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12-07-2003, 10:58 PM
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#41 (permalink) |
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Insane
Location: Down South In Louisiana
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You could throw the paper up in the air and start singing:
What's this? What's this? There's color everywhere What's this? There's white things in the air What's this? I can't believe my eyes I must be dreaming Wake up, Jack, this isn't fair What's this? What's this? What's this? There's something very wrong What's this? There's people singing songs What's this? The streets are lined with Little creatures laughing Everybody seems so happy Have I possibly gone daffy? What is this? What's this? There are children throwing snowballs here Instead of throwing heads They're busy building toys And absolutely no one's dead There's frost on every window Oh, I can't believe my eyes And in my bones I feel the warnth That's coming from inside Oh, look What's this? They're hanging mistletoe, they kiss Why that looks so unique, inspired They're gathering around to hear a story Roasting chestnuts on a fire What's this? What's this? In here they've got a little tree, how queer And who would ever think And why? They're covering it with tiny little things They've got electric lights on strings And there's a smile on everyone So, now, correct me if I'm wrong This looks like fun This looks like fun Oh, could it be I got my wish? What's this? Oh my, what now? The children are asleep But look, there's nothing underneath No ghouls, no witches here to scream and scare them Oe ensnare them, only little cozy things Secure inside their dremaland What's this? The monsters are all missing And the nightmares can't be found And in their place there seems to be Good feeling all around Instead of screams, I swear I can hear music in the air The smell of cakes and pies IS absolutely everywhere The sights, the sounds They're eveywhere and all around I've never felt so good before Thsi empty place inside of me is filling up I simply cannot get enough I want it, oh, I want it Oh, I want it for my own I've got to know I've got to know What is this place that I have found? What is this? Christmas Town, hmm... I just watched that movie. |
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12-08-2003, 02:03 AM
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#43 (permalink) |
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EVIL!
Location: Southwest of nowhere
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I say, don't take them in to him and see if he comes looking for them. When he asks if any faxes came for him, Look at him with a funny expression and say, Humm, when did we get a fax.
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When all else fails, QUIT. |
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12-08-2003, 11:49 AM
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#44 (permalink) |
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Fly em straight!
Location: Above and Beyond
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The results of your blood test...sorry, you failed.
A message that will self destruct in 10 seconds. I could tell you, but I would have to kill you. Extra Dry baby wipes. (start singing like Eddie Vedder) "Sheet of empty canvas........" I spent hours drawing snow, what do you think? It's from Death, he says he will talk to you tonight. It is 101 ways to keep an Idiot in suspense. Mention to him that you will tell him about it tomorrow. Ok, that's all I could think of, all the other good ones were taken! Good lists so far!!!
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Doh!!!! -Homer Simpson |
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12-08-2003, 10:05 PM
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#46 (permalink) |
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Banned
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Origami boulder kit
Satellite photos of Pam Anderson's nipples A "cease and desist" from the Hamster Dance people. Something you want to tell me? Fried egg. Just the white part. New employee handbook, I think... it says, "How To Serve Man" (man I hope someone gets this one) Original script for Ishtar The answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything. (i hope someone gets this one too) Annual Precipitation Report for Lapland Positions of the Kama Sutra for Boring Fucks Cheap diaper Matzo I was just about to toss it on the grill, how do you like it done? TPS report (from the movie Office Space) Last Will and Testament for your penis… I’m sorry. Candy-gram. the Rosetta Pamphlet I don’t know, but it says it’s your turn to bring the virgin. |
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12-09-2003, 02:46 PM
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#51 (permalink) | |
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Crazy
Location: in a hole, ventura county,cali
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Quote:
 that is so fucking funny!!
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www.holeinthe.net |
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08-24-2004, 03:42 PM
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#55 (permalink) | |
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Knight of the Old Republic
Location: Winston-Salem, NC
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Quote:
 -Lasereth
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"A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert |
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08-24-2004, 03:45 PM
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#56 (permalink) |
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Knight of the Old Republic
Location: Winston-Salem, NC
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"What is this?"
"A letter from our boss...it looks like you're getting the axe." "What?" "I said it's a letter from our boss, looks like a fax." -Lasereth
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"A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert |
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08-26-2004, 07:35 AM
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#57 (permalink) |
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Follower of Ner'Zhul
Location: Netherlands
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* Our prenups, honey
* You say that to all the guys, don't you? * What's what? ::look at hand:: AAAAHHH! God! It's attacking me! ::shake paper around in foolish manner:: * You know, "this" is just another anagram for "shit" and I don't appreciate you yelling it at me every morning * this Pronunciation Key (ths) 1.* WHEN WERE YOU GOANNA TELL ME ABOUT THIS?!?!?!?1. Used to refer to the person or thing present, nearby, or just mentioned.2. Used to indicate the nearer or the more immediate one. * Just sign at the bottom... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
__________________
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. - Nathaniel Borenstein Last edited by RelaX; 08-26-2004 at 07:37 AM.. |
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08-26-2004, 08:50 AM
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#58 (permalink) |
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Minion of the scaléd ones
Location: Northeast Jesusland
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This is a demonstrative pronoun.
It's a list of the world's 10 dumbest questions. Out of date now, though.
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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. |
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08-26-2004, 08:55 AM
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#59 (permalink) |
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Cautiously soaring
Location: exploring my new home in SF
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I don't know but it's ticking
you want to know? Pull my finger It's from the cat, he has the dog. He's demanding catnip if you want to see (insert dog name here) again. your lack of creativity O, I had your email forwarded to the fax here let me read it to you "Dear, John" surgery? I didn't know you had surgery. Weird, its addressed to Nancy....O well congratulations...Nancy Something about her being 16 not 26 your wife left you, and she wants half looks like you daughter tried to fax her doll again your psych bill...jesus planned parenthood with the test results It's from your accountant, from St. Barts (hand it to him upside down) Not sure, it's written in a weird language (leave) (staple it a bunch of times) not sure but I think we need to feed the fax machine some prunes Its demands from the fax, it's holding Mr. Coffee hostage you know that young guy in accounting? Its from him, and your wife. It's from satan, he says no deal on the soul HEY! It looks like your going to be a daddy...but who is (say someone other than his wife's name) Those are all I can think of for now.
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Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it. --Mark Twain Do What makes you happy --Me BUT! "Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu |
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09-02-2004, 02:52 PM
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#61 (permalink) |
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Insane
Location: Tennessee
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just say, "it's the fax, NOTHING BUT THE FAX (slam him on the ground at this point) I WANT NOTHIN BUT THE FAX, YOU HEAR ME!? IF YOU LIE TO ME SO HELP ME GOD I'LL DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO GET YOU LOCKED UP FOR GOOD!"
..that should get a good laugh outta him, or maybe get you sued.
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Bye. |
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01-20-2005, 12:21 PM
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#63 (permalink) |
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Insane
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Old thread, revived! I'm not even sure if clavus has the problem any more. But here goes...
I don't know, but the fax machine just gave birth. It's a boy. It appears to be a piece of paper, but I could be wrong. It's a fancy hat waiting to happen. I'm not sure, but I know it's not a catheder. Don't ask... It's something about a virus spreading through fax papers. Good thing this isn't a fax paper, otherwise you woulda known that as soon as I walked in the door, right?
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Common sense is uncommon. Ironic, isn't it? |
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01-20-2005, 09:58 PM
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#65 (permalink) |
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big damn hero
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Say nothing. Then break out in random show tune and dance around his desk
(While staring intently at fax mutter) Sparrow, you magnificent bastard. (when he asks fold paper quickly and hide it) This? Nothing! Nothing at all. *wink $19.99 for a vibrating! mumble...mumble. (sheepishly grin when eye contact is made)
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No signature. None. Seriously. |
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01-21-2005, 10:09 PM
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#68 (permalink) | |
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Guest
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Quote:
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01-22-2005, 01:34 AM
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#70 (permalink) |
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Loves my girl in thongs
Location: North of Mexico, South of Canada
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Hmmmmm, it say's "power of Attorney for insert jackass's name" Anyway, you just need to sign the bottom.
and of course... "What is this?" "This is what" (and hand it to him)
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Seen on an employer evaluation: "The wheel is turning but the hamsters dead" ____________________________ Is arch13 really a porn diety ? find out after the film at 11. -Nanofever |
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01-22-2005, 10:01 AM
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#72 (permalink) |
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Addict
Location: Mansion by day/Secret Lair by night
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1. "It is Jack's complete lack of suprise" (requisite Fight Club Reference)
2. Drop paper on floor - "A Native American's tear." or 3. Anyone sitting that close to the copy/fax machine needs -meister or -arino attached to the first name, per Saturday Night Live. That should be punishment enough. "The Stevemeister, makin' copies!"
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Oft expectation fails... and most oft there Where most it promises - Shakespeare, W. |
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01-22-2005, 01:55 PM
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#74 (permalink) |
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Ravenous
Location: Right Behind You
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"What's this?"
Divorce papers from your wife. Fax from the free clinic... you have three months left Fax from your doctor, your infected Thank you, you have been served You daughter is pregnant, Ricky Martin's the father Not sure, can you read? Love letter from your Sister...oh sorry it's to me A nun was hit by a steamroller Your dry cleaning A letter from the aliens... something about your probe later... with or without lube, check one A letter from Ed McMahon, you lost Commitment papers, sign here Letter from your son, he's on heroin and needs money Your wife is apparently pregnant and your not the father Pictures of you naked on your lawn bunch of words on a piece of paper... that little beige guy gave it to me... he's my friend I call him George Fax from your boss... you're getting promoted! Oops, no it isn't. A death threat, good luck.
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Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as Gods. Cats have never forgotten this. |
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06-28-2005, 07:35 PM
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#75 (permalink) | |
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Wicked Clown
Location: House Of Horrors
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Quote:
and now the boss is heading out of his office to make sure i'm working!!!
__________________
"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular." 
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07-11-2005, 02:11 AM
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#78 (permalink) |
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Oh dear God he breeded
Location: Arizona
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Sony Bono's killer.
Free money. Just add green ink.
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Bad spellers of the world untie!!! I am the one you warned me of I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant. |
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07-11-2005, 02:52 AM
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#79 (permalink) |
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"I'm sorry. What was the question?"
Location: Paradise Regained
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From Merriam Webster:
THIS 1 a (1) : the person, thing, or idea that is present or near in place, time, or thought or that has just been mentioned <these are my hands> (2) : what is stated in the following phrase, clause, or discourse <I can only say this: it wasn't here yesterday> b : this time or place <expected to return before this> 2 a : the one nearer or more immediately under observation or discussion <this is iron and that is tin> b : the one more recently referred to
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I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys |
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07-11-2005, 02:33 PM
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#80 (permalink) | |
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Une petite chou
Location: With All Your Base
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"an old school email."
"yes, it is." "picnic blankets for the flea circus..." scratching furiously "CDC warning... they found some virus in the air conditioning vents" twitch and cough violently "You've been served."
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Here's how life works: you either get to ask for an apology or you get to shoot people. Not both. House Quote:
The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. Ayn Rand
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