la petite moi

1. Your backside is never a factor in a job interview.

2. Your orgasms are real. Always.

3. Your last name stays put.

4. The garage is all yours.

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from having an elicit affair.

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

8. You don't give a shit if no one notices your new haircut.

9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

10. Same work .. more pay.

11. Wrinkles-add character.

12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

17. One mood, ALL the time.

18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.

20. You can open all your own jars.

21.You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

27. No maxi-pads.

28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

32. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.

33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

35. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

36. Christmas shopping can be done for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 15 minutes.

37. The world is your urinal.

Fremen

It's good to be the man.

You been reading the Nonsense forum?

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Google

Destrox

So, so true.

the song "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta" just popped into my head, but replace gangsta with man.

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You bore me.... next.

maleficent

4. The garage is all yours.
Says who, power tools are fun
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
One word -- Vegas! Elope
6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from having an elicit affair.
they're life, they're conscience
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Never had one lie to me yet...
8. You don't give a shit if no one notices your new haircut.
What new haircut? Ponytails were invented for a reason
11. Wrinkles-add character.
My laugh lines have character, wouldnt trade them for anything- means I've laughed
13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
Vegas - Elope -- Levis
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Sneakers never do that
18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
damn straight they are - if you can't say it in 30 seconds it can't be said
19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
7 days - 1 suitcase
20. You can open all your own jars.
uhh - yah
23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
37 and single no one except my mother notices
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
why do you need more than that?
29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
there are more than five?
30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
THis requires neurons to fire? Lefty loosey - -righty tighty -- jeesh

I must be a guy.... This is so sad....

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bparker805

I am beaming with pride! Great list!

RoboBlaster

Some are better than others, I agree. But it's a pretty good list. Some lists like this tend to seem awfully sexist, but I like this one.

H12

Same thing man...weird, heh. Must be a guy thing.

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"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit."
--Aristotle

Phaenx

Don't know about that. For the most part that's how we should act, but recently someone's been turning our culture into a bunch of pussies.

Patton would be sad....


Just kidding, he'd be pissed off.

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"I went shopping last night at like 1am. The place was empty and this old woman just making polite conversation said to me, 'where is everyone??' I replied, 'In bed, same place you and I should be!' Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look." --Some guy

kurty[B]

I'm just glad the world is my urinal, just wish the police would leave me alone when I'm using it!

crow_daw

Wow, being a man rocks.

I wouldn't trade places with any woman in the universe after that post.

Just gonna ride this having-a-penis thing out.

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"We each have a star, all we have to do is find it. Once you do, everyone who sees it will be blinded." - Earl Simmons

maleficent

I don't know - There's 100 reason's why it's better to be a chick!

We can get laid anytime we want

We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar

We piss sitting down so its easier to pass out on the toilet when you're drunk

We get out of speeding tickets by crying

We get out of speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg

We can sleep our way to the top of the class

We get to shop at Victoria's Secret

We can marry rich and then not have to work

We never have to pay when we go out on dates

Men take us on all expense paid trips- all we have to do is sleep with them

Men light our cigarettes for us

Men hold the door open for us

We pout better (those puppy dog eyes always work!)

We're cuter

We lie better

We're better manipulators

We always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other halves- you guys get the couch

We always have food in the fridge

We don't worry about losing our hair

We always get to choose the movie

We dont have to mow the lawn

We dont have to take out the garbage

We dont have to paint the house or walls

PMS- yet another excuse to bitch at men

Cosmopolitan

We can con our way out of anything - not just dig ourselves deeper into a hole

Men unlock our side of the car first- a real bonus when its cold

PMS is a legal defense for murder

Men are like tiles, lay em right the first time ya can walk all over em forever

We can masturbate more in a day than men

2 words- multi orgasmic

We dont have to constantly adjust our genitals

Sweat is sexy on us

We never run out of excuses

You guys may get to think about sex 200 times a day, but we could be having it that often

Doggie style - that way we get to watch the game too

We get expensive jewelery as gifts that we NEVER have to give back

We get candy, flowers and jewelery all the time cuz men fuck up so often

We can give "the look" that will make any man want to cower in the corner

Women are cleaner

Women have more than one erogenous zone (in case you guys didnt know)

We're better arguers

We dont always have to think with our genitals

Massage!!!!

We're better parents

We never have to sit home alone on a weekend night

There's never a shortage of ready, willing and able men

We're flexible

When women get pissed we dont destroy property or hurt people - we just take it out on the world in general because we can

Menopause- thank god we're not capable of having children after we're 50

Menstruation- just another excuse to use so we can say "no" to sex

Men in uniform

There is no penis envy

We can just roll over and go to sleep after we masturbate because there's no messy clean-up

It generally takes us less to get drunk

We have a higher tolerance to pain

We often get to cut in line

Most women actually look good in short shorts- men DONT

Better tips

Women who dont wear underwear are considered sexy and wild, when men do it, its rather disgusting

We have mastered civilized eating - we don't embarass our friends or make loud bodily noises in public

Women can go a day without showering or shaving and not look or smell disgusting - thank god for long pants and perfume!

We can connive men into doing our homework, writing our papers or carrying our books anytime we want

We dont have excessive amounts of body hair

We dont spend 45 minutes on the toilet

Men will pay us for sex

Smoking the seeds in marijuana doesnt make us sterile

We can throw a punch at a man and not get hit in return

Men may fantasize about having sex with more than one woman at a time, but we can have sex with an entire football team at once if we want

Men walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road so that if a car hits us, he gets hurt not us

Women sweat less

Women smell better

When women make their boyfriends mad, we don't have to waste money on flowers or cards - a blowjob and sex fixes all

Men are more often serial killers, thieves, rapists and cheats

Women dont get the humor in the three stooges

Women have three accessible holes

We don't get embarassed when buying tampons

We're better gossips

We have better fashion sense

We're better shoppers

We dont have to make fools out of ourselves to impress a man

Our friends dont pick on us if we arent sleeping with anyone

Men don't know what our 'girl talk' is all about (and I'm not gonna tell you)

We're all sittin on a gold mine- we know it and use it to our extreme advantage

We dont have to drive when on a date

An ugly woman can use makeup and get a new hairdo to become presentable - ugly men are just fucked

Women can use the old "that mark on my neck is from a curling iron burn" line

Women know how fake it

Women look better naked

We know that rhythm doesnt only pertain to dancing

When women are short, we're petite, when men are short, they're just short

Women do less time for violent crime

Women dont have to worry about not being able to get it up

An oblong vegetable is all we need for a good time any night

Women's conversations generally consist of more than just "uh huh, yep, ok, then bye"

Women don't need an excuse to be in a bad mood

Women never have to see combat

The remote control is not an extension of ourselves

Women are sexier

We can get laid ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, ANY WAY we want it!

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Fremen

Holy shit, maleficent! You should be writing a book.

__________________
Google

maleficent

I copy and paste really well don't I?

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Fremen

It's a gift few use well.

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CheeseButtons

good list.

20. You can open all your own jars.

Finally a woman to admit weakness

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Sorrow is better than laughter,
because a sad face is good for the heart. -Ecclesiastes 7:3

Great_White

Don't worry ladies, you can have the kitchen and the laundry room.



Hmmm, maybe this is one of the jokes best not left to a new member.

snoop

It's true, being a bloke has its good points, the down side being we are the ones to buy drinks . . .

SnOoP
ps: I'd still like to be a woman just for 1 day . . .

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Insert Witty Slogan Here . . . . .

GakFace

I don't feel like replying to all of 'em right now, but here's two to point out.

Actually that rule means we won't hit you first. If you hit me.. its on. Being a woman gets you no safe rights if you slug first. (especially since most always go for the cheap shot)

I myself wouldn't hit back if you were a guy or a girl and avoid the fight at all costs... its how I am.. not because of the sex that wants to do the fighting.


Actually I do that even when I'm walking alone.. heck if its not a busy street.. I usually just walk on the street.

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RoboBlaster:
Welcome to the club! Not that I'm in the club. And there really isn'a a club in the first place. But if there was a club and if I was in it, I would definitely welcome you to it.

Speed_Gibson

three? Egads, never had that many daily use shoes unless you count Navy uniform/dress shoes (which fails the 'daily use' part). It has been steel toed boots or tennis shoes for some time now and before that it was tennis shoes or dress shoes.

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Started talking to yourself I see.
Yes, it's the only way I can be certain of an intelligent conversation.

Black Adder

Seaver

I dont care who hits first, I never put up with a man hitting a woman.

He would wake up in the hospital if I ever saw a guy hit a girl. The only time I saw it before I was pulled off by 3 guys, but not before I broke 3 ribs, his nose, and knocked out a tooth.

Say what you want about equality but that doesnt fly with me.

Asuka{eve}

How about adding this to the list.

Women have boobs. They win.

Nisses

Seaver: there is a difference between being in a fight, and beating up somebody...

If they are in a fight, you could break it up, but I don't see the whole point of you going at it with the guy at that point.

If he's just beating up and keeps going at it, that would be different. But I still wouldn't in return rough him up. One or two punches if that's what it took to snap him out of it, sure.



1. Your backside is never a factor in a job interview.
Try getting a job as a waiter, might be surprised sometimes

2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
Kinda hard to fake it, but it still happens

4. The garage is all yours.
Keep it, don't need

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Meh, that's because most of the time, it's the women that really care and want to see it done just right, we figure it's best not to get involved

6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from having an elicit affair.
Actually, just as much as anybody else...

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
They try to anyway.

8. You don't give a shit if no one notices your new haircut.
3/4 of an inch or a half inch, what's the big deal?

9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
Dear God NOO

15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
No, but they do at your crotch if they're ladies

16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Oh yes they do! If they're not sneakers, they can just as well cut or blister... If they mangle your feet, I'd suggest getting other shoes

18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
what maleficent said

19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
so does a 2, 3 or 4 dag vacation

20. You can open all your own jars.
aha, saving grace!

21.You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
point

25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
only counting those for daily use, it's even a bit much

26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
Too true, aye

28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.


29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
Well, there *are* only 7 colors really, so lets keep it at 7.

30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
to the right, except on gas cannisters. This works for everything, not just nuts

32. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
see point 8

33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
what's wrong with big hips?

35. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
so can you, just try it

36. Christmas shopping can be done for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 15 minutes.
heh, make that 30 seconds. My mother takes care of that for all our relatives, we just chip in with money every year for the last 8 years.

37. The world is your urinal.
aaaaaaaaaah, and a breezy one it is at that...

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Moderation should be moderately moderated.

mystmarimatt

what's even more funny is how few of those apply to me.

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Words of Wisdom:

If you could really get to know someone and know that they weren't lying to you, then you would know the world was real. Because you could agree on things, you could compare notes. That must be why people get married or make Art. So they'll be able to really know something and not go insane.

roger142

haha

Cynthetiq

Icelanders don't take the man's name but the father's name along with if you are a male, son and a female, dottir....

so Johnson or Johnsdottir

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

cheeterbo

wow, wicked funny stuff

it IS great to be a man

Mehoni

I must belong somewhere else. I don't recognize myself in this list nor the guy-list.

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There seem to be countless rituals and cultural beliefs designed to alleviate their fear of a simple biological truth - all organisms eventually perish.

dirtyrascal7

wow... stereotype overload!!!

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"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

User Name

I have them and I'm a guy.

animosity

both sides have it good in their own way...
im glad im a man... but women do have it easy sometimes.

oberon

I've seen lots of exceptions for the above.

#3 depends only on the woman (so don't blame it on guys ). People still call my mother by her maiden name even though she's been married for 25 years.

#4 depends on the guy... although I wouldn't use a garage for the purpose you're probably thinking of...

#16 depends on the guy... new shoes usually give me blisters for a week or so, until I break them in.

#17... uhm, ok.

#18... yeah right, I've seen guys talk on phones for friggin hours... even when it's not their woman on the other end!

#20 again depends on the woman. If you want to live with weak arms/wrists, so be it.

#31... depends on if the guy is or has been involved in white collar situations...

#35... I can "do" my nails with my teeth. And frequently do.

Nice list of stereotypes...

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"There are finer fish in the sea than have ever been caught." -- Irish proverb

la petite moi

Alright, let me get this straight with everyone: This was a joke list that I copied and pasted from the good ol' internet. I don't agree with all these, but I just thought they were funny. Jeez, chill.

SixEdxMia

Maleficent,That was beautiful it brought a tear to me friggin eyes.. I laughed so hard.

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Honey,We're home.

Asuka{eve}

Im a guy too so I do too but women have bigger better ones.

to prove my point better.

GakFace

to the boobs... wow. haha

Seaver: I myself wouldn't ever hit anyone unless I needed to, but I extend this to both men and women alike. My point was that if a woman hits you completely thinking she wont' be hit back because she is a woman deserves something. That 'rule' was a way of showing respect.. but why does the 'rule' still exist when she's hitting you thinking she has no consequence?

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RoboBlaster:
Welcome to the club! Not that I'm in the club. And there really isn'a a club in the first place. But if there was a club and if I was in it, I would definitely welcome you to it.

MSD

The whole myth about mechanincs telling guys the truth is only a myth. We may get less bullshit, but we still get it.

stevie667

Lol, that cracked me up so harshly, it has to go into one of my next drunken monologues...

pocon1

Women look better fucking each other. I'm open-minded, but I still don't want to see two guys going at it.

glasscutter43

If men had boobs like women, we wouldn't get anything done at all.
We would just stay home and play with them all day.

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Book 'em Danno

amonkie

I wonder if there was a neonatal "what gender would you like to be" option before you were born, with pros/cons listed, how many people would actually switch. I've noticed some people me say that girls or guys have it better than the other, but that isn't enough to convince them to switch teams if they could.

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna