Wife's driving habits
 

This morning I met my wife at our daughter's school. I arrived before she did and watched as she pulled into the parking space and she got too close and bumped the other car. I know she has bumped into other cars in the past. She say's she will be more careful, but I still worry. Any advise.

As a "bumpy" driver myself, the only things that really made me more careful about it was 1. being regularly chastised by my husband, and 2. getting a new car (Ratbastid's Miata). My car, the brown ugly one, was already kind of dinged when I got it, and while I didn't go around playing bumper cars on purpose, if I happened to bump into someone's car in the parking lot, I wasn't going to freak out. It doesn't really do anything in terms of damage. But in the Miata, on the other hand, I was very careful. We were leasing it, so there was that, but Ratbastid would kill me if I scratched it. Don't know if that helps in your situation, but getting a new car made me a much more careful driver. In parking lots, at least ;)

I'd say that you need to follow through with both positive and negative reinforcement. Rib her a little about it when you notice a new rub of paint on her bumper (but don't get angry; make it fun, but get the message across.) Mention it to her when you haven't seen any additional dings for a while. Let her know that you're occasionally watching her progress. And, perhaps, make her either clean off her bumper or pay once in a while to have the paint scratches washed off.

You let your wife drive?

Why?



*ducks flying Women's Rights protester*

hmm if anyone bumped into my car even at low speeds i'd be kinda pissed of, i feel it shows a lack of respect for other people property. its just like going around someones place for a drink and scratching their table without apologising or caring...u just don't do it!
Some people spend loads of money on their cars and may turn very angry if whoever did bump their car didn't appear to be empathetic or apologetic...
But maybe she just doesn't see it that way and treats the car as purely as a means to get from A to B...

Niiiiice. That'd be good advice if you were married to a 12-year-old or a cocker spaniel, but not so hot if your wife is an adult woman.

One day lurkette confessed all the stuff she's mowed down in parking lots (she's been pretty hard on the local shopping carts, as it turns out). I was completely flabbergasted. I suspect, sky_driver, that you have no idea the extent of her bumpiness. This is why lurkette has HER car, and I have MY car.

I guess I'm a little worried about somebody getting bumped by her and going off, but I'm pretty sure I can count on her innate cuteness to get her out of a jam.

well if someone just touches my bumper and does no damage... and i never know thats fine... but if theres any damage... and they dont even bother backing away... i might get upset and accidently confuse the R and D gears...
my car might not be worth that much monetarily... but I love my car... i worked a whole summer for it... and i dont want it dinged up by some other drivers carelessness...

*shrug* I thought it was good advice. If I were "being taught a lesson," I think I'd prefer it to be done in the way Bloodstick suggested, as opposed to most others.

Just because something is traditionally for kids, doesn't mean it won't work for adults either.

*edit* ok, i admit that might be going a bit too far :p

I'm going to have to go with World's King on this one. Whenever any of my female friends would drive me somewhere, I'd have my eyes closed the entire time, just so I wouldnt have a heart attack.

I'm sure there are plenty of good women drivers out there, but I guess I've had the misfortune of riding with none of them.

ah, my mother is the exact same way. She yelled at me when I first started driving for not shoulder checking, which I actually did, and she just glides into other lanes. I get scared sometimes.

My wife has never seriously bent any of our cars but she has put ding in them with skis, kayaks and who know what else. It used to bother me but I love my wife more than any car so now I truely don't care if the car gets bent. Afterall it is only a piece of cold steel. I can get another one any time I want.

She has never piled up a car and generally drives in a safer manner than me but I still get a bit nervous when I am in the passenger seat. Fortunately the only time I am in the pasenger seat it is because I have been drinking so I am more relaxed.

Be thankful that when someone a mile ahead of you puts on their brakes, and she slams on hers, she doesn't throw her arm in front of whoever is in the passenger seat and gasp really loudly.

Hopefully you will accumulate enough sensible comments in this thread to be able to print it out and show it to her. that way - we will speak for you and you won't get as much heat.

She needs to know that it is not acceptable to be "bumpy". Any driver should know where their car ends. Bumping says that she isn't in control of her car and/or that she doesn't really care. One of these times something bad might even happen, like your fuel pumb shutoff (too many g's and it disables the fuel pump) or airbag might go off. I would be pissed if someone bumped my new car.

I might try just having an earnest talk with her - tell her how concerned you are, etc. and be very nice, but serious.
Also, the problem can be that most women (from my experience) don't use any or many of their rear view side view mirrors. My wife has had three "accidents" in 15 years. They were ALL under the speed of 5mph. Once she is out of the parking lot she is basically ok. Not that I could EVER be in the right seat while she is driving - unless she's taking me to the hospital or something. Can't stand the way she drives. The value and appearance of your car can be diminished significantly from these minor bumps.

I'm pretty anal about my car, my "friend" decided it would be funny to park right up on my bumper, and well he scratched my bumper. So I thought it was pretty funny when I asked for his insurance. I consider myself a good driver, but I suck ass at parking. I have never hit any other cars **knock on wood** but come pretty close when some crappy parking jobs.

driving is a priviledge, not a right. if you can't be courteous and responsible, you have no right driving.

I live in Florida, USA, which is a mecca for retiring old people. It's crazy.

I really do have a problem with most female drivers. They just don't seem to care that they suck at it, and dont' seem to do anything to try and correct it. I drive a LOT, and I can say overwhelmingly that the times i ger cut off or someone just slides up ALMOST INTO ME from their lane because they didn't look, it's a female. It's really kind of ridiculous. If it were not that bad, there's no way i'd notice it's 9 out of 10, but it is. I give all female drivers extra room and watch them liek hawks when I'm driving near one. It pisses me off they care so little about the people around them.

That's what bumpers are for. Hence the name. Don't worry about it.

It comes down to RESPECTING OTHERS PROPERTY.

Seriously, people like her piss me off so bad it goes beyond my limit.

My truck is my baby, a beautiful cherry red, and I completly blow up when you get assholes that *bump* or *scratch* it and DONT FESS UP EVEN WITH A SIMPLE SORRY.

No offense, but what she does and that other first poster to the thread are just rude, inconsiderate, and downright selfish.

Respect other peoples property plain and simple.

Just because your ride may be shit, doesnt mean others is too.

And by all means show her mine, because I can GARUNTEE there are many MANY others like me on viewpoint.

The thing that concerns me about the incident you detail, is that she realized she "bumped" into the car and then left the cars pressed together. That action or inaction, however you please, indicates a pretty careless attitude about property. I have to believe that most people who own cars or have some vested financial interest (lease), are careful with their vehicles. Bumping into cars frequently, opening car doors, leaving shopping carts to roll about freely in a parking lot, all point to a self centered and careless driver. I hope these criticisms help you and your wife.

Re: Wife's driving habits
 

I'll give it to you straight.

You are both negligent for not finding the owner of the vehicle and owning up to what happened. That is completely irresponsible and and saddedn to think your kids might of seen her do that.

You ALMOST got in a fight over it? I'd of gone ape shit on my wife if she did that.

Further, you're scared of someone going crazy on her, eh? I would of. Especially if I saw her walk off from it, and more so if she attempted to drive away. Certain people, like me, love their cars as if it were a cherished pet. I'll be damned if I just let someone walk away after kicking my dog.

And if you would of run over to stop me from screaming at her, I would of made a FARK.com headline of myself and broke your jaw in a school parking lot. Then I would of turned to your kids and said, "see what happens?" right before the cops arrest me and tell me the same.

Print this message and take it to your wife. People like me can become unreasonably dangerous. Please. Thanks.

dont let her drive

That made me laugh and laugh.

With regards to the point in question, I have to admit I was surprised at how common this kind of thing was with a lot of American drivers. I know I'm probably going to get flamed for this.

When I am in the US I regularly see people ease into parking spots and keep moving until their bumper hits something (I believe you Americans call it a "fender?"). In other words they did this on purpose! I know not everyone does, but sheesh... some of them must be being taught this it was so common.

What's wrong with good old fashioned "visual distance estimation" (for want of a better term)? It's not as if parking spaces in the US are all that small. Shit, most of them are at an angle on streets anyway (at least in California where I spend most of my time). I shudder to think about some of the drivers I've seen trying parrallel parking.

Back to the specifics of this post, I can't really come up with any hard and fast recommendations. Maybe just explain it to her as you did to us?

"Honey, you can't do that. It's bad for the car, it's disrespectful of the other driver and most importantly, you'll get some road rage psycho all freaked out who will hurt you and the kids!"

If someone said something like that to me, I know I'd listen.


Mr Mephisto

That's because here in America, it takes virtually nothing to be able to get a driver's licence. If monkeys were a little taller, i'm sure they'd get them, too. As long as you can hold it together for 5 minutes in front of the DMV person testing you, and perform VERY BASIC tasks with your car, that's good enough in 95% of the country. It's really, really sad.

Make sure the car she is driving is a safe one - if she's that careless a driver and she's driving your kids around, that's the best thing you can do. Get her something substantial so they will all be safe if they are in an accident that involves more than a "bump".

WHen I ride with women (in general) Im on edge, and searching the road for anything going awry probably twice as hard as I do normaly. They dont do any one thing wrong, but, in general, women are very carefree about driving. They never seem like they are paying full attention to the road. This hows up in their driving a lot as well. Most women hug one line or the other, dont use mirrors nearluy enough, and are not real great at lining up on a parking spot. To name a few examples. And that scares the hell out of me.


How to get her to stop? I have no idea, usually they just bite your head off when you mention something.

Personaly, Ive never "Bumped" anything in my life.

I hate to sound like an old person here, but you would take away my right to get from point a to point b, because my depth perception is accurate tothe nearest 6" and not the nearest 2"? I admit it, I'm 21, and I've been in 2 "fender benders" (that's the phrase, Mephisto, and refer's to a small accident that results in only minor surface damage). Both in parking lots. both were my fault. one was an instance of someone darting behind me while i was backing out of a spot, the other was my fault, for driving an unfamiliar car and trying to park it from a bad angle. And I admit it. But that's no reason to decree "don't let her drive!" I haven't had an accident in 3 years, I'm a competent, responsible driver, and I've seen more men do stupid things (weave in traffic, speed in the fog) then women. Maybe you guys w/ the rice rockets and the porches who go 15 over the limit in the slow lane are hte ones who shouldn't be allowed to drive.

Yay Cheerios. There's a huge difference between being a dangerous driver and parking a little too close. If you're that in love with your car that you don't want it touched, go park at the back of the lot. I would never walk away from a car I had damaged at all, and I'm an otherwise safe driver. But you have to admit that a bit of wear and tear is part of the risk of owning a car. And it's just a machine that gets you from point A to point B, nothing worth getting in a fight over for god's sake.

I think it all boils down to style. I've run into a lot of poor drivers, men and women, but when it comes down to it, men drive with a certain style, and women with another. Both expect others to use their style and thus when you mix the sexes on the road, you've got conflicts of style.

However, I did once speak with a semi-driver who said young women/girls caused more semi to car accidents than anyone else. He near everytime he'd been cut off by a car who would then slam on the brakes right in front of him it was a young female.

My mother is a whole other problem...she sees herself as a pristine driver because she holds to way over-the-edge ultra-defensive driving methods. Problem is, she's so caught up being defensive and staring at what everyone else is doing she loses track of what she's doing and almost causes accidents herself...don't try and explain that to her though, she's perfect...

Ill readily admit, guys get in more real accidents. My point was simply the girls I KNOW, are scary drivers. The one chick cranks it over to soon, and swings the front end of her truck into a telephone pole. Im not saying that you shouldnt be able to drive, just pay attention. If your depth perception isnt that great, thats ok. But accept it, and compensate. If you can tell to 6 inches, leave yourself a foot.

Its not the ability that bothers me, its the fact that you [read: girls in my experience] dont pay attention, and compensate for wahtever short comings you may have.

This really goes for guys too.

If your reaction time is slow, back off, make room. But dont try to use that as an excuse later on.

Oh, and yes, we do speed, we do weave in and out. But we do it so often that we must be good drivers, becaise most of the time, we dont get in an accident! ;)

I coudn't agree more with the first part of your statement, however, I'n a bit confused by the parking at the back of the lot quip. It seems a bit over the top.

You are right about the wear and tear that an average vehicle suffers, however, is it reasonable for a parked car to suffer undue damage from low speed maneuvering or any other parking lot mishaps due to carlessness?

None of us should have to take special precautions in parking our vehicles. People should respect each others property.

Here's an example of people who did not:

So I'm sitting in a restaurant with my car parked just outside the window of the table I'm seated at. A brand new $50k car rolls up into the empty parking spot next to my newly detailed black car, which by the way is not inexpensive. Out jumps four adults all old enough to be my parents. They all kind of step back from their car to admire it because it's really a pretty car. Then one of them saddles over to my car and plants their butt on the hood and continues chatting away. I get up from my table, go outside and kindly ask the nice lady to please not sit on my car; she gives me a dirty look and moves away.

Even though this lady didn't damage my car in any way her careless attitude regarding other's property was appalling.

I think I'll park at the back of the lot from now on.

I respect you, but these seem a bit asinine. Part of the responsibility of owning/using a car is respecting other people's property and driving in a manner that is safe and appropriate.

If you can't park your car properly, <b>you</b> should park in the back of the lot until you can get a grip on your skills, however long that should take. Wear and tear is road grime, dust, dirt, gravel, mud, bugs, etc., not dings, scratches, and nicks careless people who can't properly pilot their cars leave behind.

And if your depth perception is good to 6" and not 2", then you give a foot, get out and check yourself, and adjust appropriately, not just keep going until you hit something.

OK, I always park at the back of the lot, against a curb, coz I got a new paint job and i'm sick of my doors getting banged up...why are there so many careless dumbshits in the world who open their doors into mine?!?! People who can't respect other people's property and park too close to the next car shouldn't be allowed to, uhhhhh, PARK!!!!

done ranting, back on topic


If I understand right, she hit some other car and didn't take much notice, because she was in too much of a hurry, and then after the fact did not care too much about whether there was any damage.

She may say she'll be more careful in the future, but that's not good enough.

She can say that, but it probably won't make any difference until she realizes what she's doing wrong.
She has to *learn* how to drive and park safely. Maybe you can try and help her out, who knows...

My car doesn't have a chrome bumper. It's not a big ass SUV with a push-bar. If anyone hit it in the lot, it would surely cause several hundred dollars worth of damage -- and if I saw them hit me and then try to ignore it, I'd probably go crazy...
I mean I'm not psycho but you would definitely witness a very angry, fearless hyena :) and I would hold her and her insurance accountable.

My best advice would be to help her learn to park more safely, and to realize it and take responsibility if she damages someone else's vehicle.

I'd just like to additionally add to this that I am HIGHLY disapointed in some you TFP members.

Your making it sound like its our fault that WE HAVE RESPECT for others vehicles, and we should tend to your inabilities to park right? Get Real. Shape up. Park right.

There is ZERO reason for us to be forced to park in far ass back lots since you ppl cant judge a simple 6 INCHES. No law ever said you HAD TO PARK THAT CLOSE TO ANYONE ANYWAYS.

Gah.. I'm ranting, but when it comes to driving this is somthing really irks me. To many people out there just dont give a shit and they need to be severly bashed across the head just to get the hint.

Also I have to add that 6 inches is WAY too close on *any* side of a vehicle.
Get a ruler, and draw a six-inch line. Hopefully you'll see what I'm talking about.
That's just too close!!

Listen, I understand about respecting people's property, and I'm much more careful now than I used to be. I'm not trying to justify bonking other people's cars, but I am saying it's a fact of life - accidents happen - and nothing to get so bent out of shape about that you would start a fight with someone over it. That's all. It's a car, an object, a tool. I'm willing to compromise on this one and say I should be more careful and more respectful, but the rest of you who would go batshit over a tiny scratch on your beautiful bumper need to get some perspective.

Those of you with this "6 Inch rule" should try parking in NYC. There's no such thing as 6 Inches between ANY car in NYC. It's not possible, and it's a waste of space.

Maybe those of you who do feel that your car is that precious should either GLOOPSTICK your car (there's lots of companies that make clear coat film), or don't use it as a daily driver.

I don't go around driving my car like a bumper car, but there's something to be expected when you take your "baby" out of the garage and into the world.

[EDITED] Accidents are situations outside of your control to prevent. This can be due to any factor, but are absolutely unpreventable. <i>Props to krwlz for pointing out my error.</i>[/EDITED] Accidents are <b>not</b> driver error, or someone simply creeping forward until they feel a bump in the parking lot, or just being careless about parking accuracy. As far as distance goes, 6 inches is pointless. As long as you can get close but not touch, it makes no difference how far away the bumper ends up.

Analog, I gota disagree with you. Poorly times/executed manuvers are not accidents. Mistakes perhaps, but not accidents. Accidents are anything that you had no control whatsoever over.

If you are doing an approproate speed, and a deer jumps in front of your car 5 feet away from you, and the deer was hidden by hedgerow... Thats an accident.

Otherwise, its driver error.

Its too bad they dont investigate "car accidents" the same way they do "Airplane accidents". 99% of the plane accidents are attributed to pilot error. I think that car accidents are the same way.

I absolutely agree with everything you said. I mistyped, I think. I meant that it was poor timing (5 seconds before you hit a dear) or poor execution (not turning away FAST enough)- but that was out of your control. That's why i had the line "Accidents are things that happen outside of your control due to road conditions/lack of response time" which came directly after it. I should have phrased it differently, my apologies... I will go back and change it now.

Yes, driver error is a major problem, and thank you for pointing that out.

apologies, guys, I pulled the 6" number out off my ass. ;) as far as bad parking goes, I don't wanna give it to men, OR women... I wanna give it to f'in SUV DRIVERS!!! I have NEVER seen one of those buggers park well. they pretty much HAVE to end up on one line or the other because of the atrocious turn radius's which means if I was parked CENTERED in my little parking stall, and they pull up I have enough room to get to my car if i turn sideways and suck it in. get an SUV on both sides and well... good luck getting back in your car! *glare* plus, the damn things are impossible to see around!!!

&lt;/done ranting&gt;

Here's a suggestion that might help your wife be better able to control the car and more careful. There are many difference courses for drivers to hone their skills. When you report them to the insurance company you can often get a discount on your policies as well - especially if you have ANY tickets on your record. Yu could suggest that both of you take the course together. I will be good for both of you and it won't hurt her pride like if you asked her to take it alone.

Just to make a point. I do not have any tickets - while hubby has many and I have not been in any accidents (where I was driving) besides being rear ended by another woman and she was "at fault" in that one. I am a fairly careful driver. I do realize that I have to be careful to concentrate. Many women tend to multi-task often. It is one thing we cannot do when driving.

Hear hear. To the people that think it's no big deal. . . ok, fine, it's no big deal to YOU. It IS a big deal to other people and you should respect that. Maybe you don't care much about whether your car gets scratched up or not, but many people do. I'm sure YOU have something YOU care about. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if I took a knife and scratched up your diningroom table. Personally, I don't care about tables. As long as they're horizontal and level enough that my soup stays in the bowl, that's good enough for me. Does that mean I shouldn't respect your table when I come to your house?

It's extremely selfish to say "well *I* don't care what *my* car looks like and therefore I don't have to avoid damaging *other people's* cars."


And to the people that think that if I love a car so much I shouldn't drive it daily. Well, yeah, that's pretty much what I do. The good car stays garaged a lot while the crappy car gets driven, because the good car is rare, expensive, and basically irreplacable. I've put a lot of money and time into it. Isn't it a shame that people are so thoughtless that I have to garage that car most of the time just to keep other people from wrecking it?

This thread started out as a bad driver thread (and let's face it. If you can't figure out where the hell your hood ends, you're a bad driver) but really the core issue is respect and responsibility - something Americans largely lack.

Bash up someone's car? That's OK. As long as they didn't see you, you can leave without suffering any consequences. Cashier give you a $20 instead of a $10 for change? No biggie. It's a bonus for you! Never mind that she has to make up for that extra $10 at the end of her shift and that if it happens too often she gets fired. Who cares, you just got $10!

We like to call the 80's the "me" generation. Well I say that's crap, 'cause it didn't end when Reagan left office. Very few people care about ANYTHING other than what makes their personal lives better, and damn the consequences to everyone around them. That's why drought-stricken areas always have the one asshole with a perfectly green lawn - he's violating the water rationing rules because HE wants what HE wants and screw everyone else.

People who cut you off in traffic aren't ignorant. They know better. They just don't give a damn. They want to be where they want to be, and YOU can by-god adjust to allow it.

The past 3 decades (80's thru the 00's) have been the "screw you" years, and this "bumping" problem in this thread is just another example of it. If you don't care about your car, that's fine. Run it into your other car if you want, but keep it the hell away from MY car.

There's a huge difference between willfully damaging someone else's property, and accidentally bumping someone's car while parking. ACCIDENTALLY. If you happened to scratch my dining room table, and didn't mean to, I wouldn't get into a fight over it or insist that you pay for refinishing it. Shit happens. And if I ever actually damaged someone's car (and touching their bumper is well short of "wrecking" someone's car) I'd take care of it. It's not like we go careening around the parking lot looking for shiny things to dent, and then giggle and go "oopsie!". And it's a far cry from creeping a little too far forward to cutting people off in traffic to short-changing hapless cashiers to the downfall of polite civilization as we know it. And you've got a lot of nerve assuming that because once in a while someone bumps a BUMPER that they are automatically a selfish, thoughtless person. GET A FUCKING GRIP!!!

They let a 16 year old drive in this country. Nothing traffic-related surprises me anymore.

I'm sure driving schools have extended courses for those who need further teaching on how to drive in a safe and non-destructive fashion. Perhaps she could benefit from such a course.

well, I'm not looking for a fight here, but #1 sky_driver's wife probably DID damage the car - you might not see it, but unless her car is made out of marshmallow, she most likely damaged the clearcoat, which is the protectant for the paint, which can and will lead to paint chipping, etc. #2 if I hit someone's car, I would leave a note explaining what happened and how to contact me. Did she do that? #3 you're saying you're careful with the miata 'cause Ratbastid will "kill" you if you scratch it. Well, if you can scratch the miata by bumping into a car in the parking lot, it stands to reason that the other car can and will get scratched as well. It would therefore behoove us to be careful in parking lots.

I also note with interest that only when you got something *you* cared about (the miata) did you correct your behavior. That indicates that you KNEW it was wrong to begin with but since (in your own words) your car was "ugly" and had dings already, you didn't care about it so you didn't bother correcting the issue. In other words, only when the damage would effect you personally did you stop bumping into things. That DOES point to the problem of "me" and "screw you" we are having in society, because it's the same attitude shared by the majority of people out there.

That's great! Unfortunately, that didn't happen at the school, according to the original poster. They both just walked in without leaving a note. That's not taking care of the problem.

BTW, if I had a problem with scratching other people's tables with knives, I'd stop using knives around their tables until I had acquired the skills necessary to avoid making the knife and table intersect. I'd also TELL them if I scratched their table, and <i>insist</i> on paying to have it fixed. Again, according to the thread starter, this didn't happen when she bumped the car at the school.

Sure, if someone bumps into my car by accident, I'm not gonna beat the crap out of 'em or anything. I will expect them to pay for the repair, however, and if they try to skulk off without admitting to what they did, I'll get pissed. I will also get irritated if I find out they bump into stuff routinely and have never bothered to learn how to avoid it. Seriously, WTF? Driving without hitting stuff is not rocket science. It'd take about 10 minutes MAX of practice to figure out where the corners of your car are. If you're bumping stuff regularly, why the hell wouldn't you take that 10 minutes to permanently stop the problem? If for some reason someone just can't figure it out, they sell products that tell you when you're getting close to something. Perhaps that would be a good investment for the driving-challenged.

I'm not saying you or anyone else is bad or evil. It's just a fact of society today that we have been conditioned to not care about stuff unless it personally effects us. It's a societal problem that needs correcting, IMHO, but I don't see that happening any time soon :/

Lurkette, I love your posts generaly but your missing the point. Bumping someone car is something you have control over. Its not an accident. Pay attention, or park where there are no other cars. Thats all everyone is getting at.

Yes, it's something I have control over, but so is stepping on someone's foot in a grocery store (watch where you're going), or bumping into someone in a hallway, or spilling wine on someone's pants, all of which are the result of carelessness. Forgive me for being pedantic:

ACCIDENT:
1 a : an unforeseen and unplanned event or circumstance b : lack of intention or necessity : CHANCE <met by accident rather than by design>
2 a : an unfortunate event resulting especially from carelessness or ignorance b : an unexpected and medically important bodily event especially when injurious <a cerebrovascular accident> c : an unexpected happening causing loss or injury which is not due to any fault or misconduct on the part of the person injured but for which legal relief may be sought

Even if it could be prevented, it's still an accident. I have no intention of damaging someone's car.

Am I careless? Sometime, yes.
Should I be more careful? Yes.
Is it the end of the world if I am not? No.
Are all of you who would cry if your car got scratched perfect? No.
Am I a bad bad horrible rotten person who should have her driver's license taken away because she has upon 3 or 4 occasions in her 14 years of driving crept too far into a parking spot and admitted it? I would say no.

I'm not missing the point, or defending my driving. I'm simply pleading for a bit of perspective. You all are acting like it should be a misdemeanor, and people who bump bumpers are responsible for all rudeness and strife in the world and should be taken out and horsewhipped if they don't fall on the ground weeping and plead for forgiveness.

Listen, I NEVER defended what I did. I simply admitted that I have bumped people's cars, and that I started being a lot more careful when I realized that people give a shit if their car gets scratched. I was giving advice to the original poster about what worked to make me more cognizant. And then all of a sudden people are saying I'm negligent, a rotten driver, they'd beat the shit out of someone who bumped their car, and that I'm an example of the selfishness rampant in our society. I'm not defending anything, simply saying that you're all loony for going off the deep end on this one.

There's a difference between saying "People who bump cars are blameless" which is what I'm NOT saying...

...and "So someone bumped your car. Get over it" which is what I AM saying.

I'm not arguing about the rightness or wrongness of parking skills, I'm arguing about the ridiculousness of getting bent out of shape over this.

Nothing is an accident. It is called a collision. Fault can always be found. Didn't see the deer at night? You were outdriving your headlights. Slid in some ice and crashed? You should know the weather conditions. Brakes failed and you ran over a pedestrian? Your car should be in good mechanical condition. Hit a car in a parking lot? You should know the size of your car. People always think that an accident is simply an accident. It is not. You or someone else is at fault, and you take that risk and responsibility when you turn the ignition in your car.
Fortunately for me, my wife is even more protective of our cars that I am. We also park in parking lots defensively to avoid all of the assholes that are out there, and we have yelled at sloppy people before.

Interesting thread.

I've been obsessing over getting a MINI for the past month, and when I took my car out of the parking garage in NYC I noticed a deep scratch & gouge in my new bumper (I was rear ended last year and it was replaced) it was not hit once but twice while parked in the parking garage. Those of you in NYC know that they are tight spots here. So it got me thinking of this thread and just how I would feel if I had my new MINI...

and it made me think that I didn't want the car because of some one else's carelessness. So I continued the thought for 24 hours. I would deprive myself of something that I wanted because I made other lifestyle choices like living in Manhattan. No sirree!!! I got out of that funk and decided. It's just a car. It's just like anything else that I have. It's going to get ding'd scratched bumped. If I can't accept that it will happen to it, then I won't ever own a car that I want or care about.

And if I did that... then the careless people have won...

Sure, it's nothing to get in a fight over, but come on Lurkette, it is common respect for someone's property we are talking about. It isn't about men or women being better drivers, or people who speed in the slow lane. This thread is simply about respecting someone else's property. If someone bumped my truck and owned up to it, I wouldn't be upset. If I saw them do it and they just up and left the scene, I would definitely have an issue with it and I would confront them in a courteous manner. You are right in saying that a bit of wear and tear is to be expected. If you were in traffic Lurktte, and someone behind you accidentally bumped you a bit, then sped off without a second thought, would you still have the same viewpoint, or is it reserved for a parked car, and why?

You HAVE?? Hadn't noticed!! ;)

Actually, that very thing happened. We were at a stoplight, and felt a "bump!" The car behind us had bumped us, very gently, and I could see the driver in the rearview mirror. She had her hands over her face peeking out between her fingers, and mouthed "sorry" at us. Ratbastid and I laughed, waved at her, and drove off when the light turned green. If she hadn't looked sorry, we probably would have scowled about it, but I wouldn't have gotten out of the car and ranted and raved. Wouldn't even have gotten out of the car at all - it was a gentle tap, couldn't have done any damage to speak of, no big deal and not worth ruining my day or hers. So perhaps that sheds some light on why I'm having such a hard time understanding why some people get very upset about it.

Yes. Just what I was saying. You're local DMV should probably have a list of good driving courses. They will help you be more defensive and more careful and considerate.

Me I park in the back of the lot often. I don't have a great looking car - It's either our 92 pontiac or 97 Olds. Neither are expensive really. I figure the walk (Unless it's exceptionally miserable weather) does me good and gives me excercise. With my pontiac - it's a two door and you know how wide those doors go when you open them. I'm always draggin 1-3 kids out of the car as well and you know they tend to grab the doors and can bang them against other cars. I park away from the other cars because I want to avoid damaging another's car and it's juts plain easier to get in and out of the car when there aren't others very close to you. I hate it when I have my pontiac and someone parks so incredibly close that I have to slide into my door sideways just to keep from banging their car with my door. It's times like those when I'm sooooo tempted to... Uh ya know.

Lurkete your right, stepping on someones foot is more or less the same. You know what though? I get pissed when someone steps on my foot. Same for wine on my pants, and just about everything else like that.

Why? Because it shouldnt be my reponsibity to deal with it. It wasnt my fault, and yet there it is... a dent and a scratch on my car. Now I have to deal with something that resulted of someone elses negligence. That pisses me off.

Would I say your an evil person? Absolutly not. Would I say you shouldnt be able to Drive? Probably not, but I have never seen you drive, so I cant judge.

Would I be pissed, and probably yell, and get in your face if it was my car and I saw it? Almost definatly.

This goes out to everyone in the world. Keep your carelessness, and negligence to yourself. WHen you spill wine on your pants, or bump into something at your house, I couldnt care less.

But affect my property, and it angers me. Like raeanna74 said, if you might have a problem, park at the back.

lurkette -- Thanks for sticking with this thread, I certainly don't want to sound like I'm attacking you and I'm interested in your point of view. Would your reaction be the same, if there was damage, and she didn't stop or seem sorry about it? If someone hit your Miata, it would almost surely damage at least the paint and maybe more, since it doesn't really have a bumper.

I drive an RX7 which is similar to the Miata but larger, and it doesn't have a bumper. I just got it out of the paint shop, which cost me approx. $2000. If someone were to hit it, the paint repair would cost me a few hundred dollars. Can you see why I'd be angry if someone damaged my car through carelessness and didn't take responsibility for it, leaving me to foot the bill?

In contrast, last year I got rid of my '87 Buick POS. It had a real bumper, and was a real bucket anyway, so I could care less if someone dinged it, or backed into it, but if someone was driving carelessly and hit it, I'd probably be angry that they were not paying attention and putting other vehicles and people at risk. It would surely cause injury if you were to hit a pedestrian with the same force it would take to damage the bumper on that car.

Thanks - it's felt a little like 'dogpile on lurkette' but I really brought it on myself. And keep coming back for more, oddly ;)

[quote]Would your reaction be the same, if there was damage, and she didn't stop or seem sorry about it? If someone hit your Miata, it would almost surely damage at least the paint and maybe more, since it doesn't really have a bumper.[quote]

That might have been a different story - hard to tell, but you're right, I probably wouldn't have been as laid back about it if I had suspected it did some damage.

I can see why you'd be angry...I guess what I didn't realize is that people would actually PAY to have little scratches repaired - I just leave 'em. Then again, I live in the south where rust is not an issue. If I lived up north where snow and salt on the road are an issue, again, it might be a different story.

Thank's for being patient with me :)

Bumping other cars without a care is rude and demonstrates a certain ineptitude on the part of the driver, but is it worth getting wound up over? Probably not.

Where I live, it is impossible to keep a car showroom pretty. If I stressed about scratches, bumps, dings and dents, I'd never think about anything else. There are too many of us in too many cars, too much road work, too many big trucks and, the least of the concerns, people generally don't care about the property of others. That's not even considering the rocks thrown up that ruin your windshield, little junior flinging open his mom's giant SUV door and leaving its paint on yours as a special present, or the errant shopping cart. Sure, having your car beat up is frustrating, but being realistic and keeping life in perspective can cut down on the stress. Cars are meant for getting people from point A to point B. That's it. End of story. Like it or not, sky_driver's wife is doing that, in her own bumpy way. :)

txlovely said:
Cars are meant for getting people from point A to point B. That's it. End of story. Like it or not, sky_driver's wife is doing that, in her own bumpy way.

Uh, actually, cars are meant for whatever the vehicle owner wants it to be. For you, you can let your car turn into a beater. My wife and I take care of or two nice cars. We also have a shitbox, my 87 mazda rx7. I bought it as a beater, and it will probably stay a beater. But that does not mean that I trash other cars with it. I have huge doors because it is a 2 door, but I am very careful to never open my car into another's door, even if it means wiggling my 250 lb body through a narrow door opening. This does not mean that I will attack someone for hitting my car. Simply admit it was your fault and pay for the repairs, and everything will be hunky-dory. Be a big boy or girl. If I catch you trying to drive away, I will report you as a hit-and-run. If someone stole your wallet with 500 or 800 dollars in it, you would call the police. But people think nothing of causing that same dollar value in damage to someone's car and walking away. That is criminal.

Man this is a pretty darn good conversation. I am kind of in the middle as far as things go. Little "bumps" that do nothing don't really bother me but if in fact I saw someone bumb a car and then just leave I'd be a tad bit angrier. Really it comes also down to the fact that everyone else has said. Personal property, some that people pay for with, yes, their hard earned cash despite the looks some take very personally. I remember a friend who had bought a older car that was pretty crappy in hindsight, but he took it very seriously if anyone did anything to it. Why? Because he paid for it through sweat and uhh maybe tears.

I also have to agree though that when someone elses negligence is at fault for my new design on my door I get angry. Also, I do drive an SUV...and my parking is usually pretty darn good.

Lastly maybe this belongs in a different topic but I have a question. I know guys can be pretty reckless, but it seems to me that all the girls I know drive much more recklessly (I.E. Lead foot and little attention paid to everyone around them as well as poor judgement in wintery weather). I live in MN so it can get ugly weather wise. IT just seems to me guys do dumb things willingly but girls do some crazy ass things in the car and still think its safe!?

Maybe its a change in attitude for the sexes. Girls want to prove that they can do just as many stupid things as guys can. Casual sex, drinking, bad driving, tattoos, etc... "You don't have a license on stupidity, us girls can be just as stupid".

Thanks for all the comments. I guess I should have said in my origional post that there was no damage to the other car, and we did find out who owned the the car and told them. They came out, looked at their bumper and agreed that there was no damage. And, my wife said she will be more careful.

Of course, we could just be like Saudi Arabia and not let our women drive. Then we won't have to worry about them.

thanks for checking in sky_driver -- your thread has taken a life of its own!! :D Great to hear that you actually did find the owner. It's been interesting to hear different people's point of view, but I gotta admit I'm still firm in my opinion. It really comes down to just being safe, and respecting other peoples' property; driving with appropriate caution, whether you're in the parking lot, around other cars or even pedestrians, or on the road.

Yes, I would say that this was integral information! Good for you and your wife for having respect for the other person's property. I'd bet she was embarassed enough to be more careful. :)

[removed] Seriously. As a motorcyclist, the worst time of the roads is after school, when people who think like you, or their wives, are on the roads. If you or your wife can't drive properly then STAY THE HELL OFF THE ROAD.

If is not OK to take the attitude that the appropriate response to being an incompetant driver is to buy a bigger car so you can kill people more effectively.

One of the more entertaining stories I heard on the disrespect fron came from a workmate; his brother has a bike. It seems a while back he was parked in a metered car park; he'd put the money in the meter and wandered off. When he came back, some dickwad was manhandling his bike.

When he enquired politely what was going on (without letting on it was his bike), the dickwad explained that the bike was in the carpark, and he was moving it out of the road. Brother points out that the bike is, in fact, legally parked and the meter is, in fact, paid up.

Dickwad says words to the effect of "so what, it's just a bike" and continues wrestling. At this point, brother, rather than doing is nut, waits for dickwad to look the appropariate direction, slips into dickwad's car which is stopped, in the middle of the road, with the keys in, and drives around the block, then walks back to his bike.

Dickwad is panicking, "my car has been stolen!"

No, says brother. It's just been moved somewhere else. Kind of like you're moving my bike.

OK, now you do need to get a grip. If someone steps on my foot an apologises, I'm not going to yell at them. That's just absurd. And if someone whose foot I stood on started yelling abuse at me, as you indicated you might, well, they'd get something not dissimilar in response.

I take care not to stand on people's feet, and I also take care to accept an apology with a modicum of grace. People who can't do the latter are as much a pack of arseholes as people who can't be bothered with the former, and just as responsible for the degenration of civil society.

I didnt say Id yell because someone stepped on my foot, but I wouldnt be happy.

Also, my foot is not my biggest investment in my life. For most people their car is the second biggest investment. I dont have a house, so for me, its the biggest. Kinda pisses one off to have that fucked with.

My wife is a terrible driver. Mostly just close calls, but she drives too fast, doesn't pay attention, ignores traffic signs and the like. I have tried everything to try and get her to drive better, with no luck. Now if she is driving I just try and to stay calm and pray she doesn't kill us.

You missed my point entirely. First of all, I live in Texas and not only do I probably drive more miles daily than you drive in a month, but I have to drive them in the pickup truck/SUV capital of the world! It is a very dangerous place and my car, although not tiny, is no match for the duellies that fly past me going 80 down the expressway. Who's to say who can and can't drive properly? I see people who, without their cell phones jammed in their ear, would likely be "proper" drivers. Now make those people soccer moms with three boucing darlings in the car, add a cell phone and put her behind the wheel of a Ford Excursion or an H2 (and no, before I'm attacked, I'm not singling out soccer moms - it can just as easily be a soccer dad on a cell phone swerving in and out of his lane), and let me assure you, God is the only one who can help you. Lots of Houston motorcyclists ride only on weekends in the suburbs and on country roads because if you take your Harley out in Houston traffic, be prepared to die. It's not bumped bumpers you're worrying about, it's your brains being splattered across five lanes. Most have signed the back of their driver's licenses making their wishes known regarding their stance on organ donation. Do I think that's fair or right? NO!

It's easy to rant and rave about drivers because we all see/know/are (you know who you are!) drivers who suck and, as is prerequisite, esp. in America, we love our vehicles. The original point was lost and frankly, when sky_driver enlightened us with the fact that he and his wife were accountable for her bump, the thread was over. No, it is not okay to damage someone's property and unless you're Donald Trump the investment you have in your car is very meaningful, but most importantly your life is more meaningful than your car. No one on this thread has advocated the destruction or even the minor defacing of a vehicle OR the fact that a bigger vehicle is the answer to a poor driver. Personally, I think we should all have to take a driving test every time we renew our license and that cell phone usage while driving should be outlawed.

Let's add a different twist - think of all the poor uninsured saps driving around who should be wearing corrective lenses but can't afford them. Chew on that little thought for a while. Maybe that's a whole new thread... :(

No advice, but that's probably the funniest thing I've heard in a while. *Chuckle*

Why don't you buy her one of those aftermarket electronic distance measuring alarms.

Put one on the front and one on the back. This way when she gets to within 12" or so (allowing for time to stop to 0") the alarm will sound and she will hit the brakes.

Simple.

I have found that most women my age cannot drive with any real skill whatsoever. I find my mothers driving to be downright sickening, and I would prefer to drive over ride with any of my female friends. I know 3 women who have been in major wrecks, while only one guy has managed to ruin a car. Most women can't drive.