Your best friend has amnesia. What do you say to them? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

analog · 02-25-2004, 11:12 PM

You just got a call. Your best friend (male or female, but NOT boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/etc.) is in the hospital. They are fine physically, but as a result of a yet-undetermined event, they have no memories whatsoever- total amnesia.

They are essentially reborn, and have no recollection of ANYTHING from their years on this planet.

YOU are their best friend, assume you've known this person since EARLY childhood, grew up together, that sort of thing. You go to see your friend in the hospital. Keeping in mind the parents are there, and eternally hopeful that any exposure to their past will help them recover.........

....what do you say to your friend?

I mean, other than recanting your entire past history, what would be the first thing you say to them?

I would say, "hey... i've got X number of years worth of memories of you. If you never get yours back, I'll let you have mine."

If you can, explain why you would say that.

NOTE: This is a sensitive subject. Post well, and sincerely. It can be funny, if that's what you'd say to them, but no horsing around on this. Making fun/stupid comments will not be tolerated on this one- it's very important.

Thank you all for understanding.

mystmarimatt · 02-25-2004, 11:45 PM

Wow, this is an awfully tough question.

I mean, how can one possibly hope to encompass what such an important relationship means, and having to start it all over again, in just one sentence? And, depending on what friend it is, I'd probably freak out, and cling to some memory of them or inside joke we shared, and hope, beyond everything, that that would bring back some shred of who my friend was.

Well, I'll give it a shot.

"Hey, you probably don't recognize me, but I'm your friend... Don't worry about remembering me. We can always make new memories."

GakFace · 02-26-2004, 12:24 AM

I'd have him play me in Smash Brothers.. as he'd still be just as good as he was.. after that, I'd have him play me in Tony Hawk ... after he accepted I'd be amazed.. if he didn't accept.. I think he would be starting to remember.

After beating him a few times, I'd see if that helped.. if not.. I guess I'd become his best friend again... the friendship has a lot of deep meaning with games.. we can talk about it for hours and not really go in any depth at all.. I'm sure it would happen again. It would suck, but I'd do my best. Oh, and I'd also state my name and all that.. if they didn't know they knew me.. they might feel weird about some guy bringing his cube in and say.. "Lets Play.. .... yeah yeah, you know how, trust me."

skier · 02-26-2004, 12:49 AM

If he had no chance of recovery of his memory, i would sit down and proceed to tell him every single memory I could remember of him and us. After two weeks of stories, hopefully he might begin to understand what kind of relationship we had, and might have again.

Lebell · 02-26-2004, 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by analog

NOTE: This is a sensitive subject. Post well, and sincerely. It can be funny, if that's what you'd say to them, but no horsing around on this. Making fun/stupid comments will not be tolerated on this one- it's very important.

Thank you all for understanding.

Damn you, there goes a perfectly good smartass reply.

I guess if I must be seriously, I would simply start telling stories.

Human beings learn best through stories and that is what I would wish for.

paddyjoe · 02-26-2004, 04:51 AM

Hopefully, with the hundreds of photos that I would have to show him, along with the narrative, he'd regain a little piece of understanding. Also, for my sake after seeing some of them, he wouldn't actually take a poke at me.

After all that, I'd remind him of that hundred bucks he borrowed just before he got banged on the head.

lurkette · 02-26-2004, 05:37 AM

I'd tell her how much she meant to me and what a wonderful person she is - basically let her know who she was for me before. I think telling stories and showing photos might be a good idea as well - let the person see as much of their past as possible.

SabrinaFair · 02-26-2004, 05:41 AM

I'd definetly whip out the photo album.
And try to express my feelings and how much I wanted to help him/her.

Peetster · 02-26-2004, 05:43 AM

Here's another way to look at it.

We are a composite of what we are born with, and what we experience in life. In your friends case, the physical person is till there, but everything that made them uniquely "them" is gone. The person that you used to know is basically dead. It's now a new and different person. If the amnesia is permanent, it's a permanently new person. I suspect that wallowing in the past with this person will have very little meaning. If you want to really help them discover who they have become, then start sharing experiences with them. Do things together. Rebuild a new relationship with this new person. It might turn out you have nothing in common, and don't even really like each other any more. Or you may create a new and better relationship. Either way, it's not the same person.

It might look like your old friend, but it's not.

Holo · 02-26-2004, 06:22 AM

Allow me to throw a small monkey wrench in the mix...Amnesia is not permanent by most definitions. Only way memory loss is permanent is brain damage, and generally impairs more than just memory, but intelligence as well. Amnesia is a temporary condition in most cases and usually doesn't last more than a couple months. So if you chose to deceive them it would only last so long before their memory would come back.

I'd fill them in on who they are and just take them to places that would trigger memories. Friends help friends, and I'd help him remember.

denim · 02-26-2004, 06:38 AM

Therapy time for him. Seriously. Does he still know the spoken language? How about how to write?

Holo · 02-26-2004, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by denim
Therapy time for him. Seriously. Does he still know the spoken language? How about how to write?

In rare cases amnesiacs have aphasia (loss of communication skills), and if it's transient will go away in a couple of weeks or less. Aphasia mainly happens to stroke victims not amnesiacs, but if he was aphasic I would just show him thing to jog his memory, things he loved. It's worth a try.

2kids1headache · 02-26-2004, 07:46 AM

I think I would invite them to hang out a few times, have a few drinks, play some pool. I'd tell them a few stories.

After a few weeks, I think I'd tell them to call me in a month if they still wanted to hang out. I don't think I'm emotionally equipped to deal with a person who's trying to find themselves. That's probably why I don't have any "known since childhood" best friends in reality. I don't even keep in touch with people from high school.

onetime2 · 02-26-2004, 07:59 AM

My first response would probably be "Where's that $1000 I loaned you?" then tell them I'm joking if they haven't figured it out from the stupid grin on my face already.

From there I'd probably give a brief rundown of how long I've known them and things we've enjoyed together. I'd try to keep it a little vague because it can be very frustrating for someone to get a lot of information quickly and not be familiar with any of it.

Then I'd throw out the possibility that maybe I'd bring some pictures and such on upcoming visits (but I wouldn't actually bring them until they brought up the subject again). I'd try to set a general schedule of when I'd come by to see them and let them know they can ask me anything that way they would be able to count on someone to be coming by regularly that could offer some help/guidance without the uncertainty of coming around on random days. Maybe say, I'll stop by on Friday, after work and make it a regular thing on Fridays. I'd also be looking to rebuild the friendship and doing things together. Not necessarily all (or only) the things we used to do but anything to distract them from the pressure of trying to remember everything. Give them the opportunity to have fun without showing disappointment or concern if they don't remember something.

quadro2000 · 02-26-2004, 10:02 AM

I like what Peetster said.

I don't think I would spend a lot of time telling them about the past. I'd just tell them that the history is there if they want to know it, and if they want to be friends or have somebody to talk to, I'm there for them, but no pressure whatsoever. Can you imagine the stress in their head - the pressure to remember what everybody wants you to remember? I wouldn't want to add to that, because with every memory that I would tell them, they'd be wondering, "why don't I remember this?"

What a scary situation. I never really thought about it before.

clavus · 02-26-2004, 11:20 AM

Well, for starters, I'd remind him he has herpes.

Of course, I'd do it by reciting the epic poem I wrote that chronicled the events surrounding his infection. Then I'd dig out the similar poem he wrote for me about events related to the loss of my virginity.

Those two poems are the funniest shit on the planet..at least to the two of us.

Redjake · 02-26-2004, 11:29 AM

I would tell the person that they were really cool and that I was one of their best friends. I'd tell them we've been through a lot together, and then go to McDonald's or something and start it all over again.

irseg · 02-26-2004, 11:44 AM

"You lucky bastard, now I'm the only one who is burdened with the memory of the night we got drunk and called up some cheap hookers."

Aside from that, photos and stories like everyone else mentioned. I'd keep it short and to the point though, as I can imagine it would be pretty damn frustrating and confusing to be bombarded with strangers making all kinds of claims that they knew you.

Peetster · 02-26-2004, 11:46 AM

"Hi. My name's Joe. Nice to meet you".

I would start it out as blank a slate as possible. No pressure on the guy, no matter how hopeful the parents are that exposure to you will allow memories to flood back. What he'll "remember", if anything, is the way you interact with him. Treat him the same way you always would have, just don't bring any of your baggage with you.

He's under enough pressure, being asked to recall things and being held to standards and relationships he really doesn't remember. Be the guy that expects nothing from him. Let him figure out who he is, was, and will be on his own. He'll bring it up if he wants to, and he'll want to if he's comfortable with how you act around him NOW.

Latch · 02-26-2004, 02:58 PM

I'd say "We were best mates before. I know that you're going to have a million people you don't remember coming and telling you stories and stuff.. so I doubt you want me to go through all that too. But I'll come visit often (if still in hospital).. and if you have any questions or want me to tell you anything, just let me know."

Latch · 02-26-2004, 03:00 PM

oh.. and "If you just want to chill or hangout or anything.. let me know and we'll go grab a couple of beers".

Church · 02-26-2004, 07:10 PM

Did you happen to see 50 First Dates analog?

analog · 02-26-2004, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by YoungNastyMan
Did you happen to see 50 First Dates analog?

Nope, the idea came from something else, and that's why this is a sensitive thread. Thanks all for contributing, I hope to get lots more!

KellyC · 02-26-2004, 09:32 PM

The first thing I would do is give my friend his favorite food. He can lost all his memories but I bet he won't lost his taste for some good food. Then try to go on to his favorite things to do. And from there, I'll share the memories of what we have together, then just hope for the best outcome.

02-25-2004, 11:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
analog Banned	Your best friend has amnesia. What do you say to them? You just got a call. Your best friend (male or female, but NOT boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/etc.) is in the hospital. They are fine physically, but as a result of a yet-undetermined event, they have no memories whatsoever- total amnesia. They are essentially reborn, and have no recollection of ANYTHING from their years on this planet. YOU are their best friend, assume you've known this person since EARLY childhood, grew up together, that sort of thing. You go to see your friend in the hospital. Keeping in mind the parents are there, and eternally hopeful that any exposure to their past will help them recover......... ....what do you say to your friend? I mean, other than recanting your entire past history, what would be the first thing you say to them? I would say, "hey... i've got X number of years worth of memories of you. If you never get yours back, I'll let you have mine." If you can, explain why you would say that. NOTE: This is a sensitive subject. Post well, and sincerely. It can be funny, if that's what you'd say to them, but no horsing around on this. Making fun/stupid comments will not be tolerated on this one- it's very important. Thank you all for understanding. Last edited by analog; 02-26-2004 at 02:42 AM..

02-25-2004, 11:45 PM	#2 (permalink)
mystmarimatt Omnipotent Ruler Of The Tiny Universe In My Mind Location: Oreegawn	Wow, this is an awfully tough question. I mean, how can one possibly hope to encompass what such an important relationship means, and having to start it all over again, in just one sentence? And, depending on what friend it is, I'd probably freak out, and cling to some memory of them or inside joke we shared, and hope, beyond everything, that that would bring back some shred of who my friend was. Well, I'll give it a shot. "Hey, you probably don't recognize me, but I'm your friend... Don't worry about remembering me. We can always make new memories." __________________ Words of Wisdom: If you could really get to know someone and know that they weren't lying to you, then you would know the world was real. Because you could agree on things, you could compare notes. That must be why people get married or make Art. So they'll be able to really know something and not go insane.

02-26-2004, 12:24 AM	#3 (permalink)
GakFace Go Ninja, Go Ninja Go!! Location: IN, USA	I'd have him play me in Smash Brothers.. as he'd still be just as good as he was.. after that, I'd have him play me in Tony Hawk ... after he accepted I'd be amazed.. if he didn't accept.. I think he would be starting to remember. After beating him a few times, I'd see if that helped.. if not.. I guess I'd become his best friend again... the friendship has a lot of deep meaning with games.. we can talk about it for hours and not really go in any depth at all.. I'm sure it would happen again. It would suck, but I'd do my best. Oh, and I'd also state my name and all that.. if they didn't know they knew me.. they might feel weird about some guy bringing his cube in and say.. "Lets Play.. .... yeah yeah, you know how, trust me." __________________ RoboBlaster: Welcome to the club! Not that I'm in the club. And there really isn'a a club in the first place. But if there was a club and if I was in it, I would definitely welcome you to it.

02-26-2004, 12:49 AM	#4 (permalink)
skier Rawr! Location: Edmontania	If he had no chance of recovery of his memory, i would sit down and proceed to tell him every single memory I could remember of him and us. After two weeks of stories, hopefully he might begin to understand what kind of relationship we had, and might have again. __________________ "Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

02-26-2004, 04:51 AM	#6 (permalink)
paddyjoe through charlatans phone Location: Northcoast	Hopefully, with the hundreds of photos that I would have to show him, along with the narrative, he'd regain a little piece of understanding. Also, for my sake after seeing some of them, he wouldn't actually take a poke at me. After all that, I'd remind him of that hundred bucks he borrowed just before he got banged on the head. Last edited by paddyjoe; 02-26-2004 at 05:23 AM..

02-26-2004, 05:37 AM	#7 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I'd tell her how much she meant to me and what a wonderful person she is - basically let her know who she was for me before. I think telling stories and showing photos might be a good idea as well - let the person see as much of their past as possible. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

02-26-2004, 05:41 AM	#8 (permalink)
SabrinaFair Junkie Location: Louisville, KY	I'd definetly whip out the photo album. And try to express my feelings and how much I wanted to help him/her. __________________ "With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." -Desiderata

02-26-2004, 05:43 AM	#9 (permalink)
Peetster Right Now Location: Home	Here's another way to look at it. We are a composite of what we are born with, and what we experience in life. In your friends case, the physical person is till there, but everything that made them uniquely "them" is gone. The person that you used to know is basically dead. It's now a new and different person. If the amnesia is permanent, it's a permanently new person. I suspect that wallowing in the past with this person will have very little meaning. If you want to really help them discover who they have become, then start sharing experiences with them. Do things together. Rebuild a new relationship with this new person. It might turn out you have nothing in common, and don't even really like each other any more. Or you may create a new and better relationship. Either way, it's not the same person. It might look like your old friend, but it's not.

02-26-2004, 06:22 AM	#10 (permalink)
Holo A Real American	Allow me to throw a small monkey wrench in the mix...Amnesia is not permanent by most definitions. Only way memory loss is permanent is brain damage, and generally impairs more than just memory, but intelligence as well. Amnesia is a temporary condition in most cases and usually doesn't last more than a couple months. So if you chose to deceive them it would only last so long before their memory would come back. I'd fill them in on who they are and just take them to places that would trigger memories. Friends help friends, and I'd help him remember. __________________ I happen to like the words "fuck", "cock", "pussy", "tits", "cunt", "twat", "shit" and even "bitch". As long as I am not using them to describe you, don't go telling me whether or not I can/should use them...that is, if you want me to continue refraining from using them to describe you. ~Prince Last edited by Holo; 02-26-2004 at 06:26 AM..

02-26-2004, 06:38 AM	#11 (permalink)
denim Banned Location: Massachusetts, USA	Therapy time for him. Seriously. Does he still know the spoken language? How about how to write?

02-26-2004, 07:46 AM	#13 (permalink)
2kids1headache Loser	I think I would invite them to hang out a few times, have a few drinks, play some pool. I'd tell them a few stories. After a few weeks, I think I'd tell them to call me in a month if they still wanted to hang out. I don't think I'm emotionally equipped to deal with a person who's trying to find themselves. That's probably why I don't have any "known since childhood" best friends in reality. I don't even keep in touch with people from high school.

02-26-2004, 07:59 AM	#14 (permalink)
onetime2 Junkie Location: NJ	My first response would probably be "Where's that $1000 I loaned you?" then tell them I'm joking if they haven't figured it out from the stupid grin on my face already. From there I'd probably give a brief rundown of how long I've known them and things we've enjoyed together. I'd try to keep it a little vague because it can be very frustrating for someone to get a lot of information quickly and not be familiar with any of it. Then I'd throw out the possibility that maybe I'd bring some pictures and such on upcoming visits (but I wouldn't actually bring them until they brought up the subject again). I'd try to set a general schedule of when I'd come by to see them and let them know they can ask me anything that way they would be able to count on someone to be coming by regularly that could offer some help/guidance without the uncertainty of coming around on random days. Maybe say, I'll stop by on Friday, after work and make it a regular thing on Fridays. I'd also be looking to rebuild the friendship and doing things together. Not necessarily all (or only) the things we used to do but anything to distract them from the pressure of trying to remember everything. Give them the opportunity to have fun without showing disappointment or concern if they don't remember something. __________________ Strive to be more curious than ignorant.

02-26-2004, 10:02 AM	#15 (permalink)
quadro2000 All Possibility, Made Of Custard Location: New York, NY	I like what Peetster said. I don't think I would spend a lot of time telling them about the past. I'd just tell them that the history is there if they want to know it, and if they want to be friends or have somebody to talk to, I'm there for them, but no pressure whatsoever. Can you imagine the stress in their head - the pressure to remember what everybody wants you to remember? I wouldn't want to add to that, because with every memory that I would tell them, they'd be wondering, "why don't I remember this?" What a scary situation. I never really thought about it before. __________________ You have to laugh at yourself...because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't. - Emily Saliers

02-26-2004, 11:20 AM	#16 (permalink)
clavus pow! Location: NorCal	Well, for starters, I'd remind him he has herpes. Of course, I'd do it by reciting the epic poem I wrote that chronicled the events surrounding his infection. Then I'd dig out the similar poem he wrote for me about events related to the loss of my virginity. Those two poems are the funniest shit on the planet..at least to the two of us. __________________ Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

02-26-2004, 11:29 AM	#17 (permalink)
Redjake I'm a family man - I run a family business. Location: Wilson, NC	I would tell the person that they were really cool and that I was one of their best friends. I'd tell them we've been through a lot together, and then go to McDonald's or something and start it all over again. __________________ Off the record, on the q.t., and very hush-hush.

02-26-2004, 11:44 AM	#18 (permalink)
irseg Junkie Location: Florida	"You lucky bastard, now I'm the only one who is burdened with the memory of the night we got drunk and called up some cheap hookers." Aside from that, photos and stories like everyone else mentioned. I'd keep it short and to the point though, as I can imagine it would be pretty damn frustrating and confusing to be bombarded with strangers making all kinds of claims that they knew you.

02-26-2004, 11:46 AM	#19 (permalink)
Peetster Right Now Location: Home	"Hi. My name's Joe. Nice to meet you". I would start it out as blank a slate as possible. No pressure on the guy, no matter how hopeful the parents are that exposure to you will allow memories to flood back. What he'll "remember", if anything, is the way you interact with him. Treat him the same way you always would have, just don't bring any of your baggage with you. He's under enough pressure, being asked to recall things and being held to standards and relationships he really doesn't remember. Be the guy that expects nothing from him. Let him figure out who he is, was, and will be on his own. He'll bring it up if he wants to, and he'll want to if he's comfortable with how you act around him NOW.

02-26-2004, 02:58 PM	#20 (permalink)
Latch In Your Dreams Location: City of Lights	I'd say "We were best mates before. I know that you're going to have a million people you don't remember coming and telling you stories and stuff.. so I doubt you want me to go through all that too. But I'll come visit often (if still in hospital).. and if you have any questions or want me to tell you anything, just let me know."

02-26-2004, 03:00 PM	#21 (permalink)
Latch In Your Dreams Location: City of Lights	oh.. and "If you just want to chill or hangout or anything.. let me know and we'll go grab a couple of beers".

02-26-2004, 07:10 PM	#22 (permalink)
Church Tilted F*ckhead Location: New Jersey	Did you happen to see 50 First Dates analog? __________________ Through counter-intelligence, it should be possible to pinpoint potential trouble makers, and neutralize them.

02-26-2004, 09:32 PM	#24 (permalink)
KellyC Comment or else!! Location: Home sweet home	The first thing I would do is give my friend his favorite food. He can lost all his memories but I bet he won't lost his taste for some good food. Then try to go on to his favorite things to do. And from there, I'll share the memories of what we have together, then just hope for the best outcome. __________________ Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens.