Gay Step-brother
 

Ok, my 12 years old step-brother is gay. I know it, streak_56 (My brother) knows it, and cheesebreath (My sister) knows it too, even my mom knows it too. The biggest problem is whether my step-mother, my dad and my step-sister just can't seem to accept it. I mentioned this to some of my cousins and some of them acknowledged that he's gay.

You know how like if you do waves with your hand or arm when you're dancing and it's all so choppy and you can't do it perfectly? Well, this little dude has mastered it. I don't know how but he does.

When I was his age or when my brother was his age, we would be cutting the grass, do shitload of farm work, get our ass kicked by cows and lifting bales of hay around the ranch. But, my step-brother just either sits around and read his harry potter book, doing some sewing, squeals like a girl whenever Beckham or whatever the soccer player name is mentioned in this particular movie just...scares me. He got a sewing machine for xmas! I remember asking for toys and cool shits but sewing machine?

What made me want to post this is that I found him walking around in this pant.

Capri Pant!
http://www.secondskinlingerie.co.uk/...ezzi_800_c.jpg

I mean comon! How many *Straight* guys do you usually find wearing those kind of pants? Practically none. I sure hell wouldn't wear it unless they pay me to.

The damn kid just...scares me. Seriously does. I mean, he does absolutely nothing that an average 12 years old would do. The biggest problem is that my family just won't admit that there's a possiblity that there's something wrong with him.

Is it me or...?

Comment peeps!

My prediction was correct. Harry Potter makes people gay.

I don't know how to take that part, being gay doesn't mean something is wrong with him. If you can't accept him for who he is, perhap there is something wrong with you.

I know that being gay isn't something wrong, I worded that last part wrong. What I really meant was that they don't seem to accept that. Like, in any other family when a guy says "Mom and Dad, I'm gay" and afterward the famly just accepts it by going "It's ok that I have a gay son" But in this case, my step brother doesn't say it but he is obviously screaming that he's gay and the family isn't acknowledging that at all....

Has he came out? I had a friend just like your step-brother, je was gay but nobody talked about it, it was one of those thing, then one day he finally came out, if he is only 12, he is probably confused as hell what he is going through, maybe have a brotherly talk to him. That might help to know that you don't care what he is.

Umm.. what's the problem here?

Seriously, does it matter?

A kid I knew when I was younger than that, who was my age, turned out to be gay too. What of it? More wimmin fer us!

I had an obviously gay friend(by association) in middle school, I think he had it rough dating girls for a while. I don't think his parents or his friends had a clue.

I DO think your step-brother needs help, not to make him straight, but to help him through a very confusing time in his life.

If he is gay, and if his family is having a hard time accepting it, then what he needs most is unconditional support from others who are important to him. Quit being scared by him and how different he is, and just accept him for who he is. I don't think it's your place to hammer home to his family that he might be gay - the kid's only 12, for chrissake. When the time comes, if they have a problem with it, he's going to need people he can count on to talk to. If you really care about him, make sure he has someone like that - even if it's not you.

I second that. A friend of mine's boyfriend has a gay stepbrother and he recently came out when he was pissed off at his mother. He SCREAMED it to her face! If your step-brother is happy, then whats the big deal?

And if he hasn't told some people about it and he's wearing those pants around, they should figure it out pretty quick.

I mean...I don't get what the big problem is with the capris. Hey, if they look good on him...what the hey?!? And he's GAY so you're going to have to expect that he's going to want different things for X-mas, and he's DEFINATLEY going to wear different clothes than you!

Yeah, I mean, has he come out? Has he even mentioned anything about his being gay or straight?

If so, then support him. If not, and if he's happy, then let him figure it out himself. If he does seem confused then talk to him about. Just don't judge him.

Two words:

Growthefuck up.

First, just because he doesn't meet your definition of what is masculine doesn't mean that he's gay. (Although if that is how most people in your community define it then he's probably in for a rough ride at school). Second, no twelve year old does what we did when we were12. Kids are growing up way too fast. And finally, capris for guys are actully coming in style.

I have to agree with the majority of this thread. Back when I was in high school I was friends with lots of gay people who hadn't come out (I was in choir and school musicals afterall). But that didn't make me any less their friend. Those people were in high school. Your step-brother is 12 and it already seems like your singling him out and labeling him as different. Just accept him for who he is.

Okay, maybe you have accepted it, but his whole family hasn't. What's the big deal? Let them come to terms on their own time. If he finally comes out and they can't accept it, maybe they need to take a look at themselves. I don't know.

Eitherway, don't make a big deal out of it. My sister is gay and I love her the same as I ever did. Knowing the was gay changed nothing other than the people she was dating.

No you didn't. Are you familiar with the term "freudian slip"?

Not acknowledging it isn't the same as not accepting it. Maybe they just don't share your hangup? Maybe they're all totally okay with it? If so, there's nothing to acknowledge.

Well, when my brother mentions how gay my stepbrother is all the time, that didn't seem to bother anyone in the family on this side of the world. However, when it was discussed between my dad, my brother and myself, I could tell that he was a bit irrated by the fact that my brother was calling my step brother gay and I was supporting that fact.

As for those of you who mentioned that I should do one of those brotherly talk with him, I would like to but it's really kind of awkward, especially if you're not really related and you're in this kind of situation. I do support him and I support gay and lesbian people. I am grownup btw seretogis

Yeah. Why is this an issue? Are you worried they're going to "find out" and kick him out of the house or something? Acting like it's something "to be dealt with" is not constructive, no matter how good your intentions.

If he's gay, he's gay. If they care, they care. The world is still spinning. Let him be, and give support when you can.

Feelgood doesn't have a problem with the step brother.. from what I got, he has a problem with his step family that can't accept it. Stop yelling at FeelGood.. from what I got he has no problem with gay people.

Why does it matter? Well obviously it has hit a nerve that he struts around in a non-straight manner (not that but what happens from it) and that his step mother and father simply have no clue. It annoys him. Geez.

As for you FG? I'd say to just help him out if he needs it. If the parents ever come to their senses... well, so be it.. but if they get pissy, be sure to back him up. Thats all I have to say.

http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/photo_closeups_dd2.htm
(sorry, image won't link)
See, there's nothing gay about a guy wearing capri pants, nothing at all.

That just scared the shit outta me...I guess I didn't realize that guys wearing capri pant were coming into style until someone posted about that here...

When I was around that age, I was kinda effeminate. I didn't play sports. I listened to music, acted in school plays and danced. I wore clothing that wasn't very masculine and hung out with more girls than boys.

Didn't make me gay.

Stop being locked into any stereotypes of what a gay person wears or does or says or acts. Until he says he's gay, don't make assumptions. And for god's sake, everybody just needs to let him get through this and treat him like a normal kid.

WHAT?!? Says who? damn, time to buy a new wardrobe...again. Quick question, are bell bottoms still back?
~Crack

exactly

what's the biggie? so he's gay? who gives a shit? think of all the fasion pointers you can get from him in a few years! lol...seriously, I'm a striaght male, I have gay friends....they're fucking cool, great guys, get over it and accept your step-brother for who he is, not for want you want him to be.

Don't treat him different than your other family members. Talk to him as often as anyone else. Don't criticize his "unusual" preferences. I short, make him feel welcome and loved.

I spent most of my life hating homosexuals to the point that hearing about them being beat up or worse, made me happy. I've just recently (not sure why) learned to accept them and I am not bothered with them at all. It's the wierdest damn thing and I can't fully explain it.

He's just a person who has feelings and emotions just like anyone else. Be a brother to him. Let him be happy.

if you want the summarised problem as I see it, then Feelgood is saying in very straightforward terms that he suspects the boy is in fact gay.
The fact he comments that the boy's family won't acknowledge it, can just as well mean that he is concerned their unwillingness to at least consider talking to the boy about it, could seriously hamper and further confuse him as he goes through adolescence.

So there :)

But I think it's a bit early to really label him gay at age 12 though. Effeminate perhaps, but that still doesn't mean he's gay without a doubt. So my advice would be to lay low on the subject a bit more. And if you really do care for him and accept him like he is, make sure to be there for him when he needs somebody to talk to, that's all I can say

if I'm not mistaken what the problem is is that his family treats it now as though they WOULDN'T accept it if he DID actually come out and say that he was gay. And that's a problem.

I had a real good friend who told his parents that he was gay when he was 13 and they completely disowned him... tried to convince him that he wasn't, tried to set him up on dates, and it was really hard to see him have to go through that. If I were you, feelgood, I'd be worried too. If something like that DOES happen, you have to show him that he has your support, if not his parents.

I also may be reading this wrong but I don't see that Feelgood is against gays, his step brother, or anything in that direction. In fact it sounds more like the fact that its seems almost obvious that his step brother is gay but his family (at least part of it) is acting as if there is nothing going on.

I don't get most of you guys jumping on his ass about asking the question. From the sounds of it he's not as "conditioned" to just hanging out with many a homosexual...in fact I'd say that he (Feelgood) just isn't sure what to make of the situation. I don't think advice like Grow the fuck up is that helpful.

If he is in fact gay just let him do his thing and when he feels the time is right i'm sure he'll say so...otherwise like others have mentioned, maybe hes just a bit more "feminine."

Well, what I'm gonna do is let the whole situation run its course...The next move is not up to me since it not entirely my business, although there is a fine line. I'm gonna leave the next move up to my family or my step-brother.

Hey, feelgood, thanks for sharing. Nothing wrong with gay. You and I know it. But it's a little jarring at first sometimes, nu? I can't help you make sense of it, though. I was an atypical 12 year old too, and I'm married with two kids now (Though we used to call 'em highwaters, not Capris.)

Look, whatever happens, may it happen so as to make you and your step brother as happy as possible,

You know, I knew a guy like that in Junior High, and he turned out NOT to be gay. We were all confident he was gay. He had all the stereotypical gay mannerisms, didn't mind look at pics of guys and judging their appearance, screamed and talked like a girl.

Boy, he fooled us. In the end, we were the dumbasses.

I knew a guy like that too. Come to find out, he was actually gayer than we originally thought. He even moved to San Francisco with a bunch of guys and turned into a druggie freak.

Good luck.

The most important thing is that you support him, no especially the gay lifestyle. If you love him you love him. Family can't handle it? So sad!

I hate to admit this....oh wait, I don't really. I played with Barbies with my sister when I was a young teenager. But, I also did sports and other things as well. Never bothered me then and doesn't bother me now.

I think all of you bashing FG for his comment should apologize. He is not bashing gays, he is saying it is not right that the rest of his step family isn't trying to recognize their son for who he is.

FG, what I recommend to your step family is to criticize them when they make comments like that or treat him like that. Support him in his decisions to be whatever and whoever he wants to be. It truly doesn't matter if he is straight or gay. What matters is when people continue to make a big deal out of something when no big deal exists.

Ok, im sorry but the whole doing the arm wave thing perfectly means nothing-- I mean, c'mon..


And.. since when is being gay a bad thing? Just support him. It's really hard to tell your family that you're gay (according to gay friends).

Hmm .. ya know what though? The squealing for beckham would be annoying. Squealing is annoying. Period.

There's nothing wrong with being gay, there's just a problem with the awkward tension of the whole thing. I understand what feelgood's saying. No matter how comfortable you feel around gay folks, there's always an uncomfortable dynamic of an in-the-closet gay child and the rest of the family. nobody wants to come out and say "hey, you're gay" and the child senses that and feels uncomfortable himself. Then everyone feels uncomfortable.

A younger brother of my best friend was showing signs early on. Jonathan Brandis (seaquest) posters all over the walls, then a fascination with Liza Minnelli/Bette Midler. It was so obvious he was gay, but for years, there was no acknowledgement from him or the rest of the family that he was gay. That makes for a really uncomfortable environment. At some point gay porn was discovered. Then I leant my friend this book called "the joy of sex" and the brother had covertly stuck post-its throughout it asking if the brother would teach him about sex/rent a porno and have a "mutual masturbation" (his words). Lastly, and this is only for shock value, my friend went to use the scanner, and a cached version of the last scanned image was STRADDLE VIEW OF HIS BROTHER'S TAAAAAAAAIIINNNNNT!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHOO!

ok, So, the situation is such that the parents are the adults, and should accept that their [step]son is gay and try to promote an environment where it's accepted. He should be treated just like the other two, and not given special treatment -- hypothetically, like not getting his ass kicked by cows -- because he's gay, or acts gay, or whatever. I think it's been almost ten years since the Jonathan Brandis posters, and friend's-little-brother is still in the closet with the father. It just sort of makes for this lingering tension that never goes away.

but, feelgood, if you're *scared* of the kid's flamboyancy, you should understand that it's your problem more than his, and everyone's only going to feel comfortable once everyone else gets over it and meets him halfway.

I think you and everyone else need to stop trying to figure out someone elses sexuality.

If he is gay, let him decide and let him tell! I am sure he does not need you as a spokesman for his preferances.

Besides he IS ONLY 12 !@~!@@ GEEZ!!!

Unless he has actually expressed homosexual tendancies, the most you can say at this point is that he's not obeying the lines between gender roles, or maybe has some gender confusion. Gay and effeminate are two completely different things; they just happen to go hand-in-hand in a lot of situations.

there is nothing wrong with being gay. I have an aunt who is a lesbian and she is perfectly fine, there is no descrimination and no one cares in my family.