Double D

Amen, sister!

sixate

I understand your point, but would you use a leash on an adult with the same problems that you stated? Like I previously stated, I believe there are better ways even if the child has a disability.

raeanna74

Severely Autistic Adults frequently don't get taken to the store. They are stuck at home where they can be closely monitored. Those adults who are "normal" yet loose control and get into fights or vandalize etc. don't get a harness - they get cuffs.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

jbrooks544

Anyone who would comment to you, like that woman, is a complete idiot. I can't imagine presuming to comment on any other parent unless someone or some kid was in the process of being hurt or at risk of being hurt.

Some kids have extreme high energy levels. My kids are high energy - but not quite extreme. I love little kids, but let's face it - as Bill Cosby says, they are all brain damaged! They need to be protected from themselves. Some high energy kids need these devices. You physically can't watch them every single second. I saw a kid a couple years back - the dad bent over to pick up an item to put it from the cart to the belt and ZOOM! The little hyper tyke bolted - straight out the door and into parkinglot traffic. It happened in a blink of the eye - the dad didn't even see it. He wasn't a bad dad - the kid was a typical high energy brain damaged hypoid (love the kids, but let's face facts). I can see where the harness would be the only real option for kids like this.

Charlatan

I have two kids (one is 9 and the other is 10 months) and I didn't harness the first and I won't be harnessing the second.

While I can see why people would want to use a leash or a harness on their kid (anything from a wrist device to full body harness) I don't see it as responsible parenting. I've read all the replys in this thread and it hasn't changed my opinion that leashing is a symptom of parents that aren't willing to give 100% of their attention to their child.

It is a parents job to teach their child how to behave and act responsibly. A leash removes a child's choice in the matter. They don't have the choice to run out of eyeshot. They don't have the choice to run wild. The choice remains with the parent.

This does not engender any sense of self control or responsibility in the child (i.e. someone posted that they wore a harness but when it was off they ran into traffic).

Is two or three years of hand holding and paying careful attention to your child too much to ask? I certainly don't think so.

A child that cannot be controlled in public (i.e. running wild in the mall) shouldn't be taken to a mall until the child is ready to behave.

That said I wouldn't bother telling anyone else how to raise their kids just as I wouldn't expect them to tell me...

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

raeanna74

What about in the meantime? While you are still teaching them to behave? Don't humans make mistakes occaisionally? They will make mistakes guaranteed at times.

I do not have the option of leaving the child home or anywhere else for that matter when I go to the store (NOT to the mall) to get necessities.

If you are giving 100% of your attention to your child then you CANNOT compare prices or even look for items. It is physically impossible. That is why I use the leash. It is not lazy parenting. It is responsible parenting because I cannot shop and watch my child 100% at the same time. I Have no choice but to take my child to the store with me to get the things I need to live (ie soap, food, diapers, etc.). Some children learn things faster than others as well. One child may need to be removed from the store twice and he'll learn to stay near his parent, Another child may have to be removed 30 times before he learns it. I as a parent and working mother do not have time or energy to leave the store 30 times before I can take my child without a harness. This is the best for my daughter and I. I don't get stressed, She stays safe, and we get the things we need.

I just don't understand those of you who think that it is possible to pay attention to your child 100% of the time. It is impossible to do that and even walk to the car with things in your arms.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Cynthetiq

hmmm i just had a childhood memory....

sometime in the early 70's Santa Monica Beach...

my parents fell asleep on the beach near one of the lifeguard stations, with me nearby digging in the sand. I saw a bunch of seagulls, and I ran over and watched them fly away and land nearby. I followed, they did it again. Over and over, I played this game with the birds.

I looked up and found the nearest lifeguard station. My parents weren't there. I went up to the lifeguard, let him know that I was lost (or maybe I was crying I don't know, but I wasn't much of a crying kid) and the lifeguard kept me in his hut for a few hours. Gave me some candy which I reluctantly took. I told him I wasn't allowed, and not to take candy from strangers.

When they awoke,they panicked! My parents searched high and low for me, thinking the worst that I had been pulled out to sea.

They found me in that lifeguard hut, eating candy.

Did that make them bad parents?

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Darkblack

Yes, in my opinion.

I need to edit this after reading your post again.

No not bad parents but I think it was a bad choice they made. I would never fall asleep with my young child out in public. Yes this is a different day in age but at the beach it is very dangerous. I would not leave my child unsupervised. (and no I do not consider beach life guards supervision.)

Charlatan

Of course kids are going to have to learn how to behave properly and they may act up when you take them out (temper tantrums are a part of the process and no child is an angel). However, I still do not see the need of a restraint.

I agree with the earlier poster who prefered to hold hands with their child. If the child wants to run away correct the behaviour. If their "bad" behaviour persists... take them home. This may take 30 trips. It also may mean you have to get a babysitter...

Yes, it will be a great inconvenience but who said raising a child is easy.

As for giving attention to your child while you shop... it can be done. Involve you child in the shopping. Give them a list. Get them to complare prices with you... Let them be a participant rather than a passive (and rightly bored) observer. Keeping a child engaged is more than half the battle.

I sympathize with working parent... I am one too. I just see restraints as symptoms of a larger issue when it comes to child rearing in this day and age (not just lazy and bad parenting sometimes just stressed out parents who have too much on the go).

Question: are children in more, less or the same amount of danger from abduction than they were say 30 years ago? Why do we have this fear of our children being taken? Is based in reality?

Note: I've though about it and would say that a knotted skipping rope would be a good alternative. It isn't tied to the child and the child still has the choice to let go. The choice is the child's and it would allow you to go hands free without need of restraint.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Charlatan

It was rather irresponsible of them... But it doesn't make them bad parents.

The fact that a lifeguard looked after you is an interesting point.

I've always believed the adage that it takes a village to raise a child. It is something that is missing in this day and age where many people are afraid to discipline (verbally admonish) a child that is not their own without fear of "reprisal".

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Cynthetiq

I have another memory to recall...

90's Atlantic city...

I'm down in the casino it's 3am. I'm playing craps and winning. Everyone else in the family is upstairs sleeping.

I hear a page about a young child and for the parents to come to security. I dismiss it.

10 minutes later, I hear the child's name, and I think hmmm sounds close to my cousin's let me at least check it out. I excuse myself from the table and go investigate.

I see my cousin with the security personnel, he's wailing. I cannot believe that he made his way downstairs. Apparently he left the hotel room to go to grandma and grandpa's room, something he did when he was a kid at home.

Door closed behind him. And well, like the lifeguard stations, they all look the same, and he had no idea where to go to next. Some cleaning people found him wandering the hallway crying....

His parents were sleeping too, he was snug in bed. Did that make them bad parents?

he wouldn't behave in the markets, so they never took him. he didn't behave in restaurants so they didn't take him. When he started behaving, was when he started being allowed to go anywhere.

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Charlatan

They should have duct taped him to the bed...

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke