clavus

I was ordering some crap at the Taco Bell drive through today when a bee flew into my eye. It wouldn’t have been so bad, but I was wearing sunglasses. Somehow it maneuvered in to the space between my eyeball and sunglasses, then got trapped, and started doing this panicked, high-speed pachinko imitation –glasses, eye, glasses, eye, glasses, eye.

OK, so I don’t KNOW that it was a bee. It might have been a wasp, or a giant vengeful ladybug, or something else, but at the time, in my head, it was a BEE! And it was trapped in a very tiny place with my EYE.

So my order went something like, “No thanks. I don’t want the nacho-double-grilled-steak-fajita-spicy-combo meal. Just give me a OH SHIT! I’VE GOT A…AHHHHH! (* sounds of sunglasses being thrown violently against the windshield*) AHHHHHHHH! SHITTING FUCK!"

Long pause as I look for my sunglasses and my dignity.

Um, ya. Make that a taco supreme please.

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H12

He he he, 'dem darn bugs. It was avenging all those innocent ladybugs from not so long ago, because let's face it, ladybugs aren't very good at defending themselves.

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Averett

Hilarious. I love your stories.

Go have some other funny shit happen to you and tell us all about it

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la petite moi

Crap, scary.

canuckguy

taco bell person probably thought you had torrets. great story btw,

maleficent

...and you wonder why people say that Taco Bell isn't good for you? THIS is why,

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clavus

Let me live with the illusion that this kind of stuff happens to everybody all the time, but they just keep it to themselves.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

BigGov

As long as you promise to tell more stories, this happened to me too at...umm...one point in time

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One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink but then held it out over the beer and yelled "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"

Scorps

I would have liked to be the guy taking the order!

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JStrider

lol man thats hilarious!
glad you didnt get your eyelid or eye stung... that woulda really sucked!

and yah stuff like this happens to everyone else... we just arent able to tell the story in such a comedic way...

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pig

Well, it reminds me of the time my friend Harv had a squirrel run up his pants leg. He thought he had a weed-eater in his Fruit-of-the-Looms.

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mingusfingers

haha, thanks for the laugh. No harm done, too.

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KellyC

I concur!

I dunno if this will make you feel better, but I've been bitten by a DYING bee 2 summers ago...a fucking DYING bee!

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

ngdawg

Making note to self-do not visit Clavus-he is a walking calamity!

animosity

Last month i was going to my mail box(driving a backhoe) when a wasp few in my eye... That was about the worst pain i have ever had--I couldnt wear my contacs for a few weeks.

ratbastid

Geez, and I thought I got a lot of junk mail...

KWSN

I was at Dorney Park last month with a few friends and all of a sudden a bee flew into my mouth. I spit it out and it flew away.

It was surreal.

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Fremen

Clavus, you and flyman ought to get together and work on his accident-prone, by-way-of-natural-causes, logcabin.

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User Name

I'm going to have to adopt the phrase "shitting fuck" from you.

spectre

clavus, I always look forward to your posts, because when I read stuff like this, it always cracks me up.

Glad to hear that you're okay, though.

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clavus

Feel free. I don't know where it came from. It was probably just the result of my synapses collapsing as my brain cells charged en mass away from the bee, and towards the relative safety of the medula oblongata.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

GakFace

I tried to read that out loud and failed... great stuff.

I concur.. it would have kicked ass to be the guy taking the order.. hahaha.

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RoboBlaster:
Welcome to the club! Not that I'm in the club. And there really isn'a a club in the first place. But if there was a club and if I was in it, I would definitely welcome you to it.

TopRamen66

yet another good story

perripken

I had this happen once on my motorcycle. I was riding by an apple farm where it wasn't uncommon for bees to be flying around. Somehow one got inside my helmet. Right in front of my eyes, it was, on the plastic face shield. Luckily I didn't get stung!

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Aletheia

Buhaha that would be great to hear over the speaker.

onetime2

That's funny as hell. When I was a lifeguard in my mid teens one of the other guards went to blow her whistle and there was a bee on the end of it. She got stung on the lip and tongue. All you heard was "PHWOOT, AHHHH FUCK". Nothing like seeing several hundred heads turn all at the same time.

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Strive to be more curious than ignorant.

phredgreen

"shitting fuck" - classic.


about the worst that's happened to me was when i was farking around with the garden hose and shot it into mom's giant, 30 year old, never been trimmed once in those 30 years palm tree. apparently, i had some kind of keen aim, cuz i shot that wasps nest dead on, and they all came out to express their displeasure at my juvenile amusements. the worst i got was a sting on the hand (which proceeded to swell up to twice the size of the other), but i learned very quickly to let those bastards live in peace.

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onetime2

heh, heh. That reminds me of another good wasp story. Me and a friend were entertaining ourselves by hitting some neighbors with water balloons as they rode around my block when we were probably 10 or 11. The neighbors were having as much fun with it as we were since it was god awful hot. We thought we'd be sneaky and my friend climbed a tree so he could drop the balloons from above. As he was climbing I jokingly said "Watch out for the bees nest". He freaked out and dropped to the ground but I told him I was just kidding and he climbed back up. To our shock there was a wasp's nest in the tree and he put his hand right into it. He heard the buzzing first and jumped to the ground running. I thought he was kidding now but followed him as he was flailing his arms and stripping off his shirt. We ran into the house and his back was covered in stings. We held his white t shirt up to the light and saw half a dozen of them inside it still stinging away. I grabbed a spatula from the drawer and started whacking the hell out of his shirt on the kitchen table. There was wasp guts everywhere. We then, of course, had to seek our vengeance and pelted the nest with rocks, baseballs, even shooting arrows into it. By the end of the day it was the Little Big Horn for these wasps.

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Strive to be more curious than ignorant.

SecretMethod70

Man, you crack me up Few people have the talent of taking the most everyday, mundane occurances and making it hilarious. I certainly don't

Don't feel bad - it doesn't happen often, but something similar happens to everyone at one point or another. I don't remember details, but I can tell you that once or twice bugs have flown into my mouth as I rode my bike when I was younger, or the time a bird, out of nowhere, took a crap on my hand as I stood talking to a friend, or then there's the time I was driving at about 55 MPH, with the driver's side window open, and somehow a large bug flew in and smacked me on the face. Hurt like hell.

Anyways, don't feel alone, but keep telling your funny experiences

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denim

I learned long ago that if a bee is bothering you, whack it with your hand. They don't like that. They tend to go away rather than come back for more.

lurkette

Dude, what god of mischief did you piss off in a former lifetime? You musta been a baaaaaad boy in your last life.

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Scorps

LOL

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Madd

clavus, your stories always crack me up

keep em comming

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raeanna74

This whole thread is cracking me up. Wasp guts on the table, a Backhoe to get mail, and of course I'm imagining the looks between the kids with the headsets in the Taco Bell after hearing your outburst. Oh and the squirrel in the undies. This whole thread is gold.

My Daughter keeps asking me "what's so funny?"

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Scorps

Oh ya I remember when my dad hit a Porcupine with are 90 Bonneville, and when he went in to have a oil change some of the quills where still stuck in the rubber mounts and exhaust(must have hit it hard to have quills stuck in the exhaust).

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denim

By the way, if this looks to happen again, tell the bee it's supposed to go for your bonnet, not your eye.

laconic1

That would be great to be clavus for a day, just for all the cool adventures that find him. As for me, the closest I have ever come to having anything like that happen was on a field trip in seventh grade. I was outside eating lunch with a couple of other people, and a bird flying overhead shit on one of the guys sandwiches as he was getting ready to bite into it.

sillygirl

yeah, me too.. i about spit out my icee!!

I wasn't gonna open this thread, then I saw clavus started it and knew it would be awesomeness

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....absence makes me miss him more...

Redgirl

Every goddamn time I've been stung by a bee I've stepped on the little fuckers. I was wearing sandals, my foot accidentally slipped out, I put said foot right on top of a fucking bee! That has happened twice!

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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Hard8s

Clavus, you are not alone. Just look at what happened to Fabio.




April 1, 1999

Fabio Hit By Flying Bird on Apollo's Chariot

Williamsburg, VA - March 30, 1999 -- Supermodel Fabio suffered a one-inch cut on his nose after a bird hit him while riding the new Apollo's Chariot roller coaster at Busch Gardens Williamsburg.

Fabio was present at the park's media event to help promote the new roller coaster. Unfortunately, for the park the timing could not have been worse.

According to a witness the bird hit Fabio during the plummet down the first drop of 210 feet at speeds of up to 73 mph. Fabio returned to the station with blood all around his nose.

Fabio was taken from the park to the Williamsburg Community Hospital where he was treated and released for a minor cut.

Following the incident Busch Gardens Williamsburg spokeswoman Deborah L. DeMarco commented, "He's fine, no serious injuries."

Fabio declined to talk after the incident and instead opted to return to Los Angeles missing the evening media event.

As for the bird he did not fair so well. According to one park guest a dead goose could be seen floating in the river below the drop where Fabio was supposedly hit.

Despite the mishap, park officials kept the ride open after only a 15-minute downtime. Park officials described the incident as an unpredictable freak accident that has never occurred before at the park.

My big question--why is that woman on the right smiling?

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