fat or smoking?
 

My girlfriend recently stopped smoking, which is grate since i've turned into a health nut lately.
but she asked if i would if I would rather have her smoking or be fat? my re-action was that i thought it was an un-fair question and that both are un-healthy. She is not over-weight nor am i. But, she felt that i should say fat right away and that was an easy answer for her!
Gee honey does this dress make me look fat...kinda question if you ask me!!!!!

I need help what should i have said?

mr b

the truth works. you mean neither, so say neither.

bear in mind tho... if you stay w/your gf for the long haul, eventually your gf (or wife) will put on some weight. not necessarily get "fat", but you'll have a little pot belly & a bit of balding by then, so you won't have a leg to stand to complain. ;)

It IS an unfair question. Both are unhealthy choices. Tell her to weigh the pros and cons of both, and she'll see there are not really any pros to either. Tell her she should just try to be healthy.

After 19 years of smoking and 3 of being over my preferred weight caused by smoking cessation I would rather be fat and able to breathe. I am now almost back to skinnyville but it has taken effort and nearly a year.

It's an unfair question.

Tell her you'd rather she be happy.

Um... Tell her not ask you loaded pointless questions that are impossible to answer.

Re: fat or smoking?
 

The trick to loaded and pointed questions is deflect, deflect, deflect. Try to find a double meaning in one of the words and use a pun for an answer.

My suggestion:

Girlfriend: Would you rather have me smoking or be fat ?
Nanofever: Well darling, your body is already smoking, so I guess I will have to go with fat.
Girlfriend: That's not what I meant.
Nanofever: Then ask what you mean.
Girlfriend: *slight growl*

From that point, the question has been answered by deflection and you should be able to lovely relationship bullshit an answer that she wants to hear.

/is a horribly manipulative person who should not be allowed within 50ft of a woman, take advice at your own risk.

Of course, both are unhealthy. although there are degrees of 'fatness'. I quit smoking twice, gained over 20 lbs both times until I finally had had enough of the stretch leggings and baggy shirts and joined a weight-loss center. The good news-I lost 45 lbs in 6 months in 2000 and have kept all but 4 lbs off. The (truly) bad news, I'm smoking again. The possibility of being 'fat' again scares me as much as the effects from smoking.
It is a very sensitive issue no matter how it's approached. To ask you that was probably her way of reaffirming her decision, knowing the weight gain is inevitable.
Hindsight is always 20-20, so just keep being supportive in whatever she goes through and please, PLEASE, if she ever goes back to smoking, don't point out the obvious. We know, we know....

I see that as a perfect chance to ask your own questions that are impossible to answer (if any), lets see how she feels then

I just wanted to say that <b>nanofever</b>'s advice is fantastic. I've never thought of that before. I seem to be the butt of many a loaded question in my relationships and I've never known how to properly tell someone to say what they mean and mean what they say.

Of course I understand the importance of being able to read between the lines, and take a hint, and to sense when things aren't as they should be (part of intimacy is 'reading' your partner) but some times you've just got to be blunt and not play mind games.

As for your problem, mrbuck, your response was correct too. Saying you'd rather have her smoke would lead to bad things, as would saying you'd rather have her overweight. The correct answer is neither.

A little weight gain, winter weight, a gradual, er, softening, as we get older is one thing. If someone exercises and eats right they don't have to have the perfect weight or a perfectly-toned body. Being lazy, overweight and complaining about it is unacceptable, but being active, overweight but determined is fantastic.

Be super-extra-totally supportive of her for quitting smoking. But view any weight-gain as a <i>possible</i>, <i>temporary</i> side-effect. It's not necessarily a 'one-or-the-other' situation as some have pointed out.

I'm not sure how to say it delicately, but if I were in your position my response would be that I still love her and am attracted to her with any possible weight gain, but if it's unhealthy, or she sees it as justifiable because she quit smoking, then I'd have a problem with it.

I apologize for typing so much.

at the very least, smoking is always bad. but you can be overweight while still being fit. i know fat people who can run farther, faster, longer than some skinny people (often smokers).

i think ngdawg is on the right track with this... she probably is just scared that if she stops smoking, she'll gain a ton of weight. maybe you should suggest starting a work-out program together or something like that to show her that you're supportive of this choice and want to help and of course to prevent any weight-gain she might experience after she fully quits smoking.

I'd go with fat myself. Lung disease is a real burden on relationships.

Offer to answer that question if she answers your question: "Would you rather I have a bigger penis or be more skilled in bed?"

Loaded questions rock!

Why does it have to be one way or the other? I've seen fat smokers and skinny non-smokers.

Tell her that you opt for the only logical third answer: Skinny and non-smoking.

Logic does not trump a Woman's emotions involving her personal appearace. In fact, Logic is a good way to end-up in the no-nookie dog house. I don't know who gave you such horrible advice, but I suggest that you go and slap that person for playing such a cruel joke on you.

/funny, but true

choose fat, a woman with curves is always nice! =P

not really digging big girls so to quote John Bender: "Smoke em up Johnny!!!"

Only if you like riding the wave :P