onetime2

Have you ever been confronted by someone that came at you in a certain way and what you said in response could have made the situation much worse but instead you said something that completely changed the attitude of the person confronting you. (one hell of a run-on sentence but I'm not in an editing mood)

Alright, not sure why I just thought of these two instances but I was in the humor section and something triggered them.

Both situations occured during Officer's Candidate School for the Marine Corps.

First situation:

Our company is out in the field, me and another officer candidate are on our way back from the head at like 04:00. We see the company commander (a major) headed our way. He's giving everyone he sees hell. The proper greeting as we pass by an officer is a salute with a "Good morning sir!" as we pass in front of him. Candidate in front of me gives the greeting. Major screams at us "Hold it." We both stop. He gets in the other guy's face and says "What's so good about it?" Other candidate says "It's a good day to be a Marine, sir." Major takes a step back looks at both of us and says. "Yes it is. Yes it is. Carry on."
The major was in a good mood the rest of the day.


The morning of a stamina course run a bad ass platoon sergeant (platoon sergeants are chosen from the best/most hardcore drill instructors) is gaining on our platoon. He's asking knowledge questions (things we should know) as he overtakes people as they run. Comes up to me and asks "Do you know who I am?" Not sure what the answer was supposed to be (maybe he was looking for me to say "Gunnery Sergeant", or "Platoon Sergeant", or "Gunny Davis" or whatever. Half the point of the questions is that no matter what you answer, you are wrong. I responded "You're the squirrel with all the nuts, Gunny." (his favorite saying was "Because I'm the squirrel with all the nuts!"). He just started laughing his ass off. it was the first time I saw him break character. It was great.

Darkblack

HAH good ones. Sometimes having the right answer is all you need .

clavus

We were driving back from my grandfather's wake. My wife was at the wheel. I had a monster-size rootbeer in my hand.

An old man in a truck ran us off the highway. My wife crashed into a tree at rather high rate of speed. We hit with such force that we snapped the tree off at the base. The car was destroyed. My rootbeer was EVERYWHERE.

In the moment strange silence that followed the crash, I looked at my wife and asked, "Are you OK?"

"Yes," she replied, with tears filling her eyes.

My favorite car was destroyed. We nearly died. We were stranded in the middle of nowhere, and I could tell my wife was thinking that it was all her fault.

I stared deeply into her eyes, and said, "You bitch. You just spilled my rootbeer."

She started laughing.

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mb99usa

Great one Clavus.

I cannot think of any examples right now but I am a tech support representative. Half my job is to do this.

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So, what's your point?

It's not an attitude, it's a way of life.

numist

clavus - thats great, havent laughed that hard for a week...

I did that once before, in a way. I had a bad rollerskating accident at school here, I was covered in bnadages - any part of me that wasnt clothed was bandaged - knee, arms, face, and my shoulder, because I ruined the shirts I was wearing when I crashed as well.

Anyway, dressed like a mummy and still on my skates, I rolled up to a friends room and just started talking about the weather.

She had her back to me... didnt even notice for about 4 minutes.

I know I have some others, but cant think of them right now... either way, none are nearly as good as clavus'...

TheBrit

I was doing some first aid on someone who had had an epileptic fit, and smashed their head on something. It was all in a parking lot, so I got someone to run over to a coach and ask for their first aid kit, which all coaches should carry. The random guy comes running back with it, everybody is looking sombre, I was telling them to cheer up, as it was only a teeny injury, nothing serious, perhaps a couple of stitches. I started cracking some jokes (not the "what is blue and doesn't fit" one) and strangely enough it worked, even had the casualty laughing when she came around. It is quite amusing when I look back it.

Hint: Dead epileptics turn blue.

omega2K4

, that's great.

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"Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form."- Karl Marx

nukeu666

onetime2...u thought about submitting that to readers digest?...in the 'humor in uniform' section

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Why did the Comp. Engineer get X-mas and Halloween mixed up?
Because Oct(31) == Dec(25)

onetime2

Actually I have thought about it. Just never put it down in print before. Maybe I'll do that. Thanks.

wario

I was in middle school right around the time that the first Batman movie came out. Previews were shown constantly and everybody knew the lines. So during recess, we're out on the field playing some random game kinda like 'Smear the Queer.' Anyway, something happens and tempers flare as has been known to happen on the playground. This one kid grabs me by the shirt and pushes me up against the wall, ready to fight. As he has me up against the wall, I say in my best weasly voice, "What are you?!" He just laughs and walks away.

WhoaitsZ

vertu good thread. i will try my best to remember similiar dialogues as well.

i try to do things like the medic friend above, no matter what you've got to avoid chaos. weird jokes never fails.

raeanna74

I remember once when I was a teenager. I think my brother was 10 or 11 yrs old. I was 16 ot 17. My parents were arguing again and this time got to the point where they were yelling at each other. It was raining outside (a warm rain) and I conspired with my brother to execute an idea I had to interrupt the arguement. My parents were in the dining room directly on the path from our bedrooms to the back (main) door. We kicked off our shoes and then ran with our super soakers while yelling and screaming our heads off. We dashed outside and were screaming and yelling and squirting each other. When Mom and Dad looked out the door to make sure we hadn't completely gone insane we shot them with the soakers. They laughed, Mom stood there in the rain watching while Dad ran to get the water hose. By the time we all got done we were sopping wet but they had cooled off and their arguement was completely forgotten. When they got back inside they apologized to each other for getting upset and found a point of agreement on the subject that had been so problematic.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

petergriffin24

Ya know what sets me off I don't stress much but when I do, I hate when people remind me of what I'm stressing about. Tell me my deadline, let me know how much work is to be done. I will handle it my damn self so just leave me alone I already know how much work and what needs to be done so just let me shut up and get it done and get out my face!!!!

Arrrrrrrrrrrgh!!! *deep breath* there thanks for that guys I appreciate it!!

TIO

Just this morning, I was in a maths lecture. The lecturer is a pretty sombre guy, just lectures and doesn't talk much to the students or anything. Since I only show up to half the lectures, he's not my biggest fan either.
Then a guy's phone rang. He looked at it and ran out of the room. I was in the front row (the lecture room only has 4 rows), and said "The baby must be on the way."
The lecturer cracked up, and had to take a minute before he could continue the lecture. He was smiling for the rest of the lecture, and at the end, hung around with a few of the students to make fun of the other lecturers!

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Strewth

Troublebot

So, I'm having lunch with a former girlfriend. Since we've broken up, she's dated others, we talked about getting back together and then she started a relationship with another women. The conversation at lunch is akward to say the very least. I think we were both afraid we were going to say something that would offend the other.

After lunch, we go to a nearby museum and get tickets to get inside. Now, her ticket cost a little more because the county she lives in pays a tax for the museum, but we don't know this and we're wondering why she had to pay extra.

After a couple seconds of looking at both our tickets, I leaned over and whispered to her, "Maybe there's some sort of lesbian tax."

Thought I was gonna get smacked, but instead I got a pretty big laugh. All the awkwardness was gone after that and we had a pretty good day.

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Wind: [whistling] I hate you.

Sixteen

I was talking about something I didn't like (I'm normally relatively, uhm, hyper I guess) to a friend online, and he says something to imply (blatantly) that it is his humble opinion that I have nothing going for me and that my life sucks.

I shut down to say the least