The Rules of Life that You Did Not Learn in School
 

The Rules of Life

RULE 1
Life is not fair - get used to it.

RULE 2
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world
will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel
good about yourself.

RULE 3
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out
of high school. You won't be a vice president with
car phone, until you earn both.

RULE 4
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a
boss. He doesn't have tenure.

RULE 5
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your
grandparents had a different word for burger flipping
they
called it Opportunity.

RULE 6
If you mess up,it's not your parents' fault, so don't
whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

RULE 7
Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as
they are now. They got that way from paying your bills,
cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about
how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest
from the parasites of your parent's generation, try
delousing the closet in your own room.


RULE 8
Your school may have done away with winners and losers,
but life has not. In some schools they have abolished
failing grades and they'll give you as many times as
you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the
slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

RULE 9
Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get
summers off and very few employers are interested in
helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

RULE 10
Television is NOT real life. In real life people
actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

RULE 11
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for
one.
...............................

Contrary to Internet Lore, this list was not part of a speech by Bill Gates.

It's an excerpt from the book "Dumbing Down our Kids" by educator Charles Sykes.

It is a list of eleven things you did not learn in school.

In the light of the currently highly publicized horrid behavior by teens, I'm thinking there is something to the type of self-centered cluelessness it implicitly critiques.

RULE 2
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world
will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel
good about yourself.

This is a great thread...I love rule 2.

Thanks for the list Art, they are all pertinent in this very real and mean world.

I think there are a lot of people who should take heed of them.

Rule 3 and Rule 8 still apply

Fortunately I fell under rule 3 and am applying for a Rule 8 position ;).

CoMoFo has its advantages...

.

Every generation is self-centered and clueless. I believe this is not because of lack of guidance or education. I just believe that everyone needs to make mistakes on their own and learn from them. It's called growing. No matter how right your parents are, you will go out, screw up, and come back and tell them how right they were.

This is why lists like this are nice, but only for grown-ups to reflect on. Kids won't believe it till they seen it.

I know I've made my fair share of mistakes and will probably make many more.. and you're right ART.. I didn't learn anything until after school..what a waste.. :p

Sorry to say Gov. but the rules have changed, this generation is now a no-fault one, it is now TV, the movies, video games or bad parents who are the reason kids do the things they do.

I think Art's list is more about how todays society sugar coats and babies today children.
How absurd is a game with no winning or losing?
You are right about the having to learn on your own, but I think this list is alittle different.

O.K. But I'd like to think theres still alot of kids in their generation who might accept the list, not act out, and who are waiting to take advantage of the lazy ones who choose to blame others. You just won't hear about them till they are ready to step forward.

well i think my parents did a god job of teaching my these rules, but i still think life should be fair...unless of course things are going my way...

for a little humour, go here: Things I Wish I Learnt In School

The things I've learned is that a) life isn't fair always so take the good and the bad together & suck it up baby....b) it's easier to be happy than sad - you just have to have the right frame of mind and outlook....c) the things that really matter are basic - friends, family, loved ones, happiness, health.

That list is plain mean. I understand that one day I'll be saying how true it is, but for now I have never seen a more cynical approach to reality. I'm sure you can find a better way to look at life than through that distorted looking glass

Okay... then how about something less cynical...if you don't know who Larry Elder is... check out his website at www.larryelder.com
or even...the book by Cherie Carter-Scott's If Life is a Game, These are the Rules.

As far as I'm concerned, the one basic rule is "Be prepared to accept the consequences of your own actions."

Cynthetiq-
I like those rules better, they make alot more sense to me. Larry Elder seems like an interesting guy, I'll have to try and find a webcast. Thanks for the rules.

Unfortunately, another word for cynical is realistic; that first list paints a rosy picture compared to the realities of human society.

"If you hit a gril because you like her and you're 7 you can get away with it...


At 37 you go to jail."

How about this one from Mother Teresa. (yes loki, I had this before, but thank you anyway.;))
And these are my ownThank you for slapping us with some reality,
it's needed sometimes.

grin, good list Art. THanks

rule 2 rules

I'd have to disagree with rule 8, partially. I went to a charter school 7-12, and part of the way the school ran was the opportunity to revise work. Through revised work, you're able to hone your skills, reduce mistakes/inaccuracies, and thus produce better work. Many things about school have no direct application to the real world, but that doesn't mean they aren't worthwhile.

Sure, but there is a point in time where it has to be done right the first time. Practice is one thing, dress rehearsal is another... and showtime.. there's no time for flubbing lines.

Would you like to drive over a bridge that the engineer gets to adjust and revise? Would you like to fly a plane that the pilot is able to adjust and revise his course?

If Life Is Not Fair...

Why all the rules?

If you think it's "mean", you don't understand either of the word "mean" or that list. But one day you will.

rogue49, imo your list is just as good as mother teresas :D

just digging up some good things for people to reconnect with including myself...

This *is* good, thanks!!

Rule 12

Dont get married till you are at least in your late 20s.

Get all of that "stuff" out of your system before you decided to start a family. How do you can you know someone that well if you dont even know yourself, and any person in their early 20s that thinks that they know themself well, is just arrogant.

Rule 13. Sometimes, it's good to say "Fuck Off".

Wow, it's funny that someone thought that list was "mean" or "cynical." Or maybe I'M just mean and cynical. :lol: I had internalized most of that stuff by the time college was over, so I had a real shock when I went back to teach high school and found all these kids who thought the world was their oyster. At 17, 18 years old, I don't blame them (no offense to those young 'uns on the board; I'm only 26), but come on... do you really think the world is gonna wipe your ass when you graduate? :rolleyes:

And Apmle, I definitely agree with you. I was a bridesmaid in four weddings and attended countless weddings with the couple being in their early 20s or younger, and it was like watching a train wreck. It would not surprise me, if at some deep level, each of those people comes to regret that decision (if they are not already) in the near future. Many people warned them against getting married at that age, but hey, sex is a powerful thing (they were all waiting for marriage to have sex!).

I like the blunt and brutal statements of the list. It's the short and simple of it.
I, too, am surprised at the next generation. I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, I was not that rude or self-centered nor acted with a sense of entitlement. I knew I was going to have to work very hard for what I wanted and life was never easy. If it was, be flippin' grateful.

Your age please, and your expertise on "every" generation. I am quite serious about asking for your credentials in making the statements that you have. Or are you simple saying that you are not a grownup? :hmm:

Even though I'm 32 and not fresh out of high school and even though I've SEEN that rule #1 is true it still never ceases to amaze me. How UNFAIR life can be is endless suprise and consternation. One always HOPES that things will be fair but they so rarely aren't.

I recall this truth being made frighteningly real to me when my husband was in an accident and hospitalized. We had learned of another man who was admitted the day after hubby was admitted. He also has a head injury and basal skull fracture in the same places as hubby. There Joe was on day three doing worse then ever, with Pneumonia and Staph infection taking over in his lungs besides the coma and head injury keeping him unconcious. Then we got word that their procedure to suck some of the infection from his lungs had helped, his fever had begun to drop finally, and that he was moving his hand and foot. Only an hour later we learned that our friends in the Neurological ICU waiting room had lost THEIR father and brother. He had much the same injuries and no infection but yet he died and my husband lived. For them, there could be no fairness to life at all. Were we lucky? Destined? Who knows. Life AIN'T fair.

One thing I've learned is that being kind and nice and friendly will get you much further than being an asshole. Unless that asshole is rich and noisy.

A few years ago, I was going through what's commonly called a 'midlife crisis'. During that time, I acquired a 'mentor' who helped me with my developing digital art skills(actually, he DID develop them-I didn't know squat, being an oldtime sketcher, etc), helping me with learning about myself in general in the process. He was quite harsh at times, I thought. I rarely got praise, maybe a 'good, now do this' and would get pushed further along.
When I got whiny about things, I didn't get a 'there, there, now'-I got a 'well, what are you going to DO about it?'
I know it wasn't harshness. It was reality, it was being made to understand that we are responsible for the choices we make. It wasn't that I didn't know that, I didn't understand it fully, even though I had been raising my own kids just that way. Knowing life is unfair and that we alone make our consequences, is not quite the same as understanding it. Once it was clear I understood, he was no longer a mentor, he was a friend.
Just by the responses here, you could almost guess correctly the ages of the posters. The older they are, the more they understand what the list is saying. The younger they are, the more they think it's mean or won't apply to them so much. Interesting....

As a new graduate, this one is tough to stomach. Even though I took classes during two seperate summers, I still at least had a month off before the fall semester. It was quite nice, maybe I shoud have become a teacher.

"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers."
-Socrates (470 BC - 399 BC)

How do you say... pwned? All generations are the same. We are ALL arrogant and self-centered as young adults.

If we were all of the mindset of middle-aged men we would never be driven to explore, invent, or improve society.

Wow, great example to show how arrogant one can be in your explanation.

Is that any more arrogant than the people who always talk about the [insert generation here]?

Oh we never did [insert insult here], back in my day we had respect for [insert authority figure or positive trait here]. We never had it easy doing [insert mundane task here], we had to [insert mundane task expanded on with time].

Sorry, every older generation is as arrogant as the previous. The younger is simply more introspective and generally optimistic, while the older looks to their past with rose colored glasses to prove to themselves that was not them 20 years earlier.

it makes me chuckle that you call that looking glass distorted. I'm 23 come july, and graduation is in August. guess what, college is nothing like high school, and the professors care less than high school teachers. tenured professors mean that they don't have to teach you, you don't have to learn, but as long as enough people in their class pass to make it appear that someone taught and someone learned, they get payed. and let's face it, their mortgage means a hell of a lot more to them than your education. just like their car note, their wife's birthday and their children. college also has very little to do with intelligence, and very much more to do with effort.

and try a fulltime job sometime. especially in a college town with 40000 other equally qualified candidates in the same age bracket that would be happy to take your occupation. you want tough bosses, try college town bar owners and managers. they have the most highly sought-after jobs and the largest pool of willing people to choose from. i've worked in three in the last year and a half; one got shutdown, one i got fired from for missing one minor's ID, and the other was working me 45 hours a week in the fall while i had 13 hours of class. life does not care about you, nor does the general public, and they will crush you if you don't know how to square your shoulders and take one on the chin.

Rule 14

Don't worry about what other people think about you. They don't.

You forgot this essential rule:

When you're 25, nobody cares that you took AP Calculus when you were a sophmore in high school so enjoy being young while you still can.

Seriously, we're so wrapped up in test scores, performance, how we compare to other countries that we are putting way too much pressure on kids at young ages. You were allowed to be a kid once, do the same for your kids. It doesn't mean don't push them at all, just keep in mind that this is their only chance to be a kid.

Stop freaking out about your kids getting C's. It's supposed to mean average and should be assigned to the majority of students. If half the class is getting A's, then the standard for A work is too low.

Sorry but the fact is that Seaver is dead-on in his assessment of generations.

Actually there are some things that are vastly different. Example, communications, 20 years ago there was no communicating en mass to other people via computer. There was no email. There was no Free Nights And Weekends. There was no Skype or VoIP.

So if I compare my long disatance relationship where I spent every dollar on long distance companies and writing letters in longhand on airmail paper to someone who has IM, well there is something quite different about that.

That is the silliest thing that I have read in years. :lol:

Rule 15. NEVER cook bacon naked.

Yes, situations around people change, people really dont.

How so? You were born in 1950 correct? So you viewed first hand the massive amount of insolent, arrogant, and self centered generation between the '60s and '70s.

Has it really changed all that much? Yeah the youth today gave up the flowers, however they're still to a large part anti-authority, they're still more into music than creating a stable income, and they're still for the most part spending more money than they can make on their own.

Dont like that analogy? How about the good ol' '50s, bunch of over-sexed, juvinile dilinquent, insolent brats who dont understand how good they have it while immiting James Dean.

I could go on...

Oh but this generation is so much worse!

i'm young, but i know enough to say that seaver's made some very good points. there are certainly identifiable themes from generation to generation, if only because your personality and outlooks on life don't stop changing once you're "grown up" but because we've constantly changing. so as we age, we change, often in ways that reinforce our general distaste for the young.

I didn't say that he was wrong, just pointed out that the pwned comment is arrogant in itself.

Very true. One thing my travels around the world have shown me are there are more similarities than differences of people cross generational and cross cultural than anything else. If you focus on the few differences you'll completely miss the similarities.

Great thread...Here a few things I was taught long ago by my father and grandfather.

1. My Dad said...Introduce yourself to everyone and their mother.

Over the past 20 years, I have never received a job by handing in a resume...of course I did hand out hundreds of them but my jobs were always from people who I met, who liked me and either gave me a job when I needed one or introduced me to someone who gave me a job.

2. In the long term, a good reputation (from being honest, a stand-up person, good business person, or whatever) is like gold.

How true this is...I was on the limb for a lot of money after a "friend" did a weekend move and emptied out his warehouse/offices. Instead of declaring bankrupcy like my so-called friend, I spent the next 18 months working my business as usual and paid everyone back. Years later, I can get credit anywhere at any business in my city and my friend had to move out because he was black listed by every business in the city (word travels fast when you screw lots of people out of their cash).

3. If you can count you "true" friends, (you know, the ones who will spot you a ticket home when your parents are sick and your short on cash), on one hand when your time is up, you are a lucky person.

Said by my grandfather just before he passed on.

Finally, I learned this from others but the saying is so true...for me anyway. Basically, when your 18, you think you parents are out of touch, old-fashioned, stupid and have no clue but when your 38, you realize how smart they really are. No shit. I took me at least that long to appreciate them and I am very lucky to still be able to count on their wisdom when I ask for it.

My two cents worth.

Ok I'll add a rule here and end my rants.

Rule 15: The cheap brands of food, alcohol, and other items are great moneysavers in a pinch. However it doesn't matter how poor you are, never skimp on the brand name toilet paper. You'll be wishing you had spent the $2 difference over a 4 month period... trust me.

:lol: Yep, you're right... I'm a cheapskate, but no matter what, I always buy two-ply/quilted TP. Only the best for my bum! :thumbsup:

If your going to peep in your neighbor's daughters window, wait till it's dark.

My first thought when I read the OP was, man this is harsh and cynical. My second thought was about how I would love to print off the list and stick it to the forehead of my friend's 16 year old daughter.

Somebody else's rule, but too true:

If someone acts sensitive and courteous toward you but is abusive to the waiter -- someone who's within their power -- he's not a nice person. Or, to put it precisely, a person with "situational ethics."

It took me years to figure that one out on my own.

I'll agree with Jackebear's grandad. True friends are few and far between. You're doing well if you've got one, very fortunate if you've got two, and insanely lucky (or a damned good person) if you've got three.

USAToday did an article about that this past week.

RULE 1
Life is not fair - get used to it.
AMEN!
I never had to dismember a frog in my adult life, nor have I ever had to diagram a sentence!
They should teach basic skills in school such as; basic car repair, basic home repair, HOW TO BALANCE A CHECKBOOK, write a resume, budget, what to do if *blank* happens.
Prepare the kids for life and I think we may have less people screwing up their lives early because they think everything is handed to them on the proverbial silver platter. Make them realize how hard they are gonna have to work "FLIPPING BURGERS" to pay for what they need before they can pay for what they want.
Thats all I have to say about that.

Great contribution, Cyn. As a college freshman, I try to live by these rules but sometimes I step back and wonder if I'm pushing myself too hard and missing out on a lot of little things. One thing that I think Elder neglects and that I've learned at college, it's very easy to neglect friendships and being social with your peers if you have such a high priority on these other goals. I sometimes think I have not developed socially as much as I should have (especially with the opposite sex, since I went to an all male high school), because I have spent more time on the
other things.
I guess what it comes down to, is, I'm still trying to find the balance of finding out how much of free time I should spend persuing academic, intellectual activity and how much time with my peers, relaxing and talking while playing hacky-sack and doing such other 'hang-out' time.

#10 and #13 - I believe in these quite a bit although I'm still a bit unaware of how to seek them out and develop a relationship with them (Although not as much as before, I still feel a bit awkward to go to a prof's office for talking about outside the classroom subjects and saying 'hey - what did you think of that meeting that I saw you at a few days ago..') (I know this is a very poor perspective to have, but I've taken the opportunity to talk with my professors during office hours on some occasions).

As for what kutulu, I agree in theory with this, but unfortunately, I really don't practice it as much as I believe in it, because of the culture of academia and the job world. I practice it because I believe that you surround yourself with other overachievers (relates to #17) I feel the others in your environment does really have an affect on you, whether you know it or not); it's better for college (which can provide a better environment as well), which in turn can lead to better opportunities, connections there and after school; it establishes a better work ethic and discipline.

Catcha back on the flipside,
keyshawn

Add this to the list

Intelliegence is not nearly as important as hard work. So stop worrying about how smart or dumb you are and instead just put some effort into what you need to do.

Rule 16 - There are no rules except the laws of nature. You're on your own.

(and coincidentally the only rule I adhere to)

Something I learned:

Sometimes... when the teacher/principal/higher authority can't do anything effectively about the problem, the best thing is to bit the bullet and take matters into your own hands.

Example:

Some dude was always bugging on me. I ignored him hoping it would stop. It didn't

I tried asking him to stop. He didn't.

Went to a teacher. She couldn't stop him.

Finally I bubbled over and prompted a fist fight. We fogught, security broke it up, we got in trouble (mainly the other guy because he'd been warned before), and after that he never bugged me after.

Somtimes it's gotta be about the school of hard knocks. Literally.

One of the most important rules I learned came from a friends 80 something year old father. 4 wheel drive is for getting out of trouble, not into it. Wish I had known that a few years and several dollars earlier.

And

The guys in the white hats don't always win!

really good read, thx for the lists guys

Something someone posted in a journal reminded me of the Pledge 32, I thought I'd have to revisit it which I did. Since we have lots of new people cruising through here, dig up and old thread and remind myself of some of these important things.

Wow! Great thread! I'm still a 30-something, and firmly believe everything that on the original list as well as the subsequent ones. All good ideas/advice.

Funny thing is, I was just in the midst of some 20-somethings this past week who were complaining how unfair it was that they had to work 10 hour days. (we were in an overtime week, very rare.) I told them to tell the floor manager to let me work in their place if they were so short-sighted to not want to make time and a half. A couple got miffed at me, a couple didn't know/understand about "overtime", and a couple honestly didn't even care. The ones that got miffed at least understood the concept of working, helped me narrow it down some.

Rule #17....Be friendly to everyone. At some point in life, a good relationship with someone else will be essential to you getting what you need.

#1 isn't true.

Life is only unfair if you believe/expect it to be.

There are far too many cynics in the world.

Please expound on that further. I'm curious as to why you think that.

Things not taught in school more vital than mathematics and science:

1. Learning how to talk to people is crucial. You mght as well have a fatal disease if you do not know how to (1)make friends (2)and keep them. Principally, all other things are applicable.

2. How to write a check. Not taught in school. I wrote my first check as a teenager, but for some reason all of the fields on a check weren't self explanatory, as well as the correlation between a check and the balancing booklet.

3. How to drive. Sure, there's Driver's Ed, but that isn't mandatory. In fact, it's a for-profit business. At 18 you can legally take a driving test, and if you pass, legally take to the roads. Now, knowing how unprepared and immature I was when my parents forced me to start driving, it's scary to know that there are others out there as unprepared as I was.

4. Learning how to talk to people is crucial. What I mean is, in school there is no charisma class. No romance, no marriage mate, no life, and how to make this all go about is not taught in any school or accredited university- anywhere in the world.

Indeed Kpax, 1 & 4 are basically the most important things on all the lists in this thread.

2 is a non issue tks debt card i luv yu~

3 is cool enough but I prefer Darwin to take care of that one for me.

I couldn't see these listed here, so I'd like to them.

Pain is a part of life, get used to it. If you try to run away from it or avoid it, it gets a bloody sight worse.

Swapping a long drawn out agony for a short sharp pain is a very poor trade.

Your beliefs will inevitably colour your experiences. If you believe everyone is out to screw you, that's what'll happen. Luckily enough, belief in the opposite means your experiences will be positive.

This was part of the curriculum in the 5th grade. I'm now 24. Maybe my school had a few 5th grade teachers who were bent on teaching us super basic life skills or something.

Here's my little bit:

- How to love.
- How to be patient.
- How to be happy.

just dug up this thread...

I've learned that life isn't fair when you're not trying hard enough to make it fair. When people give up on making the world fair and simply accept it, they are accepting failure. I can't imagine that kind of pessimism.

may i ask your age?

I'll be 24 August 3rd. It's in my profile. I sure hope this revelation won't be followed by ageist rhetoric.

I don't give up on things because they're difficult or unfair. I know that a lot of other people on TFP are just as vigilant in their lives as I am in mine, and I'm sure those people are of varying ages and backgrounds. If you're not convinced, give me a problem and I'll give you the solution I would seek.

this is a reminder

I quite agree.

That said, there might be one or two useful rules that nobody tells you in school. Mine might be:

1. Nothing is more important than opening your mind and educating yourself. Nobody will actually take responsibility for doing this except you. Schools and parents and organizations may tell you that's what they're doing, and sometimes they might even be helping a little. But ultimately, others are interested in making you more like them. Only you can educate yourself to be knowledgeable and more yourself.

2. Teachers and parents and organizations can be very helpful in teaching you facts, figures, and how to work hard. You must teach yourself to relax and chill and do inner work and seek spiritual growth. These things are crucial to a healthy life, and virtually everyone else will want you to prioritize everything else first.

3. Life is hard, and will demand brutally hard work of you. It is also beautiful, and will sometimes reward you with magnificent moments. Your job is to know how to make the choices necessary so that the work you do brings you ever more of those rewards.

3a. Corollary to the above rule: you must learn how to make those choices so as to benefit yourself, but not necessarily at the expense of others. You must succeed without surrendering your humanity and compassion.

It's been a while since I posted in this thread.
Having spent my entire lifetime in school of one form or another, I find it difficult to distinguish all that I have learned through school and that which is entirely separate. Looking at the list that I made previously, I wonder how true it is that these things were not learned in school.

I was attending classes when I began to love. My earliest crush was on a boy I met in kindergarten. I learned in school that it was wrong for a male to hit a female, and visa versa. This was not a lesson that either of my grandmothers were taught, as they both experienced abusive marriages. Would my understanding of love be the same today without formal education?

This is something that I learn over and over again, to greater depths, through coursework and experiments, through interactions with teachers, professors, students, and their parents. Yes, I also learn how to be patient in my marriage, but it seems that I learn more in my interactions with a broader base of people that I encounter in my academic settings.

I doubt I would take a daily run, and experience the thrill of the wind in my hair and my level-metered footfalls, had I not been forced to run in middle school PE courses. I would not have thought of singing vocal harmony had my sister not been learning about it in school and shared it with me - so were it not for her education, I wouldn't know the joy of breaking into harmony, the only difference in a room of monotonous sameness...