i8one2

All MENCH! you gave the father the gift of a happy lasting memory of his baby! what more can be said.

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Quality is for those who know
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sexymama

I appreciate the way you managed to tell the truth, yet give the man what he needed/wanted. Excellent job!

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It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

Holo

I had a dream about this thread...I forgot the girl was dead in the dream and I had the third roll and I went up to "her" in the store and said "I have your third roll. Do you want it?" She took it and looked at me funny like I was insane. I then remembered the real girl was dead and I just gave some strange girl a roll of pics that weren't hers.

Yes I'm insane.

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Snakebyt

great job, he didnt need the 3rd roll anyways, but you never know, he may have known about her drinking and drugs, so that may not have been a shock to him, but her in sexual situations.. no dad ever wants to see that of his daughter, no matter the situation

SecretMethod70

Good way of handling the situation. If I were the dad though I would not have gotten the pictures developed.

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Willy

Quite a story. I think you handled it amazingly well.

ninety09

Very well handled! You and the father both handled this with a lot of maturity. Good job!

GuttersnipeXL

Way to go man. That is exactly how it should have gone down. That would have been so crushing for the father to have that image of his passed daughter in his head. It's hard to say what I would have done, were I in the fathers shoes. I'm sure the guy thought it over quite a bit, before he showed up at your store. Anyway, good on ya man, your an upstanding citizen.

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slimcr

wow, certainly makes one think.....

holtmate

I don't think that the situation could have been handled any better. You did the right thing on all counts.

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"Why me?"
"Because you're perfect."
"You have a point there."

NeverBorn

I think you made the right decision. In the end its how you feel, why should you feel guilt to make a man feel better about his daughter, in this case. Ignorance is bliss..

amonkie

Sometimes it's nice to feel like we have the job we do for a specific reason... in this case I think you definitely part of something special to help this father deal with grieving.

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MySexyAssJ

the whole time i was reading your story, i kept thinking of what i could possibly say to the father to make it easier..
the way you said it was the best possible way!!!

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WhiteDevil

That's really touching, probably the most sincere thing I've ever read on a board. I think you handled that way better than most would have, I would have had a hard time with it. You did the right thing. You get a imaginary medal from me

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rhaevyn

If I were in the man's position, I don't know if I would have even gotten the pictures developed. If I did, I wouldn't want to know the contents of the graphic pictures. And if I were in your position, I'd like to think that I would handle the situation as well as you did.

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You've come far, and though you're far from the end, you don't mind where you are, 'cause you know where you've been.

SaltPork

You did the right thing. As a father of two daughters there are things that a father shouldn't see and you kept them from him. You're a good man.

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It was like that when I got here....I swear.

Brewmaniac

You should be proud of yourself, I know I am!!!

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"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

little_tippler

You handled the situation perfectly...it was very tactful and nice of you. Well done!

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Lady Sage

You sir deserve to be nominated for sainthood! You not only preserved his vision of his daughter but you very tastefully said ...you dont wanna see that third roll.
Well met mister Analog and bravo.

Kadath

Woah, what brought this thread out of the sleep of ages?

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xepherys

Wow, this is an old thread. Glad to see the last two years haven't jaded people against sensitivity (hey, two years can change a LOT). Analog, I'm very impressed with how you handled it. I know not many have really answered your question about how they'd have handled it from either side, but I don't think there's much to say on the matter. Hats of to you good chap!

Nimetic

Seems ok to me. Both of you handled it perfectly I think.

I don't know if I'd have managed it so good - thanks for the fine example.

Toaster126

Hehehe, I'm sorta glad this got dredged up from the past. I would have never seen this thread.

Looks like there is another reason Analog is the "good twin".

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Cynthetiq

Interesting... I've been reading this over again, and realized that almost everyone including myself did not answer the OP when it was first posted, and now some that revisited it, did not again. We just patted analog on the back for being a decent human being.

If I found pictures of my loved ones having sex, yes it would be a shocker, but it's not any more shocking than knowing that they eat and take a shit, meaning that having sex is part of it. It's living in denial that they never did such actions. Yes, it would suck to stumble upon the pictures, especially after they passed on.

2 years ago, I'd probably done like you. 2 years later, today in my life, I'd have given him all of the pictures. It's not for me to interpret them for him, sex or drug use.

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Zyr

Honestly, I know I wouldn't have been able to handle that anywhere near as well as you, and I can't imagine a better way. Well done.

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Omnia mutantu, nos et mutamur in illis.
All things change, and we change with them.
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stevie667

Kudos on the good decision, definatly made the right call.

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TexanAvenger

Ditto on that. I would've never seen this thread otherwise... and Analog's stock just went way up in my books.

As for the actual question asked, what would've happened would have depended on what side of the counter I stood. On the developing side, I honestly believe I would've done much the same. I couldn't've given the man those pictures when he was clearly deeply set in grief and asked not to see them.

On the father's side of the counter... I want to think that I could handle and would ask for all the pictures. Solely in the mental scenario that I have in my head, that would be the case. I would want to know that she did go out and have fun and do the reckless things that I did. I would want to know she enjoyed her life how she wanted to. Her giving some guy head wouldn't exactly be warm-fuzzies, but at least I would have some kind of satisfaction that she was alive and took advantage of that. But confronted with the actual death of my daughter (assuming I ever have one), I don't know that I could stand, in the midst of my grief, to see her in any light other than an innocent one.

Analog - You kick so much more ass than I knew. Thanks for reaffirming that there's some humanity left in people.

merlin

Like everyone above me has said, I think you did the right thing in the most tactful way. I probably could not have come up with that myself.

But by not giving the photos to the father, wouldn't that put some doubt in his mind about his daughter? Without exactly knowing what his daughter did, his imagination could run wild and perhaps it would be a worse result than if he had actually seen the photos. Just a thought.

analog

I had no idea I had so much room for "being a nice person" improvement. lol

Gilda

If it were my child, I think I'd want to know what was on the pictures, but of course there isn't really any way to put myself in his shoes so it's entirely speculation on my part, and I certainly can't judge him for wanting to preserve his memories of his daughters as a sweet, innocent girl.

I think the fact that this was a father and daughter had a lot to do with the attitude. Again, I'm not judging him, he has every right to try to memorialize his daughter as best he can.

It was a difficult situation and you handled it with grace and tact.

Gilda

3Z3VH

I think giving him the third roll would have been the WORST thing to do to that father. Think of it from his point of view, he tells you not to give him pictures of his princess if they are ones he wouldn't want to see... so you hand him a bunch of pictures of her having sex and doing drugs, then you ALSO tell him there was a roll that mysteriously couldn't be developed. Could you IMAGINE the complex that would give the poor man ? He would think "If pictures of her giving head and taking drugs weren't bad enough for me to see, what was on that roll that was so bad the clerk would tell me they couldn't be developed ?!"

Also, if I was the father, I am sure I would have done it the same way he did. My little girl is dead, and I am despirately trying to find any memento I can of her life, and I find 3 rolls of undeveloped film. The best record of anyone's life short of video. There is no way I would leave them undeveloped, but I definitely would have found an intermediary to filter me from what I wouldn't want to see... not sure if I would have trusted the clerk to be that intermediary, but who else could you trust would never let word get back to you about what was in any questionable pictures ? Only someone totally outside of your life would work for that role.

deri

As the store clerk, I would have done as you did and given him the 1 roll of developed film. I guess I'm not as quick on my feet as your solution was a bit more elegant though.

billege

Bravo.

I really don't think that could have been handled better.

Her party pictures were her private life, something she'd have likely not shared w/her parents on her own. You kept that where it should stay, and satisfied his reqeust as best as I think anyone could possibley have done.


Fantastic job.

/ faith in humanity goes up a few points today.


I would have gotten them developed, and I hope I'd have had the forsight to trust someone to do for me what you did.

There are things children don't share with thier parents, as some things are none of thier business. I'd like to respect that privacy, even after death.

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kutulu

I don't get that, the father specifically requested that the photos be censored for him. If you wouldn't be comfortable with that you should let him know in advance.

thingstodo

Dude...you really came up with a creative, caring way to handle a situation. I can't imagine me coming up with something so cool. The father obviously was aware of something and also understood what you were saying. He also knows you are honest and took a stand. Not many people are willing to do that these days.

You are the kind of guy employers want to hire... you should think of a way to use this experience one day to show how you think and relate to people.

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blahblah454

Im with lots of others when I say I am glad I read this. I always liked you analog, but now my respect has been greatly increased. I read about 30 posts before I even realised it was old. You did an amazing job and handled that great I think.

Arsenic7

Top it off with the large probability that someone that young DIED because of a drunk driving accident, perhaps after that very party, and I'd say what you did was certainly admirable.

I imagine people in busy development shops are often presented with quirky moral dillemas for some reason.

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keyshawn

wow, analog, I seriously admire you for your actions.

I have trouble fathoming what I would have done if I were the father. Maybe, I would definitely have had an intermediary (possibly a younger relative) 'filter' them and judge what pictures would be suitable for me.
For someone to completely entrust this delicate responsibility to a complete stranger is a bit heartwarming and surprising, because of the notion that there is a lack of trust and empathy between strangers in today's world. It definitely puts things in perspective and reminds me of how benevolent people in this world can be.

This thread belongs in a 'best of TFP' section !

Regards,
will.

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