We Must Band Together!
 

Ok guys, my brother had a really interesting thing happen to him over the weekend that had me laughing harder than I have probably the entire year. If we all band together and beg, maybe he will tell it in this thread :) Come on man put it up! It's genuine material!

Mods: take it easy with the delete post button :) This is some good shit if he will tell the story :)

I could use a laugh, tell the story!

Oh please oh please tell us! I'm in serious need of a chuckle or two....

Ok, I'll play:


Please, please, tell me what this ridiculously funny story if!!!!

I'm in. Come on, Redjake's brother!

I refuse to beg. I DEMAND THE STORY BE TOLD!

tell the story!
i love hearing funny stories!

waiting . . . . c'moan, I don't have all day, oh wait, yes I do:(

C'mon, you gonna tell it?

Huh, huh? are you?

C'mon, you know you wanna tell it. I can see it in your eyes. That little twinkle tells me you wanna spill your guts.

Hey, hey, everybody, come over here. Redjake's bro has some quality stuff to tell!

Tell... the... story... tell... the... story...

"FINISH THE FUCKING STORY..." - Johnny Depp, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

TELL THE STORY!! Dont make me bust out my webcam and beg to show you!! Do....not!!!!

yea what she (or he) said

I may take my own life if you do not tell this fucking story.

And if this fucking story isn't all that it's cracked up to be, I'm coming after your brother.

I don't think anyone will delete it but it could very well be moved to "Nonsense" :D

TELL IT DAMN IT.

I have a feeling that after this, the story will almost certainly disappoint. Still, I would need to hear it to know for sure. :)

ok guys he is doing a group project but he said he would do it as soon as he gets back :) I've already told quite a few people (even GIRLS!) and they thought it was hilarious. I guess if you knew him in real life it would be even funnier but you will just have to use your imagination :) he will be back shortly.

That struck my funny bone. :lol:

Oh man I have a lot of hype to live up to!

Ok, so my girlfriend's mom asks me and her to go buy 8 2-liters of drinks. 5 Diet Mountain Dews, and 3 Diet Pepsis. Food Lion had the best prices with an MVP card, so we chose the Food Lion route. You can only buy 4 2-liters with one MVP card, so we each had an MVP card. My girlfriend pays for the first 4 bottles, and then I set my bottles up on the register counter.

I'm not entirely sure how the rest happened, but I'll explain it as accurately as possible: the cashier reached for the first Diet Pepsi. Now, I've seen quite a few 2-liters drop from say 5 feet and simply bounce on the ground, so if anyone wants to explain the following, feel free to do so: after reaching for the first 2-liter and knocking it onto its side, the entire mother fucking top half of the drink exploded! It didn't pop open. It didn't wine-bottle spew...this mother fucking exploded in half along the curve at the top. It cracked in half! The bottle started going around in circles on the counter, spraying EVERYTHING with Diet Pepsi. The first circle showered my legs in Diet Pepsi. That same round covered the cashier and the tabloids/candy rack. The second circle-round sprayed my entire face and head and got the cashier even more. By the second round, probably half a second had passed. This fucker was spinning like a Fourth of July rocket, all because the cashier knocked it on its side! It wasn't even in the floor! More rounds passed, while I just stood there thinking that this is the BEST day of my life. The casher finally put her hands over the Diet Pepsi, trying to conceal what was left in the bottle. That just made the Diet Pepsi streams go even further.

When the bottle had lost whatever had possessed it, there was about half a 2-liter of Diet Pepsi covering everything in a 6-8 feet radius. I told the cashier, "That was awesome!!!" She asked me why I thought it was awesome. I knew damn well that this trip would be the most exciting grocery store trip EVER. My girlfriend got another 2-liter for us. I paid with a soaked MVP card and we walked out of the store. I was licking the Diet Pepsi off of my face right afterwards. Everything below my beltline was sprayed, and my arms and face were entirely covered. It was simply a euphoric carbonated experience!

The most amazing part about the trip is trying to explain to people that the bottle literally fell onto its side. It didn't fall into the floor or anything, it simply fell over and exploded. I enjoyed the fireworks-type of dancing it did...that ensured maximum velocity and area covered.

Well, that's about it.

-Lasereth

That was fucking awsome. I can kindly relate in a less public manner. I once had a large jug of grape juice in my room (no fridge, so room temp). I cracked it open and took a sip, and then left it sealed (full for all intents and purposes) for about 3 or 4 days. On the fourth night of not really thinking about it, I accidentally tipped it over onto it's side, at which point it spewed a thin but long jetstream of grape juice foam from under the cap. I immediately picked it up and slammed it, top end down, into the garbage can. I stood right over it, with my face looking down upon it... right when the bottom of it blew out with a loud boom and a load of angry grape juice exploded into my face (and, unfortunately, my eyes, which stung a bit), and onto the ceiling.
I'm not entirely sure after being away at college, but I think the 2+ year old light-purplish stain on my ceiling in the scattered half circle (as the other half was protected... by my head) is still there to this day.

Good stuff all around.

I must say I've never heard of anything like that happening before, but it is quite a good story. :) Thanks for sharing, it gave me a good laugh.

glad to hear that you have good humor! :lol:

some other disgruntled greedy cumrag kind of person would've bothered to sue someone over the incident.

you just went home & cleaned up with a good story! good job :)

Funny story!
Like to've seen the security tapes. :D


So you guys are brothers, eh?

Not a bad story.

The cashier and store was probably happy it was diet, as the non-diet sodas are so darn sticky.

But I'm sure the cashier was unhappy, having to clean up his/her station AND finish work soaked with diet soda.

In all of my soda drinking history I have never ever heard of anything even remote to that.

great story:)

best available answer would have been, " Because I don't have to clean it up:lol:"

Thar's why us scotch drinkers never touch that damn soda---it is dangerous...:D

I for one will be much more carefull how I handle 2 liters. Those things are fucking time bombs just waiting to asplode!!!

yep identical twins

Shouldn't he be like, "Blue Elwood" or something? :D

Good job jackass, here come the twin jokes!

For the record, yes, we get sick at the same time. We can use telepathy to cheat on tests, we've skipped classes for each other, and wrote papers for each other using said telepathy. Telekinesis becomes useful, but only when we're in the same room to channel our twin energies together. I am Pete and he's Repeat, and I'm Frick and he's Frack. You are seeing double, and yes, he is wiser because he's 4 minutes older. He is my big brother, and you're right, we're in the same fucking grade level. We trick our teachers if we don't feel like going to class and they never know. If he's hurt, I'm hurt, and I feel his every move. We say the same thing everyday because we think alike 24/7. Feel free to buy us a single birthday gift, because after all, we are the same person. You are original for using the aformentioned jokes and insights, and you're definitely the first person I've heard them from.

Now that those are out of the way, maybe we can get some original comments! :)

-Lasereth

That is truely funny. I wish i would have been able to see it (from a safe distance of course).

Not sure what is more amazing, the fact you two are twins. (Honestly never would have guessed by ur E-Personalities [new word?] ), or that badass story about the 2-Litre.

I would have loved to standby and witness that.

hahahhahahaha thats great....

i remember once i was collecting all the pepsi points off my dads 2 litre bottles of mountain dew... being the impatiant little kid i was i would go out into the garage and cut the labels off of the bottles before they were open...

one exploded while i was cutting the little square off... got mountain dew forced under my eyelids and in my nose and all that... and made a huge mess... luckily it was diet... but still a lot to clean up...

I begged for a story without nudity in it? I am so ashamed!

So, when the 2-liter did spray you with carbonated love, was your brother feeling a little "wet behind the ears" as it happened? hehehe....

Thanks,

I needed a good laugh today :lol:

Ummm, which of you rides in the bucket? ;)



/wonder twin powers.....activate!

I want an exploding soda!

Awesome story. That had me seriously laughing out loud. I turned off my music, reread it, and laughed even harder. Never knew you guys were twins...i woulda never guessed.

Heh, kick ass story though!

That was the awesomest story evar!!

That was great. Glad you have a good sense of humor to laugh about it even while still dripping.

My mind must be in the wrong place. I kept hoping you'd say that the cashier was a good looking girl and the soda wetting her shirt... Well you know - if that had happened it would have made the whole thing even better to see.

Great story. What made it for me is not that the bottle exploded but how excited you got, knowing that there would never be another grocery trip like that one. In all seriousness, that takes a certain state of mind that I wish I had. Depending on the mood, I probably would have freaked the fuck out.

And I loved the comments on twins. Except for the Olsen Twins, you two are now officially my favorite twins ever.

I'm going to go to the supermarket and knock every single 2 liter on its side to see if I can duplicate your results. Anyone care to join me?

lol, this thread's classic

I was wondering if that would live up to the hype, alright it did, good show.<p>The twin rant was good as well.

Have you ever been on a double date and halfway through, gone to the bathroom, swapped clothes, and then finished the evening with each others dates?

Sorry, you didnt mention that one and I couldnt resist :D

Oh, also, it was a damn funny story!

This is even better than the story. :lol: *litterally laughing my ass off*

But uhh...which would you prefer, not twins but people keep on thinking you're twins, or twins and people telling you twins joke. I get the former...and its pissing me off.

Great story; the time it happened to me wasn't so good. Working in a supermarket, nobody even close to the softdrinks but me, at the far end of the aisle. A two litre bottle of reguar sugary coke just sitting there completely still on the shelf decides to explode at random. Sprays a whole two shelves worth of pharmaceuticals on the wall opposite with sticky syrup. I don't think they EVER got it all out.

Fantastic story. Hell, that's right up ther on my list with clavus's story about being locked out of his house. What great fun.

Those bottles can handle an amazing amount of pressure. While in high school, I took a typical job working at a grocery store, mostly because my good friend worked there, too. We used to take the bottles that had lost their labels and puncture a small hole in the screw top. Then we would shake the crap out of them until they were really charged up. The next part took some room and a little practice: we would turn the bottle upside down, then throw it off of our loading dock with a big arm swing so it would land squarely on the lid. The pressure blowing out of the hole would shoot the bottle about 25 feet in the air, with a beautiful trail of soda behind it. Many bottle even landed on the roof of the store. Ah. Who says grocery stores are dull?

Ok, that explains everything except...

Why would any sane person purchase DIET Pepsi, clearly the most evil beverage known to man, it's like Satan's Urine, except sugar free!

Why you ask, why would a bottle of Diet Pepsi simply burst open, spewing it's horrific bitterness on all and sundry...

This is a job for those people off that show 'Mysterious Ways', since no such thing happens by chance...

Who was besmirched by the sickly artificially 'sweetened' Syrup of Satan? You, your girlfriend and the cashier, namely EVERYONE involved in the transaction...

The Cola Gods were giving you a warning dude, it was Divine CocaProvidence, like in Pulp Fiction...

And yet you chose to ignore that warning, and bought another Bottle 'o' Evil. I can only assume you're a Minion of the Dark Lord now, and your brother too...

Like those evil kids in the Shining...

Yes, I think we should all do this, it might even make the national news something like "Random Diet Pepsi bottles across the country explode in supermarkets"







To the supermarket!

the diet coke wasn't for lasereth and me. it was for my step dad, thus it wasn't for a sane person to begin with.

secondly, the most spectacular part of the entire story: i didn't get one drop of diet coke on me. lasereth, the cashier, the bagger and the entire candy asile was soaked, but i stood there in amazement without a drop of soda touching me.

Clearly then you are the Chosen One, whose coming was prophecised under the labels of selected Coca Cola Products...

I don't know why, but tears were pouring out of my eyes as I laughed reading that story...really good stuff!

Stories like this piss me off.

Why can't something that awesome ever happen to ME?!?

That ruled man.