clavus

Once again, I agree with Liquor Dealer. Rather than trying to rewrite what he said in my own words, let me give you two examples of good marriages -

1) my folks. Mariied since 1965 or so. They are best freinds and having adventures together. Thery are very much in love.

2) My wife and me. Married 8 years. Sometimes its not easy, but its definitely one of the best decisions I've ever made.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

yournamehere

I can't add much to the honest testimonials already given, but I would like to add my voice to the happily married men of this community. The three most important elements of my marriage = honesty, communication, and respect. I wouldn't trade her for anything - after all, she puts up with me, and that's saying a lot.

__________________
If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

G_Whiz

My answer will be similar to Liquor Dealer's since my wife and I also got married in 1967. In those 36 years there have been good times and bad. We fought, loved and have remained best friends during that period.

Once word of advice: Expect to work at making the marriage work. Marriage is not a relationship that just works because you love each other at the time of the ceremony. For me it has been the most serious relationship that I ever committed to. We made a choice to spend our lives together. We have had to work to make sure it happened. We've managed through 2 children and a bankruptcy. Now we're into 3 grandchildren and still working on our relationship.

BTW, I am not surprised to see the skeptical voices here too. If it doesn't work, it can do really ugly things to your life. You need to be aware of the chances you're taking.

It's your decision as to whether it is worth the effort you'll need to put in and the risks that you are taking. All I can say is I wouldn't have changed my decision for anything in the world.

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If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

eyeronic

Uh, you're not married if you're wife's a corpse, WK. Then again, maybe that is the best kind of marriage... ...if you're a sick fucking necrophiliac.

Damn, I think World's King fucks dead people.

You should really get help for that, buddy.

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I hold with those that favor fire.

eyeronic

Also, it seems to be a dead wife joke, not a dead husband joke.

=[img]http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0TwDjAuQYFvxa2TIIpZOmfUVjwfKWr9ITK0UWoGpiccl9kyfl5X1SbC2g6ZqoEaqRUG0UMeq*1FCTWKg3HxeoaavyUZ9G4NpKSRTEEC*zRajrGJrC*3l8cw/handicapped250.jpg?dc=4675419860199271247[/img]

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I hold with those that favor fire.

cheezhead

yes sometimes

Spanky Johnson

My wife and I have been happily married for 15 years (16 years Aug. 1). We haven't had any serious problems to speak of, and unlike a lot of married people we know we can actually stand the sight of each other.

One thing I would advise is to do some serious soul searching about the nature of your relationship. Is it mostly a sexual attraction, or is this someone you would enjoy being with even if there was no possibility of sex? Looks fade, sexual attraction fades, and the frequency of sex itself is likely to diminish as the years go by. I think a lot of marriages go bad when all that stuff starts to fade away and people realize that just because they had the hots for each other at one time didn't necessarily mean they were compatible for a lifetime of marriage. It sounds corny but it's really true -- the best marriages really are based primarily on friendship.

MilleniumZeus

This is so true! I agree 100%. My marriage sucks and I have two children. I love her and I have no idea how to fix my marriage. She does not communicate with me well. Good marriage take a lot of work!!!

bfresh

It sounds like you're living my life...there was a time, prekids, when we could communicate. For some reason I think Barney and/or the Teletubbies have this "melting" effect on the adult brain.
But I couldn't agree with you any more, it takes a lot of work and twice as much patience

eyeronic

So here's another question:

How do you avoid letting kids ruin your marriage?

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I hold with those that favor fire.

thenewguy

I have to voice loud, boisterous, obnoxious disagreement with this. I used to believe it too - used to think that people who said "we don't fight" were full of shit. Not true.

My 2nd wedding anniversary will be in September. We started dating in May of '99. We have never, I repeat NEVER had a fight (or an argument or whatever you want to call it).

We disagree, to be sure, but I've never said something I regretted enough that one statement (apology, explanation) didn't correct the situation.

Never.

Don't believe this crap about 'well, you'll argue from time to time, just get used to it' because it's not true. Not to say that there's anything wrong with it, mind you, just that it's not a requirement.

And one piece of advice/experience: One key to a happy, succesful relationship is to do the work on yourself you need to do and encourage your partner to do the same. Two whole, complete, happy people create a whole, complete, happy relationship. Therapy is good.

blkdmnd

BWAAAHAHAHAHA!

Classic WK humor! And it is a JOKE (funny as hell, I might add).

eyeronic,

Main Entry: 1wid·ow
Pronunciation: 'wi-(")dO
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English widewe, from Old English wuduwe; akin to Old High German wituwa widow, Latin vidua, Sanskrit vidhavA, Latin -videre to separate
Date: before 12th century
1 a : a woman who has lost her husband by death and usually has not remarried

I think this reads dead 'husband'.

I won't try to explain the rest of the joke.

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I blow my nose at you. Now go away before I taunt you a second time.

Psycoman

I have been happily married for 6 years this July. This has been the best 6 years of my life. My birthday is July 13th (Thursday, not Friday) My wifs is July 11th. Our anniversary is on July 12th. This makes us both Cancers. Our household is what I lovingly call an emotional shipwreck. When we fight, it is with a fervor that is extreme to say the least. We never get abusive in our fights, we keep it on the level of venting our frustrations. When we LOVE!!!! Well, going into detail on that would turn this post into a trashy romantic novel.

The important thing that my wife and I learned was that you cannot expect to change something about the other person. If there are unresolved problems when you go into a marriage, these problems will go and fester like an untreated infection. Solve the problems when they come up. Compromise, that is the most important thing to remember. You both have to compromise. If you have strong doubts before you get married, then there are unresolved issues. Solve them or do not get married.

I hope this will help.

Enjoy

neoinoakleys

I have been married for only 2 years, but I must admit I am VERY HAPPY.

I was very happy just dating and having flings, but you can't do that forever. I think I have gotten all those wild urges out of my system now....

I think that you should get married once you can look back and not feel like you missed out on something. This is when you are ready to settle down...

just my 2 cents....

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It's My Duty to Please That Booty!!

Liquor Dealer

Damn! My son and my two grandsons are what have made life worth living for us. I can't possibly see how kids could ruin a marriage. I believe that some people have children thinking that it will hold a marriage together that is in the process of going down the tubes - In this instance you have one naive person breeding a stupid person and the result is going to be a child that neither one of them want - don't do that to a child. If you both don't want children - or if you honestly believe that "kids ruin your marriage" do the whole world a favor - don't have any.

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Life isn't always a bowl of cherries, sometimes it's more like a jar of Jalapenos --- what you say or do today might burn your ass tomorrow!!!

boatguy234

00

yabobo

I'm going on twenty years, raised three kids got one back with child, oh well.

sex is rare but still feels great. I want it once a day she wants it once a month. go figure.

The day before we were married in 1983 was my last BLOWJOB!

__________________
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

bfresh

No no no, kids don't ruin a marriage. I love my kids and I love my wife, at this moment in time we are living in different "worlds" so we are both having some problems w/ our communication.
I work full time and she works double full time at home w/ the kids. And you shouldn't make the children think that they are the problem, I lived w/ that for years after my parents divorced, having them fight back and forth (for a good 24+ years) until I realized that everything was their own damage..
Now my sister-in-law, who was (and still is) having problems in her marriage decided that if she had a child everything in the world would be set right. She didn't understand that kids are not some magical solution, that they both actually needed to work out their problems; now it looks like she maybe staying at my house this summer...oh lord help me.

rockogre

Without the kids I don't know if we would have had a marriage. It was only when the kids left that we discovered that they were about all we had in common.

Man, you can't beat kids, well you can but you shouldn't. They are an amazing addition to your life.

__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

william

My parents were married almost 30 years before my father died. My mother loved him through a lot of stuff (including being paralyzed).
I was married before, but it didn't work (I wanted a military life, she didn't; irony - Clinton's cutbacks cost me my career [too late]). There have been ups and downs, until I've met my latest (going on 3 years).
You want to ask other's advice; but here's the thing: How do YOU honestly feel about her? Do you honestly love each other?That last question is the only one that matters. I'm not saying you can't look-that's natural. But at the end of it all - do you truly want to be together?

Minx

Although I am a serious romantic at heart and would gladly marry (hard part is finding that significant other) I think this sums it up for me.....
A little girl is attending a wedding with her parents.
"Mommy why is the bride wearing white?" she asks
"That's because it's the happiest day of her life." is the reply.
"Then why is the groom wearing black?"

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm....

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You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

apetaster

Going on three years, and there is no way I could possibly be any happier. She's my best pal, and somehow it takes no effort for either of us - it's a neat little dovetail thing we have going on. Good luck eyeronic.

eyeronic

I am an idiot.

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I hold with those that favor fire.

snafu

i've been married for 2 years now. the best thing that happened to me.

small tip: don't make the mistake to think you can change your or her behavior. that will never happen.

hrdwareguy

I'm happily married. Of course we all have our "what were you thinking when you did that" moments but hey. No complaints here.

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Gun Control is hitting what you aim at

Aim for the TFP, Donate Today

anotherperson

OK that makes me and I'm sure very many other people very envious! There seem to be so many people in marriages where companionship, enjoyment of the company and generally everything is great except for the sex. I've been looking around on the web for a while and cant find any forums where there are loads of people, like yourself, saying that they are in long term (over 4 years) happy marriages where the sex is "red hot" - I really need to know more about this - what does "red hot" mean to you? How are you managing not to get bored with the same person every day? What do you do to keep the interest up? Please give us some clues so we may all benefit from your good fortune.

Merlocke

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - great book that saved my relationship.

Been together since 1996 - married since 2004. There are always ups and downs. Good times and bad.
First kid - 6 months ago. Best thing that's ever happened to me. It's a happy life as long as the communication is good. It's a horrible life when the communication breaks down. Just keep up the talking and the sex life, and all will be well.

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-=[ Merlocke ]=-

Moriarty

without reading previous responses I will say that Yes, I am a happily married man. My wife is incredibly understanding and the person I trust most in this world

grumpyolddude

I've been happily married for over 10 years. Of course, I've been married for 29 years in total.... that's the joke.

Seriously, after 29 + years, I am very happy to be married to QW, and she claims to feel the same about me. It hasn't all been roses and red hot sex, but there has been quite a bit of that. And, she's my very best friend and strongest supporter. I love her more than I ever believed I had to give.

It all clicked when I abandoned my selfishness. Until then, I can't say whether I was truly committed. I often wondered why I wasn't getting what I thought I wanted and deserved out of marriage. Sex was about me, money was about me, everything was me, me, me. I was emotionally immature and I'm lucky QW stuck with me until I grew up. Now, together, we have as much fun and joy as we can handle... plus some red hot sex... maybe not quite as frequently as when we were younger, but it's still there when we want it

It's easy to start out feeling happy about being married. Long term shared happiness is something you grow into.

__________________
"Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard

Suave

It's not marriage that ruins your life, it's kids.

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"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

special_k_77

Is it just me or did this topic get picked back up 5 and a half years later?

bobby

"My Old Lady" and I just celebrated 42 years.....wow!

xoxoxoo

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"Life goes on,within you,and...with out you !" xoxoxoo

ratbastid

Not just you. And he did it by quoting me, and I have NO idea where to start to respond to his question.

snowy

I'm pretty sure your idea of "red hot" would burn many with jealousy.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Deltona Couple

Been with my wife for 11 years now and wouldn't change a thing. She is a terrific mother, a wonderful wife, and a great friend. We do everything together whenever we can. You know the old saying that two people can't be together 24/7 and make it work? Well me and my wife worked together in the same dealership, drove to work together, home together, interracted 24/7 for 3 years, and the only thing that we both agree sucks right now, is my NEW job won't hire married couples. We LOVED being together all that time. We laugh, we cry together....we talk....and we talk about EVERYTHING. even if one of us does something that might upset the other we talk about it. We never go to bed angry (though there have been a few nights we never slept working everything out!) I couldn't imagine a life without her in it. So yes, you CAN be happy even after many years of being together. But it won't come without compromises and commuication.

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"It is not that I have failed, but that I have found 10,000 ways that it DOESN'T work!" --Thomas Edison

Strange Famous

Are there any happy couples full stop?
Are there any happy people?

I think the answer is yes - but some people will never really be happy, together or alone.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Lindy

Strange Famous has got it right.
There are some people will NEVER be happy. Some, I suspect, don't really want to be. I have a cousin who is like that. She has a cynical, negative, angry, attitude about everything, and I think actually RESENTS seeing others who are happy. It's unfortunate when someone like that marries and drags another person down to his or her level of unhappiness.

Lindy

Jozrael

Necromany is actually fairly common at TFP compared to most other places I visit, and mostly ignored. It kind of bewilders me xD. Glad to see that I'm not the only one going o_O over it xD

telekinetic

<meta>Most TFP necro falls into two categories: Google searches by n00bs (tfp is quite highly ranked), who register to comment, without noticing the date, or board searches by members, who bump out of nostalgia</meta>

On topic, I'm happily married. The secret is picking the right wife. Open and honest communication is key, cliche cliche cliche. Seriously though, make sure you get along with her family and she gets along with yours--you can 'lie' about who you really are for quite a long time in a dating relationship but your family will always 'betray' you. How someone has treated and treats the people she already has had life long relationships with (parents/siblings/cousins) is probably an accurate barometer for what you're in for.

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twisted no more

Telluride

I'm happily married and my wife wants sex even more often than I do.

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"I am certain that nothing has done so much to destroy the safeguards of individual freedom as the striving after this mirage of social justice." - Friedrich Hayek