maddog30

Here's an interesting philosphy for any long suffering hubbies/boyfriends out there. Bewarned though, I take no responsibility for any injuries suffered should any of you actually try to enforce any of these......

"Finally, the guys side of the story. I must admit, it's pretty good.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine..............




.....Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education

replies encouraged

Peryn

excellent read. i coulnd't possibly come up with an argument.

Many women could learn a LOT from this. Chances are though, they have heard it all before and choose to ignore it though

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IC3

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YourNeverThere

amazing! somethings are harsh, but most of it is great!

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rogue49

They already know it.
We are just being unreasonable, stubborn & pig-headed about it.

spectre

I couldn't agree more with this one.

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No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

druptight

haha, that's pretty funny!!

oberon

Heh, most of that is funny, but I'm seriously agreeing with spectre.

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motdakasha

OMG I'M FAT!

Really, though, most of these rules are completely reasonable.
Except:
1. Pumpkin is a VEGETABLE. Google agrees with me.
1. I don't date guys who like sports and I hate to shop. Those rules are null and void as far as I'm concerned.

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(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

The_Dude

I agree with some of those listed.

but rest are funny.

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viejo gringo

OH SHIT, I am in trouble...she wants to know what I found so hilarious........

tinfoil

Nice knowing you, viejo.

Seriously, most women will find it amusing, I am sure.

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MSD

If she doesn't realize it's a joke, then she's probably not rational.

tj2001cobra

Man, I wish she would learn this one. I get sick of things being brought up that I had forgotten about 3 months earlier!!

Slims

I think I saw this a while ago, but this time I am printing it out and putting it on the door.

Great post.
I love the rule about hints, I get so aggravated by those.

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

yournamehere

This should be on the list at least twice.

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If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

stldickie

perfectly accurate

GreasyP

It's not a joke.

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Sensei

You're missing a few, I have 34 and you have 25. I'm not sure if you deliberatly cut them or whether the person who sent them to you did:

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

3. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, computers, and carburetors.

7. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

8. Shopping is not sport.

9. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

10. You have enough clothes.

11. You have too many shoes.

12. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

13. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

14. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will mark anniversaries on a calendar.

15. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

16. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes -- what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

17. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.

18. A headache that lasts for 17 days is a problem. See a doctor.

19. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.

20. Films starring Barbara Streisand are for Girls Night Out.

21. Check your oil.

22. Don't give us rules.

23. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

24. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

26. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

27. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

28. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

29. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

30. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -- not both.

31. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

32. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

33. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

34. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.

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Batman976

That is definately a great list. I also have to agree with the hints. I just can't pick up on them.

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nostalgic1

yeah.. great list.. i need to show that to a couple of girls... maybe they'll get a clue..?

doubtful.

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