mystmarimatt

Which battle are you referring to? that lists a bunch.

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dy156

I thought about making a wise crack about the French army, but I won't.

I looked it up, and you're right. I had remembered it wrong. I had been thinking that it happened in Switzerland, too. Shows how much I can forget since college. Hey, at least I got the time period about right, and knew it was in the Alps.

thejoker130

Wasnt really an ass kicking, but in ancient china during the Three Kingdoms era one of the kingdoms was retreating. When the persuing army caught up at the Bridge of Chang Ban they found ONE guy standing guard. He was a general of the fleeing army by the name of Zhang Fei.

Anyway he just kinda looked at the army slamed his spear down on the bridge and shouted "I AM ZHANG FEI! WHO WISHES TO MEET DEATH!"

The whole army turned and ran. Eventually his house was beaten but that doesnt really matter its the courage shown when falling that matters.

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Phaenx

The one I quoted, Thermopolyae.

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Seaver

TheJoker, that's not the only time that happened. I cant recall his name at the moment, but he was the Danish King at the mid 1000s. Before William invaded England in 1066 the Nordic king invaded England claiming his inheritance from King Knut (pronounced newt... no im serious). Anyways the British king attacked before expected, and Danes found themselves attacked off guard, unarmed (without armor, they had weapons), and in disarray. Suddenly a berzerker, well, berzerked. According to descriptions (on both sides so it is very reliable) he held a 2h axe in each hand and held off the entire English Army off for 2.5 hours by himself. He would deflect the arrows shot at him with the axes and showed absolutely no fear the entire time. It was not until one ingenious Brit put himself in a barrel upstream and floated down the river... putting a spear through the zerkers groin.

What a sad way for such a brave man to go...

Needless to say after that the Danes were demolished... only to have the brits lose weeks later to William.

denim

Okay, who did it to him, and did he get better?

LStanley

Heroshima and Nagasaki.... US vs. Japan

1 plane vs. the country... hundreds of thoudands dead.. not that I'm proud of it... but that was an ass kicking

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johnsmith

I think that it has to be the 6 Days War. When you get attacked by several countries, and 5 days later they surrender to you: You are the ultimate badass.

skier

The Battle of Midway in thePacific ocean.

The Japs would have crippled USA's fleet if it hadn't been for one cryptographer that figured out their plans only a few days before they were to attack. As a result, the Japanese Navy, consisting of 5 large aircraft carriers, and a number of destroyers and cruisers were crippled and/or destroyed. Along with these ships, a huge percentage of experienced Zero fighter pilots were killed (huge loss because these planes depended on manoeverability to survive in battle) leaving no one to train new fighter pilots. Also the designer of the Zero fighter died on the flagship, the Yamato.

This pretty much fucked japan's hopes of conquest, and is lucky (i think) for the americans, because california was basically unmanned, and japan would have overrun the whole area.

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bparker805

Re: The battle at Thermopylae.

There is a great book about this battle. Its fiction based on fact. Its a great read. Its called "Gates of Fire". Written by Steven Pressfield. I've read it twice. After the last time I finished it, I turned on the History channel and immediately saw a comercial for a special about the Battle.

clavus

Oh, ya! That's an serious asskicking, right there.

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namakenezumi

The Siege of Malta in 1565 - a few hundred Knights Hospitaller and several thousand Maltese militia held off the might of the Ottoman Empire, killing 3/4 of the Turkish forces - 30,000 men - and turning the course of European history.

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To a discerning eye;
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santafe5000

My High School Gym Coach vs MEEEE!!!!

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sailor

Yes, that was a thorough asskicking. That and the first Gulf War have probably got to be the biggest ass kickings of the 20th century.

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Seaver

The defining moment of that ass-whoopin I cant decide though. Was it the Iraqi's surrendering to the Apache (how would an attack helo take prisoners?)... or when they surrendered to the CNN news crew.

Kostya

Thermopolyae is the largest ass kicking suggested yet by far...

A true arse kicking is when the arse being kicked is way larger than the the kicker's. If a Bengal tiger kills a sheep it's standard, if a sheep lays the smack down on the tiger, it's an arse kicking.

There's been some gigantic arse kickings in history.

Spartak - Files from the Soviet archives opened recently revealed that 42 million Soviets died in WW2.

Qa'desh, where the Arabs defeated the Sasanid forces was pretty impressive.

Alexander kicked 7 different types of shite out of Darius II, Issus and Guagamela were arse kickings.

KellyC, I must dispute your claim that the French are responsible for communism in Vietnam...

In fact, when it comes to arse kickings, Viet Nam's had some. First they kicked the fuck out of the French, then they kicked the shit out of the US. One of the most dirt poor nations in the world sendind the most prosperous and militarily powerful nations in the world packing, that's an arse kicking...

Apart from that..

Rocky Vs Ivan Drago in Rocky IV...

Thagrastay

Antietam

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saberyo

I'd agree with this one. Regardless of situation it is very impressive to be attacked from nearly EVERY direction and not only defend, but actually capture territory.

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TANSTAAFL

CS733t

Honestly I would say Pearl Harbor...we got served.

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mystmarimatt

I was waiting for someone to bring that up, I sure wasn't gonna. hehe.

__________________
Words of Wisdom:

If you could really get to know someone and know that they weren't lying to you, then you would know the world was real. Because you could agree on things, you could compare notes. That must be why people get married or make Art. So they'll be able to really know something and not go insane.

Tophat665

Absolutely, but, though the moral you draw is certainly apt, the more telling one is pick your battlefield.

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glasscutter43

1812 EH?

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Book 'em Danno

Thagrastay

Yeh, I have to agree. The 6 day war. Absolutely. Nobody fucks with the Israelis anymore. Even the U.S. won't. Look at the Yom Kippur War. You gotta be stupid to fuck with the Israelis. You're just asking for a Biblical-class ass-kicking.

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grayman

Having the Ark of the Covenant with you when you go into battle goes a long way.

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thejoker130

Of coarse.

Nobody fucks with the Isrealis

I remember reading in the paper that the isreali army sieged the palistine leaders HQ (for some reason his name eludes me at the moment) Had choppers take out the floor above his and below his, had a sniper shoot the guy on his left and right and once they were done with that they just fuckin bulldozed his entire base to the ground and then set the ruins on fire.

Talk about a 'we can kill you any freekin time we want' statement

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WHAT MORE CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?
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I like you. When the world is mine your death will be quick and painless.

ICER

The Texan in me wants to say the Alamo. But the histroian would have to say the English fleet against the Spainish armada in 1588.

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Seaver

Negative.

The US never lost a battle in the Vietnam War. We lost the war, but never lost a battle.

Why did they win? Because they were willing to sacrifice 4 men to every 1 of ours, and they sacrificed much much more than that in real fact.

The closest to a victory they had was at LZ X-Ray (Landing Zone X-Ray) in which a US division (Custers old division ironically) got flanked, and torn to pieces by an enemy in the jungle they couldnt see. Eventually "Broken Arrow" was called, Broken Arrow is the code word meaning US division about to be overrun. Every single aircraft that was flyable was loaded up with bombs, and for the next 48 hours everything from B-52s to propeller driven Korean war attack planes laid waste to the jungle around the division.

Did we have casualties? Definately. Did we ever retreat from a battle? No. Instead they would assault and capture a piece of land... only to hand it back over before nightfall due to politicians.

Acton1775

I think the battle at Bunker Hill. The British regulars got the crap beat out of them by the country militia. The Redcoats used to laugh at the militia.

They stopped laughing!

CrazySaturn

Battle of New Orleans. Andrew Jackson fucking SERVED their asses. Even had local guys run through the forest with hatchets killing the sentry's of the Confederates. Plus the actual battle occured after the treaty was signed.

Wake Island/Midway. Not the same, I know, but both times the USA brutalized Japan like nobody's business.

First Gulf War. Damn. Just damn.

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irateplatypus

seaver already pointed out the fallacies in this statement. their tolerance for punishment outlasted the US's stomach for dishing it out.

i think thermopylae and the first gulf war are worthy nominations, though they vary too much to compare them to eachother directly.

Germans vs Poland/France in WWII is a good one. I can't remember any particular battles... but I think the Mongols vs. Asia deserves a mention as well.

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~ Winston Churchill

hannukah harry

thanks, dr. jones!


correct me if i'm wrong, but didn't the british win the battle of bunker hill (at least the first one)?

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Acton1775

Yes, The British held the field at the end of the day. However it was the most costly victory in British history. It was said that one more victory like that would cost them the war.

I'd say for it was still a big ass kicking for the regulars.

I can get the exact casualty figures if you want. It really was a blood bath.


Bob

kutulu

I'd have to say the 6 day war. Isreal vs. Egypt, Syria, and Jordan. During May of 1967, Egypt and Syria begin massing troops along the borders. Isreal mobilizes their military and in just a couple days, completely destroy Egypt, Syria, and Jordan.

CryptikSoul

Didn't the Spanish fleet get r0x0red by a hurricane first?

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Seaver

Cryptik is right, the English hardly did anything against the Spanish fleet. The main problem was the winds, the Spanish had to divert (granted because of the English vessels) into the Netherland ports, once there the winds only blow NW. Since the Spanish vessels were the large ships of the line, they could not sail into the wind, so were forced to go over the Northern British coast, and then the storm hit. All the English really did was give them a few pinpricks, they guided themselves into the fire.

tokaok

hmm forget the name, the one in africa where the brits got ass raped by the zulu warriors, brits devastating and humiliating defeat (zulu bring knifes to a gun fight and win).

it forced the brits to bring a whole chunk of their forces to come to africa and basically eradicate all the zulu tribes.

Seer666

Oh yes. And if it wasn't bad enough, they got nukes now. I sure as hell don't want to piss them off. Next one they get into will be the 6 minute war.

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kutulu

lThese days it the question is more like "who doesn't have nukes?"

PDOUBLEOP

When I made the mistake of pissing off my sister...

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Seer666

Sadom if you watch the news.....

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Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.