Making Eye Contact
 

I am curious as to how many people pay attention to eye contact or make sure that you at attempt to make eye contact with as many people as you can in your general area. I suppose my real question is to get some advice on the following event.

Scenario: My question is derived from today when I was talking to two of my friends out in the hall of my business college (we normally stand about the same place everyday) and my girlfriend entered the lobby while talking to another guy who she has said is her "friend." My girlfriend stops conversation with the guy to say "hi" and she walks over to talk to me. The guy kept his head straight forward and not looking over towards me. He seems to be making plenty of conversation with my girlfriend, but it all stops when I am in the area and he seems to be avoiding contact with me.

Normally when I am speaking to someone and they walk away I will follow them with my eyes as I am saying cya later or whatever. I just find this odd since this isnt the first time this has happened with this guy and wanted to see what your opinions were on the situation. Thanks in advance.

b0r1s

Re: Making Eye Contact
 

If I am not introduced or welcomed into the conversation in some way (verbally, physically, via body language, etc) I tend not to make eye contact. It doesn't sound like this guy thought he was part of the conversation or that he thought he was welcome to participate.

I make eye contact with everybody who impacts my surroundings.

I think most people assume it's because, publicly, I'm very outgoing and extroverted; the reality of the situation is that I do so out of habit. I want to be a clandestine operative or a federal agent, and I think making eye contact allows one to exert some control over every situation, whether it be through intimidation/commanding presence, or merely through obtaining some measure of information about those in your vicinity.

EDIT: And I didn't really imply anything in terms of your particular situation, so I would go ahead and say it's because the guy's intimidated by you. I mean, if he's willing to hit on a girl who's attached - and I'm not saying he is, I'm merely illustrating a point - then he should have the nut to look you in the eye and flash a triumphant smile or two. Perhaps he thinks you'll thrash his ass.. Just a thought.

If he won't make eye contact with you, then he also feels like he's the weaker of the two of you. people are alot like dogs in the regard. stare him down and crush his soul...use his weakness to you advantage...you may be able to drive him away without ever saying a word.

I appreciate your comments. I just think that normally if your conversation is interrupted then one tends to look and see what is going on, while this guy kept his eyes away. I'm just wondering if he has his own intentions and this might be a sign of it.

I do. It's also something we talk with our children about. Using eye contact assures better listening habits- we will hear what is being said, not missing anything, sometimes not using eye contact, we can miss out on things being said to us that might later on help us to know. Plus it shows respect, care, and genuinity. And when we speak to someone, that we make eye contact to show genuinity, confidence, and trustworthiness.

if they are friends, but not good friends then maybe he has no or little interest in meeting/talking to you...as I would. OR if he has other intentions w/ your g/f then he would naturally avoid the b/f IE you....i would investigate further before jumping down his throat or your g/f.

yea, but how would I investigate the situation? My girlfriend doesn't see any problem with talking or doing things with guys that she deems as friends, even if they show they are "interested." Personally I would prefer and wish that she would not hang out with guys that demonstrate these actions and feelings, but she once again doesnt see the point.

If you don't use eye contact with someone, no matter who it is, and depending on the rest of your body language, you are either self-conscious (fearful) or self-indulged. Not assuming any of you here are either of those, but that is the psychological cause.

I find that at my University not many people will keep eyecontact with me. Those who do I have a pleasant conversation with though.

i always make eye contact. i think that making good eye contact shows that you are secure, or even in control. but maybe thats just me.. i just like to look at/into peoples eyes.

same here, all the way.

I cannot maintain eye contact with someone for very long. I dont know but it makes me very uncomfortable...almost like I am playing chicken with the other person...whoever looks away first loses. I am a relatively confident person, but to me maintaining eye contact is rude....I see it as an intimidation move. I also find myself *thinking* about the eye contact rather than listen to what they are saying.

Eye contact is very, very important.

I take it as a slight when someone deliberately refuses to even glance in my direction.

Staring at someone can be intimidatory, but not looking at someone you're even potentially engaged with is a recipe for conflict in my book.

I hate looking people in the eye. It's not so much that it makes me uncomfortable, but I would think it would make them uncomfortable...if I were to stare at them right in the eye. I dunno, to me, maintaining a pro-longed eye contact with someone is what you do if you're looking for trouble.

eye contact is important for me, it establishes a connection that gives me insight into the situation.

prolonged eye contact can become uncomfortable, so I'll usually focus on something around the person while I'm listening to them, occasionally re-establishing eye contact. If I maintain eye contact, I try to be relatively animated (like when i'm talking) so it doesn't make the other person uncomfortable.

I think eye contact can be intimidating but only when that's the intention. but whatever the intention, it's really important for interaction.

Somehow I have always equated eye contact with truth and try to look at the eyes of the one talking to me, specially if the conversation is of an intimate nature. I have found though, that there are some who can look you right in the eye and lie like a dog, but I still look. I study their face too.
A person I know was raised by blind parents-he never learned to look at the face and eyes of whom he talks to. It bothered me having a conversation with him-he looked all over the place except to whom he spoke or he'd glance sideways in your direction.

Hehe, someone being visibly disturbed by me looking at them in the eyes is fun.

I'm so adorable it rarely happens though.

Depends on how comfortable I feel with the person, if I know the person real well, or they make me feel at ease then I make good eye contact. Or if its a boss or someone who you must show respect to. Otherwise if it's a stranger, I'm pretty shy and tend to look down or somewhere else.

I imagine your 1st thought is that he has something to hide. That guy is avoiding me because he knows who I am. Could this have something to do with my girlfriend? Most likely not.
Could be something simple like a anti-social/anxiety disorder. Talking with people 1 on 1 or in a small group with comfortable surroundings is the normal person. Walking up to a group of strangers in a public place leads to withdrawl. They just want to leave as soon as possible. Avoiding eye-contact keeps it easier to make an exit.
Dont take it personally if you run across a person like that. They may be totally differnt next time you see them in a more casual situation. Thats the best I can discribe my type of anxiety on short notice with distraction going on.

I work on construction jobs in hospitals and mental health facilities where it is sspecifically stressed NOT to make eye contact or first contact with staff or patients . Having spent the last 50 years in the community,I personally know many of these people.It can be difficult to avoid eye contact when you are trying to.

Exactly; my parents raised me to make eye-contact in almost any social situation, and I do it everytime without a second thought.