient.

This is something that I learn over and over again, to greater depths, through coursework and experiments, through interactions with teachers, professors, students, and their parents. Yes, I also learn how to be patient in my marriage, but it seems that I learn more in my interactions with a broader base of people that I encounter in my academic settings.

Quote:

- How to be happy.

I doubt I would take a daily run, and experience the thrill of the wind in my hair and my level-metered footfalls, had I not been forced to run in middle school PE courses. I would not have thought of singing vocal harmony had my sister not been learning about it in school and shared it with me - so were it not for her education, I wouldn't know the joy of breaking into harmony, the only difference in a room of monotonous sameness...