Jesus Pimp

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_76570.html




How the hell does that happen?

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Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

djtestudo

Jesus H. W. Christ.

I'm speechless.

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"Final thought: I just rented Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine. Frankly, it was the worst sports movie I've ever seen."
--Peter Schmuck, The (Baltimore) Sun

StormBerlin

Holy shit dude, I knew you could "break" it, but now it can explode? WTF!

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"if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

KellyC

OMFG!! I feel sick. I didn't even know you can "break" it..but now exploded it....wow....some rough sex they be havin'

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

Otaku

ohhhhhh ohhhhhh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *BOOM* owww owwwwww owwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!

zxello

can you say.... vacuum?

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Old signature just wasn't doing it for me anymore, so now I have this new one. It's equally as stupid but at least it looks really long. I'm probably just going to keep typing until I run out of things to babble about and see how many people actually read this. I once ran down a hill, fell down and hurt my elbow; my mom said I would be ok, she kissed it and made it all better. I've run out of things to say now, so if you have read this whole thing, congratulations you get a gold star!

Halx

Consider the source.. Ananova.. hardly ever legit.

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Craven Morehead

I've been that horny that I felt like it could explode.......

charlesesl

This is why SM is wrong

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It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us.
Dr. Viktor E. Frankl

damianjames

I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or just cross my legs and groan when I read that.

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Visualize Whirled Peas.

Asuka{eve}

That guy was just too tense. relax i say relaaax

Asuka{eve}

That guy was just too tense. relax i say relaaax.

Fremen

I heard an interview by the former lead singer of Three Dog Night, where he said he was doing so many drugs and sleeping with so many women, the side of his penis ruptured.

I can't find an article verifying this, though.

All I know is when I heard it, I felt Mr. Winky ascend to safety.

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Aletheia

Uhh..ouch.

qtpye4u84

OH MY.................That is odd

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The QTpie

punx1325

How in the hell does that happen?

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If something seems too good to be true, then it probably is....

Lebell

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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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rockogre

Ok, this will now offically replace any nightmares I might have had about the Camel Spiders.

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Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

yabobo

I need more information and a picture would be nice.
Did it slip out and hit the taint zone with great velocity?
Different meds maybe? Would love to publish in the medical world if true.. It might beifit all..

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Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Chingal0

Maybe he was smacking her in the forehead with it real hard and it just popped like a waterbaloon. Probably not, but that is an interesting visual nonetheless.

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"Eventually I became too sexy for my gym membership fee."

tkkfan

A long time ago there was a story that had *something* to do with Howard Stern. I can't remember all of teh details, but I think it was about 3 Dog Nite. Something about them having sex with like 5 chicks an hour and then one guy's dick splitting open.

Like I said, I can't remember too many details. If anyone can elaborate, that would be great

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I can't believe I ate the whole thing!

Seer666

I don't even want to THINK about that one.... Jesus........

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Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

tkkfan

yea freman said something about it too. I am yer verification~

too much blood for too long, etc etc

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I can't believe I ate the whole thing!

ngdawg

(as I squirm in my chair and I'm FEMALE) Am I the only one who notices these stories always come from Eastern Europe or 3rd world countries??

mingusfingers

Whoa. It seems like he wasn't even the first to notice?

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Still Looking

onodrim

Oh lord, that is so awful. I hope that the story is exaggerated somehow and that isn't really possible, for the sake of all the men out there.

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"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan

k1ng

This is exactly why I don't have sex!

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"Delight in excellence is easily confused with snobbery by the ignorant." -Joseph Epstein

animosity

lmao...
i fell outta my chair on that one.

this is BS...

redrum

better safe than sorry I suppose, you know with random cock explosions.

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"you say erb....we say herb.....because theres a fucking H in it"

Karby

ewww. that's just...gross. and it hurts thinking about it too.

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~my karma ran over my dogma.~

Hrothgar

damn why did i read this? now my penis hurts

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The fortunes of war favored Hrothgar.

Astrocloud

Perhaps there is a self survival instinct that prevented me from ever getting involved with some of the women in my life -that would have ended up in the death of my penis.

bermuDa

i'd say it's a wind up... cause it wouldn't be the GIRL who first notices it.

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I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.

Homey_V

Oh dear sweet god...

Im not sure whether to laugh, cower or show pity....

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You did what with a duck?

Untitled

Oh... my... dear... sweet.....



of course it is



EDIT: Why Homey_V and I have been dating too long... it's bad when we make the same comments at the same time...

Gortexfogg

I think what the article means by "exploded penis" is exploded blood vessels in the penis, not the actualy penis expoloding...or, at least I hope that's what they mean.

cchris

You owe me one can of coke.

The cleaning bill I shall waver however due to my quick thinking actions to prevent serious damage to my monitor.

My carpet is now a mess.

Too fuckin damn funny....

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There's a fine line between participation and mockery

matteo101

Wow, that poor poor soul. That would have been scary for his girlfriend, fucking a guy and then blood is just everywhere...I am going to go into the fetal position now..

minyn

yea, some of those headlines look a bit iffy...

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tkkfan

Yea, I agree, but I don't wanna know if its true or not. I just wanna believe it.

Most stories ARE too good to be true, but wouldn't you rather believe the weekly world news. Men in Black did.

Check this one out too...so dorky

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I can't believe I ate the whole thing!